"Oh my god, Claire what did you do?" asked Allison. Bender looked as confused as I did.

Clair collapsed on the floor and Allison went over and put her arms around her. "I did the only thing my parents would let me do," she whispered through her tears. "I aborted."

"What did you just say," Bender asked jumping out off of the couch. Allison stayed right where she was holding Claire and rocking her. It was the way I pictured her with Bender that night she finished describing. "Claire?" I put my hand on his shoulder to hold him back and he shrugged it off.

"Give her space, Bender," I told him. She wasn't in any shape to put up with his sarcasm and crap.

"I've obviously give her too much." He started to go over to where Claire and Allison huddled together in the corner.

"John," said Allison. "Sit back down. When Claire is ready she will talk." He actually listened to her and took a seat back on the couch. Nervously he ran his hands through his hair. We sat there in silence the only sound in the room was Claire's crying and Allison gently hushing her and mumbling something to her in low tones. Bender put his head in his hands. Breaking the silence I said, "I think we need something a little harder than carbonated soft drinks. There is a fully stocked bar in the living room. My mom has gone to bed we can move in there or I can just get what everyone would like."

"Got a bud?" asked John.

Allison looked up from attending to Claire who was beginning to calm down. "No buds for you buddy,"

"I'll drink if I want to."

"You know as well I do that your visitation and keeping Maddie on weekends has to do with your sobriety."

It was obvious he wanted to argue with her but to my relief he didn't. "Fine, give me another cola. Shit, you really know how to keep me facing reality," he said plopping back down on the old couch. "Damn this thing is hard."

"Allison? Vodka?"

Allison smiled and gave a small laugh, "How 'bout a whiskey and coke."

"Okay, and for you, Claire?"

Claire looked up her face tearstained and eyes reddened, "White wine?"

"That was a coke, a whiskey and coke, a white wine and a beer." I left and found a bottle of white zinfandel and hoped that would be good enough, mixed the drink and loaded everything up on the tray. Had to go back and find the cork screw in the kitchen. I was glad mom was so organized and set in her ways that I didn't have to go digging very hard to find it. By the time I got back Claire had dried her eyes and was looking much better.

Everyone was still silent as I passed the drinks around. Downing hers in one gulp Claire asked for another.

Looking very concerned Bender asked, "Are you sure that is a good idea?"

"Well if you want me to go on Andy better keep them coming." I poured her another and this time she sipped it slowly. "I'm sure you all thought my life was just peachy right? Claire the Princess would meet Prince Charming and live in a Gold Coast penthouse? Well life doesn't turn out that way. Certainly no Prince Charming anyway." She and Bender gave each other dirty looks. "About a week before John Bender vanished we had sex."

"Gee thanks, Claire. You really know how to make a guy feel cheap." We turned looking at Bender. "About a week before John Bender vanished we had sex," he said repeating her words in a mocking voice. "Thanks for shattering the illusion that it might have meant something to you. We had sex. Come on Ally, make and exception and let me have a beer." I could see she was thinking about it. She didn't give in though and shook her head.

"Maybe it was more but it helps me get through this calling it sex. That is what it was giving it deeper meaning will kill me. I didn't think anything of it until I was late and even then I didn't think much about it. I had a tendency to be late on occasion but after an extra week and it still hadn't arrived I went to the drug store and bought an EPT. I took the test and it came back with a big pink plus. I didn't want it to be true. It was one time and we were stupid and spontaneous but it was only one time. So I went out and bought another, this time a different brand. The next morning I went through the same ritual and got another positive. I cried for the next two days trying to figure out what to do. My parents thought I was upset because Craig had gone off to college in California and I let them believe it. On the fourth day I knew I had to tell them I didn't have a choice.

