CHAPTER 15..:::::.. In Total Confidence
Disclaimer: I own nothing, *wants to pull disclaimer apart and rip it limb from limb but then remembers that it has no physical presence*.
*A/N: Hey everyone! Sorry, I was away for two days in Brighton! I'm still getting loads of comments about the Longbottoms! (Seriously guys, let it drop.) Lol. There is something I've noticed . . . no one has said anything about what I say in the first chapter. About the massive twist? It still holds true, you know! But not until right at the end. Haha, you shall just have to wait. Anyway . . . seriously people, the reviews? I LOVE THEM. I've got nearly 250 now so I'm extra happy. Love you all! Oh and I'm extra excited about writing two certain bad asses in this chapter . . . Akira Gown, you finally get your wish . . . hehehe.
Coolcatjenny: Thanks, I didn't really know how to write that one, but it came to me suddenly! Lol.
Akira Gown: Aha, Lily is in denial, as she knows she will eventually fall in love with James Potter no matter how he acts! This pisses her off somewhat (Don't ask me why, it would suit me just fine) Yeah; I loved doing that chess bit. Chuckled all the way! Morphmagus's, hmm, that was a fluke. I think it's just a different part of human transformations. And indeed, you spotted a glitch. The 1st years probably don't need guiding anymore! Sorry about that one. Don't worry too much about the lack of *beef*. I always look forwards to yours anyway.
Templa Otmena: Lol, *Rosie smiles and says she thinks it's excellent that Lou is a Good New Days junkie*. The whole Harry/Ron thing is exactly what I was trying to show with James and Lupin, ("guess it runs in the family"), as Harry can't play either! Ah yes. The rat. You really don't like him, do you?!
Vega Black: Lol keep your outbursts in young lady! I'm thinking if James grabbed Lily and kissed her against her will she would probably kill him. Or worse. Lol.
Fashiondiva: Now now, hanky panky is (ok not illegal for them now,) but must wait! Hmm, how can one subtly push Snape down a flight of stairs and make it look natural? Hmm. *ponders thoughtfully*.
PennyP: Well haha, you shall just have to wait and see!
Padfoot79: Hehe, don't worry I will! The "Snape-bashing" just popped into my head and I thought, I have to use that!
Szhismine: Huh? You want it to cause pain? JAMES BASHER!!! Lol only kidding. I'll see what I can do. Don't worry; James couldn't take Snape's crap for long, as "the real James Potter" would have retaliated and given him green pus-filled boils all over his sorry ass.
Wing Goddess: Ha, my drug is called "no more compulsory education and sitting on my arse all day". I'm sure you can purchase it from local drug stores once over sixteen. Lol.
Surge: I don't think there's anything "significant" about Marietta yet; I liked the name in OotP is all. Perhaps she was the Marietta in that's mother.
Drops-of-winter: Thanks; I'm sure James will find plenty of other people to tease (no kinkiness) . . . or duel with. Lol.
GoddessMoonlady: Yeah, Lily was a dead cert, but I'm sure Dumble had his reasons! Lol.
Steffie: Hi, glad you love my story; (I'm rather fond of it too, lol) And I'm sure that Lily will eventually follow her heart. ;)
Tigermouse: You realise that you have just given me a totally new challenge to arise to? Muhahaha I shall have to try and "out-write" this Crossroads story. I'll check it out all the same if you say it's good. Yeah, good old Dumble encouraging the romance . . . but perhaps they'll just think he's a dirty old man. Lol.
Miabubble: Hey all nighter. It was the grandparent Longbottoms that I meant. Voldemort doesn't just "appear" as he is at the height of power during Lily and James's adolescence. For some reason I always thought that the Prewits were older than Lily and James; (something they say in Book 4) and as he was pretty powerful, he killed them as they could already have been Aurors. As for this ^James^ fellow, however can you resist him if he has such an enticing name? Lol. Ha, I was worried and thought lots of people would just think that Dumbledore was just being a dirty old man!
Inkling: Yeah, I love the name Marietta, so I thought she might be her mum or auntie or something. Lol. I'm not sure how long I can hold James off Snape . . . I love it when they fight, so it's more, *can Rosie stop hexing Snape*? Not James! Thanks for the review.
