CHAPTER 25..:::::.. Can You Keep a Secret?
Disclaimer: *Has found that, contrary to popular belief, disclaimer does go through shredder! Hurrah*!
A/N: OK guys … this is it. The very it. "The Bit." Because everyone has asked, there will be 2 more chapters. This one and an epilogue. Haha. Twist. Haha. Ok, just have to say that this has to be one of the hardest things, OK, THE hardest thing that I have ever had to write. So … be gentle. And grab a box of tissues. Mine is by my side. Lol. Btw, this might get a tad nasty and I've tried to change the rating but for some reason, it won't let me. It keeps saying, "system unavailable" or something. So, just to warn you, this would have been rated 'R' if the stupid thing had let me do it. Oh and if any sort of "fan fiction bouncers" are reading this, please don't take it down … I really did try and rate this higher but your site wouldn't let me! Oh yeah … it's quite long. I'm very sorry if some might find this disturbing; some of you might have been hoping for a kind of nice wrapping up scene, a piece where everything turns out all right really … but I'm afraid that's not how it is.
Templa Otmena: Aha, you discovered my plot change … Dumbledore does know in this story. I know it's not in cannon, but hey. What the hell? I was feeling rebellious. In answer to your question, there's this one and one more. Argh! However will I cope? And I hope this chappie lives up to the expectations of … explosive.
Gab3: Lol, I'm glad you just … came across this. Thanks for taking the time to read it all, (it takes a while) and review. Love you all! Favourites list? WOW!
Szhismine: Oh no! There are tears in your eyes already? Not good! Um … I'm glad you hate the plot … and not me. Lol. Sorry, I don't wanna kill them … but I shall as I said I would. I keep my promises! Yes more angst on the way. (You sick person.)
Uhamida: Uh, yes, Wormtail is a bloody prat. You just figured that out? Lol. OK… thanks for saying I'm doing a good job. People aren't reviewing much any more, and it gets me a little down … but hey. Thanks!
Mystikalolo: Lol, was it even possible to be more disgusted with the Worm? And yes, we all hate Tom Riddle. Lol. Poor lad.
Miabubble: Beautiful? Wow, thanks. Your short review led me to believe that that's all you could say. (Please don't correct me if I'm wrong.) And if it was, then thanks a lot!
Padfoot79: Ah, I'm sorry but James cannot hear you!
Cara-MeLissa: Ah, yes, lots of "if-only's" but this is how it has to be! Almost right. Not this one but the next one.
Tomoe: Lol, oh but I can.
Lisa3: Is that really relevant? I've had a few people saying that, who clearly don't listen to interviews with JK Rowling or watch the films.
Snuffles10: Lol, calm down, of course I'm not going to rush it! (I couldn't if I tried.) Hmm, as for Voldie dying? That's JK's call I guess. Do you think he will? I reckon that Harry will kill Voldie and everyone will be like, yay! Yay! Happy ending! And then JK will twist it so an escaped Death Eater that everyone thought was gone will kill him horribly. Lol, I know, bleak.
Drops of winter: *Bids that Drops of winter ceases the hair pulling*! It's OK, here it is. I know it's kinda depressing watching it happen all over again, isn't it?
Marian Librarian: Thanks for the recommendation, I have read Unbroken Universe. I thought it was excellent! Very talented gal there. It's second to me? Wow, thanks a lot and also for appreciating the time and effort I put into this. It's nice to see some people recognise the techniques I use and what I try to do!
Laura Lou: Um … I'm glad I rock your socks. Lol, sorry it's over soon, please keep reading!
Katie: Yeah, I didn't want to do it entirely cannon; I had to leave some kind of trace that said that it was me who did it! And not JK! Even though she thought up this fantastic plot that I bow down too, I just thought it would be interesting if Dumble knew.
*HITS PLAY*
James was washing up, something that did not usually happen. This was a mark of how anxious the pair of them was feeling at that moment. Something, an unknown and unseen force seemed to be penetrating their usually steady minds. Something was up. They could feel it.
"How … many … times do you have to … scrub this … bloody thing?" James muttered to himself as he scrubbed hard with the scoured green cloth at a particularly stubborn stain of tomato sauce on a dish.
"At least seventeen times," Lily called from the sofa as she fed Harry with a bottle. Harry was not hungry for some reason; Lily tried all her tactics, singing to him, squirting it at him, tickling him, and pushing it as hard as she could … but none of them would work. He just wasn't hungry.
"What's wrong?" asked James in the middle of subtly trying to put back the still stained dish without Lily noticing.
"He's not eating. I don't know why … it's so frustrating."
"Do you think we should go to the doctors?" said James, finishing his drying up.
Lily suddenly looked apprehensive. "No – I mean … I don't think we should … go out. Do you?"
James frowned. "No, you're right."
Lily half smiled weakly, and stared out of the window, Harry wriggling in her arms.
