It was just your average Monday morning, the sun was up, the sky was clear, the birds were singing, the grass was green, and Rude was still bald. Yep, today was looking good, nothing could spoil it.
No, not a thing.
That was until Rude's phone went of, it was Elena, the over talkative blond Turk, she wanted Rude to stop his patrol, so he could come and get coffee.
". . . No. . ."
"Oh come on, Baldy!"
". . . You think insulting me will change my mind. . . ?"
"Your coming or I'll-!"
". . . You'll what. . .?" Rude argued, wondering why she wanted to get coffee so bad.
"I'll. . . Er. . . Come and get you!"
". . . You do that. . ." And with that, the phone was closed and the call ended.
Rude continued on his patrol, now entering Sector three, so far it had proved to be boring, with only a couple of kids bugging him, saying how cool he was, and how they had wanted to be like him when he was older, he had almost smiled at that, it was funny how kids could be so naive, if only they knew some of the things he did on a daily basis.
BANG!
Rude suddenly jumped back, and whipped out his favorite handgun, only to have it shot out of his hand, by another bullet. Before him stood a short woman with a smoking gun.
"I told you I'd come and get you." Elena's attitude had improved over the last year, probably because of Bob - - Tseng's twin brother, who Sephiroth actually stabbed.
Rude was impressed with the ex-rookies persistence. But also annoyed.
"I'm on duty, Elena. Unlike Reno, I don't slack off."
"We're getting coffee, wether you like it or not!" And with that, Elena walked over to him, grabbed his ear, and pulled him to the Coffee shop.
When they arrived, Rude felt ashamed, he'd been dragged by the ear, by a woman considerably smaller than him, through a busy Neo-Midgar. His street cred as a bad-ass Mo'-Fo' was ruined for sure. . .
"I'm not thirsty. . ." Rude said, trying to get payback in his own little way, though he could go for a cup of the black stuff right now. . .
"Quit pouting Rudie-poo, it doesn't suit you." Elena giggled.
"I hate you. . ."
"Aw, thats the nicest thing you've said all week!"
"It's Monday. . ."
"I know! It's so great! Just for that I'm gonna treat you to a mocha, coca, latte, grande, banana surprise, with extra sprinkles and cream! Get us a table Rudie-poo!" Elena exclaimed with glee, had this been anybody else, Rude would have been scared, freaked out and annoyed at the same time, but he'd learned that the little blonde Turk was a strange person.
A very, very, strange person. In-stead, he just gave a quick shrug and walked over to a table by the window. A mocha, coca, latte, grande, banana surprise, with extra sprinkles and cream sounded like it could really hit the spot, but he had to wonder, what was with all these strange names? Couldn't you just order a cup of Joe, without saying thirty different words? He pondered this for a while as he sat down and waited.
Rude was lost in thought as a large mug was placed in-front of him, he observed it for a minute, it was very... Creamy... In-fact, he was sure the cup was just full of cream, so he poked it, experimentally, and hit something.
An eyebrow raised in bewilderment, and he poked it again, but this time grabbed whatever it was, and pulled it out, he stared at it for a while, unsure of what it was with all the cream covering it, and looked up at Elena for help, she sighed and leaned forward, taking it in her mouth, Rude was a little taken back. When her head came back up, she looked at him with a smile, was she trying to flirt with him? He couldn't really tell, as he had already figured out, she was a strange person, but that didn't stop his jaw from hanging slightly ajar as she licked her lips.
"It's a banana, Rudie-poo."
Banana?
He looked down at his hand, and saw that it was indeed a banana, a banana she had sucked clean from his hands. What a lucky banana. . . He would keep this banana by his side for the rest of his life, they would have sleep-overs, pillow fights, and play truth or dare, then they'd go killing people for Shinra and live happily together. Wait. What? This was a banana for Christ sakes. A very lucky banana, but a banana non the less. . .
"I see. . ."
"So how's your day been Rudie-poo?"
". . . Do you have to keep calling me that. . . ?"
"What's wrong with calling you 'Rudie-poo'?"
". . . It's. . . Stupid. . ."
"Ok then, Rude. . . You wanna know why I dragged you here?"
"Yeah. . ."