LauraLou: Lol, toggles are just what I call hair ties. I have no idea if anyone else calls them that, but that's how I think of them! Lol. I'm glad you're so excited with that chapter! It's so sweet that you care so much. Thanks so much.
Kat: Snape a crush on Lily? Hmm, I don't know; I don't think that's what JK would have done but who knows . . . I thought he has a kind of problem with Muggles, but he does change when he's an adult I suppose. Mind you, he is still a wanker to Harry, so death to him.
IloveVeggieTales: Hi, what is your name all about?! Lol. Thanks for the review!
Nathalee: Don't worry; I'm very vigilant with my updates! Lol.
Iannah: Ah, laziness is a sin, you know! Lol. Don't worry about it. Hope you like this one!
Snuffles: Aww, thank you! Well, it's mostly boredom, you see, and then good ideas come to me.
Anonymous Laura/Trembling Cheeks: Sorry, I've been in Brighton for 2 days with friends; desperately missing the writing, so here you are!
Darkdestiny: Hmm, maybe not Lily . . . but perhaps someone else???
*HITS PLAY*
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"HEAD BOY?" bellowed Sirius at lunchtime when James told them all. "You . . . Head . . . was he joking?"
The others looked slightly amused at Sirius's indignation. Lupin clapped him on the back. "Well done, Prongs."
"Of course he wasn't joking!" said James defensively. "He said, what was it, you have too many of the qualities that Godric Gryffindor himself looked for in his students to ignore. Those were his exact words," he added proudly.
Peter seemed to be in awe. "Wow . . ." he said slowly.
"Close your mouth, Wormtail, you look like a codfish," said Sirius distractedly, who still looked un-impressed. "James . . . what does this mean? That you can't . . . we can't . . ."
"Be together anymore?" said Lupin jokingly dramatically.
Everyone laughed except Sirius. "No," he snapped. "Be normal? Cause havoc? Wreak mayhem and complete destruction?"
"Depends on what type of havoc and mayhem you mean, Padfoot," said James cunningly. "If you mean the type that draws a great deal of attention to ourselves then sadly, no. But if you mean the subtle art of doing it unnoticed, then yes. Nothing will change."
Sirius's frown faded slightly as he threatened to smile. "Head Boy," he kept repeating. "And with Evans?"
A true smile appeared on James's face. "Oh, yes."
"Perfect opportunity there, Prongs," said Lupin. "Get to know her better."
"I thought you were a shoe-in for Head Boy, Moony," said James, changing the subject as Lily was not sitting far from them, chatting happily to her two best friends, seemingly unaware that James's eyes were upon her for the hundredth time that day. "I mean, Prefect, good grades, maturity, never smacked Snivellus once –"
"Werewolf," reminded Lupin sadly.
"So? We're all Animagi," Wormtail added quietly, "What's the difference?"
"Well, Dumbledore doesn't know about that, does he?" said Sirius. "On that subject, have any of you done McGonagall's essay on Morphmagus's?"
There was a chorus of 'yes's' and Sirius sighed.
"Guess I'll be spending the whole night in the library then."
Peter half-smiled and continued the previous conversation. "Can you imagine how much trouble we'd be in if anyone found out . . ."
Lupin turned quickly to James to change the subject. It pained him to think about how they, he, was betraying Dumbledore's trust when he had been shunned most of his life after being cursed with the bite of a werewolf.
"Seriously, Prongs, I'm really pleased for you. I think it's excellent."
Peter still hadn't closed his small, mean mouth. "Me too! I never thought I'd have a friend who was Head Boy! It's just so . . . "
Peter broke off and a silence followed this as the others turned to look at him, giving him strange looks as though he had said something stupid.
"Well, I mean, you two are great too," he added hurriedly and continued to eat his potatoes. "So what else did Dumbledore say?" he said, trying to change the subject hastily.
James seemed eager to talk about it some more. "Oh, you'll love this, Sirius. He said Lily and I would make a fantastic pairing. In more ways than one."
Lupin looked astonished. "He actually said that?"
