Little Red Full Metal Alchemist by KitKat

I own nothing in regards to the anime, manga, OST, and video games. On the other hand, here is Greed to fill us in on what he owns.

Greed: I own the following: Mt. Fuji, Gainax, South Fork ranch, the state of Rhode Island, the province of Manitoba, The Black Eyed Peas (restaurant and group), Clear Channel Radio, Boardwalk and Park Place, Pepsi, Martin Sheen (He said that I was good), as well as...

Me: That's enough Greed.

Chapter 2

Deeper into the Forest

We last left our diminutive alchemist (screams can be heard in the background), hero, and all around yaoi bait Edward Elric as he was heading deeper into the forest of the Seven Deadly Sins with all that other stuff omitted cause it's a pain typing that all the time. Though the forest was dark and scary, it had cute little fuzzy animals scurrying all around.

They were attacking Ed.

Ed: GET THEM OFF ME! OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GET THEM OFF ME!

Chipmunks were nipping at Ed's heels. Squirrels jumped from trees into Ed's blond hair. Luckily for Ed none of them bit into his automail. That would have been very bad indeed for the poor little animals.

Ed: WHAT ABOUT ME!

But as Ed was running to and fro trying to get the cute little fuzzy creatures off of his still young and tender flesh there blew an ill wind. All the animals stopped what they were doing to Ed and looked up, sniffed the air and as quickly as they attacked Ed they left.

Ed: The hell?

Ed heard footsteps coming his way. Out from the shadow of the tree stood the ex fuhrer of the country, or other wise known as Pride.

Pride: Why Ed my dear boy even the animals know when a person of greatness has arrived.

Ed: Don't you mean great evil?

Pride: Now now. Even you cannot deny what all I did for the country. I even dubbed you The Full Metal Alchemist!

Ed: All you wanted was the Philosopher Stone! And to achieve that you needed pain and suffering of others brought on by war!

Pride: Details details details. It's all good.

Ed knew this would be his only time he would be able to do something so daring and so drastic that he marched right up to Pride, stared straight at him, stuck out his tongue, and went PHBTBTBT right in der Fuhrer's face!

Pride: Why I never! Such audacity coming from a dog of the military!

Pride wiped his face and walked away never to be seen again. Well at least for the rest of this story.

Ed: That was strangely satisfying.

It was a shame that Ed didn't have time to savor the feeling when Greed ran right passed him.

Greed: Where is she?

Ed: Who?

Greed: Lust that's who.

Ed: Why are you looking for her?

Greed: Let me see if I can explain it, so even you can understand. I'm Greed; I want it all and all the time. She is Lust. Get it? Wink wink nudge nudge.

Ed: No.

Greed's face turned to ash which was very good considering he's a Homunculus.

Greed: All this time you've never been told the facts of life?

Ed: Apparently I was not since my mother died while I was too young to learn!

Greed: Not even in the military?

Ed: Nope . Well there was this one time late at night when General Mustang wanted me to talk to me about something, but Hawkeye interrupted.

Greed patted Ed on the back and was about to give his condolences when he spied the goodie basket Ed was carrying even after being attacked by the woodland creatures earlier. Like a kid with ADD, Greed snatched the basket completely forgetting about Lust and ran away giggling never to be seen again for the rest of the story.

Ed: That greedy little bastard! He took Granny Pinako's goodie basket! What am I gonna do now?

Me: Psst... Remember you're an alchemist. Make another one.

Ed: Oh yeah!

Ed put his hands together and another basket appeared with all sorts of nice things to eat and drink with the exception of the milk.

Me: Just curious, but what was the equivalent trade in order to make the new goodie basket?

Ed: I mentally raided Winry's ice box.

Me: You can do that! Wait I'm the author, and you can!

Winry started to make dinner. She opened up the ice box only to notice that most everything was gone except for a note and a bottle of milk.

Dear Winry,

I had a run in with Greed, and he swiped the basket. I had to make another one. I hope you understand, and please enjoy the milk.

Ed

Winry: He's gonna be a dead metal alchemist when he gets back.

And so young mister Elric was off once again on his way to Granny Pinako's house. What will be in store for our fave alchem... wait. Al isn't here.

Ed: Very funny.

What else will Ed face in the uber scary forest? Find out in Chapter 3.

Ed: Wait! Chapter two is already over?

Me: Yes.

Ed: But the story line didn't progress.

Me: So? This was not intended to be a one shot fiction. In addition, I thought up more stuff to do to I mean for you.

Ed: Great. Just great.