* SCENE XX *
______________________________________
Goofy: You don't want to do this.
Donald: I already told you that I'm not going to heaven anyway...
Goofy: Yeah...I know, not after that night in Peru.
Donald: It was a crisp Peru evening. The wind was still and the smell of cheap perfume fermented in the air.
Goofy: Here we go.
Donald: I had had a few drinks and spend most of my money at the underground casino. Then there was Shaneel.
Goofy: Shaneel?
Donald: Yes, Shaneel. She was beautiful. Luscious lips, long silky hair, a body you could die for, and eyes you could lose yourself in. That night was full of passion and...
Goofy: Please don't continue.
Donald: Well, long story short, she was married to a gun toting midget with a Napolean complex.
Goofy: Okay. And?
Donald: And he shot me.
Goofy: Where?
Donald: In the bum.
Goofy: Oh.
Donald: I sent her an invitation to the funeral.
Goofy: What?
Donald: Don't worry. You got one too. It's in my suitcase.
Goofy: How many invitations did you send?
Donald: To most of my closest friends...and Sora.
Goofy: I can't believe you Donald. You sent invitations to all our closest friends already. They all think you're dead! Can't you see that?
Donald: And your point would be? Listen, you aren't being much of a help, Officer 'Kill Joy'. All you do is complain and dash away all of my dreams; not once thinking of me! Frankly, it hurts. You insult my writing abilities and wouldn't even ready the goddamned tub!
Goofy: Jesus! Donald! Open your eyes! You don't want to die!
Donald: I had to ready my own goddamned tub! You know how embarrassing that's gonna be in Hell. "Hey Donald, how did you die?" I committed suicide. "Really? How?" I electrocuted myself in a tub. "Wow! But was the water drawn for you?"
Goofy: You aren't making any sense!
Donald: No! I had to ready my own goddamned tub, 'cause my best friend is a lazy ass dog that fights like a wuss. There I said it.
Goofy: What?
Doanld: I mean think about it. Your weapon of choice is a shield. Can you say, "dumbass?"
Goofy: Hold on a sec...
Donald: You were the temporary leader over the knights, and you dislike weapons? (slowly) What the fuck.
Goofy: Hey! That wasn't censored!
Donald: It's Disney magic. I'm full of it today.
Goofy: Sure, you're full of it all right. Full of sh*t!
Donald: Come on! Cuss like a real man, bitch!
Goofy: Shut up. Just shut up!!!
Donald: Why?
Goofy: JUST SHUT THE F*** UP!!!!
Donald: Awww...are you gonna cry? Do you want some Disney magic too? You wish you were a mage?
Goofy: That's it. Disney magic my ass! (pulls out shield) At least I'm not a weak ass little bitch in bathtub! (smashes Donald over the head with shield) Who's the bitch now? Donald...Donald? Hello? (looks down at shield) Blood?! Holy crap! Donald! Oh, God. DONALD!!!
______________________________________
Goofy: You don't want to do this.
Donald: I already told you that I'm not going to heaven anyway...
Goofy: Yeah...I know, not after that night in Peru.
Donald: It was a crisp Peru evening. The wind was still and the smell of cheap perfume fermented in the air.
Goofy: Here we go.
Donald: I had had a few drinks and spend most of my money at the underground casino. Then there was Shaneel.
Goofy: Shaneel?
Donald: Yes, Shaneel. She was beautiful. Luscious lips, long silky hair, a body you could die for, and eyes you could lose yourself in. That night was full of passion and...
Goofy: Please don't continue.
Donald: Well, long story short, she was married to a gun toting midget with a Napolean complex.
Goofy: Okay. And?
Donald: And he shot me.
Goofy: Where?
Donald: In the bum.
Goofy: Oh.
Donald: I sent her an invitation to the funeral.
Goofy: What?
Donald: Don't worry. You got one too. It's in my suitcase.
Goofy: How many invitations did you send?
Donald: To most of my closest friends...and Sora.
Goofy: I can't believe you Donald. You sent invitations to all our closest friends already. They all think you're dead! Can't you see that?
Donald: And your point would be? Listen, you aren't being much of a help, Officer 'Kill Joy'. All you do is complain and dash away all of my dreams; not once thinking of me! Frankly, it hurts. You insult my writing abilities and wouldn't even ready the goddamned tub!
Goofy: Jesus! Donald! Open your eyes! You don't want to die!
Donald: I had to ready my own goddamned tub! You know how embarrassing that's gonna be in Hell. "Hey Donald, how did you die?" I committed suicide. "Really? How?" I electrocuted myself in a tub. "Wow! But was the water drawn for you?"
Goofy: You aren't making any sense!
Donald: No! I had to ready my own goddamned tub, 'cause my best friend is a lazy ass dog that fights like a wuss. There I said it.
Goofy: What?
Doanld: I mean think about it. Your weapon of choice is a shield. Can you say, "dumbass?"
Goofy: Hold on a sec...
Donald: You were the temporary leader over the knights, and you dislike weapons? (slowly) What the fuck.
Goofy: Hey! That wasn't censored!
Donald: It's Disney magic. I'm full of it today.
Goofy: Sure, you're full of it all right. Full of sh*t!
Donald: Come on! Cuss like a real man, bitch!
Goofy: Shut up. Just shut up!!!
Donald: Why?
Goofy: JUST SHUT THE F*** UP!!!!
Donald: Awww...are you gonna cry? Do you want some Disney magic too? You wish you were a mage?
Goofy: That's it. Disney magic my ass! (pulls out shield) At least I'm not a weak ass little bitch in bathtub! (smashes Donald over the head with shield) Who's the bitch now? Donald...Donald? Hello? (looks down at shield) Blood?! Holy crap! Donald! Oh, God. DONALD!!!