* SCENE III *
______________________________________
--Out of nowhere, a sharp blast of orange-yellow blurs in front of them.
All: PLUTO!!!
--Sure, enough, it was Pluto, the retard reject of Disney!(sorry, I had to say it)
Pluto: Hey! Goofy! I gotz a Bone to pick with youz!
Kairi: What the f***!? He can talk?
Pluto: What, you wanna start somethin'!
Kairi: Bring it on, G.D.
Pluto: Huh?
Kairi: Ghetto Dog!
Pluto: Excuse me, Miss Thang!
Kairi: Sorry, what was your name again? Was it "Son of a B***h?"
Pluto: Oh, no you didn't! Don't hate, don't hate!
Goofy: Hey, hey! You don't want her, you want to talk to me!
Pluto: What up dog! You be TRIPPIN'!!!!
Goofy: Huh?
Pluto: Sell out! Tryin' to be all bouggie!!!
Goofy: Huh?
Pluto: Walkin' upright, drivin' cars, wearin' clothes my canine brother. Sellin' out to the man like you do. The man even got you a hat. What...what.....what? Where's the feather, my brother?
Goofy: I didn't sell out that much.
Pluto: How is that? Tell me...tell me...my brother!
Goofy: I gotz a posse, homez! This is D-Duck a.k.a. Donny, and this is the Big Head Trio! And if you don't back up, we just might be bustin' some caps!
Pluto: Word, G. I..I didn't know you rolled like that, kid!
Goofy: You best get up out my place, before we send yo ass to space!
Pluto: Slow your roll, dog! Slow your roll!
Kairi: What the f***! He be clownin' you G-Dog! He be clownin'
Pluto: Hey, watch it!
Goofy: Watch yourself, watch yourself!
Pluto: What up, homez!!!!
--BANG!!!!
Sora: Oh, my God! They killed Pluto!
Riku: You b@st@rds!
Goofy: Oh, oh, God!!! Who just did that?
Kairi: What the f*** are you guys lookin' at me for.
Donald: No matter how much he deserved it, you just shoot Pluto!
Kairi: So?
--His cold dead body was sprawled out on the grass. The only thing slightly alive about him was his dog tag blowing in the wind. Sora knelt down to read the tag.
Sora: It says O.P.P. What's that mean?
Goofy: Original Puppy Playa. We grew up in the same hood. I got him that on his 3rd birthday.
Donald: So what do we do now?
Kairi: Look, I'll hide the f***ing body! You guys go ahead.
--They all walk ahead, leaving Kairi behind with the corpse. After only a few seconds, the clouds in the sky start to mold and make a figure of someone's head.
Kairi: What the f***?!
Mufasa: I, Mufasa, the great Lion King, have come to stop this killing, KAIRI!!!!
Kairi: What the f***?!
Riku: What are you taking about "Smokey the Bear"?
Mufasa: I speak of the many left dead in her trail.
Sora: She's been with us this whole time and she only killed Pluto.
Mufasa: What about before you got here?
Sora: She was with us.
Mufasa: Before that!
Sora: Oh, oh. Kairi, NO!
Kairi: What the f***! I've got a good excuse.
Mufasa: What is that?
Kairi: He was all up in my face. No one messes with this sh**!
Mufasa: But you've killed 15 times, well 16 now that Pluto's finally dead! Woman, get a grip! And all of them beloved Disney characters except for one! You killed the following characters: 1) White Rabbit, 2) Bambi, 3) Baloo, 4) Aladdin, 5) Pinocchio..
Kairi: What the f***?! No, I didn't! I didn't kill15, well 16 characters!!! Fine, you want excuses. Here you go! 1)Too anal retentive, 2)lesbian deer, 3)fat, 4)obsessed with underpants, and 5)did weird crap with his nose!
Mufasa: Bambi's not a lesbian! Bambi's a boy!
Kairi: What the f***?! Whatever, it doesn't matter know; she's dead!
Mufasa: What about 6)Quazimoto, 7)Mario, 8)Cinderella, 9)&10)2 of her mice, 11)Snow White, 12)Dopey.
Kairi: 6)Deformed, 7)Italian, 8)too white, 9)&10)reminded me of Mickey, 11)even whiter, and 12)retarded!
Mufasa: Are you some sort of racist, intolerant, cussing freak?
Kairi: What the f*** did you just call me?
Mufasa: Then there's 13) Pluto and both young and adult Simba!
