"Because you'll fail the course and get ejected if ya don't. Now c'mon, or we'll be late!"
"... Fine. I'll go. But I'm not putting up with that golden dandy's tomfoolery."
Tonks rolled her eyes, tugging a reluctant Harry out of Ravenclaw Tower and towards the Defense classroom. Harry had been trying to worm his way out of the year's first Defense Against the Dark Arts class since the previous night. Solieyu, choosing wisely to remain out of the argument, was hanging back a few paces behind his friends. If nothing else, he could grab Harry if the boy somehow worked his way out of Tonks' vice-like grip.
"I'm serious, Tonks." Harry groused. "If he comes sauntering into class, grinning as if he had just been shagged, I'm going to send the twins after him!"
"You'll get in trouble." Tonks retorted evenly.
"I get in trouble whether I want to or not." Harry replied, pulling a face. "Or hasn't that registered with you?"
"Oh, it's registered. But there's no sense in trying to get a detention with Snape, is there?"
"HANG Snape!" Harry roared, nearly tripping over his own robes.
"Like an old married couple." Solieyu sighed under his breath.
"What was that?" Tonks asked, looking over her shoulder at the long-haired boy, who shrugged in reply. It was going to be a very, very long day, indeed.
"This day just keeps getting better. About face." Harry said, turning around as he, Tonks, and Solieyu rounded the corner leading to the Defense classroom. Malfoy, flanked as always by Crabbe and Goyle, was lingering by the door.
Without so much as a word between them, Tonks and Solieyu each grasped Harry by the arms and began dragging him backwards, heading for the classroom despite the Slytherins' presense.
"Can't figure out how to work a door, boys?" Tonks asked in mock sweetness. "I can help if you need it..."
At the sound of her voice, the Slytherins looked over. The blonde immediately sneered.
"Was wondering how long I could go before having to see you. After you failed to board the train, I was hoping you'd run off. Or worse." Said Draco, smirk firmly in place.
"I love you too, Malfoy." Harry replied dryly. "Now shove over and let us in. The sooner we get in, the sooner we can get out. I don't want to be in the same room with that ponce any longer than I have to be."
Malfoy snorted. "Can't stand being around someone who hogs more of the spotlight than you do?"
"Can't stand him at all." Harry said, shrugging his friends' hands off of him and turning about to properly address the trio of Slytherins. "You have no idea what he's like."
"Of course I do." Malfoy retorted. "I was in the bookstore on the day of his ridiculous signing. Your weasel friends' poor excuse of a father dared attack mine in broad daylight."
"Did he say how it felt to be dinged by a toilet seat?" Tonks asked.
Malfoy whirled on her, narrowing his eyes. "You watch what you say, girl."
"Don't speak to her like that." Harry said in a distinctly hard voice.
"Or you'll do what?" Malfoy asked, sizing Harry up. Behind him, Crabbe and Goyle began cracking their knuckles.
"Oh, -I- won't do a thing." Harry replied, a slight smile on his face. "I'll just inform the twins what you said about their father and give them free reign to use The List. The only reason your pink bits haven't turned to pinecones is because I've made them hold off until just the right moment. They're practically begging to unleash half the bloody tricks on you already. Do you really want to subject yourself to even worse humiliation than what you received last year, Malfoy? Honestly, I could care less if you wanted to sprout buttocks on the inside of your mouth, but..."
Malfoy snorted once more. "You think I can't handle myself against that pitiful, dirt-poor duo?"
Looking over his shoulder, as he had taken a few steps in from of his friends during his spiel, Harry asked, "Hey, Leon?"
"Yes?"
"What say you?"
"I doubt he could."
"Tonks?"
"I'd love seein' him try."
"Agreed. Malfoy, we'll extend your challenge to Fred and George at lunch. Now, if you'll excuse us, we need to get into that blithering idiot's classroom." Harry said, brushing past Malfoy and heading into Defense.
Tonks shook her head as she and Solieyu followed, commenting, "Do you even think he'd notice anyone missing? Too busy grinning at himself in mirrors oroh, sweet Merlin, is that a blown-up portrait of HIMSELF on that wall!"
"I am covered in pink stuff."
"At least it doesn't smell that bad. Know any good, thorough cleansing charms, Leon?"
"I...am covered...in pink stuff."
"Mm, not really. Let's just find Professor Flitwick. I'm sure he can help us out."
"I am covered... in PINK stuff!"
"He should be in his office grading papers at this hour, shouldn't he?"
"I'M BLOODY COVERED IN PINK STUFF!"
