Rahne
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "Fate is what you call it when you don't know the name of the person screwing you over"
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ACT 16 - Goodbye may seem forever
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We open on Christmas morning, where Kurt and Mystique leave the orphanage, in their disguise, being followed by Tabby
"Aww, come on", says Tabby, "why can't I go with youse guys?"
"'Cause you can't leave children all alone, that's why!", snaps Mystique.
"Hi pot, this is kettle", says Pietro, "you're black!"
"Huh! Since vhen did you care about those little tykes?", asks Kurt, "Or the son you THREW INTO A RIVER?!"
"Don't start!", snaps Mystique, "It's Christmas. My heart is full of glad tidings of great joy. Now lets go and get that raggedy Rahne"
"Catch you later, baby doll", smiles Kurt.
They drive off, leaving Tabby at the orphanage
"But I..I", Tabby whimpers, "I ain't the motherly type!"
We go to the Worthington manor, Rahne comes into the main hall, all dressed ready to leave with Lance following her, bowless
"Phew", says Lance
Warren and Storm walk through into the room, wearing the same thing they had on the night before
o0, says Forge.
"Bow chica...", grins Pietro.
"It's not what you think", says Warren, "besides it's a PG fic!"
"Merry Christmas, Rahne", smiles Warren
"Merry Kwanza, Rahne", smiles Storm
"Oy", says Pietro
"Merry Christmas", grins Rahne
"Did you look under the tree to see if Santa left you anything?", asks Warren
"...No, he brought me my parents. That's plenty", sighs Rahne, "Think they'll let me keep Sandy? and let me come visit you and Miss Ororo?"
Storm and Warren go to sit with her on the stairs
"Yes, of course they will", says Warren
"You look like you didn't get any sleep", says Rahne
"Oh, yes, well, we've been talking with the president and working with the F.B.I all through the night", he says sadly, "and they haven't turned up anything suspicious, so..."
"I'm really a Mudge?", Rahne asks, deflated, "Rahne Mudge?"
Suddenly, 'Ralph' and 'Shirley' walk in
"Vhere's our little Christmas present?", asks 'Ralph', "Ve know she's here somewhere"
"Mr and Mrs Mudge", says Bobby.
Lance runs up to them, barking, Mystique hides away, just as Rahne catches him in time
"Lemmie at 'em, lemmie at 'em!", barks Lance
"You will let me keep him, won't you?", asks Rahne
"Why...of course", says 'Shirley' as Lance snarls at her, "The only thing I love more than little girls is little dogs Don't I, Ralphie?"
"…They say dogs can sense evil", says 'Ralph', "I think they're right"
'Ralph' picks up Lance
"Geez, could you loose a few pounds, Lance!", he gasps.
"I'm carrying a little holiday weight", snaps Lance, "sue me!"
"Well, we'd better be on our way with our little Rahne", says 'Shirley'.
"And our little check", grins 'Ralph'.
"So soon?", asks Storm, "Rahne hasn't even opened her presents yet"
"Sorry, we ain't got time", says 'Shirely'.
They pull Rahne with them, 'Shirley' grabbing her suitcase)
"Very well", says Warren, "If you'll come this way, we'll prepare the check"
We cut to the orphanage, where Tabby is playing the girls at cards..and losing
"Darn! Lost again", she snaps, "Gosh, you sure you girls never played poker before"?
"Beginers luck", grins X23, "How much she owe us?"
"Four hundred and seventy nine dollars and thrity nine cents", grins Rogue.
Tabby stands up
"WHAT! Where am I gonna get that kind of loot?", she snaps, then pauses, smiling, "Hey, why am I worryin'? I'll be rollin' in it when Nighty and Darkholme get back form the Worthington's".
"That's where Rhane is!", says Dani
Tabby pauses from fixing her make up
"Doh", says Pietro.
"Oops", says Tabby.
The girls surround her
"What's goin' on?", growls X23, "Spill the beans"
"Nuh-uh!", says Tabby, "My lipstick is sealed!"
Wanda waves Tabby's purse from her place on the table
"Yeah, but your purse ain't!"
The girls laugh, tossing the purse around as Tabby tries to grab it
"Hey, give that back right now!", she snaps.
