A/N: Sorry about the HUGE wait, I had total writer's block for this story, but it's gone now. So, anyways, I don't own Miss You by Blink 182 or The Nightmare Before Christmas or Gilmore Girls.
Rory laid on her bed Sunday afternoon, staring at the wall, she'd been in the same position for almost the whole day, unmoving and barley blinking. She hadn't eaten anything in two days. The stereo had been drowning on and on through the first four CDs she put in and now the fifth was playing. She groaned and rolled over, it was one of her favorite songs, but this had also been one of Tristan's favorite bands.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Hello there the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
We'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in this night we'll wish this never ends
Wish this never ends
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Devin walked in and sighed upon seeing his sister laying on her back. "Rory, you need to get up."
She shook her head, "No, I don't think I will."
"Why not?"
She paused the stereo, "You know," she said, ignoring his question, "I think that The Nightmare Before Christmas could be a parallel to my life."
"What? Rory, The Nightmare Before Christmas is about a skeleton who gets tired of Halloween and decides to steal Christmas, that is not a parallel to your life."
"It could be. See, the way I figure, Tristan would be like Jack, he's tired of me, the parallel to Halloween. Or, I could be like Sally. She's in love with him, but he never sees. So he wants something new and challenging, maybe like Christmas, or Connecticut-"
"Rory."
"I mean, maybe I got to the point where I just laid down for him, and he got bored. I mean, that wouldn't really be that unlikely, would it?"
"Rory-"
"Because in the beginning I think I was a challenge to him, and I might have gotten to the point that I was just boring-"
"Rory!"
"So now he's leaving and finding a Christmas to have-"
"RORY!"
"What?"
"He never got bored of you. He new that you were in love with him and he loved you back! You were always a challenge to him, even up to the point that he left. You never laid down at his feet, trust me, I was there the whole time!"
"So then what happened?" she asked, not looking away from the wall.
Devin sat on her bed, "He just, left. His father made him. He never left just to leave. He never did what he did to hurt you. It just-" he thought for a moment, "Happened."
"Well why didn't he try harder to stop it?"
He looked at his sister thoughtfully, "I think that by then he'd given up."
"On me?"
"On his life."
Rory's head turned to face her brother, "What do you mean?"
"Rory, the guy doesn't exactly have the best home life in the world."
"His aunt and uncle love him."
"And so do his parents, but they're too caught up in their own lives to notice him."
"And I couldn't help him?"
"No. You definitely helped him." she looked at him, unconvinced, "I'm serious. You saved him and shocked us all, Ror. We thought he'd never change, but you proved us all wrong. I mean, he is my best friend, but I know what a player he is, better than anyone. But I also knew he could feel. That's probably a confession I owe you."
"What confession?"
"I used you and Tristan both. I used you to help Tristan and I used Tristan to help you. So, I'm really sorry."
She turned over on her stomach, "There's nothing for you to be sorry for."
"I did use both of you."
"I knew that."
"You did?"
Rory sat up, "All along. I know how you think Devin. I knew what you did."
"You did?"
"Yes."
"You did?"
"Devin, you're not that good of a liar."
"I'm not?"
"Not to me."
"Really?"
"Oh my god, you gotta stop that."
"Sorry."
"Hm." she laid back down on her back, "I'm gonna go to sleep."
"Alright, 'night."
"'Night." Devin walked out, closing the door behind him. Rory closed her eyes and curled up into a ball, playing the music again.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting everytime
And as I stared I counted
Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
And hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Rory sat up suddenly, wondering what had awoken her. She turned in all directions before hearing a tap on her window. She stood up and walked over, opening her balcony door to see Zack with a small rock in his hand, about to throw it. "What do you want?"
"To talk to you."
"Well I don't want to talk to you."
"Can you come down?"
"Sure I can. But ask me if I'm going to."
"Why not?!"
"Because I just don't like you."
"You don't even know me."
"Zack, go to hell."
"Why?" Rory turned to walk back in, but he called after her, "Wait!"
She turned around, "What?!"
"I'm sorry, okay?!"
Rory's eyebrow arched wryly, "Go on."
"I shouldn't have tried to break you and Tristan up. But...I liked you and I didn't like Tristan."
"You lied to me about Michelle!"
"I stretched the truth slightly."
"Like I said before, go to hell Zack."
"Look, just talk to me, alright?"
