This story was originally in script format, but I replaced the colons with " says, "". Apologies for those who like varieties in sentence structures, but it was going to be too tedious to change all the colons by hand.
Hope you like it.
(at Yugi's house)
Kaiba says, "So Yugi, what are we going to do about Darts?
Yugi says, " I don't know. I'm usually a procrastinator.
Kaiba says, " Yeah, me too.
Anzu says, " Should we start planning, you guys?
Yugi says, " But we need to relax first.
(Anzu looks out the window and sees monsters killing people.)
Anzu is freaking out and says, "There's no time to wait! Plan! Now!
Kaiba says, " Can someone shut her up? Hey, Yugi, can you get some of your Grandpa's cookies? He cooks the best!
Yugi says, "Sorry. Only store bought ones today.
Kaiba says, " Darn.
Yugi says, " So how's your life?
Kaiba says, " I was thinking of getting plastic surgery.
Yugi says, " What for?
Kaiba says, " I don't know. I'm losing public appearances, so I have to do something strange to get people's attention, right?
(door knock)
(Yugi answers and sees one of those Oricoucos soldiers)
Yugi yells, " Ahhh! (shuts the door)
Kaiba asks, " who was it?
(door bell rings)
Yugi opens it.
Salesman says, " Would you like to join our Church?
Yugi yells again, " AHHH! (shuts the door)
Tea asks, " Who was that?
Yugi says, " Church people!
Tea&Kaiba shudder.
Kaiba says, " Yeah. The worst people who set foot at my doorstep are church people. I hate charity!
Yugi says, " What about that homeless man who asked you for money?
(flashback)
Homeless says, " Please, sir, money?
Kaiba says, " Oh! Look Mokuba! I see the Jesus in him.
Mokuba says, " Whatever you say, big brother.
Kaiba says, " Here you poor man. (gives him a penny)
Homeless says, " Oh…I guess, thank-you?
Kaiba says, " MUAHAHAHA….AHAHAHAHA!
(end of flashback)
Kaiba says, " muahahaha…hehehehe…
Tea and Yugi are freaked.
Tea says, " Would you guys like some tea?
Kaiba says, " Tea, we skipped the old days! Let's get soda!
Yugi says, " I want vodka!
Kaiba says, " Two vodkas!
Tea says, " No way! You two are addicted as hell! I'm giving you tea!
Yugi says, " So, what about your stocks?
Kaiba says, " they could never have been better. I'm selling all of them!
Door bell rings back door.
Tea says, " A door bell in the back door? I wonder who it is.
Oricoucos soldier at the door.
Tea says, " AHHHHH! YUGI! KAIBA! HELP!
Yugi says, " blah blah blah…so if you do that, no one will buy so many stocks at the same time! It'll save your company!
Kaiba says, " How wonderful!
Tea says, " Oh! Those guys wouldn't hear the Apocalypse coming if it was right next door! I'll deal with this thug myself! (rolls up sleeves) DIE YOU MOTHER--------! (takes out gun)
POW POW POW
Soldier says, " Roar! Roar. A gun cannot kill me!
Tea says, " How about the cross!
A knife pokes out of the cross.
Tea says, " Ki-ya!
Soldier says, " Ahhh!
Tea chasing big soldier out of the house.
Soldier trips and Tea is over him, pointing the knife-cross.
Tea says, " Die!
Soldier says, " I only wanted tea!
Tea says, " Huh?
Soldier says, " I wanted tea! I hate Darts. He gives us mocha lattes. I wanted tea.
Tea says, " Oh. Why didn't you say so?
Soldier says, " Cause you shot a big rifle at me.
Tea says, " Come in!
Yugi says, " Hey Tea! What are you doing so long in the kitchen?
Kaiba says, " Oricoucos soldier! DIE YOU—
Tea says, " NO! Deep down that ugly, disgusting, hideous, horrid, gruesome –
Soldier says, " Can you stop?
Tea says, " Oh I'm sorry. He's good at heart! I'm sure of it! He only wants tea because Darts keep making him drink latte! What torture!
Kaiba says, " Yeah, some torture. Tell him to go to Starbucks or something! I want him out of here!
Tea says, " But Kaiba!
Kaiba says, " He's just one of the many pimples on the face of the Earth!
Tea says, " Kaiba! I can't believe what you just said!
Soldier says, " No, Tea! I will leave.
Kaiba says, " that's right! Leave!
Soldier walks out the door.
Soldier#2 says, " Hey, where were you…ah….ah…aaaah-choooo!
Soldier turns to ash.
Kaiba&Tea&Yugi all shocked.
Soldier#2 says, " Oh! Humans! I must take your souls! Give them to me!
Kaiba says, " That's the lamest way to take someone's soul! I'll take your soul!
Kaiba's millennium eye captures the soldier's soul.
Yugi says, " Kaiba! How'd you do that?
Kaiba says, " It's called stealing the millennium item!
Another story that I found stashed away in my computer, hoping to put it up in fanfiction, but forgot about it. Yes, all my humor has diminished at this moment. I am quite literal in this. Well, please review and tell me how I did. Thanks.