"Ok, so, today being my day off, I decided to go shopping, so I went to the mall, while I was there, I saw that big boobed bimbo, Tifa. . . Anyway, there I was, buying some sexy thongs for me to wear in-front of Tseng, when I saw her, she was busy looking at tank tops, so I decided to get my own back on her and I stole her purse."
"And your telling me this, why. . . ?"
"Because I found something weird, and I thought you might wanna see it." Elena said, then started rummaging through her bag, she stopped a couple of seconds later and pulled something out. "Here."
". . . It's a piece of Materia. . ." Rude replied, and mentally wiped his forehead, he was glad it wasn't something like a pair of panties or some other personal item.
"I know, but if you look at the symbols, I've never seen it before, could Avalanche have gotten hold of some kind of super secret, experimental Materia? I mean, if this is just hanging around in her purse, imagine what kind Strife's got in his Sword!"
That caught his attention.
"Why did you bring it to me?"
"Because I couldn't get it to work, and your good with Materia, so I thought, what the heck?"
"You know, if this is a dangerous one, and it would have activated, you could have been hurt?"
"Yeah, bet your glad it didn't, huh?"
"You should take it to Hojo, he makes the things. . ."
"But it's my day off! If Heidegger sees me, he'll send me on one of those stupid missions! Have you ever been on one of those stupid missions! They're stupid!"
"What do you want me to do with it. . . ?"
"Well. . . I was thinking, maybe you could try it out, and if you can get it to work, well. . . We could keep it, and have a strong weapon on our side, so we can kick ass!"
"If I do, will you buzz off and let me finish my patrol. . . ?" Rude asked, a short nod as his reply. "Fine. . ." He said with a sigh, and with that, the big Turk picked up his drink, downed it in one and walked to the door. Hmm. . . that was a good drink. . . Rude thought as Elena walked out with the orb, she handed it to him and they began walking.
"Where are we going?"
"Somewhere secure, we can't test it in the middle of a busy street. . ."
"Oh. . . But where are we going?"
"My apartment. . ." And then there was silence, at-least for a couple of seconds. . .
"Rude?"
"What. . . ?"
"Thanks. . . "
"For. . . ?"
"For helping me, silly!"
----
At Rude's Apartment. . .
----
"Woah. . . This place is. . . Huge. . ."
"Yeah. . ."
"I hope your not over-compensating for something, Rudie-poo. . ."
". . ."
Rude shrugged off her comment and took out the orb.
"You ready Elena. . . ?"
"What for. . . ?"
"I need something to concentrate the magic on. . ."
"But. . . What if it's something nasty, or icky?"
"There's only one way to find out. . . You made me late for a mission, now are you gonna do this, or not?"
"Sure, wouldn't want you to miss your mission. . ."
Rude sighed, and held up the orb, he faced towards the shorter Turk and began to concentrate on the spell, a blue aura glowed around him, and a red one around Elena, she looked shocked to say the least.
Suddenly, they both fell to the ground, unconscious.
----
Meanwhile. . .
----
It was just your average Monday night, the moon was up, the showgirls where singing, the bars where open, and Reno was drunk. Yep, the night was looking good, nothing could spoil it.
No, not a thing.
That was until Reno's phone went of, it was Tseng, the dull, old guy of the Turks, he wanted Reno to go look for Rude, since he hadn't returned from his morning patrol.
"Come on, Tseng! There's this fine girl sitting in-front of me! Your killing me man!"
"I don't care if it's Aerith Gainsbourgh, herself, Reno, get your ass of your stool and go look for Rude, thats an order."
"Wait, how'd you know I was on a stool?"
"I can smell the alcohol from here."
"Thats a good nose you got there boss man."
"Reno, I'm gonna hang up now, phone me when you've found him."
"Wait! Why can't Elena go look for the big guy!"
"Multiple reasons, It's her day off for one, she's not answering her PHS, and she doesn't know him as well as you do."
"Fine. . . But you owe me one, boss dude. . ."
"Yeah, compared to the three hundred and sixty three you owe me. . . Bye Reno. . ."
"Yeah, yeah. . ." And with that, the phone was closed and the call ended.
Reno sighed, and cursed his bald friend. he said adios to the girl he was talking to. "Gotta go, adios baby." And left the nightclub he was in.
He pondered where his friend would have gone. "I wonder where Rude went. . ."