"What do you want?"
"To talk."
"Go away."
"Please!"
She opened her mouth, but changed her mind, "Fine. What?"
"Thank you."
"The clock's ticking."
"So...I heard Tristan broke up with you."
"Right, I'm leaving now."
"Wait, no, I didn't mean to offend you."
"Go home Zack."
"Will you out with me?"
Rory froze, eyes wide, "What?!!"
"Will you go out with me please?"
"Hell no!"
"Why?!"
"Where have you been for the past three months? Do you not remember you practically ruining my relationship with Tristan?"
"Yes, I remember. I had a huge bruise on my back from where he slammed me into the lockers five times."
"And you deserved it."
"Can we please start over?"
"No."
"Why?"
"I don't want to be your friend, I don't like you and I don't want to be around you, go home Zack."
"Please-"
"No!" Rory slammed the door and locked it, closing her eyes and laying down, she buried her head in the pillow.
Monday morning, Rory was sitting in front of her vanity, trying to French braid her hair, but seemed to be having a lot of trouble. There was a knock at the door. "Come in." she called. The door opened and one of the maids appeared. "Oh, hey Charly." Rory said, looking at the middle aged woman in the mirror.
"Need some help?"
"Could you?" Rory tried to smile, but failed. Charly nodded and walked over, grabbing a section of Rory's hair, and, with gentle hands, began to braid the girl's hair. Charly was by far one of Rory's favorite of the hired help in her home. She was silently loving, almost like a mother. She was kind, but firm, and often the disciplinarian. She'd been working for Chris since he and Lorelai got a divorce, and had almost been like a nanny to Devin when he was a child. Now she was more of a friend. She was the best listener Rory had ever met, never interrupting and only giving her opinion when it was asked for.
Rory looked through the mirror at her, silently contemplating. After a minuet, she asked, "Charly?"
"Yes?"
"Have you ever been married?"
The woman's head raised slowly to look at the fourteen year old's face in the mirror, "Why do you ask?"
"I'm sorry, it's kind of a rude question, but, I'm just wondering because you don't have a wedding ring, and you don't have children. I'm sorry, you don't have to answer, if you don't want to."
Charly sighed, "Oh, Miss Rory, you know I'll answer any question you ever ask me." Rory tilted her head. "Keep it straight, unless you want a crooked braid." her head snapped back into place. "And to answer your question, yes. I was married. I also almost had a child." Rory looked surprised, but didn't move her head, "When I was sixteen, I met a boy." she smiled at the memory, "He was eighteen. My cousin was marrying his best friend, I was the maid of honor and he was the best man. So, naturally, we danced at the reception. We were together the whole night, but it ended, and he asked for my phone number, promising to call me."
"Did he?" Rory asked, perking up.
"Oh yes, all the time. We talked almost everyday for the next year, he became one of my dearest friends. And then, on my seventeenth birthday, he asked me to be his girlfriend." Rory smiled, "Of course I said yes. He was the best man I'd ever met. But we had to see each other in secret. You see, he was very wealthy, and I was only middle class. His father wouldn't have approved. We dated for a year, and it was the happiest time of my life. And on my next birthday, he proposed." Rory could see that she was lost in memory, Charly's eyes didn't leave Rory's hair as she switched sides, to do the left braid. "So, I was eighteen, and engaged. Then, one week later, I found out I was pregnant. I couldn't figure out how to tell him, so I was going to wait until the opportune moment.
We had planned to elope and run away. He had a large trust fund that we could live off of until he finished college." her eyes darkened, "And we did get married, two weeks after I took the pregnancy test, but then he changed his mind. He asked for the ring back, told me it was over. He said that I wasn't good enough for him and told me it had just been a fling, that now he was thinking clearly and he saw that it was all wrong. I was so confused that I threw the ring at him and stormed off with out a second thought. I cried myself to sleep for over a month after the divorce was final. And then his sister called. She was my age and had been a friend of mine for a little while.
She told me the truth. He had loved me, and still did. He said those things because their father had found out we'd gotten married, and had arranged a marriage for him. He was engaged to a girl he'd never met before, and they were getting married to seal a contract and combine two companies." her eyes clouded over, tears lining them slightly, "I didn't go to the wedding, but I saw it in the paper. He looked happy, and so did she." Rory looked at the woman's sad face, feeling sympathy. "I swore that I'd never love a man the way I'd loved him. I never even looked at a man again."
