"Oh, for the hatred of gods both ancient and horrible. What're you doing here!"

"Good to see you, as well. Now shut up and get out of my way, Malfoy."

Harry crossed his arms, letting out an annoyed sigh. He, Tonks, and Andromeda had been in Diagon Alley for all of five minutes and already they had run into an annoyance. Draco Malfoy, with only one of his two goons trailing along behind him, had sauntered over and blocked their way to the bank.

While Harry idly wondered where Crabbe was, Goyle menacingly cracked his knuckles from off to the side of his 'leader.'

"Yeah, sod off, Malfoy." Tonks added, sticking out her tongue at the blonde.

From beside her, Andromeda lightly swatted her on the back of the head. Glaring at her mother, Tonks whined, "Muuum! Stop that! I don't care if he is my cousin - he's an insufferable git!"

Malfoy smirked at Harry, not bothering to even acknowledge the presence of the Tonks women. "Lovely family you have there, Potty. Had to go begging for one to sponge off of, did you?"

"Malfoy, I've just had the worst Floo trip ever, I've had an awful headache since breakfast, and I have a feeling it's only going to get worse..." Harry said in a tired voice, glancing quickly at the long line coming out of Flourish and Blotts. "Because some golden dandy is having a book signing. I'm not going to sit around and let you try pushing me into a fight. In short: Sod off."

"Gilderoy Lockhart is not a 'golden dandy'..." Andromeda murmured under her breath.

Tonks leaned in close to Harry and, in a stage whisper, said, "Mum has a huge crush on him. I'm with you, though. Wouldn't mind seein' someone punch out one of those perfect teeth of his."

"Couldn't have put it better myself." Harry said, rubbing at his temples. "The press is there, too. I just have this sinking feeling I'm going to get pulled into a publicity stunt."

"Women's intuition?" Asked Tonks, dryly.

"Quiet, you." Said Harry, rolling his eyes. "Malfoy, are you and your one-ton army going to get out of the way, or does Tonks' mum have to exact punishment on her favorite nephew?"

Malfoy sneered, looking at Tonks first, then Andromeda. "So... you'd be the Aunty Andy that mother speaks so... fondly of, are you?"

"Aunty Andy?" Repeated both Harry and Tonks, looking over at Andromeda, who seemed to be twitching. The two friends exchanged a glance, then proceeded to dissolve into giggles.

Malfoy, who didn't seem to enjoy the knowledge that he brought humor to two people he hated, signaled to Goyle. Together, the two shoved their way past the laughing Ravenclaws, heading towards what appeared to be Knockturn Alley.

"If either of you call me 'Aunty Andy'... no sweets for a month." Said Andromeda, twitching still.

And, of course, this only made the two children laugh even harder.

"Who would have ever thought..." Tonks said as the three continued up the road, "That Malfoy would make us laugh?"

"Without the aid of Fred and George, you mean?" Harry replied, wiping the corners of his eyes.

"On that note, we should mail them - see how the revised version of The List is coming along!" Tonks said, brightening up suddenly.

"Ooh, good idea. Let's write them when we get back home!" Harry said, eyes twinkling in a way not unlike Dumbledore's.

As she watched Harry and Tonks go back and forth excitedly, Andromeda couldn't help but smile as Harry referred to her house as 'home.'

"I'm not going." Harry said, crossing his arms and puffing up. He didn't care if he sounded childish. He knew perfectly well that he did. But there was no way in hell that he was going to be going into a bookstore while Gilderoy Lockhart was in it. Especially not one packed to the gills. And this definitely qualified as 'packed'...

"Gotta get our schoolbooks, Harry." Tonks said, walking back over to him. "C'mon, it won't be bad. He'll probably never notice ya. Neither will the press. Just keep your head low."

"I'm not going." Harry repeated, twisting his face up even more.

"Get in the store!" Tonks said, walking around behind Harry and pushing.

"Hey, stop!" Harry said, nearly tumbling over onto his face. Try as he might, Tonks was right strong when she wanted to be. And, for whatever inane reason, she really wanted to be right now.

