Chapter Eighteen

Riddick's POV

"Beautiful. They're beautiful." You say those words with a sense of approval and emotion in them. I know you like the shivs from the way your body reacted to them. I'm glad you like the shivs. They're perfect. They're sharp, strong, and black.

My body tenses a little as you hug me. I'm not used to such close proximity with another human, and sometimes, hugging comes as a total shock. It finally registers that you actually mean the hug so I return it, but there is something nagging in me. You tilt your head up so that I'm looking into your eyes, instead of the top of your head. Your eyes, they're full of…love?

What was that? It was nothing.

I keep my eyes very serious. Something has changed. I can feel it now, and this thing between you and I is wrong. Way wrong. Even this hug feels wrong, somehow.

"Kyra, someone gets to close, you use them. Someone corners you, you use them. Make sure it's quick and clean. No mess Kyra. Once it's done, you run. Don't look back if you can help it. Run to ship only when you know for sure no one is following you."

What is that feeling? It's there again. My senses are on overdrive. Something's wrong.

"You plan on leaving me anytime soon Big Guy?" You squeeze me tighter and there it is again. I understand now.

"Yes, I am."

It's not a test. I'm trying to provoke you, to ignite your inner animal. I don't know want to do it, I only know that I have to. It'll make you better. Stronger. Fuck, what will you do when I'm torn from you the way I feel that I will be? This feeling I'm getting, what is it? Never had it before. It hit me the moment you hugged me. Fuck. Something in my head demands that I let you go. You need to be strong. You need to be able to pick yourself up and move on, without me. Why are you so dependent on me?

I can feel your body tense up, no, not tense up, but get rigid.

"Kyra?"

I let it happen. You jerk your hands away from around my waist and shove me hard. You use this attack to catch me off guard, but I sensed it coming. I allow myself to fall to the floor, knowing you'll take this opportunity to run. You always run. Things get tough, you run. It's good. Run Kyra. Run away from me. I can't make this up to you. I don't know how.

I'm able to put some distance between us with this physical attack of yours. I just can't shake this feeling I got. It's a feeling that says to let you go. Let you be free, and not confine you to my life and my existence. Take you to Dirkshire, leave the ship for you as a safety net, and then disappear for good. Run.

This feeling I have demands that you stay away from me. I get it. Something's coming for me Kyra. Its coming and I can't stop it. Not this time. I can't see what's coming for me, I can only feel it coming. I don't like this feeling, and I can't shake it. This feeling is forcing me to listen to it. But what is it?

He's been active again, active inside my head that is. My animal side is alert and dangerously close to losing control. It's a warning, this feeling is. A warning I won't ignore. Not even for you. I can't. You're the only thing that matters to me. I'm in too deep with you, I know that now. I let you get too close, now you're a part of my heart. Who knew I had one?

"Light's off."

I let the darkness surround me. Wherever you are, the lights will be on, protecting you from me. As it should be. You'll always live in the light, and I'll always live in darkness. I'm turning you into me Kyra, and that's not what I want for you.

Then let her go.

No! She's mine.

I pause.

I can't let her go, but I have to.

Keep to the darkness.

Kyra's POV

Asshole. No. You give assholes a bad name, Shit for Brains.

Stupid, stupid, stupid me. I let you get close, and now I have to watch as you pull away. How utterly typical of you Riddick. I thought everything between us was good. You said it was good. Was that a fucking lie? We're good. Stupid me. You don't even know what good is.

I hate you. You're leaving me. Again. I didn't see it coming. Why didn't I see it coming? Even last time I saw it. Okay, maybe I didn't, but this time, I should have known. But…after what we shared, I thought we were…together.

You're pulling away and I don't know how to stop it. No you're not pulling away, you've pulled away. I can feel the tears rolling off my cheeks. My vision is blurry as I run down the hall.

Did we share anything Riddick? Was it all a game to you? A sick, twisted game?

Not only did you mind fuck me, but you…I won't say it. I'm not like that anymore. I'm not in slam. YOU CAN'T MAKE ME FEEL LIKE THAT. Not you or anyone else, ever again.

I tumble into the bedroom and head straight to the closet. I don't want to be in the light of the bedroom but I can't seem to turn the light off. I enter the dark closed and close the door, shutting myself in. My mind barely registers that I'm slumping to the floor. It's a tiny space, but I won't freak out. I pull my knees up to hug them as I allow the tears to fall freely.

Stop! Stop it! I'm not going to cry. Not anymore. Jack can cry for you, but Kyra won't. I'm not going to cry for you Riddick. Never again. It hurts too much. I thought you'd be different. Thought you'd care for me. Thought you'd be my friend. I gave myself to you. All of my heart and you…

"You should have left me to die, back on that planet. Back when I worshipped you as my dark hero. Back when…" I let my voice fade so that I don't have to say the words out loud. There's no point in saying them out loud anymore. You won't be able to return them…ever.

More tears. I can't stop them. I drop my head to my knees. I don't care anymore. I'll just sit in the dark and wait. I don't know what I'm waiting for, but it can consume me anyway.

Riddick's POV

I'm crouched just outside the closet door. You didn't hear me as I approached. You didn't see me either. Look at you. You're hiding in the closet, where it's dark. How interesting. I shake my head, clearing it of the animal inside. I think on what you said. Back when what? What were you going to say? My hands are trembling slightly. I can't get them to stop. I avoid looking at them and stare at the closed closet door.

