* SCENE XVII *
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--Meanwhile at Goofy's house...Donald sits in the bathtub wearing plastic underwear while Goofy stands near shaking his head.
Donald: And ready the tub!
Goofy: No!
Donald: DO IT!!!!
Goofy: F**K NO!!!
Donald: Come on!
Goofy: This is just too weird. I mean you give me everything you own in your will. Then you want to commit suicide. Then you write a crappy suicide note.
Donald: It's not crappy! Read it again!
Goofy: Fine. "To whom it may concern: When you read this, hopefully, I'll be dead already, cuz if not then you could stop me or something and that would suck. Who ever is reading this, please sign at the bottom of the page so I know who you are." For god sakes, Donald! 'So I know who you are?' Aren't you dead? You even stated that in your own damn letter!
Donald: Just keep reading, it gets better.
Goofy: (sighs) "For all the people I cared about, read Form A. And for everyone I hated (you know who you are) read Form B." Can I stop know?
Donald: No!
Goofy: (sighs) "Form A: I did not kill myself because of you. That's about all I have to say. Bye! And I'll see you at the funeral. Form B: You stupid f***! You made me kill myself! F*** YOU! You suck your mother in the ass and have oral sex with elephants! I wish you'd die! DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE! Wait, no! Don't die! Stay alive so I can haunt your sorry ass! Bye! And see you at the funeral!"
Donald: I love that part. Keep going.
Goofy: "In closing, this is not a joke this time. I am really, 100% dead. Unless you found this letter and read it before I killed myself. In that case, it's not my fault. Please photocopy this letter and send it to every one on my funeral attendees list along with an invitation. Thank you. If you don't, I'll haunt you 'til you die!!! Hahaha! Bye. Sincerely, the "Late" Donald Duck." That is the saddest thing I've ever read. Where's the list of attendees and the invitations?
Donald: Look in my suitcase.
Goofy: (opens suitcase) All you have are a bunch of scrolls and papers in here! That's what you packed?
Donald: When you're gonna commit suicide, you gotta be prepared.
Goofy: Donald?
Donald: Listen, I need you to set up the funeral for me and help me out with this. You're my only friend.
Goofy: What about Mickey?
Donald: What about him? He's gay!
--Both pause and stare at each other.
Both: We forgot to tell Minnie!
Donald: Crap! What do we do?!
Goofy: I don't know. I guess we could go back to the castle.
Donald: We can't. I've already sent out propaganda about my death.
Goofy: WHAT?!! What are you talking about? Where? Who? When? Why?
Donald: Don't ask.
Goofy: What?
Donald: I said don't ask! Now let's just forget about this. READY THE TUB!
Goofy: No!
Donald: Do it!
Goofy: This is all just to goddamned weird, Donald! I mean your invitations are chain letters.
Donald: And darn good ones at that!
Goofy: No. No they're not. Your writing sucks!
Donald: Hey! Don't say that to me!
Goofy: And what's with the plastic underwear?
Donald: When I electrocute myself in this tub, I am not burning my "twig 'n' berries" off!
Goofy: Good God! That's not gonna work you retard! You're a bird! Your "stuff" is inside you!
Doanld: Hey, don't push it! You want me to haunt you too! Woooooo! Wooooo!
Goofy: Shut up! You're crazy.
Donald: Oh, and about the Mickey thing. I have an idea. On my body, I'll have a sign that says "MICKEY IS GAY" in big letters.
Goofy: Your insane! You've lost it.
Donald: No, Goofy! I am seizing it! This day is mine!
Goofy: (shakes head) You make me want to cry.
Donald: Now Goofy! Ready the tub!
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--Meanwhile at Goofy's house...Donald sits in the bathtub wearing plastic underwear while Goofy stands near shaking his head.
Donald: And ready the tub!
Goofy: No!
Donald: DO IT!!!!
Goofy: F**K NO!!!
Donald: Come on!
Goofy: This is just too weird. I mean you give me everything you own in your will. Then you want to commit suicide. Then you write a crappy suicide note.
Donald: It's not crappy! Read it again!
Goofy: Fine. "To whom it may concern: When you read this, hopefully, I'll be dead already, cuz if not then you could stop me or something and that would suck. Who ever is reading this, please sign at the bottom of the page so I know who you are." For god sakes, Donald! 'So I know who you are?' Aren't you dead? You even stated that in your own damn letter!
Donald: Just keep reading, it gets better.
Goofy: (sighs) "For all the people I cared about, read Form A. And for everyone I hated (you know who you are) read Form B." Can I stop know?
Donald: No!
Goofy: (sighs) "Form A: I did not kill myself because of you. That's about all I have to say. Bye! And I'll see you at the funeral. Form B: You stupid f***! You made me kill myself! F*** YOU! You suck your mother in the ass and have oral sex with elephants! I wish you'd die! DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE! Wait, no! Don't die! Stay alive so I can haunt your sorry ass! Bye! And see you at the funeral!"
Donald: I love that part. Keep going.
Goofy: "In closing, this is not a joke this time. I am really, 100% dead. Unless you found this letter and read it before I killed myself. In that case, it's not my fault. Please photocopy this letter and send it to every one on my funeral attendees list along with an invitation. Thank you. If you don't, I'll haunt you 'til you die!!! Hahaha! Bye. Sincerely, the "Late" Donald Duck." That is the saddest thing I've ever read. Where's the list of attendees and the invitations?
Donald: Look in my suitcase.
Goofy: (opens suitcase) All you have are a bunch of scrolls and papers in here! That's what you packed?
Donald: When you're gonna commit suicide, you gotta be prepared.
Goofy: Donald?
Donald: Listen, I need you to set up the funeral for me and help me out with this. You're my only friend.
Goofy: What about Mickey?
Donald: What about him? He's gay!
--Both pause and stare at each other.
Both: We forgot to tell Minnie!
Donald: Crap! What do we do?!
Goofy: I don't know. I guess we could go back to the castle.
Donald: We can't. I've already sent out propaganda about my death.
Goofy: WHAT?!! What are you talking about? Where? Who? When? Why?
Donald: Don't ask.
Goofy: What?
Donald: I said don't ask! Now let's just forget about this. READY THE TUB!
Goofy: No!
Donald: Do it!
Goofy: This is all just to goddamned weird, Donald! I mean your invitations are chain letters.
Donald: And darn good ones at that!
Goofy: No. No they're not. Your writing sucks!
Donald: Hey! Don't say that to me!
Goofy: And what's with the plastic underwear?
Donald: When I electrocute myself in this tub, I am not burning my "twig 'n' berries" off!
Goofy: Good God! That's not gonna work you retard! You're a bird! Your "stuff" is inside you!
Doanld: Hey, don't push it! You want me to haunt you too! Woooooo! Wooooo!
Goofy: Shut up! You're crazy.
Donald: Oh, and about the Mickey thing. I have an idea. On my body, I'll have a sign that says "MICKEY IS GAY" in big letters.
Goofy: Your insane! You've lost it.
Donald: No, Goofy! I am seizing it! This day is mine!
Goofy: (shakes head) You make me want to cry.
Donald: Now Goofy! Ready the tub!