SCENE XXXIV
--Riku and Sephiroth sit in the stands watching the most heart-wrenching thing they have ever seen in baseball history!
Riku: Oh, MY GOD! Dad what the fk is happening out there!
Sephiroth: It looks like the two Mascots and the umpire are gang raping the batboy.
Riku: What!
Sephiroth: I know, I know….but all kids have to learn about it some time…
Riku: What's that midget doing out there?
Sephiroth: Most likely he's gonna pee on the little…kid…and there he goes…
Riku: (covering his eyes) What the hell kinda sport is this!
Sephiroth: A queer one…and fin' nasty I might add, wanna get a Cinnabun now?
Riku: (traumatized) Um…sure…
--MEANWHILE…
Sora: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Cloud: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Sora: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Cloud: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Sora: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Cloud: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Sora: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Cloud: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Sora: I love the swings!
Cloud: Wanna do the go carts now?
Sora: Sure!
Cloud: Wait a sec! I have a better idea! Let's highjack golf carts and wreak havoc out on the green!
Sora: Um…
Cloud: Come on…it'll be fun!
Sora: Okay, but if we get in trouble…
Cloud: Then I'll ditch you, come on!
--MEANWHILE…in an alley somewhere…with Cinnabuns…and coffee…
Riku: (munch) Yup…
Sephiroth: (munch) Mmhm…
Riku: (sip) Ah…yeah…
Sephiroth: (Gulp gulp) Ah…pretty much…
Riku: Soooo…how's it been with you?
Sephiroth: Same old, same old. And you?
Riku: You know…a little of this and a little of that…
Sephiroth: So…where should we stash the body?
Riku: I don't know. That's what I've been trying to figure out. How about…the garbage?
Sephiroth: No, too easy and too predictable.
Riku: Yeah…I know! Stage a suicide!
Sephiroth: Nice… (pulls out dagger and puts it in her hand) that should work…are you sure you are okay with this?
Riku: Yeah, I was happy when my first set of parents died, why not her…she's a whore.
Sephiroth: A whore that gave you up as a baby. But, I suppose, if all this didn't happen…
Riku: Go on…
Sephiroth: Fuck, I forgot my sentence. Hey, wanna go watch some bum fights?
Riku: Cool!
--MEANWHILE…
Cloud: Run you little bitch!
Sora: I'm trying!
Golfer: Get back here you fuckers!
Cloud: Shit! Run!
Sora: (trips) Dad! Help!
Cloud: Damn! (grabs sword even though it wasn't strapped to his back at the time, it magically appears in his hand much like many awkward video game glitches…grrr) Super Big Sword Thingy with Bandages and Shit ATTACK!
Golfer: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! (falls over)
Sora: (getting up) That was a bit much.
Golfer: (gets up) What the hell was that?
Cloud: Run!
Sora: …
--They duck into a bar…that was near the putting green…yeah…
Cloud: Let's hide out here.
Sora: You know I'm 14, right?
Cloud: Yes, now SHHHH!
--Behind the bar, stands a "vampiric" looking gentlemen.
Cloud: What are you doing here?
Vincent: Can't a man open up his own bar? What are you doing here?
Cloud: Me and my son—
Vincent: WHAT!
Cloud: Me and my…
Vincent: I heard you, but son? That's your son?
Cloud: Yes, meet Sora.
Vincent: Oh, I get it. Cloud and Sky…lame…
Cloud: I didn't name him. His mother did.
Vincent: The slut or the flower chick?
Cloud: The flower one.
Vincent: Oh, god, I was about to feel a little bad for the kid. (sarcastic)
Cloud: Why?
Vincent: You know how many people Titfa slept with?
Cloud: It's Tifa.
Vincent: I know, but funny huh? You get it? Titfa! HAHAAAA!
Sora: That's my boy—, I mean…best friend's mom.
Vincent: Holy, shit! Does he know who his father is?
Sora: Yeah, why?
Vincent: Just covering my bases.
Cloud: Not you too.
Vincent: I was drunk, and I meant to feed on her blood…but oops! Heh, you know…hey, she's hot…anyway, who is the dad? And are you guys sure? (shifty eyed)
Cloud: Sephiroth.
Vincent: SEPHIROTH! A father? HAHAHAAAA! Wow! Didn't see that one coming…I tell ya…but aren't you two…you know…
Sora: Dad!
Cloud: Vincent!
