Purely Physical Chapter 14

Hermione wasn't dreaming about Draco tonight. That was verystrange. She was dreaming about herself tonight… lying in the hospital ward. McGonagall screaming, "Oh heavens, Albus, she's taken DX hasn't she?"

A mumbled response that she couldn't make out, and Madame Pomfrey whispering, "I don't know if we have the right treatment. Oh God. Wizard drugs! I would never have expected…"

"Now, now, Poppy, no one takes DX, they're given it…"

She awoke with a start, shivering. She was so cold, so cold. No matter how many blankets they'd heaped on her, how many heating charms they'd sent her way, she couldn't stop shivering, convulsing into tight little spasms where she thought she would freeze to death. And then to her horror she realized that none of it was a dream. In front of her stood her own Head of House, Professor McGonagall, the Headmaster, Professor Dumbledore, and of course Madame Pomfrey. Why were they all here? Why? Hermione's head was spinning.

She saw Ginny walking outside with Draco Malfoy, hand in hand. He was kissing her. Not a lustful, I'm-thinking-of-other-more-exciting-things sort of kiss but a kiss that was just a kiss but wasn't just a kiss because it was beautiful and perfect. Ginny was so pretty, Hermione mused, with that mane of long red hair flying behind her in the crispy wind.

Hermione opened her eyes. The image was gone and the worried professors were standing in front of her. Did she dream that? Did she have a vision? Was it real or wasn't it? Suddenly her stomach lurch and she vomited violently over the comforter in front of her.

"She's taken some of it out of her system," Dumbledore crowed. "Oh thank God, Poppy, do a level test."

Hermione didn't know what that was but Pomfrey pointed a wand at her and exclaimed, "they've gone down, oh Merlin, they're down. It'll be fine now, I hope. I've got some of the coriander leaves here."

"Perhaps Snape will brew a Potion with them?" McGonagall suggested. "They're more effective when mixed with…oh damn, I can't recall."

"I'll tell Severus," Dumbledore nodded. "It should be ready by tonight. Hermione will be fine until then."

Hermione could see him drifting away, out of the door. She didn't want him to leave. She wanted to ask this omni prescient Headmaster of hers what exactly was happening to her. "Wait, Professor," she croaked, her voice hoarse, sick, and dry.

He turned immediately. "Hermione child, I've never been so happy you threw up."

Only then did Hermione notice that the mess was gone – one of the professors had done a cleaning spell. "What's happening?" she asked, although it hurt a bit to talk – probably from throwing up. Her throat itched and she was thirsty.

He looked her straight in the eyes, as if willing her to tell him something. "you overdosed on DX, a terribly dangerous drug that principally is associated with the Dark side. Many of Voldemort's supporters abuse it terribly. They give it to their victims, their prisoners, make them cower in terror. It weakens them – and an overdose is usually fatal. You're very lucky you threw up, Hermione. I don't know how you managed that—how you managed to even wake!"

"I thought you saw my eyes open, Professor," Hermione pointed out. The more she talked, the better her voice was getting.

"Yes, but it doesn't mean you were having a scary daydream. I'm sure you were bombarded by a range of nightmares for the last few hours, ranging from the trivial to the really horrific."

Hermione realized the Ginny and Draco moment had certainly been DX-induced. Now, she mused to herself, would she call it trivial or really horrific? She giggled; she didn't know what to think. Was it trivial, or really horrific? She laughed harder. "I'm sorry, Professor," she gingerly began after the attack of the giggles was over. "I don't know what came over me."

"You've been through a lot, dear," he said. "I suggest you just rest. Madame Pomfrey is going to give you something to keep you properly awake – we wouldn't have let you sleep at all if we'd known you were under DX. And at night, we'll have you drink a potion made of coriander leaves; it will help wash the rest of the drug out of your system. But do you think you're strong enough to answer a question for me?"

Hermione nodded.

"DX is a very difficult drug to come by, and of course, quite dangerous. Did you know… that you had been given DX?"