James sighed matter of factly and shut all the kitchen drawers. "Well, it's late. If he's not eating, I s'pose there's not much left to do but to go to bed."
Lily nodded. "Yes, I suppose you're right. I'll go and put him down."
(*)(*)(*)
Lupin's table lamp cast a glow over his tired face. "Honestly, Sirius, what on earth is the matter with you?" he said after about ten minutes of Sirius clicking his fingers. He was having a drink with Remus; something they did not do as often as they used to.
Sirius looked up, alarmed that he was not being as subtle as he had hoped. "I – nothing. It's just … that headache, you know."
Remus decided that he could not play along any longer. "Look, Sirius, I know that you and James are the best friends, but I do know you better than you know yourself."
Sirius nodded, frowning. "What's your point?"
"Don't insult my intelligence, Sirius. I'm not stupid."
"I'm well aware of that."
"So tell me why you have been moping around like a sloth with a bad case of gingivitis for the past two days," he said softly.
Sirius rolled his eyes. "It's just Lily and –"
" – Don't feed me that whole Lily and James line. I know you're worried about them. I am too, but we've all been worried about them for months. Why is it different now?"
Sirius sighed. He so wanted to tell Remus. "I just … I don't know. Voldemort doesn't usually wait. I just think something's wrong."
"Well maybe Dumbledore's charm is working."
Sirius nodded. "I hope so."
The silence escalated. Perhaps Sirius could kind of tell him without really telling him …
"Remus …"
" … Yes?"
" … What if you … you thought that you'd made a mistake, but knew that you shouldn't really change it because it would be too late?"
Lupin frowned. "Elaborate?"
Sirius bit his lip. "Well, too late in the sense that … you'd changed your mind too many times. And … it wouldn't make much difference? Do you understand me?"
Lupin raised his eyebrows. "Seldom if ever."
Sirius tutted impatiently. "Never mind."
"If you knew that it wouldn't make a difference if you changed your mind, why would you change it?"
Sirius paused. "I … dunno. I've just got … a feeling."
Remus's expression was one of total indifference. Sirius could not tell whether or not he was reading between the lines and figuring out what he was trying to tell him.
"Well … is there a chance that your feeling could be right?"
Sirius shrugged. "There's a chance, I suppose."
Remus looked away. "Then maybe … you should check out what ever's bothering you."
The clogs turned in Sirius's brain. He was worried about Peter, therefore, he should check up on him …
"You know, I think I will. Thanks, Remus. You're a real friend."
Remus nodded. "I always was. I'll see you later."
Sirius smiled, got up, and left the house, Lupin not knowing at that point that at that moment, it was the last time he would ever see Sirius's face so alive.
^*^*^*
The cold night air was chilling on Sirius's pale face and he shivered. It was a clear night; the stars were bright and a full moon was shining innocently above him. Sirius paid no attention to any of this. With every step he took, his sense of foreboding increased. Sirius did not understand why he felt so uneasy, but he did know one thing; Remus was right. If there was the slightest chance that his feeling was right, it was the best thing to do to check. He rounded a corner on the dark street and Peter's house came into view. The lights were not on and instantly, Sirius knew that there was no one home. Peter's mother had left a long time ago with a random foreign wizard from Indonesia, leaving Peter the house.
Sirius knocked out of courtesy. There was no answer. The overgrown plants in the garden that Peter had neglected had begun to coil themselves around the post next to the door, the paint was peeling on the windows, and the house was a mess. He knocked again. Still no answer. Sirius looked around the street, up and down to see if anyone was looking. When it became apparent that there was no one there, Sirius took his wand, muttered an incantation and watched as the door blew off its hinges. He stepped through the threshold into a very darkened hallway, a mouldy smell staining the air.
"Peter?" Sirius called. His voice rang through the house. "Peter!"
But Peter did not answer.
Sirius wandered through to the kitchen. There were stale milk bottles in the fridge and bread gone mouldy. Either Peter was being particularly lazy of late or he hadn't been in his own house for a few days. Sirius did not like the sound of the latter.
He trod carefully up the winding stairs, not turning on the lights for a reason unknown to himself. "PETER!" he called, not really expecting an answer anymore. He stepped into Peter's now larger bedroom. Moonlight filtered in through the open window and illuminated the made bed that had plainly not been slept in. Peter would not leave the windows open in his house unless he had left in a real hurry …
Sirius felt his breath constricted. Something was wrong … Peter would not, should not, have left the house on Dumbledore's orders. Perhaps Voldemort already knew … perhaps Peter was in danger.
Where's the first place Voldemort would go if that were the case? he thought desperately. The answer came to him in all its obviousness, though Sirius was not happy about it. Lily and James …
He jogged down the stairs and out of the house, sprinting up the road to Godric's Hollow.
^*^*^*
"Lils, will you just come away from the window, please?" said James as he sat on the edge of the bed, still fully clothed.
