Disclaimer: The characters are Rowling's whereas the song belongs to the marvelous Peter Gabriel.

Chapter 4: In Your Eyes

Accepting all I've done and said

As I wait for her to heed my knock, I try to rationalize my presence. I could be here merely on school business as I have every right to be. But I will not fool either myself or her into believing school business is my excuse. I will not use an excuse to talk to her.

She deserves the truth that I denied her so long ago. She deserves (dare I think it?) an apology. I shake my head in disgust. It used to be that I never let myself get into any situation where I couldn't come out with my head held high, knowing there was no reason for guilt.

Guilt. What a horrible word. What a horrible feeling, to be so wrapped up in my misdeed that I can't think straight anymore, that I need to humble myself...

I want to stand and stare again

She opens the door with infernal slowness. I wonder if she knows who's knocking. As she reveals herself, she looks up to my face, no surprise evident in her features. I look into her eyes, hoping to catch a glint of humor, light or even anger, but all I find are eyes. Her beautiful, brown eyes.

I remember the first time I looked into those eyes after the Leaving Feast. I was looking for revulsion, for contempt, for anything to justify my own contempt of her and her friends. But when I looked I found myself mesmerized by swirls of cinnamon and highlights of honey. I looked into her eyes and found myself wanting to be more than a reviled teacher, more than the bastard they thought me to be.

I wanted beauty in my life.

Til there's nothing left out, oh

"Hello, Headmaster," she says, formality weighing down each word. I can feel the sneer rising on my face, but manage to turn it into what I hope is a grimace instead.

"Call me Severus."

She raises her eyebrows at me, a clear imitation of my past attitudes. I wonder for a moment whether it might not be better to live with this guilt in my heart than to face the lioness in her den. I have extensive experience living with guilt, I probably could manage another dose.

It remains there in your eyes

I decide coming here was a bad idea, but the moment I do, she relents, and offers me a tiny smile. The corners of her eyes crinkle as I remember them doing a hundred times before. A genuine smile.

Whatever comes and goes
I will hear your silent call

I suddenly feel a surge of courage spawned by hope. Maybe all is not lost between us. Maybe I'll have another chance. She opens the door and allows me entrance to her living space.

I will touch this tender wall

I gratefully accept her invitation, and sit upon the frilly settee. I wonder at the style, but keep my thoughts to myself. Now is not the time to berate her for her abysmal taste.

She smiles at me again, and I manage to relax into the flowery seat. A little. She offers me a cup of tea, which I willingly accept. Anything to break the frost that has settled itself on us over the interim.

She conjures two cups, one a pink mess of flowers and faeries, the other a white cup decorated with a simple green band. After filling the cups to our identical tastes, she hands me the pink one.

I only barely manage to restrain my disgust.

Til I know I'm home again

I take the cup as gracefully as the situation calls for, and raise the cup to my lips. Before I can take a sip though, she starts giggling. I look up to find she is laughing at me. I must look ludicrous sitting here sipping tea from a pink cup while sitting on a rosy pile of cushions.

I realize instantly her aim was to ridicule me.

I set the tea cup down, a little harder than intended, and start to stand, but she stops me, her eyes watering with mirth.

"Severus, stay," she implores, still giggling. I hate giggles. She must see my snarl building, for she suddenly stops giggling, though the mocking smile is still there.

"I'm sorry to laugh, Severus, but the picture of you sitting there, all stark and stern against that horrid, floofy couch... I'm sorry, but even you would find the image hilarious."

"I'm glad I can provide you with a good laugh, at least," I say, not bothering to hide my fury as I stand to leave. Nothing is worth this.

Her smile is gone in an instant, but it isn't remorse that replaces it.

"For Pete's sake, Severus, sit down and take a joke like a human being. I'm not out to get you." Her tone is icy and authoritative. I'm impressed despite my anger. "Here," she says, and hands me the banded cup. "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you, but I couldn't resist the temptation."