Vincent: Oops, you know I was never good with secrets. Like the time you told me never to tell anyone you were having those weird thoughts lately…
Cloud: Shut up!
Vincent: Oops! Heh. At least it's not as bad as that time I accidentally told Sephiroth you were a bed wetter…that really sucked.
Cloud: What? I never told you I was a bed wetter!
Vincent: Than who did?
Cloud: I wasn't a bed wetter.
Vincent: Than why did I think that! Obviously, someone is in denial!
Cloud: I am not in denial!
Vincent: You were when you found out you were gay!
Sora: DAD!
Cloud: I'm not gay!
Vincent: Denial!
Cloud: Who do you talk too!
Vincent: Mostly drunk people nowadays…but hey, what are ya gonna do! So I figure…
Cloud: Shut up!
Sora: You're cheating on my mom with my 'best friend's' dad! What the hell!
Cloud: No I'm not!
Vincent: Denial…
Random Drunk Guy: SHUT UP! Holy crap! Watch the news report on the game!
Vincent: What happened?
Cloud: Huh?
TV Reporter: Hello, I am Susan Joho…
Cloud: Joho?
Vincent: They're cousins…
TV: …with the top news story of the day. Today at Destiny Field, a riot broke out after the two Mascots and the umpire gang raped the batboy.
Vincent: Heh, cool…
Cloud: What the f!
Sora: Didn't Riku and his dad go to a baseball game? thinks: "I hope he's okay!"
TV: The gang rape started a mass riot, forcing the three culprits to release the battered batboy…no pun intended. However, just before the riot started, a 'little person' as they like to be called now, ran up to the scene and urinated on the child.
Seymour: (walking up out of nowhere…with a monotoned voice as usual) What is this world coming to…oh, dear, the raping…no the gang raping of a young boy…what a disgrace to the beauty of childhood…wouldn't you agree my dear Vincent…
Vincent: No.
Seymour: Well, then I suppose…oh, dear…I have not met your friends…what a pleasure…a delight to be shown into the divine presence of such a wonderful…
Vincent: Go away.
Seymour: I see the hostility between the two of us is rising…but what can really be done of that…like a circle of life…like a web of lies…like a string of hate…
Vincent: It can only go on and on until it winds into itself…
Seymour: A burdened and withering coil of…
Vincent: Confusion?
Seymour: And innocence which has been pulled through the very scorns of…
Vincent: A) time, B) pain, C) love, D) life
Cloud: I say C…love.
Sora: No, it's got to be pain! B!
Cloud: C!
Vincent: You are both wrong. The answer is A!
Seymour: …time…and this is where we are all lost…
Vincent: He's got like some freaky intellectual monotoned ADD. Watch. Hey, Seymour, Would you like some food?
Seymour: …and in this continuum…food? Food would be most entertaining…much as the company…what will you be serving this day of days in your fine establishment my dear Vincent.
Vincent: Nothing.
Seymour: The very absence of sustenance brings a sadness to my withering soul.
Vincent: Chips and burgers.
Seymour: Oh what joy there is in the food that we share as friends or as brothers or as more than brothers or as lovers…
Vincent: No.
Seymour: I didn't mention anything of the sort…I jest…I…ahem…excuse me…please introduce me to your friends…
Vincent: This is Cloud and his 'son' Sora.
Seymour: Why greetings my dear Cloud and Sora…so very pleasant to be meeting you…what a lovely pair…son and father…father and son…and what a large sword you have…
Cloud: What the hell?
Seymour: Hell is a very amusing place…
Vincent: Hell Boy sucked.
Sora: Really?
Vincent: No…but it was a little of a disappointment, a bit campy from the comic book version…
Cloud: FF7!
Seymour: And your sword…it is large…
Cloud: GAH! STOP IT!
Vincent: 'efe efe siete!'
Seymour: To stop is to no longer be going, and I am standing here without moving forward…
Cloud: I meant…
Seymour: Or backward…
Vincent: Here he goes…
Seymour: Or leftward…or rightward…or diagonally in either direction in which I would be able to move towards positively while covering ground uncovered…
Cloud: Come on Sora, we're leaving…
Seymour: Leaving, but the festivities have only just commenced.
Cloud: That's okay.
Vincent: Thanks for ditching me!
Cloud: You can come.
Vincent: Two things…I gotta man the bar and it's sunny outside.
Cloud: Oh…………bye! (grabs Sora)
Sora: AAH! Um…BYE!