Rahne
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "Trying is the first step towards failure"
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ACT 2 - It's tough to be an orphan
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Rahne is sneaking quietly down the stairs, attempting to escape. She gets as far as unlocking the door and pulling it slightly ajar before Mystique's hand slams it closed
"Boo", says Mystique, "Trying to make a break..again"
Rahne winces and turns around bending her back Mystique's way
"...What the heck are you doing?", asks Mystique, blinking.
"Aren't ye gunnae beat the tar out of me?", asks Rahne
"..If only", mutters Mystique under her breath, "I mean have I ever hit any of ya?"
"No, but ye've threatened", says Rahne, "That's worse"
"I know", says Mystique, giving a little maniacal laugh, "Kid, if you think it's bad in here, it's lousy out there. I'm doing you a favour by not letting you go"
She grabs Rahne's dress front and starts to drag her along
"What do you say?", she asks.
"I love ye, Miss Darkholme", mutters Rahne darkly under her breath.
"I can't hear ya!", snaps Mystique.
"I LOVE YE, MISS DARKHOLME!", screams Rahne, "seesh, it's nae wonder Kurt and Rogue don't like ye"
Mystique rolls her eyes and pushes Rahne forward
"Rotten orphan"
"I'm nae an orphan!", shouts Rahne, "My parents left me with a note saying they'd come back for me!"
Mystique laughs and walks with Rahne up the stairs
"That was 1922. This is 1933, you're an orphan". She and Rahne go back to the dormitory, where Mystique blows loudly on a whistle, waking everyone up, "Rise and shine! Rise and shine!"
"But it's in the middle of the night!", whines Amara, "princesses don't get up in the middle of the night"
"Don't you think I know that?", says Mystique, "Rahne here tried to run away...again. So as a little welcome home party, you're all gonna clean this dump 'till it shines like the top of the Chrysler Building!. What do you say?"
"We love you, Miss Darkholme", say the girls in unison.
"And I love you", Mystique smiles sweetly, then scowls, "Now, srub these floors. Strip them beds for the laundry man. Get to work! NOW!"
Mystique storms off, leaving the girls to start their work, they begin by scrubbing the floors.
"It's song time!", grins Pietro, "and this is one of the few shows Todd Fan has seen in a theatre, something she hadn't done at all when she first wrote this parody, isn't that cool?"
It's a hard-knock life for us
It's a hard-knock life for us
Instead of treated, sings Rahne
We get tricked, sing the girls.
Instead of kisses
We get kicked
It's a hard-knock life!
They finish srubbing and begin drying the floors with tattered rags
"…I do not like doing this", sniffs Amara.
"Shut up", snaps X23.
Got no folks to speak of, so
It's the hard-knock row we hoe
Cotton blankets
Instead of wool
Empty bellies
Instead of full
It's a hard-knock life
They slam their buckets done after cleaning the floor
Don't it feel like the wind is always howling?
"When you get on the loose, yeah Rahne", smirks Wanda.
Don't it seem like there's never any light
Amara collapses on her bed, getting pulled up by Wanda as they walk on the clean the windows
"Work..too..hard", groans Amara, "must..paint..nails"
Once a day don't you wanna throw the towel in
It's easier than putting up a fight
No one's there when your dreams at night get creepy
"My fault, sorry", says Dani.
No one cares if you grow or if you shrink
No one dries when your eyes get wet and weepy
From the crying you would think this place would twinkle
They scrub more of the floor again
Empty-belly life
Rotten, smelly life
Full-of-sorrow life
No-tomorrow life
"This is a foolish line", mutters Dani, "as I don't actually celebrate Christmas..."
Santa Claus we never see
Rahne sighs, shrugging.
Santa Claus
What's that, who's he?
No one cares for you a smidge
When you're in an orphanage
They start to surround Dani again before Rahne pushes them off
"Why do you abuse me?", asks Dani, "pick on Amara, she's an easy target!"
It's a hard-knock life!
Dani smirks, pushing a pillow up her top to make herself look like Mystique, no she can't do that with her illusions
"You're gonna clean this dump", she says in a Mystique-like-voice, "'till it shines like the top of the Chrysler Building!"
The girls grin and charge at Dani, who, wisely, runs away
"Run away!", screams Dani, "run away!"
Yank the whiskers from her chin!
Jab her with a safety pin!
Make her drink a Mickey Finn!
I love you, Miss Darkholme!
Dani, now cornered, goes back into 'Mystique mode')
"Get to work! NOW!", she shouts.
The girls laugh, and start to take away all the bedding on their beds, putting them into a trolley that Dani pushes along
"Strip them beds!", says Dani, "I said, get to work! Oooooh the power!"
It's a hard-knock life for us
It's a hard-knock life for us
No one cares for you a smidge
When you're in an orphanage
The girls toss Dani into the laundry trolley
"Eeeeewwww something died in here", says Dani
It's a hard-knock life
It's a hard-knock life
It's the hard-knock life!
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Click onwards!