Like Marissa had a short while ago, Ryan took a slow, shuddering breath. He was standing in front of the Cooper-Nichol Mansion, staring at the door. He had been like this for the last ten minutes, frozen, not knowing what to do.
"Should I even be here right now?" He asked himself. It was too soon he thought. He should wait until the shock of what happened wore off from both of them.
"What would I even say to her? That everything will be alright?" Ryan closed his eyes. That would be lying, and the last thing either of them needed right now would be dishonesty. He couldn't make this right for her, or for him. No one could. He thought of her face after she had shot Trey. She looked horrified, shattered. He only saw her briefly after that in the emergency room, but her expression hadn't changed.
"Would she even want to see me?" He thought. He was the reason that all of this happened. He was the one who brought Trey into her life. And she had shot Trey to save him.
"She saved my life." The realization hit him hard, as if someone had punched him in the chest. From the moment the gun went off, he didn't even consider feeling angry towards Marissa, he really felt nothing. He had been numb for the last three hours. But now, he was being drowned with emotions. "She saved my life," he repeated to himself. "And now she's living in hell because she loved me enough to pick up a gun and shoot another man."
He wondered now if Trey was going to live. He hoped so, not for the obvious reason, but because if he lived, things would be easier for Marissa. She wouldn't have to be charged with murder, she wouldn't have to live with the fact that she ended a life. "My brother's life," Ryan thought. "No, he's not my brother." A brother would never do what Trey did. He would've murdered his own flesh and blood if Marissa hadn't stopped him. More importantly Ryan thought, he hurt Marissa, the person he cared about most in the world. His eyes watered as he thought of everything she had done for Trey. How could anyone want to hurt her? And even though Trey was the one lying in a hospital bed, he was hurting Marissa again now. "God, I love her." His feelings were becoming clear now. Ryan felt for Trey the same way he felt when he went to his apartment tonight: hatred. Pure hatred. And he loved Marissa, and this night wasn't going to change that. He just wondered now if she still felt the same way about him. "Will she ever be able to forgive me?"
Ryan reached out and softly knocked on the door. He wasn't going to run away from this, avoid what happened. He didn't know if he was what Marissa needed right now, but he had to find out. As he waited for the door to open, he realized that something else was keeping him from turning around: he needed her.