A/N: Okay,sorry, sorry, I really wanted to updaye sooner but my cousin spent the weekend with us and I could not get ANYTHING done. So here it is, long-awaited and overdue, but finally Breyton! As always, I need reviews slash comments slash constructive criticism slash feedback slash my wrists if I get none, and then where you Breytoners be?
Disclaimers: I don't own it, but you knew that... Oh, and that one line is from a work of Frost's
Previously on Dreaming:
"I'm so sorry, Peyton," you say into my collarbone.
"You've apologized, it's forgotten."
"No, not about slapping you." You clear your throat before continuing, your voice is raspy from all the crying. "I mean, I am sorry about slapping you, but I meant about the other night."
"Brooke, we can worry about everything tomorrow."
"No. Because I lied to you. When I said it didn't mean anything? I lied."
After untagling myself from you, I sit up so I can look you in the face and tell if you mean what you say. "So what then, it did mean something?"
"Of course it did, it meant a lot. And I'm not sorry it happened, I'm just sorry it happened the way it did. I was wrong to take advantage of you the way I did, and I did take advantage because I knew exactly how you felt and I screwed with you anyway, no pun intended, and I knew exactly what I was doing and what it would do to us and I just didn't care because I wanted you so bad, but I never should have--"
"Brooke, stop, stop. Breathe. You're babbling and I only understood about half of that." You take a deep breath and even in the dark I can see tears in your eyes.
"The point I'm trying to make is that it's not something I've just forgotten about. Because I think about it. I think about you. And I think about doing it again. But mostly I think about us, you and me together, and how much I want that."
"Oh, Brooke--"
"But there's a but." Now the tears are falling freely. And here comes the worry. "I want for us to be together but I don't think I can do it. I can't."
"I don't understand. Why not?"
"Because of a lot of reasons. Because of my parents. Because of our friends. God, can you just imagine what people are going to say?"
"Brooke, I thought you didn't care about what other people said about you."
"So did I."
"You're gonna have to help out the clueless blonde here because I don't get it. Why is this different?"
"I just told you, Peyton."
"No, those weren't reasons, they were just excuses and weak ones at that. Why can't we be together?"
"Because I can't lose you!" Now we're both crying and I'm just trying to understand. "I have never had a successful relationship. That and your friendship are the only constants in my life. I don't even know if I can have a successful relationship. Every time I'm with someone and I think that it might actually work and it might actually be something real, it all just goes to hell and I get screwed over. I'm tired of being hurt and I'm tired of hurting people. That's the last thing I want for either of us. I've had enough hurt this year to last me three lifetimes and I don't want to be that girl again. I won't."
"What makes you think we wouldn't work?" You look at me like I've asked a stupid question.
"What makes you think we would?"
"Because we're best frineds. Because of everything we've been through; the good, the bad, and the incredibly ugly. Because we've overcome all of it and been the better for it. That and I love you."
"Oh, god, Peyton, don't tell me that." You press your palms to your ears to try and unhear what I said.
"Why? Brooke, I love you."
"Please stop saying it! You don't, you can't."
"I can and I do. Brooke, please calm down. I don't want to pressure you or push you into anything you're not comfortable with, but--"
"I'm not comfortable with this!" You yell, hands still firmly clamped over your ears.
"I'm sorry, but that's how I feel and I'm not going to pretend I don't anymore. Brooke..." I try to pull your hands down but you startle as soon as I touch you.
"You know what, just don't touch me okay?" you say standing, up and away from me. "I'm going to stand over here, you stay there so I can think, alright? Okay." You start pacing, which isn't a good thing. "Look I don't need all of this right now. I don't need it ever. I can't just--I can't. I don't need another messed up doomed relationship just so I can count the days till it all falls apart and see if it lasted any longer than the last one."
"What are you telling me then, you just want to be friends?"
"No...yes--I don't know." You're still pacing and I reach out to stop you because it's all making me dizzy. Your body tenses as soon as we come in contact. I hate what this is doing to you. When you next speak, you're so tired and weary-weak that I hate myself for doing this to you. "I don't want to feel like this anymore, Peyton."
"What do you want, Brooke?" I ask quietly, my hands still on your hips.
"A time machine to go back to last year?"
"I'll check eBay for you, but if they're sold out?"
You just sigh and collapse into my lap, arms tight around my neck, and it's oh, so good to have you this close again. You sigh into my hair and reposition yourself so we're as close as possible. I just hold you as close as I can and wait for you to say something. You make me wait a while. Eventually you just sigh again before asking me why everything has to be so complicated, why we can't just stay like this forever.
"Because, love, nothing gold can stay."
"But why do you want so badly to define us? Isn't it enough that you're the most important person in my life? Isn't it enough that I can't be without you and I need you more than anything?"
"No." You sit back and look me incredulously in the eye, obviously that wasn't the answer you were looking for. "Brooke, I know all that already. And I know what that means. Being your best friend means the world to me, but I don't know how much longer I can settle for that. I want to be all those things, but I want more."
There's that worried look again. "How much more?"
"All of it. I want to be able to hold your hand or hug you or kiss you when I want to. I want to make love to you and not have to be drunk to do it. I want to scream 'I love Brooke Penelope Davis' at the top of my lungs. I want the world to know how I feel about you because you are my world. And I want to be yours. I don't want just half of you."
"So we can't just be friends?"
"Brooke, is that even what you want?" You're a long time answering.
"No, but--"
"No, no. No buts, no doubts," I say, unconsciously repeating your phrase from days ago.
"But, Peyton, I'm scared."
"So am I. But not being with you scares me more. I know that this is hard for you, it's hard for me too, and I know you're scared, but nothing worth having is ever easy. And I know it's a big risk, but if we don't take it, we'd be missing out on something that could be really amazing. I don't want to regret this or resent you for the rest of my life. Love like this only happens once in your life and we would be beyond stupid to ignore it. So please, Brooke. Please, just open your eyes and see what we could be."
After I finish my little speech, you're having trouble making eye contact. It looks like your just having trouble breathing. I bring a gentle hand to yourcheek to get your attention back. You look at me with wet hazel eyes, almost brown with almost every emotion, and it'a all I can do not to ge lost in them.
"Just say yes, okay? Because I promise you, Brooke, give me your heart and I'll keep it safe. I love you and I'm not asking you to say it back, I'm just asking you to say yes. Yes to me. Yes to us. Yes, that you'll at least give us a try."
Then I hear it, almost inaudible because it's barely a whisper, but I hear it loud and clear. "Yes."
I pull you back into a hug and I imagine Heaven must be something like this.
"But seriously though, Peyton, no more Oprah for you."