"Mom?" Buffy called as she came through the door, dropping her keys on the table. The slayer had just returned from her last final and wanted to make sure that her mom was at work before looking for Spike.
"She's at work," a familiar British accent said, "left about an hour ago. There's a note on the table telling you she'll be home around eight."
"Thanks," Buffy muttered, walking into the kitchen, being trailed by Spike who had just come down the stairs. He was clad in his usual attire, which looked like it had been cleaned. Also, there was a strange scent attached to the vampire, in place of his usual smell of leather was the faint scent of vanilla and fruit.
Spike noticed Buffy's bemused expression. "What?" He asked.
"Why on earth do you smell like vanilla?" Buffy asked, cocking an eyebrow at the vampire who, had he had blood flow, would surely have been blushing.
"Well, you know, I was in the shower when I realized I had no shampoo and what not. And all you had around was vanilla so I just kind off…" Spike trailed off, shrugging sheepishly, which was quite a feat for a master vampire wearing all black and a bruised leather duster. Buffy exhaled a laugh and turned to the refrigerator taking out a yogurt.
"So, how'd your final go?" Spike asked, taking a seat on the kitchen counter as Buffy snapped together the plastic blue spoon that came in the lid of her coffee yogurt. Taking a seat on a chair next to the counter Buffy paused a moment before responding.
"It went great. The English part was basically all about Shakespearean sonnets. So I guess, I kind of want to say thank you. I mean, there's no way I would have passed my final without you," Buffy said, looking up at Spike shyly.
The vampire took an unneeded gulp of air. Gods how he wanted to kiss her at that moment. There she was, smelling like vanilla and sweetness, the traces of her almost finished coffee yogurt coating her lips. She looked like perfection, like an angel, too pure to be touched. Spike reached down from the counter and stroked a hand absently through her hair, not noticing the way her eyes closed in pleasure and she leaned into his touch. After a few moments of the compatible silence Buffy pulled away, hoping that Spike hadn't noticed how content she had been a moment ago. It wouldn't do for him to know how she felt about him. That she had been thinking about him since she first fought him. And that morning, waking up in his comforting embrace, it had been like a fantasy. And she wished with almost her entire being that she could have just stayed in bed, pretending to be asleep, taking comfort lying next to Spike, safe, protected. If only he felt the same way….if only he loved her back.
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Buffy rubbed her eyes lightly, looking over her sonnet homework had been stressful. And after the day she had, especially after gym class, the slayer desperately needed sleep. Memories of Spike surfaced as she looked over the notes she needed to understand for tomorrow's class, but she didn't cry. She hadn't cried, not since the night that Spike had…..gone….she didn't need to cry. It wasn't like he wouldn't be back. He had promised, he was coming for her.
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Buffy knew she was in love with Spike, and in the instant that she figured it out she accepted it. Sure it was weird, a slayer in love with a vampire. But that didn't make it wrong. And how could it be wrong when it felt so right. Buffy and Spike had spent the afternoon together. They had watched Scooby Doo cartoons together and mixed flavors of ice cream together, culminating in a war of gummy bears and chocolate ice cream. And then they had cooked dinner together, trading barbs as Spike taught the slayer to peel potatoes and mix up a salad dressing that he claimed her aunt had taught him to make before he was turned. It was one of those days when everything was perfect.
"So slayer, how was dinner?" Spike asked, picking up Buffy's plate with his own and carrying them over to the sink.
"Delicious," the slayer admitted, "makes me wonder why you drink blood all the time if you can cook so well."
"Human food doesn't really fill me love, I just like the taste is all," Spike explained.
"Speaking of blood, if you're getting hungry we could walk over to the butcher and get you some," Buffy offered, getting up from her seat and grabbing a wet rag to wipe the counter with.
It was on the tip of Spike's tongue to say yes. However, he couldn't do it. He loved her, of course he did, it was impossible not to. But he was a vampire. And he would make it perfectly clear to her that hanging out all afternoon did not suddenly make him a lap dog…
"I better go back home, actually," Spike said. "If the cops are still around I need to find a new place to live. Besides, your mum will be home in an hour and we wouldn't want her asking why the strange man wearing the leather coat in June was drinking blood," Spike finished with a grin.