"No! C'mon, mum! Golden dandy at ten o'clock!" Tonks said, wheeling Harry in the right direction.

Harry let out a whining cry of protest, but to no avail. He was pushed into the bookstore against his wishes. Once inside, he found that it was even more packed than it looked from outside; an impressive feat, to be sure. Nonetheless, it felt claustrophobic to Harry. Any small, enclosed area did. And, despite the store being fairly spacious, the sheer number of people in it giving off body heat and various odors was already getting to Harry.

Andromeda must have sensed something wrong, as she quickly put a hand on Harry's shoulder. Tonks did the same with his other side. Both could feel how strangely tight his muscles were. When Tonks peeked around in front of her friend, she could see his eyes darting around, as if he were expecting a sudden attack from somewhere.

But no attacks came. And, as they got closer to the front, Harry started to unwind. He was still nervous and not happy about having to deal with Gilderoy Lockhart up close and personal, however. They had been in the store for almost half an hour and Harry had listened to enough ridiculous waffling that he could have gagged. Dumbledore honestly expected this man to teach them anything useful? He seemed to be too self-serving and pompous to do anything aside from prattle on endlessly about himself!

"See? This isn't so bad." Tonks whispered.

And, no sooner than the final word had left her mouth, did Lockhart finally notice who was next in line. Harry could see the man's eyes light up in what only could be described as boyish glee...and he didn't like it one bit. Feeling a bit more claustrophobic and unable to escape, a panic began to rise in Harry's stomach.

"Harry Potter!" Lockhart said, getting to his feet and walking around the table he was at. "In the person! Well, now this is a lucky day for all of these people, isn't it?"

"Keep him away from me." Harry whispered quickly as his breath suddenly seized up.

"And why's that?" Tonks interjected loudly, though still sounding as polite as she could muster. "We're just here for our schoolbooks."

Lockhart looked at Tonks strangely for a moment before offering up a smarmy grin. "Oh, dear girl, of course you are, of course you are! And any friend of Harry Potter's will naturally get a complete set of my books, signed, for free!"

Tonks puffed up her cheeks. "I don't want your ru-"

"Tonks, get me out of here." Harry whispered quickly to his friend, his breath now coming in short bursts. He looked just shy of completely hyperventilating.

"What's wrong, Harry? A bit nervous about meeting someone as famous as I?" Lockhart asked, clasping his hands together and grinning jovially for the crowd. "I don't blame you, my boy, I don't blame you at all. If I were in your shoes, I'd be nervous, too! Don't be shy, though, it's quite alright. Now then, just step back over to the desk with me and I'll be more than happy to sign your 'textbooks' for the year."

"No."

"Hmm? What was that, Harry?" Lockhart asked, already having moved back around the desk and sitting down. "Come on, then! Step right up!"

"No..."

"We'll get your books, Harry. You go on outside and get a breath of fresh air, alright?" Tonks murmured, placing her hand on his arm briefly.

Nodding, Harry had just turned around when a commotion came from the direction of the exit. Harry, with Tonks hot on his heels, quickly made their way back through the crowd to see what was going on. Apparently, a fight had spontaneously broken out. Harry couldn't be positive, but the two men involved looked mighty familiar for some reason.

"Get him, dad!" Called someone from off to Harry's side. Looking over, one piece of the puzzle slid into place. Fred and George Weasley were off in a corner of the room, peering around a rather girthy witch in blue, pumping their fists in the air and cheering. Alright, so that made the balding redhead their father.

It was Andromeda, who had caught up to the two kids, that explained who the other man was. "The snooty-looking blonde would be Lucius Malfoy. My dear sister married him, see."

"Who should we cheer on?" Tonks asked.

"If we don't want to be on the end of our own prank list, I suggest we cheer on Mr. Weasley." Harry said, blinking as the balding man suddenly waffled the blonde with a toilet seat. Harry wasn't quite sure where a toilet seat, of all things, would come from, and decided that it would be in his best interests if he never asked.