"Yes, Tonks, we know. We are, too, but you don't hear US complaining about it."
"Yeah, Nymmy, button down. It's not that bad. In fact, I think your hair looks pretty good pink."
Tonks blinked with the one eye that wasn't covered in light-red goop. "You think so?"
"Definitely." Harry said, nodding.
"Hmm..."
To say that the first Defense class had gone awry would be a gross understatement. Harry still wasn't sure what the class had been up against, as Lockhart had bolted the minute the creature started spraying pink gunk all over. This left a class of Ravenclaw and Slytherin second-years to fight it back into its charmed cage. It couldn't spray anything from in there.
It was about a meter, both heightwise and lengthwise. It was colored an almost neon pink, it was so bright. It had what appeared to be spiney feathers covering its body, as if someone had mated a flamingo and a porcupine. It carried itself about on long, spindly bird legs and had eyes so tiny that they were almost nonexistant. The goo it spewed came from out of its mouth. No one quite knew what it was. No one quite wanted to, either.
It was sheer bedlam inside the class. Once Lockhart had released the creature from its protected box, it went completely ballistic. Lockhart got a mouth full of whatsit, squealed in horror, and fled. Malfoy and his goons began laughing...until they were targetted. Malfoy's flawless hair received a pink gel as a going-away present, as the Slytherins up and fled shortly thereafter, Draco shrieking like a girl.
Terry Boot, of all people, had been the one to finally subdue the thing. While the creature had been hosing down Pansy Parkinson, Terry had crawled up behind it and tackled it about the legs, sending it crashing to the ground. Almost as if sensing their chance for escape and retribution, practically the whole class had thrown basic stunners. Thankfully, whatever it was seemed to be entirely weak against magical attacks and was rendered harmless.
The Ravenclaw trio spent a good half hour hunting their head of house down, eventually finding him in the library. After getting an earfull from Madam Pince about dripping 'whatever it was' on her floor, Professor Flitwick removed the sludge from them and sent them on their way.
Groaning as he sat in his favorite chair in the Ravenclaw common room, Harry closed his eyes. It had been a long day. Too long. Apparently, Lockhart had tried showing the whatever-it-was to some of the older students and received the exact same results. By the time supper had rolled around, few people who had been in Lockhart's class liked him. Mainly the female population, who liked him on his looks alone and didn't even seem to mind being slimed due to his dottering incompetance.
"You're Harry Potter." Came a soft voice from Harry's left, causing the boy to jump.
Opening his eyes, he turned to see a girl that didn't look too much younger than him. She had dirty blonde hair that hung down to the center of her back, very pale eyebrows, and had eyes that reminded Harry of an owl's. She was also staring at him quite intently.
"You're Harry Potter." She repeated after a few more moments of staring at one another.
"Er...that's right..." Harry said.
"I know all about you." Said the girl in a strange voice.
"You do?"
"Oh, yes. My father is the editor for "The Quibbler," and he's run all sorts of stories about you." Said the girl in a matter-of-fact way.
"Um... well, that's nice, I suppose." Harry said, now feeling distinctly uncomfortable. "So...you know my name, right? Well, what's yours?"
"Oh, I'm Luna. Luna Lovegood." Said the girl, smiling serenely.
"Well...Hello then, Luna. Nice to meet you..." Harry said, extending a hand to the girl.
Luna, who looked at it with her head tilted to one side for a while, finally grinned back up at Harry and murmured, "I need to go finish my Charms work now."
With that, the strange girl had left just as suddenly as she had arrived. This left Harry feeling so off-kilter that he completely forgot about what a bad day it had been. When Tonks arrived a good half hour later - she had been in the library, going over some of the finer points of turning a needle into toothpick - she asked Harry why he looked so mystified.
Harry could only give a vague recount of his chance encounter with Luna Lovegood. Tonks let out a laugh at this and, at Harry's confused gaze, explained, "Finally met her, huh? She's cornered both me and Leon so far. Bit loony, don'tcha think?"
"Definitely." Harry agreed.
"So Ron's been alright to you so far this year?"
"Loads better. In fact, he actually apologized at the table during the start of term feast."
"Really? ...The twins weren't behind it?"
"Not that I could tell."
"Huh... Well, that's good. I guess he got politeness drilled into him over the summer or something, then."
"I hope so."
Harry was walking towards the library a few weeks later to look up information on his current Potions work. By chance, he had nearly collided with one Hermione Granger as they both came around a corner at the same time. As she was heading in the same direction he was, he decided to catch up on how she had been.
"If he does start up again, just tell the twins that they have my permission to start." Harry said.