Ooh

My scowl deepens for a fraction of a second, then lifts as I understand what she's doing. She's teasing me, just as she used to do. I look into her eyes again and find the spark of humor is home.

I realize instantly she is my home.

In your eyes
In your eyes

"So what brings you by?" she asks, breaking away from our connection too quickly.

"I came by to see how you are," I respond, hoping to get the conversation started without any overt gestures. "How you're adapting to being back again."

She frowns at her cup and bites her lip in thought. I smile reflexively at the sight, and am surprised when she looks up with hard eyes.

"Why?" she asks.

I start at her lack of tact, and she notices.

"It was obvious from the moment I set foot in your office that you wanted something from me, Severus. What is it, and why?" Her tone is edgy, as if she suspects me of something.

I realize with shame that I did more damage than I ever expected.

Love I get so lost, sometimes

I think for a moment, trying to decide how to approach this and hope to come out ahead. With a sigh, I realize complete honesty is the only way that won't get me thrown from her room and life. Looking down, I say, "I brought you here to show you that I was over you."

"Over me? Severus, you kicked me out, and that was two years ago!"

I look up to meet her eyes, and find them filled with surprise mingled with pain.

"You were the one who left."

She stares at me, as if seeing me for the first time, again. The moment stretches into awkwardness as we both relive the bitter memory.

Days pass and this emptiness fills my heart

Finally, I break the silence. "When you left, it tore me apart. As soon as you looked at me as if I was a stranger, I knew... You were...

"Hermione, I know I was wrong to accuse you, and I wish I could take back my jealousy, but I can't." I can't go on. I feel raw beneath her gaze.

When I want to run away
I drive off in my car
But whichever way I go
I come back to the place you are

I stand, wanting to leave, get away, but her gaze, as painful as it is, makes me stay. I pace the room instead, trying to get a hold of my emotions.

"I'm sorry you feel this way, Severus, but shouldn't we leave the past alone? We're colleagues now, and-"

"To hell with 'should,' Hermione!" I yell, turning to face her.

And all my instincts, they return

I let my walls fall for her to see, and approach her slowly. I stop a whisper away and look down into her beautiful face. I barely refrain from touching her; only the threat of her wince holds me back.

And the grand facade, so soon will burn

She looks up at me with anger mingled with fear. She's never seen me like this before. It's time to show her how I feel.

Without a noise, without my pride

Everything I want to say races through my mind: I love you so much. I know I never told you so, but you were my light and guide. You exemplify all that is good in this world, and the fact that you wanted to be with me... I couldn't understand or even believe it until I had thrown it away. It wasn't until you left that I realized how much I depend on you.

I cannot express those thoughts aloud, but she needs to hear the truth. I need to tell her. Looking into her eyes, I find the words.

I reach out from the inside

"I'm lost without you."

In your eyes
The light the heat

For a moment I see a spark, but she turns away quickly, as if embarrassed for me.

"Severus-" she starts, but I won't let her stop me. Not now.

In your eyes
I am complete

"Hermione, I'm not asking for you to return to me, although I... I know it's been a long time, and you've probably moved on. I have no expectations of your love again. But I need a chance to..."

I don't know how to say it.

"I need to make it right. Just tell me how."

In your eyes

She looks at me again, tears starting to gather. She looks disappointed, as if I failed her, and I realize how far I've fallen. I no longer recognize myself.

What has happened to me?

I collapse onto the settee, letting my hair hide my face from her. I would leave, but my legs have lost their strength.

"Severus," she says softly from a step away. I force myself to look up at her.

I see the doorway to a thousand churches

She's looking down at me with pity, goddamn her. I don't bother to restrain the scowl forming, and look back at her with all the contempt I feel for myself.

In your eyes
The resolution of all the fruitless searches

"Severus," she says again, this time with a warning. I bite my tongue to hold the silence, but I want to lash out. I want her to feel all my pain, all my sorrow.