"Ok," Buffy said. She walked Spike to the front door, and unlocked it slowly, she wanted to savor this last bit of time together. "Hey, if you're not busy tomorrow maybe we could train some more. I mean, school's out and since I don't have a watcher anymore…" Buffy trailed off.
"I'll be your watcher," Spike mumbled.
"What?" The slayer asked, taken back.
"I said I'll be your watcher. Not that I'm a white hat mind you, I just can't stand to see a slayer with as much talent as you waste all your skill," Spike said, attempting nonchalance. Buffy spun around, leaving the key in the lock and wrapped her arms around Spike, pulling him into a hug.
"Thank you so much," She whispered, holding the vampire tightly. Spike tentatively put his arms around Buffy and kissed the top of her honey colored hair, inhaling her scent. After a moment he pulled away.
"Don't get all sappy slayer, I'm just saying I'll train you, that's all," Spike said harshly. However, Buffy sensed how pleased he was at her display of affection.
"I know, it's just you could be…should be trying to kill me. But I haven't really had a friend in a while, not since I became the slayer, so it's been kind of nice to have you around," Buffy admitted.
"I know, and I should be killing you. I just can't. I don't know, I guess you're like a…..a little sister to me," Spike said. Buffy's face fell.
"Little sister," She said tonelessly.
"Yeah," Spike replied. *Sister in Cruel Intentions that is* the vampire thought to himself
A little sister--Buffy had known that Spike didn't love her. She knew it and she accepted it. But it didn't stop it from hurting. It was OK though. For some reason she found herself trusting the vampire implicitly. And if he would only accept her as a trainee, a sister, and a friend, so be it. She would accept that…her heart would break because of that….
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"So Buffy, I've been thinking," Xander said. Buffy ceased her attack on the punching bag for a moment. She had gone directly to the Magic Box after school and started an exhaustive training regiment. Xander had come in after his work at the newspaper was finished for the day and hadn't spoken, had only watched her train. Not commenting when she messed something up, not commenting when she did well.
"What are you thinking Xan?" The slayer asked, pushing a stray lock of sweat-soaked hair from her face.
"That maybe you should come to the Bronze with the gang tonight. It's been four months Buffster, and I just think that maybe you should start coming out with us more," Xander suggested.
"Sure, I guess so," Buffy agreed with slight trepidation. After all, she did need to spend more time with the gang.
"And maybe we can all invite a friend, expand the group and all," Xander suggested tentatively.
"Sure," Buffy replied, stretching out her calves. "There's this girl in my poetry class who's kind of nice. It would be cool to bring her, see if we can develop a friendship and what not."
"And I have this guy I thought you might want to meet," Xander said. Buffy stopped and looked at Xander, confusion written across her face.
"What do you mean a guy?"
"He's nice, about eighteen and he's an intern for the newspaper, same as me. A really cool guy, good looking too," Xander explained, not daring to look at Buffy.
"Are you setting me up for a date?" The slayer asked, her voice rising in anger.
"Buffy, it's been four months. Spike wouldn't want you to suffer like this. I'm not saying you have to go out with this guy. I'm just telling you that you need to move on. You need to fall in love again." Xander explained, his eyes filled with the same concern his voice conveyed.
"You'd love that wouldn't you," Buffy said, her voice a harsh whisper, rising with every word she spoke, "you'd love for me to just turn off my feelings with a switch. Well it doesn't work that way. I cannot dishonor Spike that way. How do you think he'll feel when he comes back to find out that I'm dating someone else!" Buffy asked in outrage, tears forming in her eyes.
"Buffy listen to yourself," Xander begged, "Spike is gone. He's dead and he's not coming back for you. He's gone…forever, and the only way to honor his memory is to move on, to love again, to prove to yourself and to Spike that you're strong enough to keep living!" Buffy looked at Xander, her eyes filled with so much emotion. "He's gone Buffy….he's gone…" Xander said in a whisper. Buffy's bottom lip quivered for a second before her eyes welled up with tears and she collapsed into Xander's outstretched arms, desperately trying to too hold back her tears.
