I LIIIIIIVE!

Hidy ho there everybody. I hope you all had a good day because I sure as hell did. I only woke up seven hours ago and it's nine oclock where I'm at. My writing of this story has slowed down considerably because I'm waiting for the manga to come out and I want to get just this one part out before I go in with my pants down. That's right, soon I'll be leaving lord Kishimoto's storyline behind and begin peeing directly into the wind without any plan to get out of the way. In other words, it'll start suckin. But don't worry, you people will have a while before you get to that. You're all still in the sand country tryin to figure out what the hell you're doing. Well here the mission is finally revealed! Hope you enjoy, if you don't, its not my loss.

I don't own naruto, Lord Kishimoto, stock shares, a fish to put in my fishbowl, water to put in my fishbowl, the ability to whistle, enough hygene to keep my parents off my back, and enough shiny things to make women want to be around me.

Junichi awoke in the hospital. He knew it was a hospital before he opened his eyes because of the smell of sterilized everything. Funny how the cleanest place possible smells so bad. As soon as he tried to move he stopped and lay back down, deciding that obeying the wave of constant pain he was in was more important than acting macho. He looked over to his left and saw an IV sticking into his arm. Being as gentle as he had ever been in his life, he slowly took it out and rested his head back down. He looked to his right and saw his entire team asleep in various chairs. He decided to play a rather cruel practical joke on them.

Junichi layed down and pretended to be asleep. Now the tricky part would come. He found the pulse monitor connected around his wrist and undid it in such a fashion that it looked like it was still on but wasn't actually reading the pulse. The meter flat lined almost instantly. That woke them up.

Ayane was the first to run over to him. She checked the monitor again and ran and woke everyone up. They quietly gathered around his bed, staring down in disbelief. Junichi couldn't die. He defeated Gaara of the sand! How could he die now?

Slowly Kanoe turned off the monitor and ushered them out of the room. They were just getting to the door when they heard a weak voice talk to them.

"What, you're just going to leave me here for the creepy old male nurses to "prepare" for my funeral already?" Junichi asked with a smile "C'mon people, you know I wouldn't keel over that easily!"

Instantly they all ran to him and with tears in their eyes hugged him all around. It was possibly the happiest moment in Junichi's life. He felt like he had a family. He felt like his soul mattered to somebody. It was definitely a good feeling.

Then the nurses burst in with an electric machine. Before Junichi had a chance to tell them it was a joke, he felt something cold on his chest and somebody yell, "CLEAR" before the electricity hit him. He jolted up in bed and nearly jumped off but they restrained him. Remember that good feeling? Turns out it was just a disguise the emotion known as "pissed" was using to play a cruel joke on Junichi as well.

After the nurses left, Junichi sat there with his hair standing on end while he starred at a wall with his eyes crossed. His left hand seemed to be twitching uncontrollably and he was faintly aware of the fact that he smelled something cooking. HeWAS aware of the yelling he was almost sure was directed at him.

"YOU GODDAMED BASTARD, HOW COULD YOU PLAY SUCH A JOKE ON US!" Kanoe yelled at him. In all honesty Junichi couldn't blame her. He quickly tried to scan the room for anything bat-like in density "WE WERE WORRIED SICK FOR THREE DAYS! IF I HAD BEEN THOSE NURSES, I WOULD HAVE SHOCKED YOUR ASS AGAIN FOR BEING A GODDAMED SON OF A BITCH!"

Meanwhile, Saotome was in his own little corner of the room laughing his brains out. It would later be asked if he actually did, and he did not, but he did puke in a trashcan. He laughed for what seemed like hours, and for years to come it would be Junichi's single greatest achievement in the entertainment industry.

Ayane was torn; she didn't know whether to laugh with Saotome or to yell at Junichi with Kanoe. So, not knowing what to do, she went and got Gaara, who had been waiting around in the hospital, much to everyone's disbelief.

Gaara walked into the room as emotionlessly as possible. He had managed to drag Kankuro and Temari with him and they walked in silently. They all stopped and stared at Junichi, who was looking at them as if he didn't really know what was happening, when all of the sudden Gaara began laughing. It wasn't a laugh like Saotome's…It was more like a chuckle that lasted a long time because Gaara didn't really know how to laugh. At that point, Kankuro, Temari, Kanoe, Ayane, and even Saotome, stopped and stared at him. This was by far, one of the most rare things they would ever see. Not only that, it was kind of creepy.