Kairi: 13) Ghetto dog tryin' to get all up in my face, and those two were really annoying!
Mufasa: What!!! You killed them for being annoying, you sick demented psycho! You could have at least left one Simba alive!
Kairi: Nope! Can I ask you one question Mister?
Mufasa: I suppose my child.
Kairi: Are you the "law" around here? I mean suppose something should happen to you; who would be in charge?
Mufasa: Well, my son! But he's dead. After him would be his son, but he didn't have one, so I guess all there is left is King Mickey.
Kairi: Really? Interesting.
--With one quick flick of Kairi's wrist, her gun was aimed, set, and loaded.
Mufasa: Oh, my God!!! You're not going to get away with this!
Kairi: Oh, yes I am, and you know it.
Mufasa: How did you know?
Kairi: You just told me!
--BANG!!!
Sora: Oh, my God! They killed Mufasa!
Riku: You B@ST@RDS!!!
Donald: Kairi, you have a problem.
Kairi: I really didn't kill all those characters. I'll admit to Pluto, Mufasa, and both Simbas, but I didn't actually kill the others.
Goofy: Gawrsh, then who did?
Kairi: Well, I'm not sure, but one thing's for sure: he's a racist, intolerant, homophob!
Sora: So you don't go around killing gay people.
Kairi: What the f***?! NO!
Sora: Whew! That as close!
Kairi: Huh?
Sora: Nothing!!!
Kairi: All I know is that I have a mission. I've been the damsel in distress way too f***in' long! I need to take care of myself. I know his motives. I know his victims. I even know where to go to find him!
Sora: Find who?
Kairi: The man who framed or is framing me!
All: (gasp) But who?
Kairi: What the f***?! I told you, I don't know who he is!
Sora: But Kairi, where are you going to go to find the guy that's framing you? He could be anywhere, plus he's armed and dangerous!
Kairi: So am I Sora! So am I! No body messes with this crazy @ss biatch! JIGOKU NAI!!! (trans.: hell no)
Sora: Good luck, Kairi.
Kairi: I'll miss you, Sora. Thank you. Thank you for everything! (pause) I'll miss you all!
--Kairi bows her head. She pulls a small key from a hidden pocket in her skirt and holds it up to the sky.
Riku: Not more keys! Oh, sweet Jesus!
______________________________________
--Out of nowhere, a sharp blast of orange-yellow blurs in front of them.
All: PLUTO!!!
--Sure, enough, it was Pluto, the retard reject of Disney!(sorry, I had to say it)
Pluto: Hey! Goofy! I gotz a Bone to pick with youz!
Kairi: What the f***!? He can talk?
Pluto: What, you wanna start somethin'!
Kairi: Bring it on, G.D.
Pluto: Huh?
Kairi: Ghetto Dog!
Pluto: Excuse me, Miss Thang!
Kairi: Sorry, what was your name again? Was it "Son of a B***h?"
Pluto: Oh, no you didn't! Don't hate, don't hate!
Goofy: Hey, hey! You don't want her, you want to talk to me!
Pluto: What up dog! You be TRIPPIN'!!!!
Goofy: Huh?
Pluto: Sell out! Tryin' to be all bouggie!!!
Goofy: Huh?
Pluto: Walkin' upright, drivin' cars, wearin' clothes my canine brother. Sellin' out to the man like you do. The man even got you a hat. What...what.....what? Where's the feather, my brother?
Goofy: I didn't sell out that much.
Pluto: How is that? Tell me...tell me...my brother!
Goofy: I gotz a posse, homez! This is D-Duck a.k.a. Donny, and this is the Big Head Trio! And if you don't back up, we just might be bustin' some caps!
Pluto: Word, G. I..I didn't know you rolled like that, kid!
Goofy: You best get up out my place, before we send yo ass to space!
Pluto: Slow your roll, dog! Slow your roll!
Kairi: What the f***! He be clownin' you G-Dog! He be clownin'
Pluto: Hey, watch it!
Goofy: Watch yourself, watch yourself!
Pluto: What up, homez!!!!
--BANG!!!!
Sora: Oh, my God! They killed Pluto!
Riku: You b@st@rds!
Goofy: Oh, oh, God!!! Who just did that?
Kairi: What the f*** are you guys lookin' at me for.
Donald: No matter how much he deserved it, you just shoot Pluto!
Kairi: So?
--His cold dead body was sprawled out on the grass. The only thing slightly alive about him was his dog tag blowing in the wind. Sora knelt down to read the tag.