"Yeah, I'm sure the cops'll be very interested in your fake I.D's, grins Wanda, dangling said ID's, then runs as Tabby makes a dive for her.
"You watch it:", snaps Tabby, "Get out of my way! I want those back right now!"
The girls surround her, so she's pinned to a wall
"Fess up", snarls X23.
Tabby. Breaks
"Okay, okay! Nighty and Darkholme are pretending to be Rahne's parents for the reward money", she says, "And when they get back, I'll be sittin' large and livin' pretty"
Tabby moves to sit by the table
"What makes you so sure they'll be comin' back?", asks X23.
"Because I'm Nighty's dame. He'd never let me take the rap and spend three months on Rikers Island", Tabby pauses, her smile faltering, "Again"
We cut to Warren's office, where Storm hands Warren a check
"Sir, the Mudges' certified check for fifty thousand dollars", says Storm
'Ralph' snatches the check from Warren
"Well, nice meeting you all", smiles 'Ralph'.
"We'd better get", says 'Shirley'.
"Cheerio. Toodle-oo", grins 'Ralph', "Ta-ta. See you in church"
They start to laugh, backing to the door
"...Aren't you forgetting something?", asks Storm.
They stop, blinking at each other before realising they'd left Rahne behind.
"Oh, how silly of us", says 'Shirley', "We've been childless for so long, it's gonna take some getting used to. Come on precious, so sweet"
"Come on Rahne", says 'Ralph'.
"..I feel so loved already", says Rahne dryly.
They go back, taking her , one hand in each of theirs, heading briskly for the door. They walk quickly out, past all the staff. Suddenly, Tabby barges through the main door, dragging Bobby behind her
"Help, a crazy lady is breaking in!", screams Bobby
"You messed with the wrong dame!", snaps Tabby
"What are you doing here, Tabby?", asks Kurt.
"Making sure I get my piece of the cak", smirks Tabby, "I want my moolah!"
"Out of my way!", shouts Mystique
She runs past Tabby, ehading for the door, only to be blocked by the girls as they enter
"We love you, Miss Darkholme!", they sneer in unison.
"Run for it, Ravey!", says Kurt, "…vhy can't I just teleport?"
"Because it's cheating", says Pietro.
Rahne blinks in shock as they run
"In the name of the United States government, I command you to halt!", says a disembodied voice.
Kurt and Mystique stop in front of a bunch of suited men
"Who do you think you are, the president?", asks Mystique.
The men move back for Xavier to wheel forward in a wooden chair
"Tee hee", giggles Xavier.
"Oh, geez, it's the president", says Kurt.
"Yeah, I am!. Well, if it isn't the Mudges. Or should I say..", Xavier takes a paper out of his pocket, reading it, "Miss Raven Darkholme and Kurt Wagner Darkholme, also known at 'Nighty' Darkholme, also known as 'Kurty the Dip'".
"Kurty the Dip", chuckles Pietro, "looks like someone has a new nickname"
"Shut up", growls Kurt.
Tabby pushes forwards
"Also known as 'The jig is up, Nighty'", she says.
"Tabby St Regis", continues Xavier, "also known as Miss Sadie Aloqonquin, also known as 'Phyllis the Flicher'"
"Heh heh", says Pietro, "...Phyllis"
"Also known as, 'You loused up big, Tabby'", snaps Kurt.
Men walk forward, handcuffing the pair
"Well, it ain't Easy Street", she says, "but at least I'm wearing silver!"
"Don't that hotel of yours ever shur it's doors!", asks Kurt.
The pair are pulled away, leaving Mystique
"Uh, it was his idea. He made me do it", she says, "Rahne. Rahne, tell these people how good I always been to ya, huh?"
"Miss Darkholme, I would, but the one thing you always taught me was:", she smiles sweetly, taking the check from Mystique, "Never tell a lie"
Mystique growls, removing her disguise, heading towards Rahne, who backs away, Mystique following
"Brat! I'll let you in on a little secret. I never liked you. Never!", she snaps, "You're nothing but a rotten gold digger. I've always been so good to ya, and this is what I get, huh? You drove me to this!"
