* SCENE XXVII *
______________________
--The phone rings at Goofy's house. He is shocked, nervous, worried...the works...
RING!!!
Goofy: I'm not gonna get it. Well, he sure as hell can't. Jesus! What should I do?
RING!!!
Goofy: Okay, think. I just want to pretend that it's a normal day. And on a normal, Goofy, would answer his phone...right?
RING!!!
Goofy: But then again...I was gone for a year. So technically, I might not be home yet, but...
RING!!!
Goofy: People have seen me. They know I'm here. So why wouldn't I answer my phone. Unless...I HAD A DEAD DUCK FLOATING IN MY BATHTUB!!! (breaks down and falls to floor) Now I'm just like Donald! I know I'm going to hell! After that night in my apartment with the magic duck and the rubber underpants...never. I should have agreed to the double suicide. (cries into his hands) I was suppose to help out Donald and now I can't even answer a phone. Wait a sec. The phone stopped ringing. Now I can't answer it. But wait...what if they think I didn't want to answer the phone. They'll surely find out that I killed Donald. I know! (picks up phone and dials) * 69! (waits for someone to pick up) Um, hello?
Yeah? Who is this?
Goofy: Were you just trying to call me?
I could tell you if I knew who you were.
Goofy: Goofy.
Oh, it's you. I wasn't trying to call you. (rustling is heard through the phone) (a new voice) That was just Ricardo. Don't mind him.
Goofy: Who is this?
Daisy. I just wanted to apologize to Donald. I figured he'd be at your place.
Goofy: You 'figured' he'd be here?! (panicking) How would you figure that?!
He didn't have anywhere else to stay. Of course he'd be there. Am I right?
Goofy: Of course he'd be here!
Goddammit, Goofy! Can I please speak to Donald?
Goofy: (coming back to his senses) Can you what?
Speak to Donald!
Goofy: Oh...um...okay, hold on. (sets down the phone very gently and sits next to Donald's floating corpse) Ahem...(calmly) Now, Donald. If any of this is just a cruel joke, then please come to your senses and end it NOW! Your wife is on the phone and she'd like to apologize. Now normally, you would have killed for a...sorry (motions the Trinity over his chest) done anything for a chance to cuss her out. Now please, Donald. Wake up from this dream. This joke. Or if you are just unconscious, then wake up from that. Okay Donald. Donald? You aren't answering.
--Donald's head just seemed to dangle off the rim of the bathtub. His tongue flopping about and his big eyes wide open, leaving a humorous grin on his face. He almost seemed to be staring at Goofy, in a stare that could never be mimicked or even imagined by a mere man/duck/dog/etc... That stare seemed to set off something in Goofy's mind. Something just went off in him.
Goofy: Don't you stare at me like that! You dead piece of sh*t!!! STOP IT! Quit it Donald, before I kill you again!
Donald: (stare)
Goofy: You little corpse! F*** you! Stop staring! You dead piece of sh*t! (jumps on Donald, grabbing his neck and shacking it)
Goofy: I'll shake that stare off your face! You stupid...(shoving his head under the crashing waves of the suicide-tub) You like that?!
--Donald's mouth rushes open. Bubbles fly up to the surface. His shut quickly then spring open and his arms grab Goofy's trying to free himself from the fatal grasp.
Donald: (underwater) Goofy! Stop you mother fucker!
Goofy: (not able to hear Donald's water muted cries) You dead piece of sh*t! (shakes him even more, ignoring the apposing struggle)
Donald: (continues to try to break loose)
--As Donald clings to his last short gasps of air, Goofy continues to maul him in the tub. Using his last bit of strength, Donald casts his spell known as 'Wateraga'. Goofy gets blown out of the tub and flies into the wall by a huge gust of magic water. Goofy lies there on the floor gasping for air. Daisy is heard screaming through the phone; however, nothing is heard from the tub.
Goofy: (coming to) Jesus?! What just happened? (hearing Daisy, he answers the phone) Hello?
Donald?! Is that you?
Goofy: No. It's Goofy. Um, Donald can't talk right now. He's taking a really long bath. A REALLY long bath.
Fine! Bye. (click)
Goofy: (drops phone to the floor) What have I done?! I've just assaulted a corpse in a bathtub, then brought him out of unconsciousness. And in saving his life, I brought an end to it for a second time by drowning him in the bathtub. I killed him again. What the f*** kind of nightmare is this?! I am so f***in' screwed.
--Goofy looks upon Donald, with a sad lament for himself. Donald's body floats on the surface of the bathtub, with his duckbill wide open in the air.
