Buffy had walked back and forth along the beach a few times. She even took off her socks and shoes to walk in the water a little bit. It was a nice night for L.A. A few stars in the sky, the sound of waves and quietness. She had never stopped thinking about the last convo she had with Angel. The word son hung in her head like it was the only word in her vocabulary. She had been walking a while so she finally sat down and stared out into the ocean.
After a few minutes she finally opened her mouth, "With how much I've seen the ocean lately you'd think it would lose it's appeal." She slowly turned her head behind her to see Conner standing behind her. He wasn't smiling or reacting to what she said at all so she turned to face forward again, "I was starting to think you weren't gonna show."
Conner shrugged, "I was watching you, from the rock. Like I did the first time."
Buffy nodded, "Oh."
Conner slowly sat down beside Buffy and started the conversation, "How come you're so quiet?"
Buffy smiled, "I'm thinking about a lot."
"Like what?"
"I was just told who your dad is."
Conner defenitely looked confused, "It sounded like you knew Angel pretty well."
Buffy sighed, "Like the back of my hand. It's just he finally told me he had a son."
Conner shook his head, "Still a fact I'm trying to forget."
Buffy couldn't believe what she was hearing, "How can you say that? There's billions of kids out there who have to grow up without dads Conner, at least you have one."
"Yeah but no one has a dad that kills and tortures people for fun."
Buffy shook her head still in disbelief, "You haven't even tried to understand him. I have a lot of personal feelings with the whole Angel being a dad issue but I am still extremely happy he had a son, I'm happy it's you. Conner, you have so much good inside of you but you're not gonna feel that until you start opening yourself up to what can be instead of what was."
It was Conner's turn to have disbelief written all over his face, "You of all people. How can you being a slayer defend the worst vampire of all."
Buffy took a deep breath, "You in the mood for the cliffnotes version of my life?"
Conner actually half smiled, "If it will explain why everyone's in love with the vampire, especially you."
Buffy smiled and thought way back, "It started when I moved to Sunnydale. I met Angel in an alley, I kicked him and he flew on his back. He was cute and cryptic yet annoying. He gave me a cross that I don't wear anymore but I carry with me everywhere. Anyway he didn't tell me he was a vampire. He let me get the biggest crush in the world on him before revealing he was a vampire. Like you I set out to kill him because I thought he attacked my mom. When I talked to him though, you know when I gave him a chance before I staked him with an arrow he revealed it was your mother who bit my mom and that he has a curse."
Conner shook his head, "Don't even get me started on how evil my mother was."
Buffy smiled, "Oh go ahead, i hated Darla with everything I had. I mean it wasn't just because she had the part of Angel i wanted, she was just vile until she found out she was pregnant." Conner's face turned into a curious one as Buffy continued, "The way i hear it your mother killed herself for you. Your mother gave evrything she had, she gave up being her old self for you. You have no idea what she was like and you hate her. You need to start understanding you can't judge by reputation."
Conner was actually speechless for a bit. That was until a very important question popped into his head, "What could Angel have said that would make you change his mind about him?"
Buffy smiled, "He explained the curse. Every single day he pays for what he's done and he doesn't even realize it wasn't him doing those things."
"It was him!"
"NO!" Buffy lowered her voice before explaining, "Until you look Angelus in the eye you have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. You heard stories from a once victim but that's all they were... stories to make you hate him."
Conner actually looked a little guilty for making her upset, "How are you such an expert on who Angel is? You haven't been around, you don't know him anymore."
Buffy looked down obviously hurt by his words but nodded, "You're right, I haven't been here but that doesn't mean I don't know him. Back to my story... After I found out about him I couldn't help but fall in love with him. We had a lot of good nights together until my 17th birthday. That night we decided we loved each other so much that we..." Buffy suddenly got uncomfortable, "...escalated our realationship." Conner smiled and nodded giving Buffy the go aheads because he understood so with a sight she continued, "That night we found a clause in his relationship. If he was given one moment of true happiness he would lose his soul. My first time turned the love of my life into the most evil son of a bitch alive."
Conner nodded, "Told you."
Buffy nodded back, "You're right about him. If you talk about Angelus with hatred then i'm not going to stop you but that night I heard Angel whisper how much he loved me and then the next day i watched him almost kill my best friend and insult me to the highest. I know the difference between Angel and Angelus and I just really want you to see that."
Conner avoided Buffy's glare, "Why is it so important?"
Buffy smiled, "Because you're the one thing in this whole world Angel wasn't aloud. You're a miracle to him. Angel and I don't get many miracles or breaks so even after what you did he loves you more then ever. I didn't have a dad through my teen years and I don't want that for you."
Conner sighed, "How is it so easy for you to look into his eyes and not see his tainted soul?"