"To start? To start what?" Hermione asked.
"The new and improved prank list." Harry said. "They were working for a good chunk of the summer on it, judging by all they told me. I'd hate to be on the receiving end of ANYTHING. Tonks and I are right amateurs compared to those two."
"I wish they'd stop that, though." Hermione said, voice tinted slightly with annoyance. "They lost quite a lot of points for Gryffindor last year..."
"Oh, they gain it all back, eventually. Right?"
"Well... yes, but that isn't the point."
Harry grinned crookedly. "So true. And now, for a painfully blatant attempt to change the subject! How was your summer, Hermione?"
"Oh, it was lovely!" Hermione beamed. "In fact, I had to spend most of the first few days just going over everything that had happened with my parents!"
Unable to force back the faint twinge of jealousy he felt, Harry just nodded. Hermione took this to be indication to continue.
"My mum was happier for me than my dad, I think..." Hermione continued, looking thoughtful for a moment. "But I think he's just worried about his daughter being off somwhere he can't monitor."
"Protective, is he?"
"Quite." Hermione confirmed. "But he's just trying to look out for me. I'm sure I'd be worried if any children of mine were off at a strange school for the better part of the year."
"Especially when you tell them the tales of what I got up to?" Harry asked, voice dry.
Hermione swatted him on the arm. "Don't be silly. Of course I didn't. I don't know the whole story, anyway. Just the rumors that went around. Care to fill me in on the whole thing?"
"Not really. It still hurts my head to think about." Harry said, frowning slightly.
"Oh... Well, if you change your mind, I'd love to hear about it" Said Hermione, smiling. "And enough about me, how was your summer, Harry?"
Seeing his face visibly darken, Hermione blinked. "Harry?"
Entering the library, Harry shook his head. "It's a long story. Better sit down first. And I'd rather it not got out, so..."
"Oh, don't worry. I keep my promises. And I promise to not tell a soul." Hermione said, setting the books she had been carrying down on a table and pulling out a chair to sit in.
Sitting down next to her, Harry recapped what had happened to him since the end of their first year. Hermione, for her part, was a brilliant one-person audience for him, gasping at all the right moments and being outraged on his behalf.
"...And that's about it. Me and Leon arrived a few hours ahead of everyone else and wandered about aimlessly until the rest of the students got here." Harry finished.
"Oh, that's awful! I've read all about house elves, of course. They've got frightfully strong magic. Only they rarely ever use it." Hermione stated.
"Why's that?"
"Well, because of the contract between wizard and elf, I suppose" Hermione said. "House elves can't betray their masters. A bit stupid, if you ask me."
"I wouldn't mind making Dobby work as slave labor for my relatives" Harry said, darkly.
"After what you've been through, I'd imagine so..." Hermione said, frowning. "Really, are you okay?"
"All better now that I'm back here. Hogwarts is more a home than Number Four's ever been." Harry said with a smile. "Don't worry about me, Hermione, really. I've been through worse."
Her lips thinning, Hermione nodded. "So I've heard. Well, do be careful, alright?"
"Always try to." Said Harry, looking off towards the library's shelves. "...I've got Potions work. What about you?"
"I need to write an essay for Defense Against the Dark Arts." Hermione said. From the way she spoke, Harry couldn't help but think that she might be one of the girls that way infatuated with Lockhart.
"That golden dandy can take a hike." Harry grumped, throwing caution to the wind. "I smelled like stewed prunes for nearly a week after he up and abandoned us to that...that..."
"Pink-Bellied Muskonk."
"Beg pardon?"
"That's what it was. A Pink-Bellied Muskonk." Hermione said.
"Oh. Well, whatever it was, it coughed up its goo onto most of our class. We had to hunt Professor Flitwick down just to get it off" Harry groused.
"Oh, now, I'm sure Professor Lockhart just thought..." Hermione began.
"...that he's supposed to be in control?" Supplied Harry, grinning crookedly once more.
For his remark, he was issued another swat to the arm.
The next morning, Harry, Tonks, and Solieyu were just entering the Great Hall for breakfast when a commotion filled the air. A squeal filled the strangely-silent room and, for a moment, Harry wondered which girl could have let it out.
His question was answered - sort of - a moment later when Draco Malfoy ran by at top speed. He was clutching his backside and gibbering as loudly as possible. He even ran face-first into a wall on the opposite end of the Entrance Hall.
"Tonks?"
"I'm going to say it was the one that they used on the train." Tonks said, pulling a face.
"Leon?"
"No clue."
