AN: Sorry that it took a whil efor updating...but I didn't have a lap top in hospital (I thought I would have one) ...so I couldn't finish the chapter there. enjoy reading.

chapter 3

She didn't know what she should do after he opened the door, she didn't know why she had given in to her heart…didn't know why she had blown up all her pledges, she shouldn't be here,…but she wanted to be here.

She softly knocked on the door. Her clothes were already soaked up with the rain, but she didn't care. She was shaking, but she wasn't freezing, she felt as if she'd burn. It was weird, she was all torn inside…

Then the door opened. A baffled Grissom stared at her. She bite down on her bottom lip, she had never before felt so insecure. What if he'd send her away? That was what she secretly expected, that he would send her away…because now he could have her…and if he would follow his MO he would loose his interest in her now...always expect the worst...

They stared at each other, they didn't speak a word…remained in silence for minutes. The rain kept raining, bolts kept on flashing, thunder kept on fulminating…and they kept on staring.

It took him a long time until he realized that she was still standing outside in the rain. But he didn't ask her to come in.

She knew that one of them had to break this silence between them, and she knew that she was the one who had to say something. She had left him standing on the parking lot, had left him with some cold farewell after he had asked her to marry him…had left him standing there alone, after he had done what she had never expected him to do…he had told her what he felt for her.

She swallowed hard, took another deep breath and prepared herself to open up her mouth, to let the words come out, to tell him that she felt sorry, to tell him that…that she couldn't leave. That she couldn't leave because he was all she had, because not the job had been her life,…he had been her life, he had been all she ever wanted…and she still wanted him. Yes, his mistakes from the past had cut deep into her, had left deep scars….but maybe he could heal them…maybe he could heal all her wounds…even the ones of her past, the ones that never stopped bleeding, the ones that never stopped hurting…

Grissom did not longer stand inside his house, he stood directly in front of her, so close that she could feel his breath, his hot breath, on her ice cold skin. He had this look in his eyes…they were so soft, so warm, so full of love…but at the same time they were full of pain, full of fear to be hurt…and then Sara realized, that she wasn't the only one who was scared. Scared to get lost in a relationship, scared to get lost by giving away her heart…

She slowly reached up, her hand coming closer to his cheek. His eyes followed her hand while her eyes couldn't let go of his…she laid her hand on his cheek, softly caressing it with her thumb. His beard felt soft, as soft as it had felt last night…so soft, just like she had always imagined it to feel…and she remembered the softness of his lips…and she wanted to feel them again…she longed to feel them again, to taste him again…

Suddenly his hand followed hers, he took her soft hand into his and squeezed it softly. He looked into her eyes, so deep that it made her shiver…

And still none of them had said a word.

Her other hand slipped over his chest and rested where his heart was…she could feel it beating…it beat fast…and hard…just like hers. She swallowed hard, her eyes caught by the picture of her hand on his chest. "I didn't mean to…", she found her words back for a second, but she didn't know how to continue her sentence…she could say that she hadn't meant to hurt him…but it would be a lie, in that moment she had wanted nothing else but to hurt him and to free herself, she had wanted nothing else but to show him how it felt to…how it felt when a heart breaks.

"I think I…now I know how I made you feel all the time.", he said softly, the expression in his eyes changed to a deep, sad expression.

She didn't want him to be sad, she didn't want him to be hurt…so many thing ran through her mind right then, she had to tell him that she was sorry, that she wanted to make it right… "My flight was cancelled." This was not what you wanted to say Sara! She cursed herself…but at least I said something…

"So you thought what… 'I can go to Grissom, see him again and rip out his heart…'"

"…No, Grissom No! I…I realized that I…that I can not leave Vegas…you…I can not leave you behind." I should have known that he would think this! I should have…I should have said yes when he asked me to marry him…I should have done so many things…but he should have done something too…it's not only my fault…damn the two of us really made a good number of stupid mistakes.

His lips came closer to hers, slowly, gentle, softly he touched her lips with his, his tongue slipped over her bottom lip, caressing it…then she opened her mouth, inviting his tongue in. A storm of passion ran through their bodies, she twined her arms around his neck and his arms were twined around her waist, pressing her as close against him as possible.

Then she softly pulled away from him, entering his house without waiting for any invitations anymore. She slowly took off her jacket, tossing it over a chair. He followed her in, followed her when she made her way through he hallway to his living room…her eyes never let go off him.

"You need to get out of these clothes…", he whispered softly, slowly coming closer to her, his arm slipping around her waist.

"…so do you.", she whispered into his ear, starting to unbutton his shirt.

"Sara…we…can't do this.", he suddenly pulled away.

"Why not?"

"We need to talk…I have to know that…Sara…can you even imagine how much courage it cost me to tell you what I feel for you?"

"I…can imagine…and…believe me I know how much it hurts to…", he voice became bitter. "…I know how much it hurts when your heart is ripped out of your chest, gets torn into pieces and…"

"…the greatest pain is the one that is created by the ones you love."

Sara didn't even want to ask whom he was quoting…and she knew what he meant… "Listen…I…I regret that I ran away…that I left you there…I…I was scared, scared that you would hurt me again. And I wanted you to…maybe I wanted you to feel as hurt as I always felt….it wasn't right to leave, it wasn't right to do this to you. All I wanted was…to save what was still left of my heart. I wanted to make you…feel what I had to feel all the times that you hurt me…I wanted you to go through the same hell that you always sent me through…I regret it. I really regret it...I am sorry…but I know that 'sorry' doesn't make this forgotten…the wounds heal…sometimes…but you can not forget it that fast…that's the problem. I can't forget it either…I didn't know if I could ever trust you again…all I know is that…without you, there is nothing I have left…you're…", she took a deep breath. It hadn't been easy to tell all this to him, especially because the expression in his eyes had changed while she was speaking…this expression was stabbing her heart…he looked so hurt, so lost, so desperate…she wanted to place her hand on his cheek, but he turned his face away.

She swallowed hard. She knew thatif she should loose him now, then it was her fault. Her own fault…this time she couldn't blame him for anything he had done…their roles had changed somehow…for a while it had been him who was chasing her…all the years it had been the other way round…and now…now she knew that he had wanted her to be with him…but did he still want her? After what she had done? He wasn't like her…she had never stopped running after him, no matter what he had done, no matter how many nights she had cried herself into sleep because of him…but he wasn't her…there had always been something that had kept him away from her, from opening up to her…from showing her what he felt…and then he had taken all his courage and strength together…and she had turned him down. And a dinner invitation wasn't the same as a proposal…

She felt tears rising up in her eyes…she was so desperate, she loved him more than words could say, he was the only man she had ever loved…and the only one she would ever love…and now she was going to loose him, to loose him because she had told herself that he would hurt her again…in fact, this time the greatest pain she had ever felt had been caused by herself…

TBC

yes, I know that she didn't finish her sentence...but she will, in chapter 4...