Rahne
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "Okay, okay, look. The cross-dressing thing: in the past: funny, today: disturbing"
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ACT 7 - Welcome to Worthington manor
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The car Rahne and Storm are in drive up to Warren's mansion. The gates have big W's on them, which are opened as the car drives through, parking in the driveway. We cut to an interior, where the staff are busy going about their work.. spookily graceful and in synch. Storm and Rahne walk in.
"Gee, it's really big", says Rahne, amazed.
"Must be over compensating for something", snorts Pietro.(1)
"Die", hisses Warren from backstage.
"Everybody!", calls Storm, making the staff stop, "Everybody, this is our Christmas guest, Rahne. Rahne, this is...everybody"
"Hello...everybody", giggles Rahne
The staff laugh and all go back to their work. Storm goes over to Bobby, who is in a butler's outfit
"It's 'cause the butler's name is 'Drake', isn't it?", asks Bobby.
"Yup", grins Pietro, "you look spiffy, by the way"
"Did Mr Worthington's plane arrive yet?", asks Storm.
"...Why he needs one is beyond me", sighs Pietro.
"He called from Teeterboro, his airplane's been delayed, but he's on his way", Bobby takes Storm's coat, then turns to Rahne, "May I take your coat, miss?"
"After your coat stealing obsession, Mr Drake?", asks Rahne, "I think nae!"
"Lines, you stupid lycanthrope", says Pietro.
"Will I get it back?", asks Rahne guardedly.
"Of course you will, Honey", says Storm, rolling her eyes.
Bobby takes her coat while Storm continues to talk to her
"Now tell me, what would you like to do first?"
Rahne looks around in thought, before nodding and rolling up her sleeves
"The floors", she nods, "I'll scrub them and then I'll do...the windows!"
"No, Rahne, Rahne!", says Storm, making her stop, "You're Mr. Worthington's guest. You're here to have fun"
"Really?", asks Rahne.
"Really", nods Storm, "Now, we've ordered in special things, just for you. Mr. Worthington's instructed me to make sure that for the next two weeks, you have a swell time here"
"Now, I'm afraid that because we are now low on female characters, some female places will be taken by the guys", says Pietro, then giggles, "But this is theatre, so it doesn't matter!"
Suddenly, Kelly comes behind Rahne, in a lovely little maids outfit, taking measurements
"Why?", sobs Kelly as Storm sings, "Why do you torture me!"
Kelly will pick out all your clothes
"Ewwwwww", says Rahne, "You mean I get to wear new things?"
Storm smiles and nods as Piotr walks past in a maids outfit, carrying a tray filled with bath slats and bubble bath.
"Man, the disclaimer quote is right", says Pietro, "that IS disturbing"
"I am not being paid enough for this", sighs Piotr.
Your bath is drawn by Piotr
"Really?", asks Rahne with a shudder, "A bath? For me?"
Remy slouches past, frowning in his maid costume, carrying bunch of pillows
"Dance, Remy, dance!", giggles Pietro.
"..So humiliated", sighs Remy.
Gambit comes in to make your bed
"I get my own bed too?", Rahne pauses, "does Gambit stay in it?"
Storm takes a pillow from one of our unimportant background people following maid Remy, and tosses the pillow to Rahne, in a desperate attempt to escape, as Rahne sings.
I think I'm gunnae like it here
"Bring on the robotic dancers!", shouts Pietro, "a new edition to this version of the parody!"
Forge sighs, wheeling in dozens of male and female robots, dressed as maids and manservants.
"You sure they'll work?", asks Pietro, "they won't try to kill anyone, will they?"
"I'm 98 percent sure they'll work", smiles Forge.
"What happens with the remaining 2 percent?", asks Pietro.
"They…err", Forge coughs, "blow up"
"….." Pietro blinks, "I'll really miss that other 2 percent"
Forge turns them on, one of the robotic dancers takes the pillow off her. Storm shows Rahne around the lobby as the staff go about their business, moving stuff around with that scary grace and timing.
