Buffy looked at the face of her sleeping lover. Pale and perfect. His eyes were closed revealing his long honey brown eyelashes. His cheekbones seemed less defined. His entire face was relaxed. During the day you could see everything he felt clearly painted on his face. He would clench his teeth when she did something reckless. Every time she rushed into a vamp nest she would glance at Spike and take pleasure in the look of worry that crossed his face.

His eyes were probably the most expressive part of his face. She could always feel them on her, watching her. When she did manage to catch him staring at her his eyes would be looking at her with a mix of complete longing and adoration. And when he smiled at her. That was the best expression. His eyes would light up and he'd flash a smile at her. Not a mocking smirk, not a grin, a full blown smile. The smile was hers like he was. He was hers.

"What are you doing?" Spike asked, eyes still closed.

"Oh, I didn't realize you were awake. I thought-" Buffy stuttered

"You okay baby?" Spike asked, propping himself up on one elbow and turning so that he was facing the Slayer completely.

Buffy didn't answer Spike right away, silently debating whether or not she should tell him what had been on her mind lately.

"Spike, are you mine?" Buffy asked, not looking at the Vampire, rather tracing imaginary lines on his face with her fingernail.

Spike caught Buffy's hand in his. "Of course."

"You know what you were saying yesterday on the phone?" The Slayer asked.

"To Giles?" Spike asked, recalling the conversation he'd had with the watcher. He had been explaining the finer points of vampire mating to Giles.

Oh

"Buffy. I know what you're thinking and it's not true. Vampires don't have to be mated to be in a serious relationship. And one with a vampire and a human, a slayer nonetheless is so unheard of that-"

"Will you be my mate?" Buffy asked, cutting Spike off.

"Okay. Maybe I didn't know what you were going to say."

"I've been thinking about it since yesterday. I know I love you, and I know you love me. I want to be yours, and you be mine. I want to be mated to you," Buffy announced. An awkward silence fell over the room. "Spike. Please say something," Buffy begged in a whisper.

"I've gotta' go," Spike mumbled. He rolled of the bed and stumbled about Buffy's room in search of his clothes. Pants. He needed pants.

"Where are you going?" Buffy asked softly.

"Out for a smoke. I'll be back later," Spike announced, pulling on his pants and buckling his belt. He walked out of Buffy's room leaving the door partially opened.

Buffy walked through the day in a trance. The sun had risen and Spike still hadn't returned. When she returned from school he wasn't at her apartment lounging on the lazy boy chair or in the kitchen making hot chocolate. He wasn't at the training room either. She didn't have the heart to check his….home. Buffy even hesitated to use the term home. He hadn't stayed there for over a month, always falling asleep spooned against her in bed.

"I'm sure he's fine Buffy," Willow assured her friend over the phone.

"Well he won't be when I'm done with him," Buffy muttered.

"Buffy, you know you're not really angry at him. You're just worried."

"No. Trust me. I know what anger feels like and this is definitely it. He left me Willow! He got a little scared of commitment or something and he walked out," Buffy complained. "No note telling me when he'd be back. No-"

"Commitment?" Willow questioned. "I thought you said you guys just had a fight. What do you mean commitment?"

"I kind of…broughtuptheideaofmating," Buffy said quickly.

"Wait. Back up. Slow down. Repeat." Willow commanded.

"I asked him if he maybe wanted to be my mate," Buffy confessed.

"Oh Buffy, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay Wills. Not your fault. I guess we weren't as serious as I thought. I mean, I know we haven't been dating for too long. But we've known each other for a while. It's not like we just met. We get along well, and we love each other. At least…I thought…" Buffy shut her eyes tightly as tears began to roll down her cheek. "I feel like I'll die without him," The Slayer confessed.

"Oh sweetie, he's only been gone a few days. Give him time. He loves you."

"I know Wills. I better go," Buffy said.

"Okay. Bye."

"Bye Willow. And thank you."

Buffy placed the phone gently back on its cradle. She stumbled to her bed and lay down, still dressed. Hugging a pillow to her chest the slayer pretended that she was snuggled into Spike's strong embrace.

"Spike. I love you so much," Buffy whispered. Her only answer was the sound of the afternoon breeze rustling the trees.

"Hey love," Spike said, coming through the door of the Slayer's apartment. Buffy jumped up from where she was sprawled out in front of the TV.

"I'm so happy to see you," The Slayer admitted, putting aside her anger at being abandoned and embracing Spike tightly.

"I was only gone for a few days pet. No reason to get your knickers in a twist."

"Is something wrong?" Buffy asked tentatively. "I mean, you left me, just left the apartment days ago. And now you're back acting like you never left."

"I've just been thinking about some things these past few days," Spike said.

"Like?"

"Like I don't think it's a very good idea for us to keep dating."

"What?" Buffy asked.

"We've been going out for a while, and it's been great. I've had fun,"

"Fun," Buffy repeated, emotionlessly.

"Yeah, fun. But I think we've been getting too serious too quickly. I think we should take a little break. See other people. Go back to the way things were before we started dating," Spike said.

"What, loving each other and not admitting it?" Buffy asked angrily.

"If that's what it takes," Spike said. He regretted the harsh tone of his speech as soon as he saw the tears form in Buffy's eyes. "Look baby, just trust me. This will be better for both of us."

"We're breaking up?" Buffy asked, her mind still not processing the fact.

"I'm sorry my love. I'm sorry Buffy," Spike whispered. The Slayer's eyes closed as Spike trailed his knuckles down her cheek gently. "I better go. I'll see you tomorrow for training. Bright and early."

"Bright and early," Buffy repeated, voice hollow. She watched, as if in a dream as Spike crushed his lips to hers harshly and then quickly pulled away and strode to the door, leaving the Slayer's apartment without his duster. She stood stationery for what seemed like hours. The she fell to the floor, sobs wracking her small frame.