James screwed up his mouth. "In so many words. Something about looking at a different kind of pairing."
They chuckled. "I'll bet Lily loved that," said Sirius, glancing over to her at the other end of the table, sitting with Marietta and Arabella. Lily as looking very happy with herself; Sirius expected that that had something to do with her new title as Head Girl.
"Actually, she said me becoming Head Boy was impressive and almost stuck up for me when Snape came along."
"I still can't believe you let him get away with that," said Sirius disbelievingly. "The old Prongs would have –"
"Can we all stop talking about the old and new Prongs?"
The others laughed, knowing he was not liking the change that had since come over him.
"Impressive, eh?" said Lupin, taking a sip of his pumpkin juice. "Well, I think what's happening is obvious."
James looked at him, as did Sirius. Wormtail was still concerned with his potatoes, mashing them and putting them clumsily into his small mouth, missing now and again so that they fell with a soft 'frump' on his plate.
"Well, she's beginning to like the more mature you."
"I'm not," said James resentfully. "But I can overlook that."
"Yes," Lupin went on, "But once she begins to like you, you can subtly change back, and by that time she should still like you anyway."
"That's a great theory," said Sirius thoughtfully. "Maybe I can change." This statement was so ridiculous that it was ignored by all of them and only earned significantly amused looks as they continued their lunch on a different subject that they could all get involved in. Quidditch.
* * * * *
A tall man with pale hair and a sharp, pointed face stood in the shadows of an old house. It was a dank and dark place; the walls were of stone, emitting a coldness that even chilled the air. There were red carpets hung on the wall to keep out the cold, but these were since patched and frayed at the edges, not really doing their jobs. Many portraits of old wizards and witches hung on the wall; the largest one was that of Salazar Slytherin, his closed, dark expression very fitting in its location. This house had once belonged to a woman called Ivy Riddle, where she had stayed since the split from her Muggle lover, Thomas Riddle who had abandoned her when her true identity as a witch had been exposed. Now, her son resided in it. But this was not the tall man with the critical face and cold grey eyes.
The man shifted from one foot to another, trying to keep the circulation in his feet going. He had been stood here for a long time, waiting to be seen by his superior. He was not nervous; nervousness was an illusion created by weaker men who indulged themselves in the useless emotion of fear. Lucius Malfoy was above such emotions. They made a man weak. Better to keep things simple in situations like this.
Just as he began to ponder on the point of emotions, a high cold voice echoed out through the closed door in front of him. "Come in," it hissed.
Malfoy obliged, and pushed it open.
"Welcome, Lucius," hissed the chilling voice of Lord Voldemort from a chair turned away from Malfoy of which he could only see the back of. "I trust you have not been waiting long . . ."
"Oh, no my Lord, not long at all."
"It is true, Lucius, that we have only met a few times since you have –wisely – made the decision of joining the Dark Side, yet already I feel that I can trust you."
"Thank you, my Lord, you are most gracious."
"Tell me, how is Narcissa?" he asked slowly. "It seems I have not seen her for an age. She must be twenty-two now, correct?"
Lucius nodded, slowly, not really aware of why Voldemort was asking these questions. "Yes, my Lord. She is very well, and sends the warmest compliments to you."
"And Bellatrix? Engaged to Julius Lestrange now, is it so?" he said, a hint of pride in his voice.
"Yes, my Lord. They expect to be married in a year from now."
"Ah, my dear friend, Julius. Bella could not have found a better match, I am thinking. A truly powerful couple, we have there, Lucius. It is only a shame that her dear cousin does not see things so like she does. But, as I suppose, he is young, and easily persuaded, as his father was. . ."
A silence followed this. "M – my Lord?" prodded Lucius cautiously.
Voldemort nodded, almost nostalgically. "How I love my family. My true family," he said, an emphasis on the word. "But anyway, I do apologise my friend, for getting sentimental. I summoned you here because I feel that you can be of use to me."
Lucius swelled. "I only hope I can, Master."
"Is it so, that you were attending Hogwarts School at the time when Albus Dumbledore was Headmaster?"
Lucius nodded and frowned at the name of Dumbledore. "Yes, my Lord."
"And so you knew him well?"