The swimming pool is to the left
"A pool? Inside?", asks Rahne.
The tennis court is in the rear
"Aww, gee, I dunna'e know how to play", sighs Rahne
Storm stops Alex on the way, as he carries tennis rackets, taking a ball from him
Have an instructor here by noon
Alex nods and walks off
"At least I'm a dude", says Alex.
"You'll be playing like a pro in no time", says Storm with a grin.
She tosses the ball to Rhane, who catches it
I think I'm gunnae like it here
She takes a scooter off an unimportant dancer and skates around the room with it. The scene changes to Rahne riding on a trolley being pushed by the staff, Storm walking beside her
When you wake, ring for Drake
Drake will bring your tray
Bobby deposits a breakfast tray in front of Rahne
When you're through Roberto
Come to take it away
Roberto mutters, stomping on stage in a maid costume, taking away the tray. After that, the robotic dancers, both male and female dance around with trays in an impressive manner
"Dance my robotic minions, dance!", cackles Forge
A cuddly dog drops on the floor, Rahne runs to pick it up, only to have Storm stop her
No need to pick up any toys
Todd, in a maid outfit, walks past and hands Rahne her dog, before scowling at Pietro and walking off
"The kids'll never believe this", says Rahne, "I need photographic evidence of the guys in drag"
No finger will you lift, my dear
Sam and Ray, each carrying a broom, use them to lift Rahne up, the staff all form steps with themselves and/or equipment, letting Rahne use it to walk all the way up, using Bobby and Storm for balance, to sit on a big trolley, the staff singing with Storm.
We have but one request
Please put us to the test
I know I'm gunnae like it here
The robotic dancers do more of their dancing, grinning manically.
"….Do they have to grin like that?", asks Pietro.
"I thought it gave them more characterisation", shrugs Forge.
We shift to Rahne's own room, as she's dressed in a lovely blue dress
Used to room in a tomb
Where I'd sit and freeze
Get me now
Holy cow
Could someone
Pinch
Me
Please
She jumps on her bed and is covered by the pillows, which she scrambles out of. We cut back to the foyer, where she slides down the banister to Storm, who catches her and swings her in her arms.
We never had a little girl
We never had a little girl, sing the staff.
Storm puts Rahne down, who gives a bow
I'm very glad to volunteer
As Rahne walks past, the staff all step aside for her
We hope you understand
Your wish is our command
They all sing in unison.
We/I know you're/I'm gonna/gunnae
Like it here
The staff all dances around her a bit more, and Rahne runs off...into nothing
"...Warren, get out here..NOW!", screams Pietro.
"No", says Warren, "why can't it be Xavier!"
"Look, Todd Fan already has a role for Xavier, plus the whole Warbucks and Storm dynamic just wouldn't work", Pietro pauses, "...Storm said she'd prefer you".
"Who wouldn't?", grins Storm, "Roooowfff!"
"...Heeeey", blinks Forge, looking like a kicked puppy.
"I mean...errr", Storm coughs, "...he's not as creepy as Xavier"
"What?", blinks Xavier.
"...I'm just digging myself deeper here, aren't I?", sighs Storm.
Pietro shoves a now bald, with the exception of the wings, Warren onto the set, for Rahne to run into
"I hope you laugh at this, Todd Fan", he says, "when you're BURNING IN HELL!".
"Line!", shouts Pietro.
"Who're you?", sighs Warren.
"I'm Rahne", smiles Rahne., giving a sweet smile.
"And cut!", shouts Pietro.
"Thank Gods, this dress is killing me!", says Roberto.
"Be thinking yourself lucky you are not MY size in a dress", says Piotr.
"Gambit gonna need to talk to Oprah after dis", says Remy, twitching.
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(1) – Shrek, anyone?
Clickety click, lickety split!