Lily drew away. "Sorry."
"It's OK," said James, "It's just that Voldemort's hardly going to march protest – style down the street holding a banner saying "I'm coming for you," is he?" James's expression twitched.
Lily scowled. "That's not funny."
"What, you have to take away my favourite past time now, Evans?"
"It's Potter to you, Mr, and your favourite past time is for school boys."
James smirked. "All right, Potter, but I'll always be a school boy."
Lily smiled whilst walking towards him and ruffling his hair. "I know."
James pulled her hand away. "You'll mess it up!"
Lily gave him a scathing look that clearly told him to stop being satirical. She sat down on the bed next to him and rested her head on his shoulder. "James …" she asked as he eyed her with suspicion. "We're … happy, right?"
James frowned. "Um … yes. You are, right?"
"Oh yes, yes I am, of course, but I just mean … are we a family?"
James cocked his head. "Well, yeah."
Lily smiled. "I've never had … a family before. A proper one. It's what I've always wanted."
James frown vanished. "Well, I guess that's good. Two men in your family. You should be grateful, girl."
Lily sat up and looked at him. "I am. I suppose, what I'm trying to say is … thank you."
James narrowed his eyes. "What for?"
Lily shrugged. "For being there. For proving me wrong when I was convinced I'd hate you forever more," she added in an undertone.
James mocked a hurt expression. "Oh, thanks," pretending to ignore her smile. "Well in that case, you're welcome. You've got a proper family. And we'll do all the things that proper families do."
Lily sat up eve more, like an eager child. "Like what?"
James thought for a second. "Well, we'll go the park on Sundays, and eat Sunday roast, and invite your parents around when we've had enough alcohol, and … be the embarrassing parents when Harry goes to school … complain about stupid things that kids hate. Of course, if he gets bullied by someone's kid like Snape, then I'll forget I'm a father and turn into a murderer but …"
Lily laughed. "A proper family."
""Yup," James said … and a creak was heard from downstairs.
*^"*^"
Sirius did not know how long he had been running, nor did he realise that there was a searing pain in his left side. All he knew was that he could not run any longer. Realising that he would have to do some pretty fancy spell work that he had never really listened to in lessons so long ago, Sirius stopped and pulled out his wand. Turning around, not sure which way he should face, he began to think. I can do summoning charms, but never anything this big. OK. Focus …
"ACCIO MOTORBIKE!"
He stood for a long time, minutes even, convinced that the spell had not worked, and feeling s familiar sensation of despair deepening in his gut. But then, just as suddenly as anything, a roaring noise came from the distance. His bike was speeding towards him … his bike that his Uncle had given him with the gold he had been left.
The bike shuddered to a halt next to Sirius, who grinned at his own cleverness. Mounting the bike quickly, he set off at breakneck speed.
(*)(*)
James sat up very suddenly, his heart pounding as though he had been waiting all along for something like this to happen.
"What?" said Lily fearfully, not having heard anything.
James held up a hand to silence her. The sound came again. Scrape … scrape …
Lily's eyes widened in fear. James got up off the bed and moved towards the bedroom door. He stepped out onto the landing, listening hard, but no noise came.
Lily was right behind him. "Stay behind me," said James.
They descended the stairs, her hand on his shoulder. Scrape … "James," she whispered in his ear, fearful. "What about Harry?"
James looked behind him hesitantly. "Don't wake him. It … it might be nothing."
They did not turn the lights on, all was dark. The kitchen floor was cold on their bare feet and Lily shivered. There was a faint drip escaping one of the taps over the sink and moonlight was filtering over all the washing up that James had done previously. They both listened intently … but heard nothing more.
James felt a sigh of relief sweep over him. "It's nothing. Probably the heating or something."
Lily exhaled also. "Yeah, probably."
Faintly from upstairs, they heard the small sounds of a baby shifting restlessly, whimpering slightly. Lily turned to James. "He's most likely hungry; he didn't want anything to eat earlier."
James nodded. "Yeah, go and give him something to eat then. There's nothing here, Lils. We're just a little paranoid, is all. It's nothing."
Lily nodded, apparently satisfied, and ascended the stairs to feed her baby. James walked over to the kitchen sink, hands still trembling slightly. He had thought for a second that Voldemort had found them at last … that would have to mean that Peter would have betrayed them …stop it, he told himself firmly. Don't be ridiculous. You're paranoid … Peter would never do that.
He picked up a clean glass and ran the tap slowly, watching as the liquid slowly filled the glass. From upstairs he could hear Harry settling down again; he must have been hungry. James drank the cold liquid, feeling his heart rate slowly return to normal. He gazed out into his garden, the wind rustling the large trees in the orchard, making a rushing sound, the flower heads drooping due to the horrible rain driving into the windows, dark shadows were overcast on the patio.