"Fairly well, yes, however I never agreed with his policies regarding Muggles, my Lord."
Voldemort needed again. "Yes, yes . . . of course, I was also at Hogwarts, when Dumbledore was a mere Transfiguration teacher, did you know? He never trusted me, but I suppose he did have his reasons. Little did he know that I would grown and become the greatest and most powerful sorcerer in the word!"
"And you are, Master, you are," said Lucius, faithfully, hoping to gain points.
"So, Lucius, as you and I have that little matter in common, concerning our education, I wish you to help me to best plan how to take over Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It is the next step; once I have overthrown Albus Dumbledore, who would dare defy me then?"
"No one, Master," said Malfoy.
"Exactly. My Death Eaters continue to grow in size, there are many in the Ministry of Magic who are now on the Dark side and continue to aid me into complete power there, we have alliances with the giants and the trolls and more magical creatures that I will not name, and there are only two or three wizarding villages left in this magical community that are not on the right side. Of course, we have much work to do abroad, of course, but my dear friend Macnair is taking care of that."
Silence followed this once more, and Lucius felt the need to speak about a matter he had heard tell of. "My Lord, may I ask . . . The Prophecy. Are you at all concerned?"
"No," said Voldemort quickly. "It has not been long since it has been made, we can find out soon enough what it concerns. I will take care of it, make no mistake."
"But my Lord, it could prove vital to our . . ."
"There is nothing now that can stop us, Lucius. Nothing except perhaps Dumbledore. The Prophecy is of little consequence at the moment."
Lucius knew he should not push a matter with Voldemort, but found it difficult to conceal what he knew would be imprudent to neglect. "But my Lord, it would be foolish to overlook . . ."
"Lucius, I have just begun to like you. Do not turn the tables," said Voldemort softly, and Lucius did not speak out of turn once more during the whole meeting.
* * * * *
Due to her unexpected nap in Transfiguration the other day, it seemed that Lily had a great deal more of homework to do than usual. She had decided to do McGonagall's essay in the library as the Common room was bound to be full. She hadn't seen James all day; a thought that was beginning to plague her more and more often. It must have been fairly late; there was only a few stragglers left in the dimly candlelit library, bent tiredly over parchment and faces screwed up in frowns. The ink Lily was dipping her quill in was almost all used up; she had almost finished anyway. It wasn't a huge deal if she only had a few more lines left to do, and besides, she wasn't filling up a bottle of ink for one or two lines.
Marietta and Arabella had no doubt already finished the essay, but with hurried work came errors, and Lily wasn't big on errors. She wondered if James had done it. What does it matter if he has or hasn't? she asked herself. Not thinking about him would have been so much easier for her if he hadn't changed. But he had, and she had to take that into account. Had he changed for her? Lily had never thought about whether or not she would give him the time of day if he were more mature. It had always been very simple. "Lily, will you go out with me?" "No." She had never considered if she would have said yes long ago had things been different. They probably wouldn't, of course; Lily had said no to every other person, why should James have been any different? He had been an arrogant, fat headed troublemaker back then. Was he still? True, she knew that if Severus Snape ever aggravated him, he would retaliate, but did that mean that he was still the same person? The same person that showed off when ever she or any other good-looking girl was around? The same person who continuously rumpled their hair to make it look as though he had just got off his broomstick and hexed anyone who annoyed him just because he could . . . Lily was almost smiling. Why? You hated him like that! She thought.
As if on cue, Sirius came strolling into the library, leaving Lily feeling almost guilty about thinking about James and automatically looked frantically around to hide whatever it was that was making her feel like a criminal, but obviously, she could not hide what was in her mind. Sirius was looking haughty and bored, a book under his arm, looking as though the library was the very last place he wanted to be. He spotted Lily in a few seconds, getting up from her chair and gathering her bag. He smiled genuinely, and she felt herself half-returning it.
"Evans!" he bellowed for everyone to hear. Lily tried to shush him with actions, but it was obvious that Sirius didn't come to the library very often. Madame Pince hurried over looking scandalised.
"What do you think this is, boy? A circus?"