In your eyes
I see the light and the heat

She holds my gaze, matching my anger with an extra dose of censure. After a few moments she steps back, never breaking eye contact as she sits down in her wingback.

In your eyes
Oh, I want to be that complete

We sit staring at each other for many long minutes. As we stare I remember other arguments that ended up like this. She'd try to stare me down - get me to bend a little - but she always was the first to break. She was always the one to compromise.

She had always been the sensible one.

I want to touch the light
The heat I see in your eyes
In your eyes
In your eyes

"Hermione," I say, trying not to plead. I will not debase myself any further for her, but maybe it is my turn to bend. Her eyes flash victory, but it's short lived, fading back to pain.

Love, I don't like to see so much pain

"I want to heal this rift," I state coolly, trying to rein my feelings in.

So much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away

I hate seeing her look at me like this.

I hate seeing her wounded.

I hate knowing I am the cause.

I get so tired of working so hard for our survival

"How do you propose doing that?" she responds, her tone matching mine for warmth.

I let my shoulders drop a notch in a reverse shrug. She's sitting there like a queen, knowing she holds all the power, and not bothering to bestow her mercy. Yet.

I have to believe that she still wields mercy like she used to. I have to believe she still holds the compassion to heal. I have to believe in her, but the way she's looking at me makes it difficult not to doubt.

"I will beg for forgiveness if that's what it takes," I say, trying to keep the bitterness out of my voice. The doubt is seeping into my veins, and I wonder, once more, whether she is worth this humiliation. Her cool demeanor does nothing to hamper the misgivings.

She continues to watch me, examine me, and I feel as though I am being searched. Her eyes rake over me, digging out weakness after weakness. She always had been able to see through me, but now she was using it as a weapon against me.

I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive

"Enough!" I yell, not willing to take any more. I stand up again, thankful my legs support my weight. Squaring my shoulders, I look down on her and exert my own authority.

"I will not play any more games, Hermione. Either forgive me or not, but I will not sit here like a fool any longer. You now know how I feel, so I'll bid you adieu."

I stalk over to the door, but before I touch the handle, her voice reaches out to me, soothing my fragmented nerves,

"Severus."

I stop, but I don't turn around. Whatever she has to say can be said to my back, but so far she's only been capable of saying my name, nothing more.

"Severus... Don't you realize how long it's been? I've had enough time to move on and become engaged," my heart drops and my lungs stop, "or even married." I breathe again.

"But have you?" I say to her door.

There's a pause, and when she speaks again it's from further away. "I have moved on. I wouldn't have accepted the job if I hadn't. It would have been too painful."

She pauses again, and I try to digest what she's just said. She's moved on. She's over me. There's no hope.

Her voice has a quiet, pleading note when she says, "Severus, look at me. Please."

And all my instincts, they return

I reluctantly turn to face her, battening down all hatches to prepare for the storm ahead. She's standing by the fireplace, and the light from the fire is bouncing off her robes like spirits playing hide and seek. I pull my eyes away from the shadows to look upon her face again.

And the grand facade, so soon will burn

"Why did you offer me the job if you still feel this way for me?"

"I had no intention of giving it to you."

She looks confused and hurt. Once again, I've managed to hurt her.

"I called you for the interview with every intention of turning you down, but as always, you exceeded my expectations." I admit bitterly. I don't care how she takes that, not anymore.

Without a noise, without my pride

She closes her eyes, and I know it's to block me out.

I've had enough. I cannot take any more of this farce. Quietly, I turn again, opening the door. I spare a moment for a backward glance, and the sight stops me cold. She's still standing there, by the fireplace, but her back is turned to me. Her head is bowed and from her posture I wonder if she's crying.

Why?

What have I done this time?

I reach out from the inside

"Hermione," I say, but stop before my voice cracks.I watch her helplessly, knowing that she would refuse any attempts at comfort. She stiffens imperceptibly, then raises her head and turns around.