James squinted into his garden and his eyes focused on a particularly dark shadow. He narrowed them even more, trying to make out what it was, but he was almost certain he was imagining it. Squeezing his eyes tightly shut, he shook his head, and opened them again. He wasn't imagining it. The dark shape was slowly becoming more and more defined. It wasn't a shape any more … it was a figure. James's heart began to beat double time, he felt his throat constricted and for a whole moment, couldn't breathe.
The figure was emerging from shadow now, walking towards his backdoor. James couldn't move, couldn't speak, couldn't think … all he could see was a pair of narrowed red eyes, gleaming ferociously in the darkness.
"Voldemort …" he whispered.
He was coming closer and closer … metres away. A voice was screaming in James's head … "Move! Do something!" and at the same time, "Peter, what have you done?"
His senses rapidly erupted back into his head with such force that he nearly felt his feet move. "LILY!" he shrieked.
She ran to the top of the stairs with Harry in her arms, face white, the worst confirmed.
"LILY! IT'S HIM!"
She began to run down the stairs.
"NO!" James yelled, plainly not clarifying that she was not to come anywhere near. "NO, GO BACK!"
"James! What do we do?" she said, looking out the kitchen window to see Voldemort advancing with no great haste, as though he were strolling along on an afternoon walk. It meant that he was in no hurry … he knew that he had them cornered … there really was nothing that they could do ...
"Lily, you have to take Harry, and run!"
She stared at him, lost for words. "NO! What are you saying?"
"I'M TELLING Y OU TO GET OUT OF HERE!"
"NO!"
She ran down the stairs, pushed his arms aside and clutched him around the neck.
"Lily, please," said James desperately. Pushing her away was the last thing that he had ever wanted to do, but now … it was the only way. He detached her and held her at arms length.
"Lils," he said slowly, wiping away the tears staining her face with his thumb. "Baby, you have to go! Take Harry, and run! I'll hold him off –"
"No!" she repeated. "You can't fight him alone!"
"WHAT GOOD IS IT IF WE BOTH DIE?" he said furiously, casting another look to where Voldemort was … "Someone has to look after Harry!" He was coming closer … the only had a few seconds.
Lily began to sob. They were not feeble panic tears … they were tears of anger. "This isn't fair! Let's both go!"
"To where? He'll find us! Lily, we have to fight. I have to fight. Take Harry, go upstairs and go out the window."
"James … James, I love you," she said slowly, as though his fate were already sealed. "Don't … don't let him get you."
James, miraculously, managed a smile. "Lils, you're forgetting one very important thing. I'm Mr James Potter!"
He kissed her hurriedly, whispered, "I love you" in her ear and walked away.
Lily shook on the spot, hearing Harry cry desperately upstairs. This brought her to her senses and she ran, full pelt up the stairs to him.
*^*^
James began to breathe uncontrollably. His palms were sweaty as was his brow, his wand clutched in his hand. Through all of this, he knew one thing.
"I am not going to sit here and wait for him to break my door down," he said aloud. With this thought firmly lodged in his brain, James went to the back door and wrenched it open, making the fight his own. Voldemort stopped walking, and faced James. There was a hungry expression on his twisted face. They were a few metres apart, both with wands in their hands and both with the same thought … to kill the other …
"James Potter!" he called almost jovially. "We meet again in more … dramatic circumstances it seems."
The rain was almost blinding, but James managed a smirk through the icy cold seeping though to his skin. "You're very perceptive."
Voldemort smiled. "Ah, wit. I'd forgotten how much fun it was to exchange banter with my enemies. Most of them are not granted the time to speak, however …"
James said nothing, but was thinking of what to hit Voldemort with.
"I am grateful that you have come out to face me, straight backed and proud and all that ... gallantry. It will make everything much quicker as all I really want is to get past you and into your dear son's bedroom."
The taunt about Harry rang in James's ears. "You'll have to kill me first," he hissed.
"Yes," said Voldemort. "I gathered as much."
Before James had even the time to think about uttering a retort, Voldemort had hit him with a spell that blasted him off his feet. He was travelling backwards at a very high speed … pain exploded in his back as he smashed through the backdoor and skidded over the kitchen surfaces. He struck his head on the corner of something; it might well have been a work surface and saw stars explode over his head as he came to rest in the doorway to the living room, skidding on the fragments of glass littering the floor.
"Get up …" said the voice in the back of his head. "If you want to stay alive, James… GET UP!" The sound of Harry crying upstairs made him push himself up off the floor. Why had Lily not gone yet?
Voldemort was standing, framed by the moonlight in the doorway. There was a cruel smile playing on his lips. "Perhaps I will not have to kill you to get past you. This is easier than I was informed it would be."
James felt for his wand gingerly, blood escaping from the cut above his left eyebrow. His fingers clasped it and he pointed it fiercely at his enemy, gritting his teeth against the pain in his elbows and knees from the floor as he rose to his feet.
