Cram Session

This would not be easy.

When Seifer and Zell left his dorm room, Squall hastily prepared a mental checklist in preparation for the trials ahead. If he failed, he would, besides failing Zell and Seifer (his two new comrades-in-arms against the shared threat of tests), there was a good chance he would never be seen or heard from again. Also, he just might be immortalized in campfire stories for ages to come- 'The SeeD and the Teacher's Lair'- and that would not be good.

On the other hand, if he suceeded, he would be a legend among Seeds, and be immortalized in campfire stories for ages to come- 'The SeeD and the Teacher's Lair'- and that...would be...good?

Squall stopped his train before it derailed.

He didn't like the idea of what he was doing. Most missions he took in a detatched sort of way, but this...well, he already knew what would happen if he failed. Or suceeded.

Sighing, Squall started to gather up the items he needed.

Rope? Check.

Sandwich? ..no, but it wasn't a crucial item.

Marbles? Check.

Gunblade? For protection only...

Sandbags? Check.

Dark Clothes? Obviously. He also had a dark spy-type suit, in case he was seen. He liked it- it consisted of a full outfit with all sorts of hidden pockets for weapons and potions, somewhat like a ninja.

Mask? Of course!

...I think that's it...no, wait...

Squall knocked quietly on Irvine's door. The self-styled cowboy loved to sleep in more than he did. As he had expected, a muffeled voice answered the tapping.

"Mmph...wh-who's there...?"

Hangover, by the sound of it. Nothing short of a full-scale emergency would drag him out of bed...unless...

"Irvine! It's me, Squall!" Squall was using a tone of voice that nobody could ever expect- panic. Inside, a bleary, bloodshot eye shot opened in alarm. Squall...panicking?

RED ALERT.

The dorm's door opened so fast that Irvine tumbled out and nearly fell on Squall. He was stripped to the waist, barefoot, and had his gun in a deathgrip. He fully expected Garden to be under attack by Esthar, Galbadia, and Ultimecia. What he found was Squall standing calmly outside his door. "What's goin' on!"

"May I borrow your hat?"

(It is interesting to note that Irvine simply gave Squall the hat and went back to bed, aparently blaming the whole incident on a spicy dinner and Nyquil.)

The Teacher's Lounge.

The Unbreakable Barrier. The Irresistable Force. The Immovable Object.

And one SeeD who wanted to break it, to resist it, to move it.

Or just take the coffee. Whichever came first.

Squall stood in the shadows of a nearby alcove. He had his equipment, he had the motive, he had everything ready. Only one thing remaining. He had to, as Zell would say, 'Psyche himself up."

Squall needed something to calm his nerves before such an impossile mission. He didn't smoke...and he would not use a tranquilizer...so...what? What was left?

Nothing. Except the examples set before him by the masters. And so, with a steady, bold voice, Squall began to recite.

"In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they did not commit..."

The hall stretched before him forever.

The walls were lined with small holes...curious...

The floor was covered in stone tiles, arranged in patterns and colors he didn't recognise.

Caution was the key here.

Squall carefully stepped forward, only to jump back as tiny darts shot from the walls. He was glad for that spy suit now- his jacket would have caught. So. He mustn't step in front of the holes...but what of the tiles?

Crouching down, Squall removed his pouch of marbles, setting a few to roll across the floor. As soon as any marbles touched a red surface, the tile blazed up into fire. The other tiles seemed safe, though. Simple- don't step on the red ones.

Of corse the teachers would have the place booby-trapped, and the goal itself would be guarded, he was sure...

Well, one thing a a time. Squall took up a crawling postion, but stretched himself out as though he was doing push-ups. He didn't want to get in the way of the darts. Slowly, but inexorably, Squall made is way forward. It was hard. Most of the tiles were red, and the darts only gave him a foot and a half of space above the floor. But he was dertermined.

An eternity later (actually, it was about two minutes) Squall found he could finally get up and back on his feet. To his right lay the top of a stairway- it led back down to the main floor. He might be able to use it as a shortcut. After all, the teachers couldn't go past the traps every time, so they would have to have another door...

All thought fled as he beheld the pedestal.

It stood in the middle of an otherwise empty room, save for the two staircases- one leading down, one leading up. On it proudly sat the most advanced in caffeine dispension- the JavaTwitch 5000.

The JavaTwitch 5000 is no ordinary Expresso machine. It makes full-sized servings of caffeine goodness- not like the dinky cups of most health- recommened servings. It came with 500 styrofoam non-spill cups and over 1000 servings worth of chocolate covered-caffeine infused expresso grounds. It even came with it's own flavor dispensers (6 in all- Irish Cream, Chocolate, Mocha, French Vanilla, Chocolate Mocha, and Cookies n' Cream). It had a self-recharging battery the like of which Esthar has been using for years.

The health warning was also present. It is a well-known fact (at least in Garden) that 10 grams of Caffeine was a lethal dose- provided that it was consumed in one hour. It was safe to consume four cups of the JavaTwitch's coffee in one hour, though barely. It was not recommened. But since when do SeeDs dwell on death?

This machine was the Holy Grail of coffee freaks everywhere.

Squall approached the JavaTwitch in awe. His gloved fingers reached for it tenderly...and drew back. How could he have not seen it!

The machine was resting on a weight-sensitive panel. He would have to switch a substitute weight just as he swiped the machine. This is why he brought sandbags.

Squall carefully weighed the sandbag by guess. He looked at the machine appraisingly. He carefully removed some of the sand...and positioned his hands to make the switch. He readjusted his- Irvine didn't seem interested in getting it back, so for now it was his- cowboy hat. One quick swipe and place, and it was over.

In the room at the top of the stairs, the main teacher's lounge, a red light flashed a warning.

Squall was securing the precious machine in his Ninja Swag Bag when the alarm was noticed.

"Hey, you! Put that dow- WOAHHHHH!"

Squall jumped slightly at the voice, ready to flee the scene, but he didn't turn around until he heard the rumble. The voice had been Headmaster Cid, he knew, but...

He turned around.

Headmaster Cid was rolling down the stairs.

His middle-age man physique had overbalanced the poor man, and when he had leaned forward, he was sent head-over-heels down the stairs, a great ball of limbs and gut. The room rumbled from the force of it.

And he was heading right for Squall.

Squall ran like hell.

But the Headmaster was rolling quite fast, and Squall knew he couldn't outrun those darts. He ran for the stairs. By sheer dumb luck, the Headmaster rolled down also, almost at his heels.

Squall saw the end of the stairs approaching. There was a half-glimpsed panel on the wall, but what he was interested in was the corridor to the right. He veered for it, jumping off the last few steps. He hit the ground still running, and shot for the open sliding door ahead of him.

The rumble stopped with a crash as the Headmaster hit the wall. He was far from unconcious, and hit the electric panel on the wall. The door started to slide shut. Squall dove for it.

He slid under as the door slid down almost to the floor. Sitting up, Squall put his hand to his head, and immediately slipped his hand back under the door, grabbing the hat a second before the door snapped shut. He could hear the Headmaster yelling curses on the other side.

Victory.