Hermione deliberated the question. If she answered yes, he would most certainly ask who had done it, and Draco would be expelled. As much as he grated on her nerves, as much as it hurt her to think he would do something like this to her (and she hadn't realized the seriousness of DX until just about now), she couldn't bring herself to turn him in. Not when she was still intrigued by the puzzle that he was. "No," she said quietly. "I had no idea."

"We'll have to find out who did it," McGonagall cut in briefly. "If it's a student… he or she will be expelled immediately."

Hermione was sure her panic showed on her face, but she tried to keep calm. "So," she steered the conversation, "DX is associated with the Dark Arts."

"Yes. Usually only those who have access to the Dark Arts have access to the drug…which is why it's vital to find out who's behind this."

Crap. That led them right back to the same dilemma. The more she thought about it, the more convinced she became not to tell on Draco. "Well, I just can't think of anyone!" Hermione sighed, but she was an observant girl, and she quickly picked up on the look that Dumbledore had in his eye.

He knew. Well, of course he did, because the wizard knew everything under the sun, and Hermione had to admit, sometimes that was rather irritating. But really, it wasn't a very difficult assessment to make. All the evident answers pointed to Draco Malfoy. Did he have relations with Hermione Granger? Check. The whole school knew about their running away. Did he have access to the Dark Arts and possibly a drug like DX? Most certainly. That's what daddies are for, right?

Oh damn. It wouldn't be long before someone figured it out, and Draco was done for. Hermione was having mixed feelings about that. Mostly she didn't want Draco to be in trouble. Probably he didn't know the serious consequences of his silly actions. She considered him an innocent – he really didn't know anything, he just thought it was cool and macho to play around in the Dark Arts. She remembered a muggle saying – "playing with fire". That's what he was doing.

And he didn't know that you could get burned.

If he wasn't careful, that's exactly what could happen. Hermione was vaguely aware of Dumbledore and the other teachers telling her to have a rest, even though it would be awfully boring because Madam Pomfrey had just administered an anti-sleep potion. What a pain, because it gave Hermione plenty of time to dwell on something she'd been trying to avoid.

Ginny. What? How? When? Where? Nobody just decided randomly that they would fancy themselves in love with someone they never talked to! Clearly Ginny had some sort of relationship with Draco. For a wild moment Hermione let her ultimate nightmares, ultimate heart-breaking moments play out. Draco was doing the exact same thing with Ginny. He was sleeping with her, sure, but really, he was actually in love with Ginny, and they had a proper relationship. They had…

Hermione couldn't go on anymore, the thoughts were too painful. Oh, it was awful if such a thing was true! No, it couldn't be. Where would he have the time? But then she realized he did have the time, because she hadn't really seen him except for their strange, weird, occasional encounters.

That was another thing. Whenever they met up, Hermione was so overwhelmed by her emotions that she didn't know how to act! She knew she should be kind and loving and accepting but she couldn't help it, she just got angry and started yelling! Like last time, he had wanted to talk to her about something – god, what! What was up with him! – and she hadn't let him explain. Hadn't coaxed him nicely into telling her. No, she'd thrown a tantrum, yelled at him for being so goddamn secretive, didn't let him say a word before she stomped off.

Maybe Ginny listened.

Because she had a lot of time on her hands, Hermione had soon convinced herself that this was absolutely, completely, and utterly true. Of course it was. How could it not be? She cried and cried, then quickly used a spell to clean up her face so no one would know. Hermione repeated the procedure many times, until there weren't any tears left. Just as she'd finished up the last spell to clean up her face, someone unexpected walked in.

Draco.

Her heart beat increased, so fast she felt she was running a race. She could barely look at him without seeing Ginny's face too. She didn't speak and instead waited for him to tell her that everything that had happened between them had meant absolutely nothing and he'd found his soul mate in Ginny Weasley.

And, they're both pureblood, she thought jealously. Maybe it was her blood or something...she was taking this too far. Ginny was a nice, friendly girl. Maybe she wasn't very close with Hermione, but there was no need for Hermione to think – obnoxious, stupid cow! – bad things about Ginny. Ginny was not an obnoxious, stupid cow. Not at all. No way. And if she had Draco, Hermione would bow out very, very gracefully, so gracefully that nobody would ever know that Hermione was in love with Draco Malfoy.