"Did you ever talk to him again?" Rory asked, wide eyed.
"Once. He called me one year later. He told me how sorry he was, and that he would have contacted me earlier, but it hurt too much." tears were running slowly down Charly's face, "He told me his wife was pregnant, and that he wished it had been me. We talked for almost an hour and then said our last good-byes."
"What happened to your baby?" Rory asked, her stomach clenching.
Charly looked down, putting the hair tie on the second braid, "I had an abortion, I couldn't handle having a child on my own at eighteen."
"Did the pain ever go away?"
Charly shook her head sadly, "I'm afraid not, never completely." Rory looked at her face in the mirror, she was only forty, and Rory had always known she was attractive, and had thought she looked young for her age, but was just noticing the aged lines of etched sadness on the woman's radiant face. Her wise green eyes seemed tired and full of a sadness Rory had never looked for before, and her tan skin didn't seem to fit her as tightly as it usually did.
"So, you never got remarried?"
She shook her head, "I swore to myself I'd never fall in love again, that I'd never let myself get hurt like that again. So I never gave anyone else a chance. I could have felt the same about someone, but I didn't want to. And it's one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made." she patted Rory's shoulder and turned to leave.
She was halfway to the door when Rory asked, "What was his name?"
"Jon Parker." she didn't turn to face Rory.
"Whatever happened to him?"
"Last I heard he tried to commit suicide, but failed. His wife was pregnant from having an affair with his business partner and his fifteen year old daughter was moving in with her twenty year old boyfriend."
"Do you ever wonder what would have happened if you two had stayed together?"
"Everyday.
"Do you think both of your lives would have been better?"
She turned around, "I've had a good life, Rory. I don't pretend like I haven't. Your father has been as good to me as a brother. For the past eleven years Devin has been like a son to me, and for seven months you've been like my daughter. I have a loving family, because that is what I consider this house, Rory. No, I don't think my life would have been better with him, just different. Maybe a little less lonely."
She turned to leave, and got to the doorway when Rory called after her, "What was the other mistake you've made?"
She stopped, but didn't face Rory, "Killing our child without telling it's father it ever lived." and with that, Charly walked out, leaving Rory to contemplate her words, and the parallel it held to her own life.
Rory laid on her bed Sunday afternoon, staring at the wall, she'd been in the same position for almost the whole day, unmoving and barley blinking. She hadn't eaten anything in two days. The stereo had been drowning on and on through the first four CDs she put in and now the fifth was playing. She groaned and rolled over, it was one of her favorite songs, but this had also been one of Tristan's favorite bands.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Hello there the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
We'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in this night we'll wish this never ends
Wish this never ends
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Devin walked in and sighed upon seeing his sister laying on her back. "Rory, you need to get up."
She shook her head, "No, I don't think I will."
"Why not?"
She paused the stereo, "You know," she said, ignoring his question, "I think that The Nightmare Before Christmas could be a parallel to my life."
"What? Rory, The Nightmare Before Christmas is about a skeleton who gets tired of Halloween and decides to steal Christmas, that is not a parallel to your life."
"It could be. See, the way I figure, Tristan would be like Jack, he's tired of me, the parallel to Halloween. Or, I could be like Sally. She's in love with him, but he never sees. So he wants something new and challenging, maybe like Christmas, or Connecticut-"
"Rory."
"I mean, maybe I got to the point where I just laid down for him, and he got bored. I mean, that wouldn't really be that unlikely, would it?"
"Rory-"
"Because in the beginning I think I was a challenge to him, and I might have gotten to the point that I was just boring-"
"Rory!"
"So now he's leaving and finding a Christmas to have-"
"RORY!"
"What?"
"He never got bored of you. He new that you were in love with him and he loved you back! You were always a challenge to him, even up to the point that he left. You never laid down at his feet, trust me, I was there the whole time!"
"So then what happened?" she asked, not looking away from the wall.
Devin sat on her bed, "He just, left. His father made him. He never left just to leave. He never did what he did to hurt you. It just-" he thought for a moment, "Happened."
"Well why didn't he try harder to stop it?"
He looked at his sister thoughtfully, "I think that by then he'd given up."
"On me?"
"On his life."
Rory's head turned to face her brother, "What do you mean?"
"Rory, the guy doesn't exactly have the best home life in the world."
