Parting Words

"Love: A temporary insanity curable either by marriage or by removal of the influences under which the disorder was incurred. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than the patient." (Ambrose Bierce)

The auror closed the office door behind her with a last glance back at her former teacher and Eleanor gave her a reassuring nod. Then the red-haired witch turned to her husband.

"What did you show him?" she asked, keeping her expression neutral.

Lucius shrugged his shoulders.

"Death Eater raid on a mudblood family," he said dismissively. "It's been a few years. Nothing much, really. After all he's such a wimp, he might have thrown up on me otherwise."

He stepped up to her, his face suddenly intense and focused.

"Look I won't waste time discussing some stupid muggle, Eleanor. I am glad to see that the old Malfoy loyalty is still strong in you. You got me out of this, didn't you? You set the trap for young Weasley. You found the murderer for me and solved our puzzle."

He gripped her arms, stared at her, daring her to contradict him.

She slowly shook her head.

"You think I'd abandon you?" she asked him incredulously. "You think I'd let them punish you for something you didn't do? In the name of Hecate, why? You're my husband, Lucius. I'd rather die than throw you to the wolves."

He released her, turned away from her.

"You left me," he said, his voice thick with emotion and unspoken accusations. "That's a strange way of showing me you're my wife."

Eleanor paused, biting her lips. It made her vulnerable, but he deserved honesty, he deserved the truth.

"You're questioning my love for you?" she asked.

He whirled around, his eyes blazing.

"How can you ask me that?" he snarled at her, his pain now evident. "You walk out on me, you threaten to fight me, you break your handfasting vows. And now you have the guts to ask me whether I doubt you? Whatever gave you that idea?"

She swallowed.

"Lucius, this is hurting me more than I can even begin to tell you. I miss you like I never thought I'd miss another human being. I miss you like I'd miss a part of myself. I'm terrified of myself. There are days when I'm not even sure I can make this, I can survive this. Of course I love you. Love has never been the problem."

He stared at her, and she felt the ghost of an attempt at legilimency brush against her thoughts. The lack of discipline in him that made him try showed her only too clearly how desperately he wanted to believe her. Calmly she met the grey eyes looking at her, slightly lowered her head without breaking contact and surrendered her mind.

When he released her, she thought she saw a strange glint in his tired eyes.

"Then come back to me," he whispered. "If this is the truth, be with me. Be where you want to be. Be where I want you to be."

For a moment his plea almost swayed her. She could hear the love and longing in his voice, and his own intolerable loneliness. She buried her face in her hands to regain her composure.

"With her," she eventually managed to say. "With Lavinia."

She blinked away tears and as she looked at him, she thought for the flicker of a second that he was ready to give in, but then his lips compressed and his face hardened. The moment had passed.

"No," he said. "You and I are merely a link in a chain that stretches to either side of us. You have just witnessed what happens to a family who disrespects their own honor, their own bloodline. The son will turn against his own father. Everything is lost. When everything is taken into account your happiness and mine are less than the good of the house."

She nodded slowly to show him that she understood.

"I have a daughter," she said. "She is a link in our chain, or at least in my chain. If we break that chain, if we abandon our own flesh and blood we lose the right to call ourselves a family. We dishonor our duties as parents. If a house is built on the destiny of its murdered and abandoned children, it has no honor. You are right: when everything is taken into account your happiness and mine is less than the good of the house."

He lifted his hands for a moment, let them fall to his sides again.

"Then you won't come back. Your vows to me are meaningless."

"On the contrary, Lucius," she replied heatedly. "I take them very seriously. But when I made a vow to family, I counted her in, regardless of her abilities. I didn't think that I would get to pick and chose. My vow was not just to you, but to everyone, past and future."

She paused.

"I know you won't ever see her as family," she added soberly. "I just witnessed what you did to Sedgewick, how you treated him. To you a muggle is less than a house elf, probably even less than some animals and magical creatures. I shouldn't have tried to ignore that all those years. It was my fault. I guess everyone gets to confront their lies and self-deceptions eventually."