"AMPIPAIN!" he bellowed.
Voldemort staggered, clutched the doorway and lost his footing for a second. It had almost the same effect on him as it had done on James that day at the lake. That memory seemed so long ago, as though he were recalling it from another life he had once experienced.
"Thanks, Snape," he muttered under his breath.
Voldemort whirled, seizing the opportunity where James thought he was stunned. "Crucio!"
James was once again thrown to the floor; he had never felt such pain. White-hot knives were piercing his skin, there was a harsh pounding in his head that was slowly tuning into a screaming … whether or not it was his own voice or someone else's he could hear he did not know … perhaps it was Lily's …
He knew Voldemort would not lift the curse in a hurry so he tried to shout his own. "Protego!"
Voldemort once again staggered and lost his footing. James's wand was laying a little way away from him from the impact of his own spell… if only he could just reach it … his fingers grazed the tip, his hands receiving deep cuts from the shards of debris all over the wooden floor … he was so close …
A large foot crushed his fingers from above. James was sure the wand would snap, but it didn't. Instead, to make Voldemort think it had, he cried out much louder than he would have done, to mask the fact that there was no snapping sound, except that from his broken and bleeding fingers.
James withdrew his hand, his wand concealed beneath his fingers.
Voldemort chuckled softly. "A broken wand is no use in broken hands, Potter," he said. "You do certainly have talent … it's just such a shame that you picked the losing side."
James steeled himself for the curse to come … and rolled out of the way just as it hit the floor with a resounding clang. He crouched behind the cooker, heart pounding, wand held in painfully throbbing fingers …
"Come out, Potter, you cannot win against me."
James heard the voice and hated it. He was not going to sit here, crouching like a child, waiting for Voldemort to kill him. He was going to stand up and face him … for his parents… for Harry … for Lily ...
He threw himself out from behind the cooker and yelled, "EXPELLIARMUS!" just as Voldemort muttered his own incantation … an incantation that James knew couldn't be blocked … but he had to fight … he had to try something … he had to hope, even if there was no hope left.
"Avada Kedavra!"
A swishing noise … a stream of green light … James's eyes widened in shock, the expression quickly dying from his once handsome face … his glasses slipped as he hit the ground with a dull thud … feeling the life he once knew flash before his eyes like the flickering picture shows his mother used to show him when he had been good. He should have felt pain … fear … anger even, but there was nothing. James knew that this was the end …this was it. The pain was leaving him now … he slowly began to lose the ability to think … to know … to breathe …
"L – Lily …"
(*)(*)
Lily ran up the stairs with Harry in her arms, crying and confused. She pelted through all the rooms, none of the windows being large enough for her to climb through with a baby. She could hear crashing below, praying to God, if there was one, that James was all right. She clutched Harry closer as she neared his own bedroom. The door was ajar … they had flown inside and Lily slammed the door, leaning against it for a second, panting.
Turning around, she knew that no charm used to seal the door would stop Voldemort for long, but she had to try. James had taught her that much.
She placed Harry carefully in his cot for just a second as she withdrew her wand from her jeans pocket.
"Colloportus!" she said. An oddly squelching sound resounded as the door sealed itself … for the time being.
Looking around for what to do next, Lily saw that Harry's window was bigger than the one in her and James's room. She went to the window and wrenched with all her might. It would not budge. Panicking slightly, she withdrew her wand once more and pointed it at the glass.
"Reducto! REDUCTO!"
But it would not work. Feeling her heart quicken, Lily began to shake. Her Reducto spells had always been the best when she had been in school; no one could beat them, not even James. She tried again, and again. Harry began to wail louder.
Yet the window remained unscathed. It was as though it was deliberately not breaking, as though someone had somehow made them impermeable to her magic.
She went to Harry's cot, picked him up and held him tight against her chest. He stopped crying. Lily gently put him down in his cot for suddenly, the crashes from below had stopped. Could it be that Voldemort had been defeated? That James had won, as she had been so sure that he would?
Mid thought, Lily was thrown back against the wall as the door was blasted to smithereens. A tall, skeletal man stood framed in the doorway, a cruel smile playing around his lips, where a trickle of blood was escaping. Lily blanched … James … James must be …
"Ah, the other half," he said in a voice as think as ice. "I must say, your husband was quite a contender."
Lily's lip began to tremble in anger and tears escaped her eyes. "You – you … killed James?"
Voldemort just smiled. Lily, feeling an emotion beyond anger, beyond grief, beyond hatred, withdrew her wand for the final time.
Harry began to whimper – there was an unknown person in his bedroom and he was not overjoyed about it. Voldemort turned his white head to the cot, as though he had not noticed him before. He narrowed his eyes slightly, flexing his spider-like fingers.
"And finally … the offspring."
Lily strode across the room in one stride and stood protectively in front of Harry. "You will not touch my boy," she said in a voice shaking with suppressed rage.