"His aunt and uncle love him."
"And so do his parents, but they're too caught up in their own lives to notice him."
"And I couldn't help him?"
"No. You definitely helped him." she looked at him, unconvinced, "I'm serious. You saved him and shocked us all, Ror. We thought he'd never change, but you proved us all wrong. I mean, he is my best friend, but I know what a player he is, better than anyone. But I also knew he could feel. That's probably a confession I owe you."
"What confession?"
"I used you and Tristan both. I used you to help Tristan and I used Tristan to help you. So, I'm really sorry."
She turned over on her stomach, "There's nothing for you to be sorry for."
"I did use both of you."
"I knew that."
"You did?"
Rory sat up, "All along. I know how you think Devin. I knew what you did."
"You did?"
"Yes."
"You did?"
"Devin, you're not that good of a liar."
"I'm not?"
"Not to me."
"Really?"
"Oh my god, you gotta stop that."
"Sorry."
"Hm." she laid back down on her back, "I'm gonna go to sleep."
"Alright, 'night."
"'Night." Devin walked out, closing the door behind him. Rory closed her eyes and curled up into a ball, playing the music again.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting everytime
And as I stared I counted
Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
And hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Rory sat up suddenly, wondering what had awoken her. She turned in all directions before hearing a tap on her window. She stood up and walked over, opening her balcony door to see Zack with a small rock in his hand, about to throw it. "What do you want?"
"To talk to you."
"Well I don't want to talk to you."
"Can you come down?"
"Sure I can. But ask me if I'm going to."
"Why not?!"
"Because I just don't like you."
"You don't even know me."
"Zack, go to hell."
"Why?" Rory turned to walk back in, but he called after her, "Wait!"
She turned around, "What?!"
"I'm sorry, okay?!"
Rory's eyebrow arched wryly, "Go on."
"I shouldn't have tried to break you and Tristan up. But...I liked you and I didn't like Tristan."
"You lied to me about Michelle!"
"I stretched the truth slightly."
"Like I said before, go to hell Zack."
"Look, just talk to me, alright?"
"What do you want?"
"To talk."
"Go away."
"Please!"
She opened her mouth, but changed her mind, "Fine. What?"
"Thank you."
"The clock's ticking."
"So...I heard Tristan broke up with you."
"Right, I'm leaving now."
"Wait, no, I didn't mean to offend you."
"Go home Zack."
"Will you out with me?"
Rory froze, eyes wide, "What?!!"
"Will you go out with me please?"
"Hell no!"
"Why?!"
"Where have you been for the past three months? Do you not remember you practically ruining my relationship with Tristan?"
"Yes, I remember. I had a huge bruise on my back from where he slammed me into the lockers five times."
"And you deserved it."
"Can we please start over?"
"No."
"Why?"
"I don't want to be your friend, I don't like you and I don't want to be around you, go home Zack."
"Please-"
"No!" Rory slammed the door and locked it, closing her eyes and laying down, she buried her head in the pillow.
Monday morning, Rory was sitting in front of her vanity, trying to French braid her hair, but seemed to be having a lot of trouble. There was a knock at the door. "Come in." she called. The door opened and one of the maids appeared. "Oh, hey Charly." Rory said, looking at the middle aged woman in the mirror.
"Need some help?"
"Could you?" Rory tried to smile, but failed. Charly nodded and walked over, grabbing a section of Rory's hair, and, with gentle hands, began to braid the girl's hair. Charly was by far one of Rory's favorite of the hired help in her home. She was silently loving, almost like a mother. She was kind, but firm, and often the disciplinarian. She'd been working for Chris since he and Lorelai got a divorce, and had almost been like a nanny to Devin when he was a child. Now she was more of a friend. She was the best listener Rory had ever met, never interrupting and only giving her opinion when it was asked for.
Rory looked through the mirror at her, silently contemplating. After a minuet, she asked, "Charly?"
"Yes?"
"Have you ever been married?"
The woman's head raised slowly to look at the fourteen year old's face in the mirror, "Why do you ask?"
"I'm sorry, it's kind of a rude question, but, I'm just wondering because you don't have a wedding ring, and you don't have children. I'm sorry, you don't have to answer, if you don't want to."