______________________
--The phone rings at Goofy's house. He is shocked, nervous, worried...the works...
RING!!!
Goofy: I'm not gonna get it. Well, he sure as hell can't. Jesus! What should I do?
RING!!!
Goofy: Okay, think. I just want to pretend that it's a normal day. And on a normal, Goofy, would answer his phone...right?
RING!!!
Goofy: But then again...I was gone for a year. So technically, I might not be home yet, but...
RING!!!
Goofy: People have seen me. They know I'm here. So why wouldn't I answer my phone. Unless...I HAD A DEAD DUCK FLOATING IN MY BATHTUB!!! (breaks down and falls to floor) Now I'm just like Donald! I know I'm going to hell! After that night in my apartment with the magic duck and the rubber underpants...never. I should have agreed to the double suicide. (cries into his hands) I was suppose to help out Donald and now I can't even answer a phone. Wait a sec. The phone stopped ringing. Now I can't answer it. But wait...what if they think I didn't want to answer the phone. They'll surely find out that I killed Donald. I know! (picks up phone and dials) * 69! (waits for someone to pick up) Um, hello?
Yeah? Who is this?
Goofy: Were you just trying to call me?
I could tell you if I knew who you were.
Goofy: Goofy.
Oh, it's you. I wasn't trying to call you. (rustling is heard through the phone) (a new voice) That was just Ricardo. Don't mind him.
Goofy: Who is this?
Daisy. I just wanted to apologize to Donald. I figured he'd be at your place.
Goofy: You 'figured' he'd be here?! (panicking) How would you figure that?!
He didn't have anywhere else to stay. Of course he'd be there. Am I right?
Goofy: Of course he'd be here!
Goddammit, Goofy! Can I please speak to Donald?
Goofy: (coming back to his senses) Can you what?
Speak to Donald!
Goofy: Oh...um...okay, hold on. (sets down the phone very gently and sits next to Donald's floating corpse) Ahem...(calmly) Now, Donald. If any of this is just a cruel joke, then please come to your senses and end it NOW! Your wife is on the phone and she'd like to apologize. Now normally, you would have killed for a...sorry (motions the Trinity over his chest) done anything for a chance to cuss her out. Now please, Donald. Wake up from this dream. This joke. Or if you are just unconscious, then wake up from that. Okay Donald. Donald? You aren't answering.
--Donald's head just seemed to dangle off the rim of the bathtub. His tongue flopping about and his big eyes wide open, leaving a humorous grin on his face. He almost seemed to be staring at Goofy, in a stare that could never be mimicked or even imagined by a mere man/duck/dog/etc... That stare seemed to set off something in Goofy's mind. Something just went off in him.
Goofy: Don't you stare at me like that! You dead piece of sh*t!!! STOP IT! Quit it Donald, before I kill you again!
Donald: (stare)
Goofy: You little corpse! F*** you! Stop staring! You dead piece of sh*t! (jumps on Donald, grabbing his neck and shacking it)
Goofy: I'll shake that stare off your face! You stupid...(shoving his head under the crashing waves of the suicide-tub) You like that?!
--Donald's mouth rushes open. Bubbles fly up to the surface. His shut quickly then spring open and his arms grab Goofy's trying to free himself from the fatal grasp.
Donald: (underwater) Goofy! Stop you mother fucker!
Goofy: (not able to hear Donald's water muted cries) You dead piece of sh*t! (shakes him even more, ignoring the apposing struggle)
Donald: (continues to try to break loose)
--As Donald clings to his last short gasps of air, Goofy continues to maul him in the tub. Using his last bit of strength, Donald casts his spell known as 'Wateraga'. Goofy gets blown out of the tub and flies into the wall by a huge gust of magic water. Goofy lies there on the floor gasping for air. Daisy is heard screaming through the phone; however, nothing is heard from the tub.
Goofy: (coming to) Jesus?! What just happened? (hearing Daisy, he answers the phone) Hello?
Donald?! Is that you?
Goofy: No. It's Goofy. Um, Donald can't talk right now. He's taking a really long bath. A REALLY long bath.
Fine! Bye. (click)
Goofy: (drops phone to the floor) What have I done?! I've just assaulted a corpse in a bathtub, then brought him out of unconsciousness. And in saving his life, I brought an end to it for a second time by drowning him in the bathtub. I killed him again. What the f*** kind of nightmare is this?! I am so f***in' screwed.
--Goofy looks upon Donald, with a sad lament for himself. Donald's body floats on the surface of the bathtub, with his duckbill wide open in the air.