Chapter Five: Silver and Cold
Disclaimer: I own Gundam Wing. Yup. I do. Because I have a soul, and the person/people who REALLY own Gundam Wing have souls, and all souls are interconnected through Spirit/God/Goddess/Universe/exc. Therefore, yes, I own Gundam Wing, and so does every other fan girl that ever lived!
As it was once so eloquently put, it ain't right to pick on the crazies. So don't sue me! The only thing you'll get is a bunch of OTHER fic plots, and some random characters.
The rest of the week went fine, with someone trading places on watching me every five hours or so. It kinda irks me that the guys won't leave me alone. I have a feeling that Heero and Quatre are regulating my visits to make sure I'm not alone. I wonder if I get up to take a piss between shifts if the whole house will go into a panic, but I'm not gonna try it. Reason? I'm not stupid. Quatre in ZERO mode is NOT something I want directed at ME! Heck, Heero would NEVER leave me alone. Good for me, bad for Heero. I mean, god, he's got to be one of the most self-sacrificing people in the universe. It's established that the dude will blow himself up, multiple times, to save the world, but here he has a shot of happiness with Relena and he's giving it up to make sure ol' baka Duo isn't hurting himself. Way to make a man feel even shittier, 'Ro. Anyway, my week is almost over, so Quatre is allowing me to get out of bed and walk around now. I'm still not allowed out of my room, except to go to the bathroom. Between Heero and Zechs, I get all my meals fed to me without having to lift a finger. Sally has been making sure that they don't give me any more than my stomach can handle, like chicken broth instead of stew or something richer, AND she keeps a close eye on what goes into and out of my room. Sometimes I really DO believe she's the stereotypical Jewish housewife...
Speak of the devil. Here she is. In the flutter over my weight, it seems that everyone has forgotten about my cuts. Fine by me; in fact, the cut on my stomach and the stab wound on my thigh are infected, Might even kill me. Fine by me! Then I won't have to worry about how many lives I'm wrecking. It seems that no one can enjoy this trip because of me. I should have just stayed home.
"Duo, I would like you to take off your shirt." Sally says to me athoritively. I sigh, knowing that no matter what, she's getting that shirt off of me. Lifting it over my head, she gasps. "Did you know that this is infected!" She yells at me, pointing at my stomach. Wearily, I nod. She rushes out of the room, presumably to get antibiotics and bandages, and something to help drain the infection out. This is screwed. I'm not letting her fix this! I want to die, DAMN IT! Just let me DIE! I race to the bathroom, lock my door behind me, before racing to Heero's door, only to get attacked by Heero himself. He looks at my emancipated form, complete with infected scaring tissue over my torso. He pins me to the wall across from the toilet so hard that the wall cracks and pieces of plaster force their way into my back.
"Damn it, Duo...Why?" He whispers as he places his forehead against my shoulder. Loud noises of rage start sounding from my room, along with the voice of one VERY unhappy doctor. Heero lifts his head and turns it to face the door.
"He's in here, Sally!" Heero shouted. Right next to my ear, too! Not wanting me to run away, I guess, Heero lifts me over his shoulder in a fireman's carry.
He unlocks my side of the bathroom and wanders into my room. The infected cut on my leg breaks open, and starts bleeding sluggishly against Heero's chest. As much as I hate being carried upside down, I have to admit that Heero has a VERY nice ass, and that I'm privileged to see it up close and personal. However, my enjoyment was cut short as Heero deposited me on my uncomfortable bed of DOOM! I have spent so much time in that retched thing, that it IS a creature of DOOM!
Of course, I have been dressed in a pair of white pajamas, curtsey of Zechs. Because of their whiteness, blood happens to be very visible against them. Heero sets me down, and Sally sees blood. She looks like she is going to kill me.
"Duo?" She growls at me. I swallow the lump of fear that settled in my throat and look to Heero. He's gotta say something, too, ya know.
"Don't just look at me, damn it! What's wrong? Why didn't you tell us about this!" I just shook my head. Sally gave Heero that 'hold-him-down-so-I-can-do-my-job' look and Heero pinned me to the bed. Now, in another context I would be ecstatic about this. Things being as they were, however, I wasn't too happy with this development. It wasn't like I had enough strength to fend Sally off if she had both hands tied behind her back. I couldn't see over Heero, but I DID feel Sally cleaning my cuts up. That hurt. A lot. I am proud to say that I didn't scream, though. However, I did pass out at the end.