The scuffle ended when Draco Malfoy, along with his mother, came rushing up. Narcissa was quick to get her husband off of the ground. Draco, as per usual, was smirking. It seemed that the younger Malfoy only had a handful of expressions, none of which he seemed very capable of mastering.

Just as Lucius Malfoy was rubbing at his jaw, a short, round witch (who also happened to have red hair) came running up. Now this person Harry did know. As Mrs. Weasley helped her husband up, Fred and George made their way through the crowd to congratulate their father. Ron and Ginny, the twins' little sister who looked like she was gathering supplies for Hogwarts as well, came running in from the direction their mother had appeared from, both quite out of breath.

"Honestly, Arthur!" Mrs. Weasley was saying. "What came over you?"

Rubbing at his chest and wincing, Mr. Weasley murmured a "Nothing important, dear." to his wife, glaring daggers at Lucius Malfoy.

Smirking through a grimace, Lucius walked towards the collected Weasleys, his glance moving from Arthur to Ginny. "Another one? Are you trying to send your own family to the poor house, Arthur? ...No, don't say it. I've already seen that dwelling of yours. I do believe it already classifies..."

Smiling down at Ginny, who took a step back and into Ron, Lucius murmured silkily, "Hand-me-downs from your brothers, eh? Sometimes I pity the poor, you know... My family has never had to scrounge and beg for money. But then... Narcissa and I have no intention of making child after child. Draco is quite capable, you see. I'm afraid, my dear girl, that you'll never be able to live up to our caliber of life."

Lucius reached out and ruffled Ginny's hair, causing Arthur to almost lunge at the man. Only by his wife's grace did he manage to withhold from it. Lucius' gaze went from Ginny to the books she was toting. Reaching out and grabbing at one, he held it up to the sky and inspected it. The book was ratty and tattered with a spine that seemed to almost have given out completely. Lucius looked at it as if it carried some form of foul odor. He flipped it open and looked through a few pages, one of which ripped easily, drifting to the ground.

Lucius watched it fall and, when it had hit the ground, he knelt to pick it up. Smirking like his son, (his wasn't much better) Lucius then handed the book and its page out to the youngest Weasley. "Take your book, girl. It's the best your father can give you."

Standing, Lucius then smiled coldly in Mr. Weasley's direction. "And I'll be seeing you at work soon, I suppose. Good day, Arthur."

With this, the trio of Malfoys turned and swept off up the alley.

Andromeda pushed past Harry and Tonks, walking swiftly out to the eldest Weasleys. "Molly, Arthur, are you two alright? I'm so sorry about that... what my sister saw in that arrogant, stuck-up son of a-"

"Andromeda, there are children present!" Mrs. Weasley admonished.

"Sorry. But you know what I mean! I don't know how anyone could turn out like they did. And they had a son! I don't even want to think about the physics behind that." Andromeda said, shaking her head.

As the traffic both inside the bookstore and out returned to normal, Harry and Tonks were waved over by Andromeda. Mrs. Weasley's eyes lit up when she saw Harry. "Harry! How good to see you again! How have you been?"

"Um...b-better, thanks..." Harry said, not meeting Mrs. Weasley's eyes. The first - and only other - time that they had met, Mrs. Weasley and Ginny had come to Hogwarts to spirit Ron away for his suspension. He hadn't been in the best of shape at the time.

Mrs. Weasley then turned and looked to Tonks. "And how have you been, dear?"

"Better after the distraction." Said the girl, grinning aside to Harry, who blushed slightly and gave her a weak elbow to the arm.

Mrs. Weasley blinked, then turned to give the evil eye to her husband. "And you... are going to be explaining to your children just what on earth started this whole mess after supper tonight, Arthur Weasley."

Mr. Weasley winced, which Harry figured had nothing to do with the injuries he was sporting, and nodded to his wife.

"Right, well... we should be going. Getting late and all." Arthur Weasley said, smiling at his wife and children. "Andromeda, good to see you again. You'll have to drop by sometime for a meal with us."

"I'd love to." Andromeda said. "...Good hit with the toilet seat, by the way."