She laughs manically, running around the room
"Hey, we pushed another cast member over the brink of sanity", says Pietro, "go us"
I'm headed straight for the nuthouse
With all the nuts and the squirrels
She is grabbed by more men, and tied to a trolley
There I'll stay, tucked away 'till the prohibition of
Liiiiiiiitllleeeee
Giiiiiirrrrrrllllsss!
The girls cheer as the three villains are dragged off
"Miss Darkholme's gone forever!", says Rahne
"Rahne", says Xavier, "I also have some important news for you"
He hands Warren a piece of paper, shaking his hand before folding his own hands in front of him
"Ahh another reason for the casting choice", smiles Pietro.
"I'm president", says Xavier, "A better one than Remy, I may add!"
"SHAMELESS PLUG!", shouts Pietro, "and that one hasn't even been re-written yet"
"The F.B.I were finally able to trace the handwriting on that note of yours to a David and Margaret Bennett", says Xavier.
"You mean the Bennetts are my real parents?", asks Rahne, "Where are they?"
Xavier looks uneasily at Warren
"Rahne, I'm sorry, it seems they passed away some time ago", says Warren
"So, I really am an orphan", asks Rahne.
Rahne sighs, sadly going to the stairs, Storm follows her
"Rahne, are you alright?", asks Storm
"Yeah. I think so", she says, "See, I always knew my parents loved me and they'd come back for me, if they were alive"
Storm gives her a hug
"I guess you have to look at the bright side", she smirks, "At least I'm not a Mudge"
The cast laugh as Warren walks over to them
"I hope this is the start of a wonderful new life for all of us", says Warren.
"And I'll see to it that each and every one of you will be adopted by a fine, upstanding family", says Xavier, to the girls, who cheer, hugging him, "Meep"
"And Rahne picked out Christmas presents for all of you", says Storm, "and they're waiting underneath the Christmas tree"
The girls cheer, going to attack the presents
"I don't understand this 'present' lark", says X23, "but...GET OUT OF THE WAY, THEY'RE ALL MINE!"
"Ororo", says Warren, "When I talk about a new life for all of us...I do mean all of us"
"Yey, I finally get to live my dream of marrying a billionaire", smiles Storm
"...You're going down, Wing-Boy", growls Forge
Storm blushes, holding his hand, while Warren looks at Rahne
"And if you'd still like to be Rahne Bennett-Worthington..."
"I'd like that more than anything", smiles Rahne
"I love you very much, Rahne", says Warren
"And I love you too", Rahne sighs defeated, "..Daddy Worthington"
They go to hug
"So beautiful", sighs Pietro, "singing!"
Together at last, sings Warren
Together forever, sings Rahne
They do the pinkie thing
We're tying a knot
They never can sever
I don't need sunshine now to turn my skies to blue
He hands Rahne a little box, which she opens, seeing the new locket
I don't need anything but you
Storm smiles, walking over to put her locket around Rahne's neck, singing.
You've wrapped me around
That cute little finger
Warren smiles, walking behind her and holding out a little box
You've made life a song
You've made me the singer
And what's the title of the dream that's just come true
Warren takes out the ring, putting it on her finger
"Oooooh it's bigger than my other one", smiles Storm
"Well, I'm sorry I'm not a millionare", Forge pauses, "...hey, wait...where'd my one go?"
"Errr.", Storm blinks, "...keep on singing!"
I don't need anything
Storm gives him a hug
"Hug?", asks Storm, "That's it?"
"Humph", says Forge, tapping his foot.
"...A hug is fine", grumbles Storm.
Anything
Forge gives Rahne a nudge, pushing her between them
"I'm not ye pawn!", snaps Rahne
Anything
I don't need anything
But yooooooooouuuuuuu
We close on the hall, where everyone is happy and joyful
"Whoot", grins Pietro, "well, I think it's safe to say that Kurt will need therapy after pretending to be his mothers brother and husband. Lance is going to go though another identity crisis, and we've probably pushed Forge and Storm to see a marriage councillor. All in a good parodies work! Now, how do I get out of this hellhole?"
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Woot, another is up, there's only one parody left to be re-written, and the first half of that has to be done form scratch, so it may take a while. Do review. Until next time….