Buffy smiled, "Because when I look into his eyes I see every kiss, half smile, and night we had. He was so amazing to me and I know I'm not around anymore but I think you should give him the chance to be amazing to you. He'd sacrifice so much for you."
Conner defenitely looked confused as he started playing with the sand. "Everytime someone cares for someone else there's sacrifice."
Buffy nodded and looked down, "I know what you speak of very well because when Angel was evil I obviously had to kill the love of my life. When you know Angel like I did looking into Angelus' eyes and seeing evil hurts more then hearing his words but I had to do it. It took a few deaths and one really close person to die before i could finally kill him. He was about to suck the world into hell and I had him but Willow returned his soul before I could do it. Since he had already opened the portal though I had to close it with his blood." She was obviously teary by now as she continued, "We said I love you's and I kissed him right before ramming a sword through his gut."
Conner shook his head. He was obviously softening as he watching this poor slayer in pain. He started to rub her shoulder, "He had to of come back or else he wouldn't be here."
Buffy nodded and wiped her tears, "You two are the same in that area. You both found a way out of hell. When he came back though we were distant. It was a few days before the prom when Angel finally realized if he stayed with me my life would be wrecked. So he sacrificed everything we had, everything we were..." She paused for a few seconds, "...So I could be happy. He left without even saying goodbye to me."
Conner was even hugging her from the side now. Buffy wasn't crying too much but she was obviously in pain. Conner couldn't help the next question, "Do you still love him?"
Buffy smiled a really big smile and stared up into Conner's eyes, "Always." There was a slight pause until buffy finally came back to reality, "But he has Cordelia now and I'll find someone along the way. Probably another vampire."
She didn't know if she was thinking about Spike or not and she didn't have time to process it because Conner spoke instantly after, "I'm sorry, for what i did. I obviously caused more pain to everyone else then I did to Angel."
Buffy nodded and pulled away, "So the question becomes would you do anything like that again?"
Conner really thought about it before shaking his head, "I don't know if I could. Not because of the reason you think though. Now whenever I look into him and see him in pain I'm going to see you in pain. For some odd reason I don't like it when you're in pain."
Buffy smiled and slowly stood up, "I have that effect on everyone. I'm irresistable."
Conner stood up next to her, "You're going to make me talk to him aren't you?"
Buffy nodded, "Uh huh. Apologies and everything. If you're sincere he'll know it. Just do me one favor." Conner stood in silence so Buffy continued, "Don't tell anyone I talked to you. If Angel knew I told you a few of the things from our past he'd be all sympathetic towards me and extra nice. I can't afford to get too close to him again."
Conner nodded after thinking about it for a few seconds, "Fine."
Buffy looked at her car parked at the top on the road by the rocks. "I should go. I told everyone I'd be back in about an hour."
Conner nodded, "This was... I don't usually talk to people."
Buffy winked at him, "Me too. Come by tonight. I'll make sure me and Angel are the only ones up and you guys can talk."
"So soon?"
Buffy nodded, "Don't worry. If you mean it everything will just come out."
Conner smiled, "I like hearing your stories."
Buffy smiled, "We should do this more often then. I tell you some stories then you can tell me some stories."
Conner nodded, "I'll see you Buffy."
Buffy nodded before walking towards her car. When she turned around to wave, Conner was nowhere to be seen.
-Hyperion-
Not everyone was thinking about Buffy at that moment but Xander and Dawn sure were. They had just finished hearing the story of how Conner came to be and was now 15. It was a little after 11:00 when Dawn broke the silence with a yawn.
Xander snapped out of his thinking mode and smiled at Dawn, "We should get you to bed."
Dawn shook her head, "I think I should talk to buffy."
Xander smiled, "You can talk to her tomorrow."
Dawn sighed, "I'm not little anymore you know. I think if i can watch the little video tape the geeks had then I can stay up past midnight."
Xander shook his head, "Please Dawn."
Angel actually smiled, "We'll send buffy to your room as soon as she get's back."
Dawn stood up angry, "Now you both want me to go to bed. What are you guys gonna talk about?"
At that moment a voice came from the door. "We're going to talk about how much mom adored me. I even have my baby pictures."
Dawn smiled at the vision of buffy, "I just wanted to make sure you didn't die or anything."
Buffy smiled and walked towards her, "No worries Dawnie. Now go to bed. We'll do the whole grown up talk thing tomorrow."
Dawn shook her head but started walking towards the stairs, "Okay. Who's the grown up this time? Me or you?"
Buffy looked around and then back at Dawn, "I think it might be you."
Dawn nodded and looked at Xander, "Night Xander. Night Angel. Night Buffy."
Everyone said goodnight before Dawn was finally out of sight. Xander stood up and stared at buffy, "So how was your night?"