Voldemort grimaced. "Oh, I think I shall."
Lily stood up straight, defiant.
"Now, girl, on account of the fact that I am … a reasonable man … I shall say that you need not get hurt. Stand aside, and I may spare your life."
Lily laughed coldly and uncharacteristically. "Is that so? A reasonable man? Are all the murders you commit reasonable? Are all the people you slaughter, maim and torture on your Dark assent to power victims of your reasonable nature?"
Voldemort's mouth curled into a sardonic smirk. "The boy taught you well in witty retorts. I expect he will be proud … if the dead can be proud."
Harry attempted to stand and put his tiny pudgy hands on the wooden bars of his cot.
"I shall ask you one more time, you foolish girl. Stand aside," he said.
Lily inhaled shakily. "If – if you are reasonable, then take me and not Harry."
Voldemort surveyed her closely. "You would sacrifice your life for this child?"
Lily said nothing, but did not move an inch from her defensive spot. She couldn't quite accept at the moment that James was dead; it wouldn't work now. She couldn't come to terms with it … better to just pretend he wasn't.
"But you see, my dear, this child has been something of … a bother to me. You are in my way."
"I know," she said. "Take me."
"You needn't die, girl. Stand aside. I will not ask again."
Lily threw herself over Harry's cot. "Please! Take me! Not Harry!"
"You silly girl! Stand aside!"
"NO!"
"Avada Kedavra!"
Harry didn't really understand why mummy was falling … why mummy was screaming … why mummy was crying … all Harry knew was that the next second, mummy was slumped against his cot with wide eyes, soon to be closed and then falling on his carpet softly with a small "thump".
"J – James …"
(^)(^)
"L – Lily? Lily, I can't see you …" came the voice softly through the darkness. "Lily … I don't know if you can hear me – because I can't hear myself but … I'm here … I'm right here … I'm not leaving … and I meant what I said … I love you …"
She heard him … it was distant, but it was there … and it was warm.
"J – James? I – I can hear you … I know you're there … please don't leave me … I'm scared," answered the voice. The darkness was evaporating, the light shining through slowly … white, brilliant light … they could feel …
"I … I can see you …"
(^)(^)
Voldemort surveyed the child before him, the small and almost insignificant creature that was said to be his downfall. It seemed funny to him … almost unbelievably comical that this child was foreseen to have the power to vanquish him. It hardly seemed possible.
"So this is the boy …" he said softly, to himself only as he was fairly certain that babies did not understand. "The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord," he muttered aloud.
Harry stared at him with hugely green eyes, the eyes of his mother. This registered dimly with Voldemort. He held his wand to chest height, ready to do the very thing that would guarantee that there would be no one left to stop him … all the strong ones had gone. The Prewits, the Longbottoms would soon be gone, now all the Potters … or almost all of them. The only one left was Dumbledore … but he had him sussed. Dumbledore was nothing.
Harry blinked at the wand pointing at him, not really understanding what it all meant and why mummy was no longer moving.
"Avada Kedavra!" he whispered, his voice barely audible.
Harry saw the green light speed towards him, yet did not understand why the strange man was crying out or why there was crashing noises erupting around him.
Voldemort saw the jet rebound with immense surprise , but could not react … it couldn't be happening … it just wasn't possible … pain beyond imagining hit him with such force that he felt himself disintegrating. He screamed unnaturally, trying to shield himself against something he could not see … this wasn't right … there was nothing to do but … run. The force of the spell and the impossible act of it rebounding had caused an explosion; the house shook where it stood, but Voldemort did not hear it or feel it …
And he Disaparated, leaving Harry to stare fearfully at the empty spare ahead of him where the man had been and the body of his dead mother.
)()()(
Sirius swerved the bike around the corner … and almost crashed it. He really thought that he was seeing things … a vision, a mirage, what he had most feared … but not the truth. The house was smoking, the roof half blown off. Sirius's jaw dropped as he stepped off the bike, letting it fall with a loud clatter that rang in his ears.
He staggered towards the house, breathing heavily. People had come out of their houses after hearing the noise of the explosion and were staring and shouting fretfully. Sirius did not hear them … he did not care. He stopped in the doorway and put a hand to his head.
"JAMES!" he yelled so loudly that his throat hurt. "LILY!"
The living room was smashed up, the kitchen in a smoking mess, shards of glass everywhere … the back door blasted off its hinges … and behind one of the cracked work surfaces lay a hand. Sirius blinked.
"James?" The hand did not move. It must be attached, he thought stupidly. It is true that when there is a true shock that momentarily delays grief that the mind thinks up ridiculous logic to further postpone the emotion. Sirius wanted desperately to rush towards it and shake it, half knowing who it belonged to, but the other half of him wanted to be somewhere else … anywhere else than here, facing what he had feared for so long …
His feet moved slowly, shuffling almost, and looked carefully over the broken furniture. There before him lay a man with messy black hair and glasses that had since slipped down his nose … the body of his best friend. His eyes were not wide open, but half closed, as though he were not really finished. Sirius's eyes travelled over his broken fingers, the cuts all over him, his wand still gripped tightly in his hand.
