AN: the characters belong to the gents blah blah blah

Post Apocalyptic Royston Vasey – part 2

Geoff hurried down the street, he was late for work, but he stopped when something caught his eye. The Butcher's shop was no longer boarded up. There was even a light on inside. Geoff pressed his nose up against the glass in an attempt to see better. There was nothing in the shop, everything was empty. But there was definitely someone in there. He tried the door, it was open.

He stepped inside and walked through to the doorway. As he went through the plastic flaps that intended to keep flies out someone grabbed him by the collar and shoved him against a wall. Geoff gave a high pitched scream. He almost began weeping with fear when he saw the face that looked down on him.

"What's going on?" asked the man that faced him, "It's all so confusing!" he sounded as if he should have been scared but his voice remained angry. "I shouldn't be here! Geoff?"

"Err…nice to see you again Hilary." said Geoff, trying to keep himself calm, which was always hard.

"The last thing I remember I was being killed after fighting that…"

"An homunculus?" Geoff suggested.

"Yes. I was dead Geoff, dead! Now I've come back to life!"

"Now…don't be daft."

"I have and I don't understand it." Briss took his hands away. They were shaking and Geoff wasn't sure whether it was from rage or fear. His hands moved to behind his back. Geoff yelped and jumped forwards as something pushed him away from the wall.

"Argh! What's that? It feels like someone's trying to bum me!" Geoff's hands moved behind his back and felt it, a large bushy tail. Hillary had one of his own, a long thin, swishy one with a pointed end. Now he looked more like the devil than ever.

"What the bloody hell is going on?" said Hilary once again grabbing Geoff's collar.

……………

The two both stepped out on to the street. There was no one else there, was this just happening to them?

"Why do I end up with the fluffy one? Yours is better." Complained Geoff as if Hilary had chosen who got which.

"Listen," said Hilary threateningly "I'd rather it was no tail at all. I'm going back inside, no one can see me. If people find out I'm still alive they'll want me killed again. You go and find out if anyone else has one, try and find out what in the bleeding hell is going on." Hilary returned to the shop, slamming the door behind him.

Geoff shoved his hands in to his pockets and began walking down the road again. Why did it have to be him? He wished he could have had a less… girly tail. And how come Hilary was alive again? It was as if that apocalypse hadn't happened. As if the writers had never died.

……………….

People were banging on his door, a whole crowd of them. Chinnery didn't know what to do. They thought that perhaps he could do something to help. But he didn't know anything about it. It was like an epidemic, like when half the town had nosebleeds. Everyone in the town had suddenly grown a tail and he couldn't think of an explanation. He doubted it would be because of something they ate. This just defied all logic.

All he could think to do was to ask Bernice. She had known about that other world and about the end of theirs. If anyone would know she would, but how to get out without anyone seeing him? He'd have to leave through the back way.

Chinnery hurried outside in to his garden and ran towards the fence. He stopped in his tracks when he stepped on something. Oh no, he'd done it again. He picked up the poor animal. The rabbit was limp. Sadly he stroked it and placed it in its hutch. He began to run again trying not to cry. As he went through the gate he bumped in to someone.

"Chinnery!" exclaimed Geoff. "Err what…you doing here?"

"I live here." replied Chinnery. Geoff leaned to his right slightly, he couldn't see a tail on Chinnery anywhere. "Ah I see it's happened to you too."

"What's that supposed to mean?" said Geoff, instantly offended.

"I mean you have a tail."

"Yeah well I see you don't have one." said Geoff, annoyed.

"I do." replied Chinnery, who turned to show Geoff his short fluffy tail. Geoff smirked. Chinnery's was more girly than his. "I'm going to see Bernice; she might know something about this."

"Right then I'll come with you. Hilary sent me to find out." Chinnery made to leave then stopped in his tracks. Surely he didn't mean… It couldn't be…Chinnery forced himself to keep moving.

"Do you mean…Hilary Briss.?" he said, worried about the answer.

"Yeah,"

"But he's dead."

"I know, I know, but not now he's not." Geoff began to wonder if this tail thing was happening to everyone else.

……………………

Tish looked at herself in front of the mirror whilst she talked on the phone. "I know it's weird isn't it? Even stranger than that guy we met in that market who was selling all those crystals and shit. I like it though; the orange goes with that floppy hat I bought. Oh didn't I tell you? Yeah I bought it yesterday, I love it so much. I'm sure I sent you a text about it." Tish began twirling her hair, comparing its colour to the colour of the fur on her new tail. "You didn't! Really? Oh I wish I was gay you can all sleep with each other and there's no consequences, though all this talk about tails must be confusing you." at that moment she gave a high pitched giggle.

……………………..

Pauline's lips quivered as the room filled with laughter. She should have thought twice about saying "hokey cokey pig in a pokey." It just seemed to slip out these days and as did her tail as she came down the stairs, a curly pink tail. She didn't like losing control. She'd have to do something.

"Yes very funny. But we're not at school any more, you're working men now. Oh wait no. You're not are you?" The familiar depression came down upon the men again. "This isn't a joke. So stop laughing you useless dole scum! You laugh at my tail and I cut yours off!" Pauline held up a pair of scissors that she kept in her pen box. All laughter had stopped. "Now I don't know what's going on. But we'll ignore these stupid tails and get on with our course." She looked down at an empty chair. "Where's Mickey?" she demanded. Someone pointed to the window. Pauline walked up to the window and looked outside. "Mickey! Get back in here and stopped chasing your flippin' tail you monkey!"

………………………

Jeremy read over what he'd written and gave the occasional laugh. This proved that there was still plenty of life in the characters yet. After reading he stared at the screen, sipping his tea. How could he get Hilary Briss back from the Caribbean? Hmm maybe he could just have him running back to the town, or just have him take down the boards covering the shop front, he didn't need an explanation.

He also needed a way to bring the others back. How could he bring them back from the dead? How could he undo them being run over by a train? How on earth, could he bring back Tubbs and Edward?