The man facing her looked at her neutrally. The openness they had shared a few moments ago seemed irrevocably lost.

"I always told you to follow your will," he said quietly. "For many years now it has led you ever closer to me, and now it leads you away. I'm not going to change my advice to you, merely because your actions displease me. It would stand against everything I believe as a wizard. You must do what you feel is right, as must I."

For a moment they remained in silence. Eleanor suddenly became aware of the fact that she might not see him ever again when they parted in a little while and she left this place. The insight almost took her breath away. She was about to lose a man from her life who had more or less been her life from the first day she had decided to live as a witch.

"What will you do now?" she asked, every word feeling like grit and ashes in her mouth.

He regarded her.

"I have nothing to hold me here," he said calmly as if he was discussing the weather. "My duties at the Ministry are over and I have little taste for now to continue with Fudge's silly cabal to get him re-elected. The house is very empty without you and without – …" he cut himself short with an obvious effort of will. "…without you. Draco's business in Prague could do with some experienced oversight. He's proved himself apt, but many decisions require more than just business sense and intelligence. I might join him for a few months, visit my sister and her family and put my mind to other things.

Tethering is under orders to sue Narcissa over her book, but he can manage on his own. I should come back when the case goes before the wizengamot so I can testify. We can discuss dissolving our handfasting when I'm back. That might help us to do this amicably and without much emotional involvement. And you?"

Her head swam. How could he talk about a divorce with this maddeningly calm voice?

"I – I'm not sure," she finally answered, trying to match his seeming lack of involvement. "I guess I'll be at my old place for now. I will even have to decide if I will continue to live as a witch. If Lavinia needs to live as a muggle girl, then it wouldn't be good if her mother was at home casting spells and advising aurors on curses and monsters. To tell you the truth, I hadn't thought this far ahead."

He nodded.

"You could go back to the Manor when I'm gone, collect your things. I trust you and won't ward the place against you. Keep Libby. I know she's gone and joined you. You have better use for her than I have right now. I'll transfer her bonds to you after the divorce, so she can continue to serve your family."

They looked at each other. Suddenly there seemed nothing more to say. Eleanor felt as if she could explode any second with everything she felt inside. But all she could think of doing was either to howl her misery to the four winds or to descend into mundane trivia and meaningless platitudes.

She decided she owed it to her remaining Malfoy honor to do neither.

"I think everything is said, then, Lucius," she remarked. "Communications will reach me at my house in London for now. I don't know what else to tell you."

For a moment she seemed unable to go on. No matter, things had to be brought to a close before she embarrassed herself and him.

"Farewell, Lucius." Her voice softened. "Take care of yourself. You look tired and exhausted."

As she forced herself to turn and leave, he suddenly took a step forward and grasped her forearms. He leaned in on her, and she smelt the faint odor of firewhisky on his breath.

"I could tell you that I love you, Eleanor. I could tell you that I have never loved anyone like I have loved you, but where would that get us? What good would it do either of us? Go, follow your will. Be – be a good mother to her."

She staggered under the sudden impact of his words, and before she could help herself she told him what he had told her so long ago: "I love you, Lucius, I always will."

With that she ran from the room without looking back.

Lucius Malfoy took an impulsive step forward as if he meant to follow her for a moment, then he stilled and watched her as she left, until she had rounded a corner in the corridor outside the ante-room. When she was gone he pulled his wand from his cane and methodically sealed his office. His face carefully expressionless he placed his wand and his cane on his desk and slowly sat down in one of the chairs, taking care to smooth his robes beneath him.

He paused for a second and then buried his face in his hands and simply started to cry. His body shook under the unfamiliar sobs that he had not allowed himself since he had been fourteen years old and his father had caught him crying. When his punishment for his weakness had been over he had sworn to himself that nothing and nobody would ever wring tears from him again.

He had been mistaken, and now he almost wished his father were still around to curse him and punish him. Anything would hurt less than this horrible feeling of loss and emptiness.