I walked to the living room where my mother sat doing her cross stitch and my father was reading the paper, my little sister was laying in the middle of the floor reading "16 Magazine". It was so perfect. It reminded me of a fifties sitcom, something like Donna Reed or Leave it to Beaver. Then there was me. I felt sick and ran from the room. Not like being sick at that point was new. The entire morning I had morning sickness.

My mom saw me standing in the doorway between the living room and dining room and asked "Claire, are you feeling all right?" I didn't say anything and my father looked up.

"Honey, you don't look well." He stood and came over to me and led me to the couch. Maggie could have cared less she just told us that we were blocking her light got up and went to her room. At least I didn't have to tell them with my thirteen year old sister watching. My father placed his hand against my forehead, "You don't seem to have a fever. Is something bothering you?"

I stood up and said, "Mom, Dad, I think you should sit down."

"You didn't damage my Mercedes did you?" That was my mother, always concerned for my well being.

"The Mercedes is fine."

"Not the BMW?" She asked. I just wanted to smack her. To pull her head away from all the material crap and make her see me. In that moment I knew what Allison was talking about when she said her parents ignored her. That Saturday I though that it wasn't something to get so upset about, but I realized that while my parents fought each other for our love and attention they didn't really love us. It was a status symbol like the cars and the house.

"No," I told her, "It's not the BMW. It's me. I'm…I'm…" I couldn't say it. I had to say it but I couldn't. I felt like I was suffocating in the perfect living room where nothing ever changed, where silk flowers and the broken grandfather clock stood untouched by time.

"Claire?" My father rested his hand on my shoulder but I shrugged it away.

"I'm pregnant." There I had said it and I watched them for a reaction. My father laughed.

"Nice joke Sweetheart. You had me going for a minute."


"It wasn't a joke. I am pregnant."

"You are what?" My mother said in disbelief.

"Pregnant. As in I am going to have a baby."

"Craig will have to step up to his responsibility. I'll give his father a call." He started towards the phone and I hated myself. I would not only disappoint my family but I would have to betray Craig too.

"It's not Craig's."

"Whose is it?" My mother's voice was getting that pitch it always got when she was angry. Never had it been directed at me before; before it was always toward my father or my brother. "I said whose is it, Claire?"

I didn't know what to say. I wanted to tell them but they would want to meet you, John and I didn't even know where you were. I told them it was Andy's."

Beer sprayed out of my nose. "What the hell!" Bender and I yelled at the same time causing the women to jump. "Why did you tell them that Claire? That explains the weird calls my dad was getting and I told him I didn't know what he was talking about and luckily he believed me. What were you trying to do screw up my life too?" I couldn't help it I was mad.

"That wasn't my intention but Bender was gone. I had been by his house and his dad wouldn't tell me anything and his mother said she didn't know where he went. I figured he had gotten his way with me and didn't want to see me anymore."

Bender started pacing. Then after about eight lengths of the small room her turned on her, "You are a bitch. You thought that little of me? You thought that I would just run out and leave after sleeping with you. Well fuck you!"

He started for the door but I blocked him. "No, you aren't going anywhere. We are all going to sit down like adults and finish this."

"Who do you think you are?"

"I don't think I am anyone but I think that you owe Claire sitting down and listening to her." He looked like he was going to go through me anyway. "Do you think I am happy about this? I got at least three weeks worth of lectures from my old man about keeping it in my pants, about not blowing my ride on a girl, about how women are nothing but trouble and a distraction from my goal."

"Sit down, John," Allison told him and he did it. I was surprised how he listened to her.

"I'm sorry, Andy. I didn't know what to do and you popped into my head and so I just told them you. I did tell them later that it wasn't you once I found out my dad called yours. I told them about Bender. Of course my dad went ballistic, I wasn't his little angel anymore and he ignored me. My mom sat me down about two days later and told me that I had an appointment with a women's clinic in the city. By that time I had pretty much accepted that I was pregnant and was thinking about names."

"Like what?" asked John.

"Bethany for a girl and Emmett for a boy."