Turning her attention to Draco she gave him a wan, weak little smile. He looked back at her, steadily, almost bemusedly – just a look. A long look, and the look nearly took her breath away, because she…she understood.

For the first time Hermione had understood him! It was as if she'd had a breakthrough, and she was so euphoric it was all she could do not to leap out from the bed. Oh, he was happy to see her, yes, he was, but he was so scared, so worried, and he had so much to tell her but he wasn't sure how to get the words out because after all he was just a teenage boy and sometimes they really aren't the most eloquent of creatures.

The power of a simple look! She couldn't believe it. Her smile became a mega-watt grin. "Hey," she said softly.

"Hey," he moved closer and took her hand in his.

Hermione was overflowing with happiness. Scratch that, it was more specific than happiness. Happiness could be applied to getting a good grade, too, and this was so much better. She was at a loss for words, but all she could think was that finally one of her good dreams was coming true. Yes, his warm protective hand had slipped over her own, and it was just lovely.

"I hope you're feeling better," he finally said.

"Yeah, loads. Pomfrey gave me this potion to stay awake."

Draco looked down at the floor and Hermione instinctively knew he was very worried. She realized now that Draco had begun to open himself up to her and it was a marvelous feeling. She also knew how difficult it must've been on him to share, since he was an intensely private person.

"Look," he finally grimaced, squeezing her hand. "I'm…I can't even begin to say…oh fuck. Hermione, I'm so fucking sorry. I didn't know…it was just a desperate attempt on my part…"

He trailed off and Hermione's bubble was slightly pricked because she suddenly knew that while she'd made a breakthrough, she was nowhere close to deciphering Draco Malfoy. He was still an enigma. "Why would you want to do that?" she asked. "Why would you possibly want me to hate you?"

"It's…complicated," he replied after a pause. "A weak thing for me to do, I should never have messed with it. I really didn't know. Can you believe that," he gave a wry grin, "I was so fucking naïve I didn't know what a Death Eater drug can do to you."

"It's okay…" she tried to pacify him, but the effect was exactly the opposite of what she wanted. He jerked away from her and took a few steps back.

"But that's the thing, Hermione! It's not okay! You're hurt! You could have died, and then where would I have been? I would not only have lost you, but I'd have a death on my hands, and… oh Merlin, I dunno what to think of that. Lucius would have a field day; he'd probably kill me for being such a fool… or no, he'd just point and laugh, knowing it was simply agony for me to live. Goddamn. Hermione don't die on me please, I don't know what I'd do if someone died on me…"

It was possibly the longest, most emotional speech Draco had ever given her. If she edited a few parts out maybe it could be coined romantic. I would not only have lost you…Hermione don't die on me please. Now those were good lines, those she liked. She didn't quite like that the main reason he was afraid of her death was the aftermath and the suffering he'd have to go through – and not just emotional, I-miss-her sort of suffering. More like shit- I'm-in-trouble-with-the-law-and-daddy sort of suffering. But it didn't really matter because she was alive and he was here and it was almost perfect.

They sat in comfortable silence. Hermione remembered a line from a muggle movie she once watched over the summer, about how you knew you'd found someone worth keeping if you could both just sit in a comfortable silence and not have the need to fill it up with idle chitchat. Come to think of it, Hermione smiled to herself, she and Draco almost never talked. Either that meant they were just perfect for one another, or that they weren't suited to each other at all. She rather liked the former better.

"What are you smiling about?" Draco asked giving her a small smirk.

"oh, nothing," she teased.

"Come on, you can tell me. I want to know."

Hermione felt a little awkward but then decided there really wasn't any harm in telling him. "Just how we never really talk… but I don't mind the silence."

He was quiet for a moment, and then he moved his face very close to hers, so they were only inches apart. "I like quiet," he whispered, before leaning down to kiss her.