Sirius looked for a second as though that was exactly what he thought the library was and that Madame Pince was the chief clown, but he contained himself and tried to look validly sorry. She bustled away, looking moody once more. Lily looked down to his book.
"So this is your secret? You study by night to get your O's on everything?"
Sirius chucked. "Hardly. I haven't been in here since first year. What are you doing here anyway?"
"Work. That's usually what you do here, Black, work or read." This was meant to be sarcastic, but it was lost on Sirius, who was king of sarcasm. He just smiled.
"Told James the truth yet?" he asked casually, changing subject at the speed of light.
Lily sighed deeply. "Oh, for Merlin's Sake, not you as well."
"Ah, so your friends find it as obvious as everyone else, do they?" he said, amused.
Lily made to walk straight past him, not in the mood for this type of conversation when he tutted.
"Look, Lily, I know we're not the best of friends, yet, but from where I'm standing? It looks like you need to decide what you want."
Lily stopped and looked at Sirius warily. "You, giving out advice on relationships?"
Sirius smirked. "I can be surprisingly sensitive, you know." He looked around. "You can talk to me, if you want. I swear James wouldn't hear any of it. It'd be in total confidence."
Lily snorted. "Yeah, right, and you'll stop taunting Snape."
Sirius looked mildly insulted. "Fine. Bottle up your feelings. I don't care. All I know is that it's making the pair of you miserable and it's starting to get on my nerves."
Lily walked for the door, but stopped with her hand on the bronze handle, contemplating leaving the library and this subject behind her. Her emotions got the better of her. He was right; it was making her miserable. What was the harm in talking about it? But with the person in question's best friend? Sirius Black at that? It was foolish . . . but necessary.
"I don't know what to say," she said finally, still with her back to him. "He probably tells you everything that goes on anyway. There's no point in me discussing it with you."
"Look, Lily, OK. He does tell me a lot, but it's only me. It's not like he airs it around the school or anything. I am his best friend. It's not like you don't tell your friends anything, do you?"
Lily turned. "That's different!"
"Why?" he asked, perplexed.
"Because girls have a tendency to discuss things of a sensitive nature more than – "
"OK, OK, woman language again. Don't explain, it'll only give me a headache."
"You know, Sirius, the fact that you wrote that first letter is becoming more than apparent every time I talk to you."
Sirius smirked. "So you found James's letter more mature, did you?"
"Yes. I mean no! I mean . . ."
"You haven't got a clue what you mean, do you?"
Lily turned away. "I don't have to discuss this with you," she said abruptly.
"You already are," Sirius reminded her. "Look, I know I don't know you very well, and I know I'm not exactly the prime agony aunt when it comes to women's problems, but I do know James. And I know that he's mad about you."
Lily turned back. "He's got a funny way of showing it," she said quietly.
"Has he? Hasn't he shown it enough in both senses? Being immature and mature?"
Lily was silent for a second.
"He changed for you Lily. Believe it or not, if he'd never met you, he'd probably still be the king of the women, immature prankster of the school. Then you showed up. He's changed, and I'm not saying I like it; in fact, I thought it was better when he was a prat like me."
"He is still a prat," she said in a small voice, knowing she was losing the argument.
"Lily, he's a seventeen year old in love. Of course he's still a prat. But now he's a toned down prat. And if what it takes for you to finally accept your own feelings, which by the way are painfully obvious to everyone that isn't you, is for him to have a complete personality makeover, then I'm afraid you may as well move on."
Lily was so stunned by this statement that she sat down in one of the library chairs. Sirius, thinking that this was a cue to further pursue the situation, sat down also.
There was a silence, and Sirius prodded. "Well?"
"I don't know." She was slightly angry; here was Sirius Black, a person she had before the beginning of the year, despised almost as much as James Potter, giving her a lecture about her feelings. Her temper was dangerously near to boiling point.
"What don't you know?"
She said nothing.
"I know you like him. It's so obvious that –"
"YES! OK, I like him! There, are you happy now?" she said very quickly and angrily, hands in the air.
Sirius leant back in his chair, Lily obviously expecting a snort of laughter, but none came. "That wasn't so hard now, was it?"
Lily sighed and looked away. "You're just going to run and tell him all of this anyway."