Charly sighed, "Oh, Miss Rory, you know I'll answer any question you ever ask me." Rory tilted her head. "Keep it straight, unless you want a crooked braid." her head snapped back into place. "And to answer your question, yes. I was married. I also almost had a child." Rory looked surprised, but didn't move her head, "When I was sixteen, I met a boy." she smiled at the memory, "He was eighteen. My cousin was marrying his best friend, I was the maid of honor and he was the best man. So, naturally, we danced at the reception. We were together the whole night, but it ended, and he asked for my phone number, promising to call me."
"Did he?" Rory asked, perking up.
"Oh yes, all the time. We talked almost everyday for the next year, he became one of my dearest friends. And then, on my seventeenth birthday, he asked me to be his girlfriend." Rory smiled, "Of course I said yes. He was the best man I'd ever met. But we had to see each other in secret. You see, he was very wealthy, and I was only middle class. His father wouldn't have approved. We dated for a year, and it was the happiest time of my life. And on my next birthday, he proposed." Rory could see that she was lost in memory, Charly's eyes didn't leave Rory's hair as she switched sides, to do the left braid. "So, I was eighteen, and engaged. Then, one week later, I found out I was pregnant. I couldn't figure out how to tell him, so I was going to wait until the opportune moment.
We had planned to elope and run away. He had a large trust fund that we could live off of until he finished college." her eyes darkened, "And we did get married, two weeks after I took the pregnancy test, but then he changed his mind. He asked for the ring back, told me it was over. He said that I wasn't good enough for him and told me it had just been a fling, that now he was thinking clearly and he saw that it was all wrong. I was so confused that I threw the ring at him and stormed off with out a second thought. I cried myself to sleep for over a month after the divorce was final. And then his sister called. She was my age and had been a friend of mine for a little while.
She told me the truth. He had loved me, and still did. He said those things because their father had found out we'd gotten married, and had arranged a marriage for him. He was engaged to a girl he'd never met before, and they were getting married to seal a contract and combine two companies." her eyes clouded over, tears lining them slightly, "I didn't go to the wedding, but I saw it in the paper. He looked happy, and so did she." Rory looked at the woman's sad face, feeling sympathy. "I swore that I'd never love a man the way I'd loved him. I never even looked at a man again."
"Did you ever talk to him again?" Rory asked, wide eyed.
"Once. He called me one year later. He told me how sorry he was, and that he would have contacted me earlier, but it hurt too much." tears were running slowly down Charly's face, "He told me his wife was pregnant, and that he wished it had been me. We talked for almost an hour and then said our last good-byes."
"What happened to your baby?" Rory asked, her stomach clenching.
Charly looked down, putting the hair tie on the second braid, "I had an abortion, I couldn't handle having a child on my own at eighteen."
"Did the pain ever go away?"
Charly shook her head sadly, "I'm afraid not, never completely." Rory looked at her face in the mirror, she was only forty, and Rory had always known she was attractive, and had thought she looked young for her age, but was just noticing the aged lines of etched sadness on the woman's radiant face. Her wise green eyes seemed tired and full of a sadness Rory had never looked for before, and her tan skin didn't seem to fit her as tightly as it usually did.
"So, you never got remarried?"
She shook her head, "I swore to myself I'd never fall in love again, that I'd never let myself get hurt like that again. So I never gave anyone else a chance. I could have felt the same about someone, but I didn't want to. And it's one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made." she patted Rory's shoulder and turned to leave.
She was halfway to the door when Rory asked, "What was his name?"
"Jon Parker." she didn't turn to face Rory.
"Whatever happened to him?"
"Last I heard he tried to commit suicide, but failed. His wife was pregnant from having an affair with his business partner and his fifteen year old daughter was moving in with her twenty year old boyfriend."
"Do you ever wonder what would have happened if you two had stayed together?"
"Everyday.
"Do you think both of your lives would have been better?"
She turned around, "I've had a good life, Rory. I don't pretend like I haven't. Your father has been as good to me as a brother. For the past eleven years Devin has been like a son to me, and for seven months you've been like my daughter. I have a loving family, because that is what I consider this house, Rory. No, I don't think my life would have been better with him, just different. Maybe a little less lonely."
She turned to leave, and got to the doorway when Rory called after her, "What was the other mistake you've made?"
She stopped, but didn't face Rory, "Killing our child without telling it's father it ever lived." and with that, Charly walked out, leaving Rory to contemplate her words, and the parallel it held to her own life.