In your eyes
The light the heat

"I'll have my resignation on your desk by the end of tomorrow. I hope that you'll have enough time to find a replacement before term starts."

I stare at her at a complete loss for words. I don't know what to do. I want to scream at her, I want to embrace her. But I have no idea what she wants.

In your eyes
I am complete

"Hermione," I start again, but she doesn't let me finish.

"I can't be around you, knowing how you feel, Severus. It would be cruel to us both. Losing you... It took a long time to recover, Severus. I can't go through that again."

I stare at her as a light dawns in my mind. She misses me as much as I miss her. It suddenly becomes imperative that she stay.

"Hermione, I won't accept your resignation. You are the most qualified teacher for Charms, and I know you have the empathy and strength needed to be Head of Gryffindor. You cannot let the children down by resigning over something as trivial as our defunct relationship."

In your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches

I know I hit the mark when her eyes flare in anger. She steps forward, seething, before her mind catches up with her. The anger in her face grows tenfold.

"You dare try to manipulate me?" she says in a tone I don't recognize coming from her. Maybe I misjudged how far to go.

"It worked getting you here," I respond, making sure a cocky smirk is evident.

She balls her hands and glares at me. I'm grateful, at this point, that she hasn't learned wandless magic yet. She looks for all the world like an avenging angel bent on destroying the demon before her. She is barely controlling herself, so I remain alert.

My smirk slips into a smile as I watch her.

In your eyes
The resolution of all the fruitless searches

She's magnificent.

In your eyes
I see the light and the heat

I feel her energy gathering for a storm and realize that I might not weather this one if I let her continue. Switching into headmaster mode, I summon all my strength of will.

"Miss Granger, stop!" I command, and strangely enough, she obeys. For a moment.

"Hermione, please stop," I continue with slightly less force when I feel her power gathering again. She pauses, so I press the point. "We've both fought enough battles, don't you think?

In your eyes
Oh, I want to be that complete

She looks at me with those big, beautiful eyes of hers wide with past memories. Suddenly she turns away and sinks down into the settee with a shriek of frustration. Carefully, not sure how controlled she is yet, I approach and sit down beside her.

"You are the most frustrating man on the face of the planet, I'll have you know."

"I take pride in it, too."

She laughs weakly, then buries her face in her hands. For a moment I'm not sure what I should do, but I quickly decide to listen to the part of me telling me to touch her, embrace her - love her.

I want to touch the light
The heat I see in your eyes

"I'll always enrage you, and often provoke you," I murmur into her hair, "but I promise I will never lose faith in you again." I can hear her sniffling, but she has yet to uncover her face. I pull her into my chest, so I can soothe her frazzled nerves and emotions.

I hold her close, rubbing her head gently, as I remember her liking. Her crying is subsiding, but she's still tense, as if waiting for something.

In your eyes

I close my eyes as I realize what she wants. What she needs.

In your eyes

"I will always love you, Hermione Granger. Always."

In your eyes

She stills for a moment, then raises her head, her nose inches from mine.

Accepting all I've done and said

I hold my breath as she searches my face for fallacy. For deception, for manipulation, for any cause to run away.

I want to stand and stare again
Til there's nothing left out, oh

I shouldn't be nervous. I've never been more sincere in my life. I've never been so honest with anyone, not even myself.

It remains there in your eyes
Whatever comes and goes

She smiles gently before closing her eyes and drops her head onto my chest.

Oh, it's in your eyes

Relief rains down on me, and I find my cheeks are getting wet.

In your eyes
In your eyes
In your eyes

In your eyes
I want to stand and stare again

Oh, it's in your eyes.

The End

AN: I hope I didn't take Snape too far out of character, but it's incredibly difficult, if not impossible, to put him in a romantic situation without giving him an attitude adjustment of some small means.

Anyway, that's the end. Hope you liked it. Thanks to all who took the time to read this story, and even more to those who reviewed.