Sirius looked gave her a furtive glance. "Not if you get there first."
"Now why on earth would I want to do that?" she said disdainfully.
"Well, it would stop you moping around for one, and I know he might actually shut up about it for a few seconds which would be a mercy to all of the Marauder's ears, I can tell you that."
"Marauders? Why do you call yourselves that?" She tried not to sound too curious, but failed miserably.
Sirius winked and tapped his finger to his nose.
"Oh come on, if you won't tell me that, what are those nicknames all about? Pronged, or something, or Spoony. It's been going on since fifth year, and if there's something I should know . . ."
"Well, I'm sure that James would tell you eventually if you gave him a reason to."
"Look. I'm Head Girl –"
"He's Head Boy."
Lily blinked. She had forgotten that. "That's another thing! How was he Head Boy?"
Sirius sniggered silently. "Well, obviously Dumbledore thinks you make a fantastic pairing."
Lily sighed and turned away again. Was there anything that James didn't tell him? Well, now she thought about it, Sirius hadn't mentioned that night in St. Mungo's, or the moment in the common room. Perhaps he didn't tell him everything. "So why do you care so much anyway?" she said finally.
"James is like a brother," he said a little quieter.
Lily snorted. "Don't you have a brother of your own?"
Sirius suddenly looked uncomfortable, almost like for a change, this was a subject that he was not totally comfortable with. ""My family are . . . kind of – well. They're not my family."
Lily felt bad all of a sudden. Seeking out a weak spot in the famously cocky Sirius Black wasn't something she was overly joyous about; it proved he was only human. As James was.
"I'm sorry –" she said after a few seconds.
Sirius shook his head. "Don't be. I ran away because they think that only one type of wizard blood matters. I didn't agree. So I went."
"Just like that?"
Nodding, he said, "James took me in. His family've been so kind. I wouldn't want to live anywhere else."
Lily blushed. This wasn't something she had been banking on hearing about; the goodness of James Potter.
"If it hadn't been for him, I'd still be back there with my mother. James has got a way of making you feel wanted – I suppose that would apply to you as well."
Lily sighed deeply, finally coming to terms with the fact that she had admitted she had feelings for him. To Sirius and to herself. There was a pause until Sirius spoke.
"Look, I don't know what kind of bad time you've had in the past, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that you'd be perfectly safe with James. He adores you. Just give him the chance to show it."
Lily looked up. "I don't know what he wants from me."
"He wants you to be honest with him so that he can be there for you. Lily, he's been trying to get you since first year. He's just never figured out a way of telling you besides asking you out."
Lily suppressed a smile. "He's certainly done that enough times."
Sirius laughed. "Yeah, but it took you long enough to figure it out for yourself."
Lily was silent and thoughtful. "What should I do?" she asked, very new at the whole thing and feeling slightly silly for asking.
Sirius leaned forwards. "Tell him."
"Tell him what?"
"The truth."
Lily sighed, not liking the solution to this problem that she had been debating with all week. Now that someone she thought that she had always disliked was telling her a logical solution, she was scared to take it so readily. James would be up in the dormitory right now; she could go and tell him . . . what? Hi James, oh and by the way? I have feelings for you too. She could imagine the look on his face. He would probably pass out. Sirius was watching her expression, waiting for an answer.
"It's the only way," he said after a minute. "I'm going to leave this homework, because I know it all anyway, and I'm going to go to bed. I'm not going to say anything to James, or anyone, and you can follow me up later if you want. It's your choice, Lily."
He stood up, book still under his arm, and turned to walk through the open door to the left.
"Sirius?" said Lily before the dim lighting of the corridor engulfed him.
"Hmm?" he muttered, turning back.
"Thanks," she said feebly as he nodded, walking away.
Lily sat for perhaps half an hour, not even glancing at the book open in front of her, before the candles in the library were slowly extinguished. She had made up her mind about what she was going to do before she had even gathered her things and risen from the chair, making for the common room.
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A/N:* I know, I know. Sorry, another cliffhanger. I do love the suspense. You gotta give me credit for wanting to keep you involved! Anyway, enough of that. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!