"I love him so much," The slayer whispered softly.
"I know Buff, I know," Xander said comfortingly, rubbing small circles on the slayer's back, "But you have to move on. He's not coming for you."
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"Hey Spike," Buffy said, entering the abandoned gym that Spike had found. Last week they had spent the past week training at the gym all day, and patrolling together at night. However, last night Spike had told Buffy that he had found something and had taken the slayer here, to the old gym. It had a punching bag, a vault, a dummy to attack, and a balance beam. It was in great condition and Spike assumed that the owner had been killed, probably by a vampire. Well, the owner's loss was their gain. This was exactly what Buffy needed.
"So, today I thought we'd try something different. I want you to practice not using weapons. And then, on tonight's patrol, I thought you could go without using weapons, try to fight any demons we come across with just your hands. I think it will be good for you to fight without weapons for a change," Spike said.
"Actually, I meant to talk to you about tonight's patrol," Buffy said, "I know that we've been patrolling together for the last week and all, but tonight…"
"What is it?" Spike asked, brow furrowed in concern.
"I have a date tonight," Buffy said, "and I was hoping that you'd agree to patrol alone tonight. I won't bail all the time, it's just it's the first date I've had in a long time. And I'm kind of doing it to try and get over someone, you know, a step to patch up my wounded heart and what not," Buffy explained.
"Sure, I guess," Spike said, after a moment's pause. *A date….she's going on a date….with some guy she loves…she's going to* "…Wounded heart you said. Who hurt you?" Spike asked with a slightly protective growl.
"No one, it wasn't like it was his fault. It's just…you wouldn't understand…" Buffy said after a moment's pause.
"Try me," Spike suggested, stepping behind the slayer and rubbing her shoulder's comfortingly.
"You ever love someone who doesn't love you back?" Buffy asked, turning to stare into Spike's bright blue eyes.
"Always," The vampire whispered softy, when Buffy had stepped away and he was sure she wouldn't hear. Looking at the slayer longingly he whispered once more, "Always. I will love you always."
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Buffy had spent the better part of the afternoon and evening crying in Xander's arms. It was like all her dreams were shattered. Of course when Spike died she had been upset, heart broken even, but she had moved on, kept going, he had promised he was coming for her and she believed him. Now, though, Xander had spoken aloud her worst fear, the idea that Spike wouldn't be coming for her, that perhaps, death had beaten him, that perhaps, death was too strong.
Brian was nice. Really, he was. There was nothing wrong with him. He was courteous and polite--he opened his car door for her and offered to get her something to drink when they reached their destination, Karma. He listened to her when she spoke and he nodded his head in agreement and laughed at proper intervals. But his eyes didn't shine with a light from within when she said something he disagreed with. He didn't run a hand through his hair in exasperation when she pouted. He didn't smirk at her when she was wrong, and he didn't smile at her when she was right. He didn't look like the kind of man who would get caught up in the moment, the kind of man who would suddenly grab her to him and kiss her thoroughly just because…and now he was talking about cars….cars….Spike can drive a car. He claims he has a black one, I have yet to see it. I bet he drives it really well. I bet he holds his hands at ten and three. Just like a perfect driver…And in the summer I bet he drives with the window down, and the radio playing loudly. And if it's really muggy I bet he sweats…sweet Spike sweat….sweat that drips down from his scarred eyebrow, past those perfect lips, until his rough pink tongue licks the drop of sweat. Or if he doesn't lick the sweat…then it would keep going, down his chin, past his throat, down onto his chest…under his shirt, sliding across those perfect abs…just waiting to be licked off-
"Buffy, are you listening?" Brian asked, when he caught the slayer's spacey look.
"Of course Brian. I just got caught up in the moment. Please continue," Buffy said her voice as sweet as honey. When Brian began talking again Buffy sighed internally. Yup, he was definitely no…."Spike!" Buffy called when she caught sight of her friend's bright, blonde hair.