He decided to go to Rude's apartment, that being the logical start. "I know, I'll go to Rude's apartment!"
So Reno traveled to Rude's apartment.
----
Outside Rude's Apartment Building. . .
----
"Rude's apartment building. . . Better get going. . ."
So Reno entered the building, and rode the elevator up to the top floor, stepped out and walked to Rude's room. He knocked, no reply. . . So he knocked again. . . Still no reply. . . So he kicked the door open and stepped in, he saw the two Turks on the floor, asleep by the looks of it, he walked over to Elena.
"Woah, these guys must've got pretty wasted. . ." He looked down at the sleeping woman and gave her a good kick. "Wake up, blondey-locks. . ."
The small Turk shuffled about and groaned. "Ow. . ." She said and sat up. She felt really weird.
"Reno. . . ?"
"In the flesh, babe."
Babe? What the hell was Reno going on about, was he drunk?
"What happened. . . ?" She asked.
"That's what I'd like to know, Elena."
That proved it, he was drunk, he thought Rude was Elena. She lifted her hand to itch her scalp and felt something. Hair. She hadn't had hair for a while now. . . She moved her hands down to her chest. Those were new. . . Wait, she had boobs. . . Girls have boobs. . . Elena had boobs. . . Reno called her Elena. . . Boobs. . . ?
"Ah! Boobs! Oh my god! I've got boobs! This can't be real!" She yelled, then ran to the bathroom, leaving behind a comfuzzled (A/N: I love that word!) Reno.
"Well. . . That was strange. . ." Reno said and moved to the door, he put his ear on it and listened in, he heard things like: "Jesus Christ! What the fuck!" "What the hell happened!" And things along those lines.
He shrugged and walked over to Rude, the big guy looked so peaceful, Reno smiled cruelly, and kicked the bald Turk. Hard.
"Wake up ya lazy bum!" Reno shouted, Rude moaned and groaned, but didn't wake up. So he was kicked again, even harder.
"Ow!" Rude screamed, Reno was taken back, he'd never heard the guy raise his voice, let alone scream.
"Rude? You ok man?"
"Reno! Why the hell did you kick me you bastard!" Rude shouted at the top of his lungs.
Reno involuntary took a step back. Rude without his sunglasses was scary shit. But Rude without his glasses and shouting was like seeing the Devil himself.
"Rude man, your scaring me. . ."
"You damn well better be scared!" Rude shouted, as he stood up. "Wait, why are you calling me Rude?"
"Um... Because your six foot four, bald, and in a Turk suit?" Reno said, feeling a little freaked out, maybe it was just the booze taking effect? Yeah! That had to be it! This was all his mind playing tricks on him! It had to be, or this would be some jacked up shit. . .
Rude suddenly dropped to the ground, running his hands over his head, he looked like he'd just been told that his family had just been chopped in to little bitty pieces and fed to his dog, who'd died from food poisoning.
"Reno. . . Where's Ru- Er. . . Elena?"
"The bathroom. . . I'm gonna go now, your seriously freaking me out dude. . . See you guys tomorrow. . ." And with that, Reno left, 'Rude' got to his feet and walked over to a door.
"Rude, you get your ass out of there right now and fix this!" 'Rude' yelled.
"It's horrible! I've got boobs!"
"I know! Just get out of there!"
Dun, Dun, Dun!
Cueball's back with a brand new rap!
A bit of a cliffhanger there, but it's good to be back and writing, hopefully, I'll be able to update my other stories soon, I have started other chapters for things like Turk Olympics, Curry! and Pack Dogs, I also started writing new stuff, look out for;
"Red XIII and The Mystery Of The Toilet Lid" - My first inter-group fic, be sure to join Nanaki and the Turks, as they try to solve a lifelong question...
Who left the toilet lid up?
And
"Betty The Singing Mag Rod" - By the title, you'd think it was a singing fic. But it's not, the title just makes it sound like it is, in reality...
Erm... In the fic, it's from Betty the Mag Rod's POV, AKA, everybody's favorite cow prod, original, don't you think?
Just don't ask how a fic can be based on an inanimate object... Because that'd spoil it... Yep...
But if you do have any ideas for it, be sure to email me.
Coming soon, to a website near you!
Oh, and be sure to say hello to my little friend, the review button, the little feller gets lonely down there.