Never had she experienced a kiss like this. It wasn't a prelude to sex. This was the very first kiss they shared that didn't mean sex. It was a kiss, a beautiful little kiss and Hermione had never been so giddy with love. It was the kind of kiss where you pull away only when you have to breathe and as soon as you have enough air again you can think about it and realize it was the best kiss of your life.

Suddenly the tribulations of the last few months melted away. Fudge's death, Ginny, Voldemort's return, Draco's enigmatic behavior, impending NEWTS—all of it faded away for right now. Right now she could just sit here comfortably, Draco perched on her bed, holding her hand, occasionally leaning down to kiss her. This was just…nice. There wasn't a need for a more complicated word. Nice was enough.

And so they sat, until the real world began niggling at Hermione again. All at once she remembered Ginny and suddenly tensed. Draco noticed immediately.

"What's up?" he asked. "Is something wrong?"

She couldn't help it. She was curious, and Hermione was never one to shy away from asking questions. Her inquisitive nature intensified when it involved matters of the heart, so even though she didn't want to ask him, she blurted it out anyway. "What kind of relationship do you have with Ginny Weasley?"

"Ginny Weasley?" he repeated, his face scrunched as he thought about the question. Then all at once, as if she'd pressed a button, it smoothed out and he looked blank and unreadable as ever. Whatever understanding Hermione had gotten was gone; he'd withdrawn himself again.

Merlin. How in the world did he do that? How could he hide himself like that?

"I don't have a relationship with Ginny Weasley," he finally said. "In fact… I don't think I've even talked to her this year."

"Are you sure?" she pressed. Of course she couldn't tell if he was lying or not; yeah right, nobody could read that off of him. She would just have to trust him, and even though she loved him, Hermione wasn't irrational. Trusting Draco was a lot like trusting a snake. One day, it just might come and bite you, no matter how well you took care of it.

"Of course I'm sure," he snapped. "Why wouldn't I be? And why would you wonder about my relationship with Ginny Weasley?"

"I dunno," she mumbled. "I guess I'm just curious or something."

He gave her an odd look. "Okay," he shrugged. "Whatever. Anyway, I have to go. Snape's given a shitload of work… I expect your two tag-alongs will be here soon to ask you about it."

And he was right. Before she could call out to him, Harry and Ron sauntered in. "Hermione!" they burst out when they saw her. "We heard, naturally the whole school is talking about it, although no one knows for sure what happened. Was it an overdose of Xeniphat? Please tell me no. You couldn't be doing Xeniphat," Ron exclaimed. "I can't imagine you to be a drug addict."

"Please," Hermione quieted them, "I'm not a drug addict, silly. Someone fed me DX, a dangerous death eater drug; it's certainly not something you take by choice."

"Oh God. That's the worst of the rumors," Harry cried. "Are you okay?!"

"Yes, I'll be fine," Hermione reassured him. "I just have to take some time off to rest and recuperate."

"Hey Hermione," Ron's eyes suddenly narrowed, "Malfoy was leaving just as you came in. What was he doing in here?"

Hermione turned puce. "Um," she began intelligently. "He was telling me about Arithmancy homework. I suppose the professor told him to come tell me what it was."

Thankfully, Ron seemed to buy this as he didn't pursue the matter any further. But as her favorite boys droned on about Snape's favoritism or the stunt Dean had pulled in Charms that day, Hermione couldn't help but think about Ginny. Something wasn't right; it wasn't as straightforward as it seemed.

It was also a pain to think about telling Harry and Ron about Draco. The very thought made her nauseous.

But none of these small issues weighed out her fantastic breakthrough with Draco. She couldn't help thinking that she was chipping away at the block one piece at a time, and one day, she would be able to see the entire Draco, stripped of all his barriers.

She couldn't wait.

A/N: Hey guys! I had a burst of inspiration for the story so here's another chapter! Thank you for your awesome reviews. Remember, if you're going to leave your e-mail address for an e-mail update, please leave s p a c e s between the letters because otherwise it will cut off. Thanks again and I really hope you enjoyed this chapter (I kind of liked it).