Fred and George grinned at this, Arthur lowered his head to hide a smile, and the two Weasley women exchanged a confused look. Ron was looking off somewhere else.

Waving their goodbyes, Harry asked, "What was that all about?" after the redheads were well out of earshot.

"Well... Molly and Arthur have never had a lot of income, really. They've had loads of children and, somehow, have always managed to scrap by on what they've saved. Can't imagine it was easy this year, what with how expensive Lockhart's books are..." Andromeda said, frowning slightly.

"Fred and George never really talked about it." Tonks said.

"Always seemed perfectly happy." Harry added.

Andromeda chuckled. "I can't remember a time when those two haven't been. Are they still pranking people? The things they did to their poor little brother Ron when he was a baby..."

Once they had gone back to get their books (Lockhart was now pouting that no one paid any attention to him) and other school supplies, Harry, Tonks, and Andromeda returned to Number Nine.

Their earlier encounter with the Weasleys got the two children to pondering their list, which they had given over to Fred and George before the end of their previous year at school. The twins had mentioned something about updating it and such, but neither Harry nor Tonks quite knew what they had in mind.

As a way to pass time, the two immediately rushed upstairs and wrote a letter to the twins, asking if they could be spoiled on at least a few of the changes the twins had made. Harry asked if Hedwig was up for a trip. Having done little that summer aside from being trapped in her cage, the snowy owl seemed more than happy to stretch her wings properly. Ever since coming to Number Nine, she was allowed out at nights and to leave her cage at any point during the day if she wished. It rather made up for the time at the Dursleys, which had seemed to have affected her almost as much as it had Harry.

Just around the time Harry and Tonks had finished eating that night, Hedwig flew back in through the kitchen window, landing on the edge of the table and holding out her leg. Harry quickly took the letter and Hedwig took off upstairs, presumably to rest awhile before heading out for her nightly hunt. Figuring that it might not be a good idea to let Tonks' mother know about their brainchild, Tonks dragged Harry up to her room before letting him open the letter.

Dear Harry and Tonks:

Wasn't dad something today? We've always said that a well-placed toilet seat would get a man out of most any situation. It's about time someone listened to us! We're all doing fine, though mum really let dad have it after we got home. Even ickle Ronniekins seems to be growing up a bit, if you can believe it. Ginny's eagerly looking forward to her first year at Hogwarts - we both pray she won't wind up in Slytherin- and has been bouncing off the walls. Sometimes literally. Best not to ask about that.

As to your query about our revision, it's making slow but steady progress. We don't want to spoil all of the surprises we've come up with, so we're only going to reveal the first...oh, twenty or so. Any more than that and it ruins the fun! Included is our own personal commentary. I hope we get the approval of the originators!

001: Ton-Tongue Toffee Best not to ask about this, either. You'll see the hilarity the very first breakfast at Hogwarts! We're getting started early!

002: Golden Dandy Drops Inspired by a certain new Defense Professor we're getting!

003: Depressios Moping Malfoy? Depressed Draco?

004: Bottom-Out Biscuits Not for the squeamish. One 'dose' will keep you - or your victim - in the loo for a good, long while.

005: Quadruple Qustards He can't hit you when he can't tell which of you is real!

006: Streaking Screamers We'll explain when you're older...

007: Crying Crisps Because a Sobbing Slytherin is a funny Slytherin.

008: The Great and Horrible Dive-Bombing Owl Trick Best not to-oh, you know what we're trying to say. Rest assured, you two will approve whole-heartedly when you see it happen!

009: Two Heads, One Eye We've read too many horror stories from the Ministry. But you have to admit, Malfoy arguing with himself for once would be a nice change.

010: Atrophy Entropy Better watch out if you suddenly see Malfoy crawling at you in a menacing way. Never good to get your ankles bitten by an ankle-biter.

011: Chew-Chew Train Ever wonder what Malfoy would like with a couple of cabooses? A less dramatic version of 009.

012: Salamander Surprise We aren't sure if it'd be a funny thing or a really, really bad one if Malfoy were to suddenly start spraying fire every time he opens his gob.

