Disclaimer: I do not own JA or any of the characters.
Chapter 13: Torture
Bruce had been awake the entire night, he hadn't been able to get to sleep. Everytime he closed his eyes all he could see was Amy. The way she had looked in that dress, the way she looked when she was having a go at him, and the sudden excitement that took over. The look in her eyes when she had opened the gift, the look in her eyes when she had read what he had had enscribed. The look she had given her when she understood the meaning. He had seen all that was behind those eyes. Those deep blue eyes that were engraved into his memory, kept him awake. Didn't let him forget that she loved him, that she had wanted him as much as he wanted her. And that it had been his fault that she had left. He had disappointed her and now he had to live to regret it.
He thought back to when she had tears in her eyes. It was like she was apologising for going back to David. Apologising for leaving him that night. He held onto the hope that she would eventually realise that David was no good for her. That he could only bring on more heart ache and pain. She would come back to him, she would come running back to him and he would be waiting. He would be waiting for her, to provide the much needed comfort that his Amy needed.
He remembered their first kiss together. He had been in denial, and he smiled as he remembered how she had reacted. She had wanted him that long ago, and she still wanted him. He was patient, he had stopped himself from feeling what he now felt. He had buried those feelings. But that day in her office, when his fantasy came true, he couldn't bury those feelings anymore. He couldn't stop those feelings coming out. He could only just control himself around Amy. Touching her face last night had been torture. The softness of her skin against his hands, he held his breath as remembered it all. Remembered that his gift had caused her to cry, in happiness as well as sadness. He had seen the hint of sadness in her eyes. The cry for help that her eyes always seemed to display. He wanted so much to be there to protect her, to take away that sadness he had seen, only letting good things happen to her. He wanted her life to be more of a fairytale, he wanted to sweep her off her feet and prove to her that she had been right. Love does trump all.
He realised that she would have been with McClaren last night and it made him sick to think of what they would have been doing together. He wished that he could have gone to McClaren's house and rescued her, but he knew that wouldn't make her happy at all, that would just be pushing her away. He had to hold his tongue and pretend to trust in her judgement, pretend that he was happy for her. Pretend that she wasn't breaking his heart the way she was with McClaren.
He hated what he was doing to himself. He was laying on the guilt, which he knew he deserved yet Amy never laid on him. She was too nice to do that. But guilt was what kept him sane at this point. The only thing that could keep him going, that would keep him company till he came back.
A single tear rolled down his cheek as he thought of what his life would be like with no hope, no Amy. He didn't like it at all. Although he wanted her to be happy, he also needed to be happy and if she came back to him than they both could be. The gift he had given meant so much to him. What it symbolised, the fact that she had said she loved it and had not tried to hide it when David arrived. It made him proud to think of her and the way she went about life.
"I love you Amy Gray, come back to me!"