When I came to, Zechs was hovering over me. He gave me a big kiss on my forehead and gave me a big hug. He was so nice, just like the big brother I never had. Or if I did have one, the one I never knew. I gave him a smile when he released me, and he bit his lower lip. A small tear traced down his cheek. Puzzled, I cocked my head at him and pull myself into a sitting position. Bad idea! I flopped back down with a whimper. How did I forget about that little infection, and its subsequent removal? Oh, yeah. I'm the resident baka.
"Why, Duo? Why do you cut yourself? I tried to ignore it, but I can't. You've been hurting yourself, and I want to know why." Zechs said as more tears fell from his eyes. Why did everyone want to know?
"It's nothing, Zechsy! Honest!" I say to him. Really it isn't anything at all to run the blade over my flesh.
"Duo, I thought you didn't lie! Something is bothering you, so spill it!" Zechs said, and I did the only thing a sane man could. I curled myself into a little ball and pretended he wasn't there. Presently, I got bored and fell asleep.
It was dark. Very dark without even a scrap of light to let me see. All around were demons waiting to pounce. The screaming started, and the first ghost of my past, Hilde, jumps on me, ripping my flesh from my bones. Then, one by one, the rest come out. Hordes of nameless Ozzies, Solo, Sister Helen, Father Maxwell, Heero, Zechs, Relena, Quatre, Trowa, even Wufei were there. They had all died by my hands. I was the monster, the Shinigami. I was plague and war, suicide and murder. Now my skin and organs were ripped from me, and I was just a walking skeleton. The devil wearing Kushrenada's face draped a black cloak over me and bent over fashioning a horse out of my flesh. It was white. The horse was so white, like it was carved out of pure snow or bone. I got the reference. After all, Death rides a pale horse. What better for the Shinigami?
I woke to Heero gently shaking me awake, and offering me a sandwich. Real, honest-to-god food! Before I even thought about it, I had my hands around Heero's and was taking huge hunks out of the sandwich. Heero didn't say anything; I can only assume that he gave me a weird look. At least until I accidentally kissed his fingers. I didn't think they had been very close to the sandwich bit I bit, and then my lips were on his finger. He gave me a little, shocked 'DUO!' before I stole the sandwich from him. Bliss, in reality, is a hamburger, but I'd settle for this. Even as I ate, I could feel tears running down my face. God, I needed a razor. Tears were getting trapped in the beard that I had grown because I wasn't allowed to have even a plastic butter knife. Damn.
He didn't seem to be real keen in the talking department, but when was he ever? However, he did seem to notice the tears. God, what I wouldn't give to leave this world, to stop killing my friends with my presence. I killed Hilde's sight, and Relena's time with Heero by fopping Hilde off on her. I killed Heero's happiness with Relena by making him worry about me. I killed everything. Everything.
I've often noticed that crying tends to degenerate a person's thoughts, but I still can't stop that as that one word echoes hollowly in my mind. I don't think Heero knows what to do with me, 'cause he's holding me like I'm gonna fall apart. When I quieted down, I hovered in Heero's arms for a long moment. I look up, and Heero has his impassive 'soldier' face on.
"Sorry, there, Heero." I say as I notice the large wet spot on his shirt. He just patted me on the shoulder, blushing, and turned around. I was really hoping that he wouldn't just leave me alone with my thoughts, but he needed to have his life. Although, I did feel comfortable enough to give his back a sad puppy look. He didn't come back to the bed, so I guess my ESP sucks. Just fine by me, though now I'm alone in the room with myself. I think I let out a whimper. It's like being left with the monster in the closet. I could feel the cold chill of my self-hatred pressing down on me, but even more, I felt board. Really board. I haven't been alone a lot lately, so you'd think I'd like it, but noooooooooo. Reality presses its face down on me. Now, I know I'm stupid and worthless, but boredom isn't fun. I scratch my bicep for something to do. After a few seconds, though, I stop. It's not fun or amusing. I would try to go back to sleep, but I've had so much of that over the past week; I don't think I'll sleep for the rest of my life. If I don't do something soon, I'm gonna start talking to the water stain over my bed that looks like a rat...
No, I take it back. It doesn't look like a rat. If you squint just right, it looks like someone in the fetal position with a tail. Or a braid. Man. That's disturbing. SAVE ME! I'M GOING NUTS! SEE! I'M ON THE CEILING!
AN: If anyone out there likes beta reading, I am looking for a good beta to help me out here! I know I'm pathetic! PLEASE CONTACT ME! I would like to get better fics out someday.