Sora: It says O.P.P. What's that mean?
Goofy: Original Puppy Playa. We grew up in the same hood. I got him that on his 3rd birthday.
Donald: So what do we do now?
Kairi: Look, I'll hide the f***ing body! You guys go ahead.
--They all walk ahead, leaving Kairi behind with the corpse. After only a few seconds, the clouds in the sky start to mold and make a figure of someone's head.
Kairi: What the f***?!
Mufasa: I, Mufasa, the great Lion King, have come to stop this killing, KAIRI!!!!
Kairi: What the f***?!
Riku: What are you taking about "Smokey the Bear"?
Mufasa: I speak of the many left dead in her trail.
Sora: She's been with us this whole time and she only killed Pluto.
Mufasa: What about before you got here?
Sora: She was with us.
Mufasa: Before that!
Sora: Oh, oh. Kairi, NO!
Kairi: What the f***! I've got a good excuse.
Mufasa: What is that?
Kairi: He was all up in my face. No one messes with this sh**!
Mufasa: But you've killed 15 times, well 16 now that Pluto's finally dead! Woman, get a grip! And all of them beloved Disney characters except for one! You killed the following characters: 1) White Rabbit, 2) Bambi, 3) Baloo, 4) Aladdin, 5) Pinocchio..
Kairi: What the f***?! No, I didn't! I didn't kill15, well 16 characters!!! Fine, you want excuses. Here you go! 1)Too anal retentive, 2)lesbian deer, 3)fat, 4)obsessed with underpants, and 5)did weird crap with his nose!
Mufasa: Bambi's not a lesbian! Bambi's a boy!
Kairi: What the f***?! Whatever, it doesn't matter know; she's dead!
Mufasa: What about 6)Quazimoto, 7)Mario, 8)Cinderella, 9)&10)2 of her mice, 11)Snow White, 12)Dopey.
Kairi: 6)Deformed, 7)Italian, 8)too white, 9)&10)reminded me of Mickey, 11)even whiter, and 12)retarded!
Mufasa: Are you some sort of racist, intolerant, cussing freak?
Kairi: What the f*** did you just call me?
Mufasa: Then there's 13) Pluto and both young and adult Simba!
Kairi: 13) Ghetto dog tryin' to get all up in my face, and those two were really annoying!
Mufasa: What!!! You killed them for being annoying, you sick demented psycho! You could have at least left one Simba alive!
Kairi: Nope! Can I ask you one question Mister?
Mufasa: I suppose my child.
Kairi: Are you the "law" around here? I mean suppose something should happen to you; who would be in charge?
Mufasa: Well, my son! But he's dead. After him would be his son, but he didn't have one, so I guess all there is left is King Mickey.
Kairi: Really? Interesting.
--With one quick flick of Kairi's wrist, her gun was aimed, set, and loaded.
Mufasa: Oh, my God!!! You're not going to get away with this!
Kairi: Oh, yes I am, and you know it.
Mufasa: How did you know?
Kairi: You just told me!
--BANG!!!
Sora: Oh, my God! They killed Mufasa!
Riku: You B@ST@RDS!!!
Donald: Kairi, you have a problem.
Kairi: I really didn't kill all those characters. I'll admit to Pluto, Mufasa, and both Simbas, but I didn't actually kill the others.
Goofy: Gawrsh, then who did?
Kairi: Well, I'm not sure, but one thing's for sure: he's a racist, intolerant, homophob!
Sora: So you don't go around killing gay people.
Kairi: What the f***?! NO!
Sora: Whew! That as close!
Kairi: Huh?
Sora: Nothing!!!
Kairi: All I know is that I have a mission. I've been the damsel in distress way too f***in' long! I need to take care of myself. I know his motives. I know his victims. I even know where to go to find him!
Sora: Find who?
Kairi: The man who framed or is framing me!
All: (gasp) But who?
Kairi: What the f***?! I told you, I don't know who he is!
Sora: But Kairi, where are you going to go to find the guy that's framing you? He could be anywhere, plus he's armed and dangerous!
Kairi: So am I Sora! So am I! No body messes with this crazy @ss biatch! JIGOKU NAI!!! (trans.: hell no)
Sora: Good luck, Kairi.
Kairi: I'll miss you, Sora. Thank you. Thank you for everything! (pause) I'll miss you all!
--Kairi bows her head. She pulls a small key from a hidden pocket in her skirt and holds it up to the sky.
Riku: Not more keys! Oh, sweet Jesus!