"It isn't" Junichi said, stopping every once in a while because smoke was coming out of his mouth when he talked "It isn't funny…I could have-could have died. You-you all can go to-go to hell"

Everyone just cracked up at this. Throughout the entire hospital wing, some faint trace of the laughter could be heard. Somewhere, the nurses were talking about what they had done accidentally. From them, the word would spread through the whole village rather quickly, until Junichi became the official joke of the week.

Junichi stood up in his normal clothes about an hour later. He was feeling a lot better, but the twitching wasn't wearing off and didn't show any sign of doing so for a while.

"Allright" Junichi started, eager to get their little laugh fest behind them "I'd like to introduce you to our team. The guy with the guitar and the dazed expression is Saotome, the small girl with the blond hair is Ayane, and the other female who seems to forget things easily is Kanoe, our team leader."

Saotome was the first to go up and shake everyone's hands. He started out fine. He shook Gaara's hand without any sign of fear. He looked at Kankuro's makeup strangely for a second but ignored it and shook his hand warmly and even gave him a hearty pat on the back. He was doing well until he got to Temari and even that started out ok. He shook her hand politely and then he did it. He did possibly the stupidest thing he could possibly do. He said it. He looked Temari, Gaara, the vessel of the Shukaku's sister and said: "You've got a nice rack"

That day, Saotome learned one of the most important lessons of his life. Some women were kinder than others, but most of them didn't like their chest being referred to as "racks". At first he didn't know what was happening. Then he felt a rush of air and the ground outside the third story window rush up at him. That's right. Temari threw him out the window of the third story of the hidden village of sand's hospital. Saotome was lucky though. On his way down, his shirt got caught on a flagpole and he got stuck. Much to his dismay nobody came and got him. Eventually Temari came and made him apologize formally for what he said and then, using her fan, she literally blew him off the flagpole and into some region of the city. He would come back the next day whistling but would never actually say what had happened to him while he had been gone.

Everyone else finished their introductions normally, now slightly afraid of Temari, but more or less at ease because they had more tact than Saotome.

"I wanted to congratulate you personally" Gaara said, his usual emotionless face on "The Kazekage has granted you permission to carry out the mission at hand, and because we have free time, we are to accompany you"

Now Kanoe stepped forward. She was the team leader and she had to do her share to prove it. "We thank you very much for your kindness" she said with a bow, though she didn't really think it was nessecary "We humbly accept your help in our mission and are honored to work with you on this assignment"

"Listen lady," Kankuro spoke up "We're doing this because Gaara made a friend, and he's scary as hell, and if you haven't noticed, sand is everywhere. Not a comforting feeling"

Temari was about to slap Kankuro upside his empty head when Gaara spoke up.

"Kankuro, be quiet" He said rather nonchalantly "Besides, you have to sleep sometime. I don't. Hope you're feeling comfortable"

Ayane smiled nicely and said, "You three are funny! Way funnier than Saotome kun when he's had his caffeine!"

Everyone rolled his or her eyes. Gaara even looked at everyone else and tried to copy the gesture. It kind of looked like he was having a seizure but at least the guy was trying, and nobody faulted him on it.

"Well, I hate to stop this joyous occasion" Junichi said tersely "But I would like to find out what are mission is. I hear the pay for these missions is rather good"

"Very well" Gaara said, as he sat down, getting down to business "Our mission is to silence a small group of missing nin who have taken to acts of terrorism in the hidden sand. We believe their goal is to overrun the shinobi of the village and take it over, thus making it their own hidden village. The missing nin in question are supposedly very powerful, though their numbers are small. We believe them to be hidden in a network of tunnel systems under the desert on the outskirts of the village."

"Interesting…" Said Kanoe "Before we get started, we all need to get aquainted with each other's fighting styles. We'll take three days of cross team training before we begin the recon work to find the entrances to the tunnel network"

Everyone nodded. And unanimously decided to begin right away. Temari and Kankuro hadn't seen the fight between Gaara and Junichi and were quite astonished when they had heard the news. Gaara had, of course, healed in one day. They were very curious as to what kind of techniques he had that could beat Gaara.

They walked to a training ground that was empty. Since Saotome wasn't there, Kanoe stepped in for him to make the numbers even. The field was set. Each team stood on an opposite side, ready to attack at a moment's notice. Junichi's blood was pumping; something he would later find out could be quite dangerous.