Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Crossing Jordan.

When Angels Cry

Chapters 4 – Just a phone call away.

When Lily got home from work she jumped into the shower. When she got out she tried on 8 different outfits before deciding on a black dress. She felt like she was back in highschool going on her first date. She did her hair and make – up and then sprayed herself with perfume that had been a gift from her mother before she died. Lily was so excited, she hadn't been on a date for almost a year. The last one was a blind date that Nigel had set her up with so she could double date with him and one of his old girlfriends; the one before Sara. However the date had been disastrous because the guy Nigel set her up with turned out to be interested in Nigel and not Lily. She smiled as she remembered the night.

She couldn't wait for Matt to arrive. She was ready at 7 and sat staring at her door.

At 7:15 she was beginning to worry but she reassured herself that it was Matt and he probably wanted to make her worry about him before he showed up. Finally there was a knock at the door. It was 7:19, she practically ran to the door.

When she opened it, she was shocked to see Nigel and Jordan. "Can we come in Lily?" Jordan asked. "Guys now is not really the best time, Matt will be here any minute."

"That's why we're here to see you luv." Nigel said.

"Why would you be here to see me about Matt? Is something wrong, is he in the hospital."

"Lily there was another cop shooting. Matt didn't make it." Jordan told her.

"Lily sat down at her table and allowed the news a moment to sink in."

No one said anything for a moment and then Lily turned to Jordan. "How did it happen?"

"When he arrived at a murder scene there was someone waiting specifically for him. We aren't sure of any of the details but we will keep you posted. Maybe you should consider taking a few days off work."

"Why would I do that, there isn't anything for me to do here. Besides you know someone is going to have to tell his family members." Lily seemed to be taking this well, but Jordan knew Lily had just begun to accept her mother's death and this wasn't going to be as easy as Lily was pretending it would be.

"You could hang out with Woodrow, he doesn't really have anything to do since he's confined to a bed. Or there's Dr. Macy, he has a lot of free time." Nigel tried to convince Lily not to come back to work.

"No I will have notifications to do. Besides I do believe I was the only one that liked Matt, perhaps I should be the one to tell his family members." Lily wasn't going to let them talk her into staying home. "Guys I hope you don't mind but I would kind of like to be left alone for a little while."

"Yeah sure Lil'. Call me if you need anything, I'll be home."

"Aren't you going to visit Woody, Jordan?"

"Umm, not tonight I saw him at lunch."

"Yes luv and I'm also just a phone call away, don't feel bad calling me. Anytime even 4 in the morning."

"Thanks guys but I'm sure I'll be fine. Thanks for your concern."

Lily walked them to the door and then bolted it shut and put the chain lock in. As soon as she was locked in her emotions caught up with her and it took all her strength to stagger to the couch. She cried so hard, mostly from guilt for not being nicer to him. She cried for not getting to know him sooner. She told herself should have dated him months ago and now it was too late. She slowly felt everything spiraling out of control. First her mother, then Woody, then Garret and now Seely. She didn't think she could handle anything else. It took her a minute to realize the phone was ringing, when she heard it she tried to compose herself. "Hello," she sobbed into the phone.

"Hey Lily, its Garret. I was wondering how you were holding up?"

"I'm just a little shaken up but I'll be fine."

"Do you want me to come over?"

"No, I'd kind of like to alone right now."

"Okay, if you need anything call me. I'm just a phone call away."

"Thanks Garret but don't worry about me. I'm not Jordan I won't run away."

"Okay bye Lily."

"Bye Garret."

She felt so disoriented; she found a bottle of whisky in her cupboard and opened it. She figured she wouldn't get through this night without it. She practically guzzled the bottle and then fell asleep on her couch.

She woke up hours later. Her head was pounding and everything was dark. She glanced at the clock in her kitchen. 4am, great, just great, she thought as she staggered into the kitchen. She had 4 hours to get a hold of herself before she had to be at work. She took 2 Tylenol and then went to take a shower. She hoped that the hot water would make her feel better, but instead it made her feel worse. The hot stuffy bathroom made her stomach churn and she stepped out of the shower to throw up.

When she was finished throwing up she wandered into her bedroom and collapsed on her bed. Her emotions came once again and she cried hard into her pillow. She must have fallen asleep while she was crying because the next thing she knew her alarm was going off. It was 6:45. She dragged herself back into the shower at yet another attempt to rid herself of her hangover.