"Finish it."

I hear the audible gasp as air rushes into your lungs. You didn't think I'd let you hide from me, did you?

"Back when I loved you." You sound so sure of yourself.

"Bullshit. You didn't love me back then. You didn't know me. You were a kid." Why would you ever love me?

"You saved me." Pause. "You've always save me." You mumbled the last part mostly to yourself, but I heard it. Fuck. Not good.

"I save you, and suddenly you love me? Fuck, you were a kid. A simple minded, scrawny little kid." And now you're a woman. An intelligent, curvy, strong woman.

"Why'd you do it then?" You don't know why?

I let the air escape my lungs slowly. I don't want you to hear the anger in my breath.

"Because that creature wanted to hurt you. Because you couldn't kill the creature yourself. Because you got to me."

"Because you cared what would happen to that simple minded little kid?"

You forgot scrawny. "Because I care what happens to that little kid." It came out so fast, that I couldn't stop it.

"Care or cared? Which is it?"

I delay answering for a second. You deserve and answer, so I give the one you don't want to hear, even if it's a lie. "Cared."

"Bullshit."

I keep silent for a moment.

"Kyra…"

"Don't do it. Don't you dare leave me. I won't forgive you the second time."

What am I supposed to say? Luckily I don't have to continue, you speak.

"Riddick, you're a pussy."

You're angry and are trying to push my buttons. You're coming close. It's what I expected from you.

"Say that again Kyra."

Silence.

It's better for you to hate me. It'll make it easier. Easier for you to let me go. I stare at the closet door and blink. There's something in my eye. I shake my head again, to see if it helps. It doesn't.

"Food. Outside the closet. Eat."

More silence.

"Be up front in Twenty."

I wait for a response, determined to get one.

"Not hungry."

Not hungry? You're going to shut down because of me? Not for me! I rip open the closet door. I'm invading your space now. I can see you scrunched in the corner. You didn't even flinch as the door came off the hinges. That's my woman, strong and determined, but considerably weakened.

I hesitate, momentarily. "What do you want from me?" I strip all emotion from my voice. The words come out harsh, cold. There's no hesitation on your part, although you don't look me in the eyes. It seems Jack has come out to play again.

"I want you to tell me what's going on in your head. Not all the time, but the times when you think you're cornered. I'm not the one cornering you Riddick, so let me the fuck in. I want you to rely on me, as your friend and your lover. I want you to realize that you have someone who won't run away from you. I want you to stop with the macho shit, the mind games, the tests. I want into your world. I want you. I've always wanted you."

"Lot of words you just spoke there. You sure you said it all?"

"No, I have some more. You said we were family once, not that long ago. What changed?"

"A feeling."

"A bad feeling?"

No more talking. It's over. Finished. "Twenty minutes, Kyra."

"Answer me. Are you leaving because you need to, or because you want to?"

Smart woman. You know I'm pulling away. Guess I haven't pushed you over the edge yet. You'll understand soon enough. You belong to the light, and me, I belong in darkness, in shadows, in perdition.

"It's over Kyra."

"Because you're afraid?"

"Don't push it!" How dare you!

"Push what? Push for the fucking truth? Make you open up to me, make you vulnerable…weak."

First it's Jack that comes to play, and now it's Kyra. Beautiful. Perfect performance you give woman. You actually looked me in the eyes and accused me of being weak. You're right. I've become weak.

"You could never be weak, Riddick, not in my eyes. Getting close to me doesn't make you weak."

I'll bite. "And?"

"What are you afraid of?"

"This. I let you in. Now you're too close. There's fucking mercs on my neck. You're too good…too good at being me. They'll use you to get to me. They'll break you to break me. They'll find me and kill you, so that –"

"You're scared."

I narrow my eyes. Am I scared?

"Something's coming for me, and when it does, you'd better be out of the way."

Do you get it now? You can't be with me.

"And where would out of the way be? Dead, because some fuck thinks that I know too much of the infamous Richard. B. Riddick and tortures me again, just like – "

You stopped. You always stop.

They touched you? "Finish it," I say through clenched teeth.

"The safest place to be is beside you. Ever think of that? I'm safest within reach of you. I'm safest within sight of you. Bloody hell, I'm safest when I'm within smell of me– of you, whatever, Riddick."

Could you be right? Could this feeling simply be fear? Am I afraid for you? Am I afraid of you being so connected to me? I stare into your eyes. They're full of hope, of peace. I understand what I've been feeling now. All this time, I was feeling fear.

"I'm…sorry." Never done that before.

"For?" I can hear you searching for something. It's almost as if you're reaching for me somehow.

"For them getting to you. For being afraid. For…thinking of leaving you behind to distance myself from you. For being weak." I've failed. I've let you get too close, and now I can't go on without your presence close to me. I'm feeding off of you, taking all you have to offer. That's going to change. I'm going to give back, starting now.

"I'm still pissed."

"And?"

"Less then twenty right?"

Shit, we'll be approaching. "Eat, and move up front."

"Riddick, we good?"

"We're good, woman. You and me…family."

"Family. I like that Baldy, but I'm still pissed."

I'll let you get away with the nickname just this once woman.

This chapter was difficult to write because I wanted to show Riddick struggling with the emotion of fear. I hope I got close enough to what his character might actually be thinking when encountering such a typical human emotion. Let me know what you think.