Rahne
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "I may be a figment of your imagination, but I'm still freezing my ass off!"
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ACT 4 - Of dogs and corncobs
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We enter a New York street, where snow is falling heavily all around. Rahne walks around, freezing as she stops strangers on the street
"Excuse me, I'm looking for my parents", asks Rahne, "Pardon me, do you know anybody who kinda looks like me?"
No one pays her a hint of notice
"I feel like I'm selling double glazing", mutters Rahne
She looks up, seeing Evan selling corn on the cob, hot...yeah, maybe it's an American thing, and goes up to him
"Gee, it smells great", she says.
"Tastes better", says Evan with a 'you're not having any for free' smirk.
He smiles as Sam comes to pay for a corncob
"Ahhh corn", smiles Sam, "if a'h were at home, ma'h Momma would..."
"Nobody cares", says Pietro.
"...A'h care", says Sam, hurt.
"I care Sam", says Rahne, patting his arm.
"Get off him!", snaps Pietro, "you're not allowed any Sam love in this parody, so there!"
"Grrrrr", growls Rahne, then sighs, "Wish I had a nickel"
"Wish I had a nickel for every time someone said 'wish I had a nickel'", says Evan
"That makes sense", Pietro snorts, "loser!"
"Hey, my scene is over soon and then it's relaxing backstage", grins Evan, "you're stuck until the end, MR Director"
"..Awww...darn!", sighs Pietro.
As he pays for his corn, Sam drops his nickel, as Evan stoops to pick it up,. Rahne STEALS a corn cob, and runs off through the street with it
"I feel so cold and dirty!", says Rahne
She eventually hides behind a bunch of boxes, and moves to eat her prize, before noticing Lucid and Facade getting some dogs out of a dog catchers van)
"Don't you even think about.", Lucids eyes widen, " ..OW! Biting me"
"My brethren!", gasps Rahne
"Not in this parody!", says Pietro.
They pack up their van and head off. While Rahne is watching this, she doesn't notice a little brown, recently transformed, dog sneak behind her.
"Why me?", asks Lance with a sigh, "I've only just changed form being a Doberman, and I'm still stuck in that panto horse suit in the other parody"
"TWO SHAMLESS PLUGS!", screams Pietro, "Because you wanted a big role, you got one, Scrappy Doo"
"Don't think I won't bite you", mutters Lance
"It's lucky Forge kept his animal transformer gizmo", Pietro smiles, "Isn't it?"
"I'll bite him too", mutters Lance.
Lance sneaks up, stealing the corn cob out of Rahne's pocket
"Hey, come back! That's mine!", she sighs, noticing Lance has snuck off, "Oh, go on, eat up"
Lance returns and drops the corncob in her lap
"It tastes of feet", he says.
"No talking!", snaps Pietro.
"What's wrong?", asks Rahne, "Are they chasing after you 'cause you're looking for your mom and dad too?"
"I miss my mom and dad", Lance gives a sniff.
"Achem", says Pietro.
"Woof", says Lance, dryly.
"Don't worry, it's gonna be okay", says Rahne, "Sometimes it seems the only thing you've got is trouble. But things'll get better. They just gotta"
"Cue world famous song that everyone reading will sing along to!", shouts Pietro.
The sun'll come out tomorrow
Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow
There'll be sun
Just thinkin' about tomorrow
Clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow
'Till there's none
When I'm stuck with a day that's grey and lonely
I just stick out my chin and grin and sayyyyyyyyy
Oooooooohhhh
Rahne coughs, clearing her throat
"Sorry, this wee lass has some very high notes", she says.
The sun'll come out tomorrow
So you gotta hang on till tomorrow
Come what may
I will love you, until my dying daaaayyyy!, sings Lance
"Wrong movie...idiot", mutters Pietro.
Tomorrow tomorrow
I'll love ye tomorrow
You're always a day away
Suddenly, she is stopped by Logan, in a policeman's costume.
"Heh", says Pietro.
"Hey, you!", snaps Logan.
Rahne ushers Lance forward
"Every dog for himself", says Rahne
"I said, hey you!", growls Logan
"Yes, Sir?", asks Rahne, trying not to laugh at Logan's silly outfit.
"Not you.", says Logan, "The you with the four legs. Freeze!"
"Loopy, loopy man", mutters Lance, freezing from where he was running)
"What's the problem, Sir?", asks Rahne
"This mutt keeps giving the dog catcher the slip", says Logan, "I can finally turn him in. Yeah, the police really take crime seriously here, don't they?"
"You'll never take me alive!", cries Lance, "...Where's a Billabong when you need it?"
"...Och ye don't have to turn him in...Officer", says Rahne, "See, he's my dog".
"Really?", asks Logan, "Well, how come I seen him around and not you?"
"Errr, me?", asks Rahne, "Well, I don't get out much"
"Uh huh", blinks Logan, "Well, what's your dogs' name?"
"Name?", Rahne gives a nervous laugh, "Oh, that's easy. I call him..."
Rahne take a look at where Lance is sitting
"Please not Princess, please not Princess", chants Lance.
"..Sandy!", says Rahne suddenly, "Yeah, Sandy, that's right. Sandy, 'cause his fur's a nice, sandy colour".
"...Sandy?", Lance growls, "Wait, everyone else gets their names changed but me!"
"Quit whining", says Pietro.
"Sandy, huh?", asks Logan, "Well, why don't you call him?"
"..Call him?", blinks Rahne
"Yeah. By his name", Logan smirks, "...Sandy"
"I'll come and get you too!", growls Lance.
"Gee, I would. Only sometimes Sandy forgets his name is Sandy", says Rahne.
"That's because 'Sandy's' name is Lance", mutters Lance.
"Just call your dog", snaps Logan.
Rahne sighs taking a deep breath and facing Lance
"Sandy. Here, Sandy", she calls.
Lance doesn't move
"I'm not paid enough", he says.
"Come on, boy!", pleads Rahne
"And here comes another feel good moment", calls Pietro, "cue corny music!"
Lance rolls his eyes at Pietro before running up the Rahne, who gives him a hug
"Thatta boy", she says, "Good Sandy"
"All right, then. Next time I see you, Sandy better have a leash and license", says Logan, "Otherwise he goes to the pound for an eternal sleep"
"Why do I feel that isn't as happy as it sounds?", blinks Lance.
"Yes, Sir", says Rahne
"Now get home before you catch pneumonia in this cold", says Logan.
"Och, it doesn't bother me", smiles Rahne.
Rahne and Lance happily walk on their way through the streets
When I'm stuck with a day that's grey and lonely
I just stick out my chin and grin and saaaaaayyyyyyyyyy
Ooooooohhhhhh
The sun'll come out tomorrow
So you gotta hang on till tomorrow
Come what may
Tomorrow, tomorrow
I love ye, tomorrow
You're always a day away
Tomorrow, tomorrow
I love ye, tomorrow
You're always
A dayyyyyyy
Awaaaaaayyyyyyy
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One last time, click ahead!