013: Love Me Knots In another mouth-related prank, how about Malfoy's hair going into the shape of a large, pink heart. In addition, his tongue will literally get tied in a knot. Completely harmless, if more than a little frustrating in execution. You don't want to hear the horror stories we had while trying to perfect this one...

014: Pasty Panties Right, you don't get to see this one until you two are older, either. Harry, stop blushing, mate! We promise we won't use it on any non-Slytherins!

015: Geriatric Gum Picture, if you will, Malfoy when he grows to be the ripe old age of 250. Now picture his shifting to that form and back again in the span of two days. This one's got a slow timer of sorts on it, but it's so worth it. Mum almost took Percy to St. Mungo's when we tested it on him. We were reamed for a good three hours after we explained what we were upto. But it's definitely worth the torment!

016: Smoldering Butt Okay, so we just wanted to use that phrase somewhere and figured we'd just make something up on the spot about smoke coming from the arse of an arse.

017: Lying Liquid You know truth potions, right? This is the opposite. It's mild, but it makes everything the person says to you the opposite of what it would normally be. The effects last for around 10 minutes. We may eventually make a longer-lasting version, depending on how well this one does.

018: Whirling Wigs Inspired by our own beloved Nymmy, (don't hurt us!) we decided to think up a way for a person's hair to cycle through a couple dozen colors on its own. After making all of Ron's hair fall out (He looked like a shorter version of dad!) and after making Percy's long, puce, and curly, we finally perfected it.

019: Curds and Weigh Do you two have any idea how disgusting curds and whey smell like? Anyway, anyone stupid enough to eat this stuff will gain 300 pounds for a few hours. Waddling Malfoy!

And finally, 020: Toppling Toast Please imagine this: Draco Malfoy and the rest of Slytherin house acting completely pissed. They won't be able to stand straight, walk straight, or even think straight. We wonder how many will run into one another head first...

So there you two have it. A sneak peek of the first revision. We've no doubt that we'll end up doing a few more before we leave Hogwarts, but this is good enough for now. We've got about 30 more finished, so don't think our reserves are dry just yet.

We need to get back to preparing, though. There are a few special ingredients we've harvested and picked up in various spots that we really need to take with us. Mum would pitch a wobbly if she found them, on top of that. See you on the train!

- Fred and George

"...So, Necromancers really exist, huh? Interesting."

"Yeah, but it's icky stuff, really. I mean, I've seen some books on 'em that mum's left out before. You really don't wanna see the kind of pictures in those."

"I made a guy practically melt a few months ago."

"...Point."

Harry sighed, leaning back in bed and rubbing his eyes. "Still... I wonder how much there is to learn. Even studying like I do and reading whenever I can, I probably would need my whole lifetime to learn everything important."

"Good thing we have longer lifespans than muggles, then, huh?" Tonks asked, sitting the opposite direction on the bed and leaning back on her arms.

"Yeah. Heh...I wonder what we'll look like when we're as old as Dumbledore is. Can you imagine me with a long, white beard?" Harry said, smiling crookedly.

"Anything else you're curious about?" Tonks asked.

"Actually, yeah. Do those cupid things exist?"

"Mum says they do... I think it's a load o' rubbish."

"Oh? Why's that?"

Tonks blushed slightly and looked off. "It's stupid, really..."

"If you can't tell me, who can you tell?" Harry said.

"... Well... Alright. But if you laugh, I'll clock you in the head with my foot. I just think that a person has the ability to fall in love with whoever they want. Dumb to think that everyone who falls in love got shot with some invisible arrow, isn't it?" Tonks said, still looking away.

Harry tilted his head back, gazing thoughtfully at the ceiling for awhile before replying, "Oh, I don't know... I'd like to think that there's someone out there who'd like me for who I am... instead of for this." Harry motioned at his scar.

"You'll find someone..." Tonks said quietly.

"If you say so." Harry replied, sounding rather put-out.