"Emmett? What you wanted the poor kid to get his ass kicked at school?"

"Well it doesn't really matter now does it?" She snapped back at him. "I was naïve."

"Why aren't we going to Doctor Chandler?" I asked her when she told us we were going downtown. I just assumed that we would visit our usually OB/GYN.

"Because we know Dr. Chandler. He is a family friend and no one outside this family is going to know about this."

"Daddy!" I called. He was upstairs and still getting ready for work.

"Your father and I talked about this last night and we decided that it is for the best that you have an abortion. I know that seems extreme now Claire but when you are older you will thank us."

"Thank you? I was planning on keeping the baby."

"Claire, you are only 17. You have your whole life ahead of you and how do you expect to find a husband if you already have a baby." She was talking to me in the same tone she used when I was eight and asked for a pony. I wasn't eight anymore I was seventeen, practically an adult. "You don't know what kind of work a baby is and we will not support you and a baby. I frown on the idea that you want to go to college instead of marrying Craig but I am willing to accept you going to school over raising and out of wedlock bastard child. So young lady this is the deal. Your father and I will let you live here and pay for your college education but in order for that to happen you cannot have the baby."


I couldn't believe it they were blackmailing me; my own parents. Had I been eighteen and an adult I would have told them what they could do with their money but I wasn't.

"Daddy!" I called again and headed up the stairs.

"Claire, come back down here. Your father isn't ready to talk to you yet. Maybe later."

I ignored her and went up. My father was tying his tie in front of the mirror of Mother's vanity. "Daddy, you have to help me. I want to keep the baby and mom wants me to give it up." He turned and walked right past me as though he wasn't seeing me. It was like being in a surreal nightmare. I tried pinching myself in hopes that I would wake up but it didn't work. I was still there with my mother calling, "Claire, you have to hurry up or we will be late." I didn't know what else to do. I didn't have time to think it all through although I knew my parents weren't going to be happy about it I didn't think they would react like that. I picked up my purse off the sideboard in the foyer and allowed my mother to lead me out to the car.

The ride was quiet. I don't think we said two words to each other. At the clinic the nurse was nice and she explained the procedure although I don't think I actually heard it because when I look back I can't remember exactly what they did. I was there for four hours and then my mom took me home. I do remember lying in my bed wondering who I was. I wasn't Claire Standish anymore. Sure the person looking at me in the mirror had my face, my hair, my body, my voice, but it wasn't me. I got up out of bed and packed a few of my favorite outfits and called my brother.

"Rob?" I asked before he could even say hello.

"Claire, is that you?" At the sound of his voice I started to cry. "Claire sweetie what's wrong?" Between sniffles and sobs I told him what had happened and at the end I asked if I could move in with him. He told me I could for as long as I wanted to.

"So that is pretty much that. I stayed with Rob while I went to school. He convinced my parents to pay for school although I wasn't living there. I didn't go out or date for the first two years and pretty much cut all contact with my former friends. Things got better between me and my father once my parents divorced. Remember when I told you Andy, about their breaking up 3 months after graduation? Although I know that mom was seeing someone else I can't help but feel that it is partially my fault. That if I hadn't gotten pregnant that they still would be together."

Allison looked at her and shook her head, "Claire, even during detention you made it sound like your parents wouldn't be together very much longer. I don't think anything you did, good or bad, would have changed the way they were headed and if you mom was already with someone else then obviously it was coming."

"I know it just how I feel sometimes." We all looked at Bender.

"Damn! Claire, why didn't you try harder to find me?"

"Where was I supposed to look?"

"I don't know. Once again it's my father's fault. If he hadn't kicked me out."

"You can't blame everything on your father," she told him.

"Ally tells me that often enough I don't need to hear it from you as well. But had I known I would have helped you."

"No you wouldn't have. It's easy to say now but…"

"But nothing. Damn it Claire, I might not have shown it but I would have done anything for you. I loved you."