Lots of things scare me.
Heights.
Rabid dogs.
Freddy.
Jason.
Onee-chan on a bad hair day.
I'm not quite sure how I mustered the courage to enlist in the military, but here I am. I guess I couldn't bear to stay back while onee-chan goes off to fight.
Onee-chan has always been the brave one. Back when we were kids she'd beat up any boy that picked on me. I could always count on her to have enough bravery for the both of us. That's why she became a mobile suit pilot.
I could never pilot one. I'd be too afraid. Out there, on the battlefield, never knowing when you could be shot down. That's why I became a CIC.
However recent events have shown me that my position is far scarier than being a pilot.
Instead of wondering when I might die, I have to worry about when they might die. I wasn't exactly sure how to react when Shou and Dale died. I had just talked to them the day before. We all sat down and had dinner together, but now they're gone. Just like that.
It made me realize that the last conversation I had with my sister could really be the last. It could be the last time Rey ignores me or the last time Shinn treats me like a kid, even when I'm older than he is!
But I suppose I'm over thinking. I don't really need to be worried about my sister. Onee-chan might act rash and downright stupid at times, but she knows her limits. If there's something she can't handle, she knows when to pull back. Her piloting skills are rather impressive too, I mean she is a Red after all.
Rey is the last person I should worry about. He always has the same calm, cool expression and carries that onto the battlefield. He always seems to know what to do and how to do it. I would never have to worry about him doing anything stupid.
If it's one person that I have to worry about, it would be Shinn. He's cocky, rash, thick headed, hotheaded, childish and disrespectful… If some one scared me the most, it would be Shinn. Sometimes, during battle, it's like he changes into another person. He'll bark orders at me, telling me to send out another flyer or a new silhouette. Then he charges at the enemy, swinging his weapon around. It's like he becomes a killing machine. Shinn terrifies me when he's like this, but…. I guess what scares me the most is that out of everyone, he is the most likely to die… and he wouldn't care about it. We all know about his past, how he lost his family in Orb and I get a sickening feeling that Shinn wants to join them. I feel that he charges onto the battlefield to look for a place to die. I'd have to thank the Impulse for keeping him alive this long. Shinn has always been reckless with equipment. Vino told me Shinn once tried to fix a computer by whacking it with a wrench. Shinn is just as reckless with the Impulse. Its arm will get damaged, it's leg ripped off, but Shinn will keep on fighting. I remember a saying that went something like "there's nothing more dangerous than a man who has nothing to loose." I'm afraid that this saying pertains to Shinn.
I like to think that I help bring Shinn back alive each time. Whenever he needs it, I send him a new flyer, instant field repair, increasing his chances of survival. I doubt Shinn sees it this way. I never receive a word of thanks, but I suppose his pride wouldn't allow it. I'm happy with the feeling of relief I get when I see the Impulse return to the hanger. I can put my fears to rest until the alarm sounds again. It's a vicious cycle.
Onee-chan will be fine, she knows her limits. Rey will be fine, he's no idiot. Shinn might launch and never come back and I know he would be content with that, but still, I pray for him.
Lots of things scare me, but Shinn, the thing I fear most is losing you.