Chapter One

Transports Gone Wrong

Sunlight filtered through the trees, bathing the ground below in wavering pools of golden light. A wide, deep river flowed by, teeming with fish, sparkling as it rushed heedlessly on its journey through to the sea. Sparrows, robins, and swallows alike sang joyously in the huge pines swaying to the unknown rhythm of the wind's gusts.

In the midst of all this serenity, a war waged.

A small one, at that, but still a war.

"Kit?"

"What?"

"How the hell did we end up here?"

Nita Callahan faced her longtime wizardry partner, Kit Rodriguez, her hands on her hips, glaring accusingly at Kit. Kit just tried to look inconspicuous and dream up a good excuse for the question. Very, very hard to do when your best friend and your best friend's fourteen-year-old sister are both watching you with narrowed eyes.

"I meant to transport here…" he muttered sullenly.

This was returned by a roll of Dairine's eyes and "This sure don't look like Los Angeles…"

Guys, Nita thought, mentally shaking her head. They just don't admit they're wrong.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a wham of displaced air, and, without warning, three teens her own age were looking around the clearing in various states of confusion.

One of them, a tall, gangly boy with a mop of red hair and freckles, turned on the only girl in their group with what appeared to be utter disbelief.

"Where the heck are we, Hermione?"

Nita blinked. Kit and Dairine merely looked a bit skeptical.

The bushy-haired girl in question buried her face in her hands and sat down, shaking weakly, on a nearby log. "Oh, good lord," she muttered thickly. "This wasn't supposed to happen…"

The other member of the trio, a dark-haired boy with sparkling green eyes and round, wire-rimmed glasses, merely looked incredulous and leaned up against a tree to steady himself.

Looking around, the red haired boy's eyes landed on the three Manhattan wizards, taking them in slowly. His eyes seemed to linger on Dairine, who flushed slightly, before turning to the other male in their group and muttering something.

Both the black-haired boy and the disconsolate witch on the log looked up at them, and the boy managed a weak smile.

"Um… hi… would you mind telling us where the heck we are?" he asked politely, though with a hint of panic in his voice.

Three pairs of eyes stared blankly back at him.

Dairine was the first to speak, breaking the silence with the eloquent question "Who… the hell… are you?"

Nita rammed her foot down on her younger sister's Nikes. Hard. Dairine yelped and gave Nita a look that would have thrown flames, but quieted down.

She spoke for the other two behind her. "Um… sorry-" she tried a different tactic. "-I'm on errantry… and I… greet… you?"

Blank stares from all around.

"Um… okay. Who are you?" she inquired sheepishly.

"Ron…ald…Weasley," the red-haired boy said quickly, looking pointedly at Dairine. "Call me Ron."

"Hermione Granger."

"Harry Potter."

Which left Nita, Kit, and Dairine all staring at the three British 'wizards', the exact same thought running through all of their heads: Who are these guys… escapees from the local psychiatric ward…?

Dairine opened her mouth, and Kit and Nita both flinched.

"Prove it," Dairine blurted out.

The last thing Dairine consciously saw were three wands aimed at her face.

Nita stared at her younger sister, who was currently lying on the ground, out cold.

There was absolutely no doubting that these people, scary as they might seem, were exactly who they said they were… even if they were fresh off the pages of a highly popular book series.

Hermione flicked her wand lazily at the unconscious form of Dairine. "Ennervate."

Dairine staggered unsteadily to her feet before retreating behind Nita, looking at the British wizards with considerably more respect.

"Nita Callahan."

"Kit Rodriguez."

"Dairine Callahan."

Handshakes all around, and Nita held back a snicker as Ron and Dairine seemed to prolong the handshake. Perhaps that was a bit of her overactive imagination, but there was no doubting that Dairine was considerably pink in the face after the handshake.

Without warning, a very, very tall, very, very blond figure appeared in their midst, and all three girls instantly froze in their tracks to stare up at this intruder.

Nita and Hermione seemed to be going into shock.

"Le-le-lego…"

Dairine stared incredulously, debating whether to run up and hug the tall, blond Elf bowman, or to simply scoff and turn her back.

She chose neither.

"LEGOLAS!" she squealed, and, before the beleaguered archer could react, she hit him in a flying tackle. Nita and Hermione immediately followed suit, fighting brutally over who got to place an arm around the trapped Elf.

Ron, Harry, and Kit turned their backs on the gruesome sight and grinned at each other hesitantly.

"So…" Ron started. "Where are we?"