Sirius bent down slowly, and felt that his knees could not support his weight. He sank to the floor, hot stinging tears falling from his eyes. A dim thought registered slowly in his mind through the weight of the raw and fresh anguish dragging him down to the depths of misery.
"J – James," he whispered, his voice breaking. His hand moved slowly to the dead hazel eyes before him … they should be closed … but withdrew it suddenly as though he had received an electric shock.
Crying from upstairs … baby crying … Harry.
Sirius stumbled up the stairs, crashing through his haste … and he almost fell over Lily's body.
He stepped hurriedly back, as though he had hurt her, as though his presence made the slightest bit of difference to her. Sirius felt an odd emotion; it wasn't shock, he half knew he would find her there if James were dead … she would never have left him … or Harry. Her eyes, in contrast, were wide and starring. Sirius could not bear to look at them and turned his head to her hand, which also clutched her wand, the knuckles white.
A sob escaped him; he had not expected it, it took him by great surprise in fact. He reached for her hand … it was still warm.
"Lily … I'm – I'm sorry …"
Harry began to cry. At first, Sirius thought he was either imagining it, that it was just another noise in his head, or that it was himself that was making the wailing noise. But the sound became louder and as he turned, he saw a tiny child struggling to move. Harry was alive …Sirius had not yet prepared himself for perhaps finding his best friend's dead child … but it was not so. He was not imagining it … Harry was alive, and Voldemort was gone … the Prophecy, he thought as it dimly registered in his tired mind. Harry looked confused, scared, as though he was accepting what he was seeing, but not really understanding it, and there, on his forehead, was a large scar, shaped in a lightening bolt. Sirius could not think … could not wonder … could not marvel how or why he was alive … he had no energy to think about what it meant. Sirius dashed to him and gathered him up in his arms, rocking him gently, perhaps as James would have done. But James would never do it again. Never … and it was all down to one person.
* * * *
"What d'yeh mean, he 'asn't come out yet?" Hagrid asked a Muggle, who had witnessed the entire thing.
"A man went in there from a motorbike. All white and shaking he was, proper shook up. Look, here he is now!" said the Muggle wife, pointing to Sirius who emerged from the house holding a bundle of what looked like rags in his arms.
"Sirius!" yelled Hagrid, striding massively over to him. Sirius looked up, bleary eyed, and nodded at Hagrid.
" … Hagrid," he replied shakily.
"Sirius, I – I dunno what ter say, son," he said very quietly. "Dumbledore sent me, yeh see, he was away an' he couldn't believe it … his letter was all shaky an' yeh know Dumbledore … solid as a rock, that man."
"Hagrid … I –"
"Yeh don' have ter say anythin', Sirius, just … I should take young Harry here."
Sirius's eyes flickered. "B – but I'm his godfather."
Hagrid nodded apologetically. "I know, I know, Sirius, but I got my orders from Dumbledore, see, an' I gotta do what he says. I'm sure it's jus' a precaution an' yeh'll 'ave him back soon as anythin'."
Shock was beginning to set in with Sirius and he nodded, not really thinking until he handed Harry over. "I'll look after 'im, I promise." Hagrid took him and smiled and made to walk away.
"Hagrid," Sirius called out. "You can take my bike. I – I won't need it anymore."
Hagrid looked confused but nodded. "All righ', thanks."
Shock was beginning to pass. He had long since been past denial, as he knew what had happened was no dream. It was real, it was harsh and true. Now he was beginning to piece things together. Anger began to course through his veins, as though it were a deadly poison.
)()()()()()()
It was a Muggle street; Sirius was well aware of that, but found that he didn't care much. Peter had betrayed Lily and James … he saw that now. Why had he been so stupid? He'd thought that it had been the perfect bluff … the perfect decoy … Voldemort would never have dreamed that Peter would be Secret Keeper as he was so useless …
The sun was rising slowly, casting the street in a pale cold light. Sirius did not know how long or far he had walked; all he knew was that his wand was pointing him in the right direction. As he followed the wand held in front of him in a shaky hand, he tried to make some reason, to pull some clarification out of the air, as to why what happened had happened. Maybe Voldemort had forced him to tell … maybe he had threatened him, but … no, wait that was wrong. There had been a spy for a long time, Dumbledore had been sure of it. It had to be Peter … it was the only way that Voldemort would have known …
And then he saw him … mousy brown hair, shuffling his feet, casting fearful glances over his shoulder … Sirius would have known him anywhere. There, was the betrayer, once his friend, now the man who had murdered his best friends in the entire world … and he had sold them to Voldemort …
"Hello, Wormtail," Sirius called quietly, coming to a halt. Muggles were emerging from their houses, some still looking weary in the morning hour.