"I do. And don't you go getting mopey on me, either, Harry Potter." Tonks said, sharply, glaring Harry's way. "You're gonna grow old and get married and have 3 kids - two girls and a boy."

Harry raised an eyebrow. "Two girls and a boy?"

"Two girls and a boy." Tonks confirmed, nodding solemnly.

"You're scary sometimes. You know that, right?" Harry asked.

"Of course I do."

"Just making sure... Hey, Tonks?"

"Hmm?"

"What am I going to do next summer?"

Silence filled the air as Tonks tilted her head. "Well..." She began, flopping back completely and crossing her arms. "I suppose I could try coming with you on the day you get back - see if I can spend the night. Bring mum along to help convince them..."

"I... don't think that's a good idea, Tonks." Harry said slowly.

"Why not?"

"Dudley's getting even bigger. I don't know understand the physics of it, but it's happening nonetheless. He's also getting stronger..." Harry said, darkness in his voice. His eyes clouded over for a few moments before he continued. "And he's been going around, beating up other kids in the neighborhood. His gang's getting bigger, too, so he'll corner kids and outnumber them."

"He'd be a one-man gang on his own if he's as big as you say." Tonks replied.

"Yeah, but he's slowing down. His shins would probably splinter if he tried sprinting."

"Now there's a promising thought." Tonks said. "So how'd you figure all o' this out?"

"Are you kidding? He brags with his friends when they come over. I pieced most of it together, but..." Harry shrugged. "Someday he'll get what's coming to him, Tonks. Someday it'll happen and I won't be there to help him out. I'll sit and watch, if I can. As long as he hurts for causing that much pain..."

Frowning, Tonks sat up and turned around, scooting up to sit beside Harry properly. Slipping an arm around his shoulders, she hugged him and muttered, "Don't you go getting all angsty around me. I'll stuff you full o' cake so fast, you'll choke."

"And this will help me...how?" Harry asked.

"You'll be too busy choking to care about anything else." Tonks said, winking. "And then you'll probably be too busy trying to chase me down!"

"Such cunning strategy." Harry stated in the blandest voice he could muster. "And why would I need to chase you? I believe, Nymmy, I have you trapped right now. Perhaps I could exact future revenge on you while you're still next to me?"

Tonks paused, squeaked as Harry's words set in, then moved her arm and quickly attempted to scatter off the bed. Unfortunately, she was facing off against a Seeker with rather good reflexes and, in one swift motion, Harry had tugged her back onto the bed.

As Andromeda returned home that evening, the sounds of her daughter, laughing like a madwoman, filled the house, along with the occasional shriek of "STOP TICKLING MEEEEEE!"

Rolling her eyes, the older Tonks woman just smiled and walked into the kitchen to prepare dinner.

Author's Notes: I hate the flu. Cripes. Laid up for well over a week. If I hadn't, I wouldn't gotten this out sooner. Sorry 'bout that, you lot. I don't wanna get into the habit of updating once every month or something. That's too long, even for a slacker like ME.

So here we have a trip to Diagon Alley gone horribly wrong. And, hopefully, a bit more believable than the scrapped version. Note that I still had the toilet seat return for a smash to the head. And I hope everyone likes the first of what might be many List revisions! It was actually rather annoying trying to think like Fred and George do.

I really don't have much to say, as not a lot went on here. Um... so, I guess I'll ask this - How come there aren't more Harry/Fleur fics? Maybe I just have a thing for underwritten pairings, but I think this one would go really nicely, if properly set up. I think I can safely say that this might be a bit of foreshadowing on my part. But I won't say anything past that. You guys will just have to wait for book 4 (or possibly 6) to find out what the hell I mean.

I also wouldn't mind seeing Harry/Pansy if it was done right. There's this weird thing I have about wanting to reference pansies and 'wintergreen' at some point. But I won't be having her come anywhere within 'friendly' range of Harry. She's well chuffed with being Draco's arm-float for now. So that's it for now. NOW I'll be going off to jot up a THIRD version of a Chamber Chapter Guide. You guys really don't wanna see what the last two have looked like. Urf.