"What?" Brian asked.
"I just saw my friend
Spike. Let me get him, I'll introduce
you," Buffy offered. Not waiting for
Brian's response she got up from the table and made her way over to Spike, who
stood, leaning against the bar, watching the slayer coming towards him.
"Hello love," Spike said when the slayer reached him.
"Hey," Buffy said with a relieved sigh.
"Date not going well?"
"Isn't that an understatement. I used to totally love boys. They were fascinating and fun and…" Buffy trailed off for a moment. "I guess compared to demons human boys seem kind of…"
"Immature," Spike offered.
"Boring," The slayer corrected. "I mean, even spending an evening watching Scooby Doo with you is more exciting."
"I'm flattered, really," Spike said, sarcastically. Buffy rolled her eyes and slapped the vampire's arm good-naturedly.
"I didn't mean to downplay the excitement of our Scooby Doo marathons, I just meant that dates are supposed to be exciting. Brian's such a-"
"Hey Buffy, is this Spike?" Brian's familiar voice asked. Buffy whipped around and smiled sweetly at Brian.
"Yeah," She said. "Spike, Brian. Brian, Spike."
"Nice to meet you,"
Brian said, offering his hand, which Spike took and shook firmly.
"Same here mate," Spike said. "Didn't
mean to interrupt your date. I'll be
going-" Spike was cut off by Buffy clearing her throat purposefully. "What?" Spike asked with a slight smirk,
understanding immediately that Buffy wanted him to make up an excuse to get her
out of the date. However, there was no
way he was going to do that. Definitely
not, it was so much more fun to watch her suffer. She was so cute when she pouted.
"Well, I guess Buffy and I will get back to our date then. We haven't even danced yet," Brian said cheerfully. Spike was about to wish them well and then go of in a corner somewhere to watch Buffy be miserable. However an image of the slayer dancing with Brian, hips moving seductively passed through his mind and he suddenly found himself searching for any excuse he could think of to get the slayer out of Karma and home. Out of the clutches of dates like Brian who expected good night kisses. No way Brian would be getting a good night kiss if Spike wasn't…no way.
"Actually, I think
Buffy needs to come home now," Spike
said, stuttering slightly.
"I know slayer has a busy day tomorrow and all, wouldn't want her sleepy. Well, ta then," Spike finished, grabbing
Buffy's arm and pulling her out of Karma .
The slayer didn't have time to protest, or to remind Spike that her
purse was still in Karma. She was being
pulled out the door and around the corner, far away from a very confused Brian
who was still puzzling over why the bleached blonde man had called Buffy "slayer."
It wasn't until Buffy and Spike were outside the slayer's house that they paused. Spike had been dragging the slayer the entire way, and after a few minutes of confusion, Buffy had realized that Spike was her salvation, getting her away from Brian (though not really in the manner she would have chosen), and therefore, she stopped resisting. When the two paused they both broke out into laughter simultaneously.
"I wish I could have seen the look on that git's face," Spike said, in between hearty chuckles.
"That was really mean," Buffy began, before breaking into laughter, struggling to get out the rest of her sentence. "He was perfectly nice."
"He was perfectly nice," Spike mimicked in a high pitched voice. "Perfectly boring you mean," Spike amended, arching an eyebrow at the sheepish looking slayer as their laughter subsided.
"Okay, okay, you're right. The man was a cardboard cutout," Buffy admitted. That confession sent the pair into another round of laughter, which ended only when Joyce came outside, wondering what the commotion was about.
After a brief and slightly awkward chat with Joyce, Spike went home, whistling merrily. After all, mission had been accomplished. The slayer had gone home that evening without kissing or dancing with Brian. Plus, she had admitted how much she enjoyed spending time with him, even just watching cartoons. Maybe…no. It was impossible. He was a watcher and big brother to the slayer, not a boyfriend. He would just have to love her from afar. It was okay, he could live with that…his heart would break because of that.