Buffy shrugged, "It was nice. I missed just talking to people."
Xander shook his head, "Don't even get me started."
Buffy smiled, "I meant other people Xander. The way i talk to you people think we're married."
Xander winked at her, "Was that a proposal?"
Buffy shook her head, "Not until we're both 30 remember?"
Xander nodded and sat back down when Buffy walked over to sit by him. When she curled up against Xander's shoulder she finally noticed the way Cordelia was curled into Angel. Her eyes quickly moved and landed on Xander. Xander smiled down at her, "So hunny, where'd you go?"
Buffy looked down, "Out. Just a prior appointment I made on my way here."
Angel defenitely looked curious since Buffy told him she went to her dads and yet she told Xander she went out. He'd have to wait to talk to her of course but patience was a strong point of his. Xander smiled at Buffy, "You look tired."
Buffy shrugged, "Not really. Are you just saying that because you want to sleep?"
Xander looked around uncomfortably and then back at buffy, "No. I'm a man and I live on a hellmouth. I can stay up way past midnight."
Buffy smiled, "But you're the only one next to Anya who actually works on the hellmouth so you can go to sleep and still be a man."
Xander nodded, "There's my justification."
Buffy slowly slid off him as Xander stood up, "You provide for us jobless and poor girls. Enjoy your rest."
Xander nodded and hugged Buffy. He whispered into her ear before letting go, "Don't stay up too late. I don't want to see Angelus in the morning."
When buffy let go she slugged him in the shoulder, "I'll be good sweetie."
Xander nodded and kissed her on the cheek before walking to the stairs, "I'll be wearing my good pajamas if you decide to join me."
Buffy sighed and sat back in the chair as Xander walked up the stairs. As soon as he was out of sight Cordelia glared at her, "You and Xander finally started to date?"
Buffy shook her head, "No. We just made a deal that if we're not committed by 30 we're getting married to each other. His wedding went badly and every relationship I've had has gone badly so we thought we could just hang out together and people will think we're married so they won't hit on us. You can't date people if they don't come to you. Plus Xander's pretty much Dawn's dad already."
Cordelia couldn't believe it, "So you guys are dating, just without the sex?"
Buffy shrugged, "I guess you could say that."
Gunn finally piped in, "I can't believe that man. You two must be more dedicated then any other two people if you're just not going to date anybody else and you're not gettin some." Buffy stared at him a little uncomfortable, "Sorry. That was suppossed to stay in my head."
It was then Angel started to really think about it. He had pretty much accepted he wouldn't be "gettin any" as Gunn phrased it but he was finally realizing it. He actually couldn't believe that Buffy was going through life without someone she could do it with. After all this was one of the main reasons he left her. Almost every reason he left had backfired. She couldn't love the normal guy, she moved on to another vampire and now she wasn't even dating anyone. At least she looked a little happier then before, right?
Buffy shook her head, "Don't worry. When I told Willow she got all jealous because she had Xander first. Then I brought up the whole she's a lesbian thing and she shut right up."
Wesley, Cordy and Angel's head shot up and couldn't believe what they had just heard. Wesley actually moved closer to buffy, "Willow's a...a lesbian?"
Buffy nodded and Angel smiled, "Wow, I didn't see that coming."
Cordy nodded, "I can just imagine how much fun Xander had with that one."
Buffy shook her head, "He wasn't that bad actually. I mean he was engaged to Anya."
Cordy was still in wow, "That's hard to believe. I mean Anya was so..."
Buffy cut her off, "A demon. I think it worked out great. I mean no one could ever get mad at me for dating a demon anymore."
Wesley smiled but then something clicked in his head, "What happened to them then? You said the wedding went bad."
Buffy shrugged and avoided Angel's eyes at all costs, "Xander thought it was best for Anya if they didn't get married right then because he was afraid to hurt her and she was the one who said they shouldn't date again. Big catastrophe."
Cordelia actually looked liek she felt bad, "Wow. Poor Xander and Anya."
Buffy nodded and there was suddenly a silence that overtook the room. Fred looked around and smiled, "Does that silence wierd anybody else out?"
Buffy shrugged, "Kind of nice. Tea nice."
Wesley smiled, "That sounds nice."
Buffy was a little uneasy around Wesley but found this was the best time to talk to him. So she stood, "Good. So let's go make some tea, get me a blanket and a good book."
Angel was defenitely surprised. The buffy he remembered wouldn't touch a book unless it had some modern band on the front of it. "Wow. I didn't know you liked to read."
Buffy shrugged, "People change right?"
Wesley finally stood, "Shall we?"
Buffy nodded and followed Wesley to the kitchen hoping that leaving Cordy and Angel together wouldn't excalate to anything.