Over the squeals, slaps, and anguished yells from behind them, Kit shrugged. "You'll have to ask someone else," he veritably shouted over the ever-increasing noise. "I have no idea."

Dairine marched up, literally choking Legolas in her form of an arm draped around a neck. "Middle-earth, obviously," she said, sounding very pleased with herself. "And you couldn't have picked a better place to transit to. Legolas here agre-"

She was cut off by two very anguished screams from behind her as Nita and Hermione sailed through the air at her, hitting her and rolling past, raising a cloud of dust as they did so.

"What…? LEGOLAS!"

A short, homely-looking hobbit rushed into the clearing and attempted to wrest the doomed elf from Nita's vicelike grip, but was quickly discouraged as all three infuriated girls turned upon him, hissing and spitting menacingly.

The poor, horribly unnerved hobbit beat a hasty retreat back to where the three boys stood, and stared disconsolately up at them.

"Um… good afternoon? My name is Sam… Gamgee… who might you three be?"

"Ron Weasley."

"Harry Potter."

"Kit Rodriguez."

Sam blinked. "Very nice to meet you all… MISTER FRODO! NOOOOOO…"

Sam made a frantic dive for a tiny, barefoot little manlike thing (by Ron's definition), who was desperately trying to rescue Legolas from the fray of the battle, despite the apoplectic snarls from Nita, Dairine, and Hermione. All four were now participating in a hearty game of Rip-the-Legolas-Apart.

"Wow," Harry muttered, watching as Legolas's body contorted into a variety of none-too-comfortable-looking shapes. "I had no idea the human body was capable of that…"

Kit, Ron, and Harry watched in pure shock as Sam slowly dragged Frodo away from the scene of mass chaos. Despite both facts that Frodo was bigger than he was, and that the agonized hobbit kept clutching at the dirt with his fingers, desperately trying to go back and rescue Legolas, Sam managed to drop Frodo at the feet of the three boys.

"Mister Frodo, these are Ron Weasley, Harry Potter, and Kit Rodriguez."

Frodo, throwing one last glance over his shoulder at the tussling girls, shook the boys' hands. "Frodo Baggins." He eyed them suspiciously. "Who is your master?"

Kit stared down at him, a frown on his face as his mind worked furiously.

Oh why, why, WHY the hell didn't I read The Fellowship of the Ring straight through? WHY did I have to skip around…?

"Um… we have no master… besides… ourselves?" he ventured.

Frodo nodded sagely. "That shall do."

A new voice broke in. "What in the name of Arwen is going on he-"

"ARAGORN!"

The Ranger screamed as he caught the horrible sight of Nita, a crazed look in her eyes, sailing through the air toward him.

Thump.

Kit couldn't help but feel slightly jealous for Aragorn as Nita hauled him upright, a faint blush in her cheeks as she dragged him, choking and gasping for air, over to the small circle of men.

Okay, maybe not so jealous.

But still, he thought sourly, it wouldn't hurt to be dragged around by the girl of your dreams…

But Aragorn was clearly not enjoying himself.

"What is this treatment towards a King?" he rasped, clutching at his throat.

Nita hugged him closer. "Shhhh, Aragorn," she murmured. "There, there, you're all mine…"

A look of distinct terror came over Aragorn's face as he struggled to free himself from Nita's grip, failing miserably.

It was going to be a long, long day.

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Half an hour later

Covered with bruises, Legolas limped over to where the small circle of people stood and collapsed in a heap. Hermione, one eye blackening slowly, finished up repairing the damage to Dairine, then started on her own face as she kindly patted Legolas on the head, having claimed him for her own.

Muttering Elven curses, Legolas pushed himself up and sat, cross-legged, as Hermione healed the minor injuries and bruises he had sustained during the catfight.

Pippen Took and Merry Brandybuck now made the small party number ten in all as they sat in a small circle, discussing various topics of interest.

Dairine and Ron, for some reason, kept glancing up at each other and blushing, much to the disapproval of Hermione and Harry, both having had their eye on, respectively, Ron and Dairine for some time now.

Apparently, Dairine strongly reminded Harry of a certain other redhead from his life.

Some guys get all the luck, Kit mused to himself. Glancing over at Legolas, who was currently bravely withstanding a shower of affection from Hermione, he stifled a laugh. Not him.

A/N: Five reviews would be greatly appreciated. Even if you're not signed up or in, just take a moment… it could be 'Yo' for all I care… just, please, review! Thanks! And, please, please let me know any characters I should bring into the story. GOLLUM comes next… REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!