Disclaimer: Not my characters, nor my song. The characters all belong to JKR, while the song belongs to S&G. If you don't know who S&G are, then I suggest you watch "The Graduate" sometime, and listen to the soundtrack.

Chapter 2: I am a Rock

A winter's day in a deep and dark December

The grounds looked so empty. The lake had frozen, and snow covered everything. It was like a blank canvas from where I stood. Nothing interrupted the void. Nothing could. I stood by the window and wished for a spot of red to mar the barren whiteness, to show there was life underneath the ice.

I am alone

I shook myself out of my reverie, cursing my weakness. What did I care if the world was bare? It didn't affect me.

Gazing from my window to the street below

Walking back to my office, I caught sight of a pair of young lovers, ducking into a cozy alcove. I followed them, then stopped just out of sight, listening for the right moment to interrupt. After a few moments of the boy's nervous ramblings, I realized what I was going to overhear if I stayed. I realized I didn't want to ruin their romantic moment, and that sickened me.

On a freshly fallen, silent shroud of snow

Why did I care? What had she done to me? I hadn't felt the same since she deliberately walked out of my life. I wanted to revert. I wanted to die. I wanted to get her back in my life and never let her leave my side.

But that would not do, for that was not my life. I was alone, and alone I'd stay. Let her stay away; my heart was mine and mine alone and I didn't need to share.

I am a rock, I am an island

I didn't need to care.

Don't talk of love

I tried to remember all her bad habits: the way she bit her nails, the way she chewed her lip, her constant need for affirmation... but all I came up with was her strength.

Well, I've heard the word before

Her nails were ragged from worrying, but she could scratch through chain mail if cornered.

It's sleeping in my memory

Her facial expressions gave every emotion away, but she'd never reveal her sworn secrets.

Don't disturb the slumber

And all she had wanted was a kind word... How many had I bestowed?

Of feelings that have died

Even when I knew I loved her, had I told her so? Had I told her how her smile would build a fire within my heart that nothing could extinguish, save her tears? Had I told her that her conversation kept me warm through chilly night time wanderings? Had I told her that her voice could banish nightmares better than patronus could?

If I never loved, I never would have cried

But I had thrown all that away.

I am a rock I am an island

I told myself it was better this way. She was a distraction, nothing more. I hadn't been able to think around her, only feel. I was no better than a Gryffindor, wrapped up in emotions, and laid completely bare.

I build walls

I told myself to forget her. She was my weakness, nothing more. An obsession to conquer, and conquered her I had. There was no need to feel guilt over any hurt I might have caused. I was just defending myself...

A fortress deep and mighty

Defending myself from her brand of weakness. Defending myself from ruin and damnation. Defending myself from myself.

That none may penetrate

Once safely ensconced in my office, I tried to clear my mind once more. I wanted to exorcise her from my soul, but somehow she had etched her spot. The more I tried to scour her out, the deeper she had burned into me. There was no way to eradicate her from me without eroding myself away.

I have no need of friendship

Friendship causes pain

It's laughter and it's loving I disdain

I couldn't ignore her absence any longer. I needed to confront her. I didn't know how to live with the hole she left, and her parting shot.

I needed to talk to her again, if only to kill the pain. I needed my independence back again. I didn't want to care anymore, but I didn't know how to heal.

I am a rock I am an island

I knew she would return my owls. I knew she would not talk to me if my head appeared in her grate and she would not even deign interest in what I had to say if I forced my way in. I needed a way to talk with her, a way to lure her to me. I needed her to listen despite her rage.

I have my books

I looked around my office, and quickly came up with a plan. She had left me with more than pain. She had left me a piece of herself, and with it a shard of knowledge. She had told me of her dreams and of her aspirations, and she'd be more fool than I if she tossed them aside just to spite me.

And my poetry to protect me

I wrote my letter carefully, avoiding any words that might set her off, words that would cause her to erect walls of bleak emotion; to cause her not to hear me. Keeping it strictly professional, I laid down my quill upon the desk, rereading the request.

I am shielded in my armor

Stamping the Hogwarts seal upon the parchment, I felt secure in her arrival. This was an offer she would not refuse. Her inner hero would not let her.

Hiding in my room, safe within my womb

She would not know what would hit her when she came to see me.

I touch no one and no one touches me

And when she left, she would know, that I am better off alone.

I am a rock I am an island

I don't need to care. There's no need for me to share. I am, without her, a better man.

And a rock feels no pain

I really am.

And an island never cries

I am a rock I am an island

I am a rock I am an island