Peter stopped suddenly, not looking behind him, as though he already knew who it was. "Hello, Sirius," he said, finally turning around.
Sirius felt his lip tremble, felt anger he had never known. It outstripped anything he had ever felt towards Snape, anything he had ever felt towards Voldemort … he didn't want Peter to die for what he did … he wanted him to suffer, as Lily and James must have … the thought of their deaths caused tears to well in his eyes. Slowly, he continued to walk towards to the now stationary Peter.
"What have you done?" he whispered. Only Peter could hear him, it was so quiet and harsh.
Peter blinked. "I don't know what you mean."
"Why? Just tell me why, Peter," said Sirius in a voice filled with emotion.
Peter's breathing quickened. "It – it wasn't my fault –"
"Don't you dare lie to me, you scum."
"I hardly think that insulting me is going to make much difference here, Padfoot," Peter replied with a certain amount of coolness that did not reach his squinty eyes, darting back and forth.
Sirius let out a laugh like a bark. "No, no I don't suppose it will." And then even more quietly, "Were you there, Peter? Did you hear them screaming?"
Peter said nothing, but stared defiantly back.
"Did you hear Harry screaming? Did you hear Lily plead, and James fight? Did you hear his fingers snap –?"
" – No one else knows that we swapped," said Peter quickly, yet dangerously, cutting him off.
"Dumbledore knows."
Peter sniggered. Have two words for you, Sirius. Memory … modification."
Sirius blinked. "Y – you … you modified –?"
"Yeah, I improved a little, didn't I tell you? Dumbledore trusted me. I couldn't just put that to waste."
Sirius opened his mouth and closed it again.
"Consider your position, Sirius. I'm not going to modify your memory; I probably couldn't if I wanted to. I'm not ashamed to admit that. But if you are going to insist on …catching me, as it were, then I'm afraid that I have no choice."
Peter backed away, slowly. Sirius was so stunned that he could not move, nor wonder what Peter was about to do. Suddenly Peter's voice was loud, shrill and panicked.
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?" he bellowed. Many people stopped and turned their heads in their direction, now able to hear the conversation.
Sirius blinked. "What have I –"
"HOW COULD YOU, SIRIUS? LILY AND JAMES! THEY WERE YOUR BEST FRIENDS! AND YOU SOLD THEM TO HE WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED! SHAME ON YOU!"
People had their hands over their mouths, scared at the confrontation but many not understanding the contents. "You little …"
"GO ON THEN, SIRIUS! FINISH ME OFF AS WELL! IT'S WHAT YOU WANTED, ISN'T IT? GO ON! TRY!"
Sirius raised his wand, out of anger, intending to Stun the little rat, but out of the corner of his eye saw Peter raise his wand behind his back and muttered an incantation under his breath … he grimaced horribly in obvious pain, Sirius not understanding what he had done, and then …
A bang with the force of an earthquake shook the street; it splintered and cracked, the sewer pipes below were no visible to the naked eye, Muggles were thrown everywhere. The ones in twenty feet of Peter had not been so lucky … Sirius was blasted backwards into a wall, his head spinning … his eyes just open enough for him to see a rat with a long balding tail whip down into the sewers.
"W – Wormtail …"
"DO NOT MOVE, BLACK!" came a loud and commanding voice. It was Fudge, and behind him stood twenty Ministry officials, all with wands. "D – DROP YOUR WAND!" His voice shook as he took in the scene before him; dead Muggles littered the street.
Sirius dropped his wand, unable to contain himself.
Ministry officials approached him cautiously, held him with a Stunning Spell and took him under the arms. Fudge turned away and retched in the gutter and Sirius obliged.
In a sick, almost satirical way, there was something hysterically funny about it all to Sirius. Peter, the klutz, the slow one, had outsmarted him, outsmarted them all. He had framed him. He had won … no one, not even Dumbledore could help him now … Sirius couldn't help it. He began to laugh. At first it was genuine, it was real. Then, slowly, the laughter transformed into huge shuddering sobs that shook his shoulders. This is a dream, I've gone mad.
Sirius was bundled roughly into the van, hearing shrieks in his ears; whether they were real or whether it was all in his head, he would never know. He knew he would never see his friends again, and he knew where he was going … Azkaban Prison, where no one had ever broken out before, and by the looks of things, that was not about to change.
Behind him, the sun rose fully and bathed the street that had been, a few minutes before, a quiet and placid street, and was now a chaotic disarray, bathed in red.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~
A/N: Is there any need for words? No. Guess not. Sorry if that was a bit horrible, but I felt if I had dallied then it would be an insult! One more left … twist coming up in the Epilogue. Please, please read on and please, PLEASE REVIEW!!!!
Rosie x, x, x,