"I'm going to go with Bottom-Out Biscuits."
"For breakfast?" Tonks asked, raising an eye.
"...Hey, I don't know what Malfoy eats. Nor do I want to. Look, there's Fred and George - let's just go ask them which prank they unleashed on him."
At the Gryffindor table, Fred and George Weasley were trying hard not to laugh into their eggs. However, when the Ravenclaw trio walked up, neither twin could hold it back any longer.
Through their laughter, George asked, "Did... did you see the look on his face!"
"Malfoy screams like a little girl!" Fred howled. He promptly got a hard elbow to the side from Ginny, who was sitting on the side that George wasn't occupying. "...No offense, Gin." He wheezed.
"Which number?" Tonks and Harry asked at the same time.
Of course, this only caused the twins to laugh harder. It took five more minutes before any of the Ravenclaws could work information from the redheads.
"It was Number Sixteen!" Fred said, proudly.
"Smoldering Butt!" George declared.
"Figured out something to go with the phrase, then?" Harry asked, thinking back to what they had written in their letter.
"Oh, did we ever. Malfoy's going to be breathing fire from his hind quarters for an hour!" George cackled.
"Much better than smoke. I approve." Tonks said, grinning from ear to ear.
"So do I. Very nice!" Harry agreed. The two then began applauding in a painfully silly, polite manner.
"I'm surrounded by maniacs." Muttered Solieyu, who turned to go and get some breakfast before the meal was officially over with.
"Aww, come on back!" Tonks called.
"Not a chance." Said Solieyu, waving over his shoulder as he crossed the room.
"I'm almost sorry we missed the start of it." Harry lamented.
"Oh, you didn't miss anything, really. There's a five minute timer of sorts on it. You just start feeling really sick, like you need a toilet more than ever before. Malfoy's probably just now really getting into his hour of fun." Fred said, smirking.
"Oh, that's wonderful - I'm trying to eat here!" Ginny cried. With a scowl, she moved to stand up, grabbing each of her older brothers' heads and smacking them together. "But it looks like I'vesomehowlost my appetite."
Letting out a cry of pain, the twins made faces as their little sister stomped out of the Great Hall. Harry and Tonks also watched, eyebrows raised.
"What's with her?" Harry asked. "Wasn't that graphic a detail."
"Dunno. She's been acting odd for a week or so now, hasn't she, George?" Fred asked.
Rubbing his head, George nodded. "Yeah. She acts like she's under the stress from taking O.W.L.s or something. We dunno what's wrong with her. And Ron's not the type of person to ask."
"Try getting Hermione to ask?" Harry suggested, scanning the table and not seeing his friend.
"We might, if this keeps up much longer." George said. "Honestly, she's been in the common room sometimes and just randomly throws her quill down, lets out this strangled cry, and storms off!"
"Talked to McGonagall or Madam Pomfrey about it?" Tonks asked.
"Nah." Fred said. "Didn't seem that bad. Just first-year frights, we'd guess."
"Probably just too worried that she'll wind up being as useless as Neville is in Potions or something." George continued.
"Neville doesn't like Snape either, huh?" Harry asked.
"Dead scared of him, more like it." George said.
"Can't say as I blame him." Harry muttered.
"Too right." George continued. "Anyway, you two better go and eat. There's about ten minutes left. If you hurry, your food might still be warm!"
"That much time's gone by?" Tonks absently asked. "C'mon, Harry. I need food."
"When don't you?" Harry wondered aloud as he was physically tugged away from the Gryffindor table. And, as Tonks wasn't in a position to swat Harry on the arm, she simply retorted by rapping him on the top of the head.
"OW!"
Author's Notes: Come on, you love the idea that Lockhart's stupidity is the indirect reason why Tonks decides to start turning her hair pink. ADMIT IT! It's a pink hair cameo, though, because I hate cliches and pink-haired!Tonks is one of them!
If you haven't seen it by now, check my profile. The R-Series was vamped up a book. Mainly because I want a break before I set into the Auror thing... if I do at all. I'm starting to think that I may let Tonks and Leon go that path and keep Harry off, enjoying relative peace. Which isn't to say that he wouldn't be around, of course. Harry wouldn't be around what's now book 9 anyway for at least a few chapters. Probably not until after a story arc or two were complete. So he has a way back in. It just depends on what direction I take book 8 in.
Nothing really to do with anything here, but I just felt the urge to comment. Be sure to check my profile every so often. I tend to update the current status on chapters and the series as a whole regularly. Boredom and all.
And to put the final nail in the coffin, I'll say it again here - No, Twilight wasn't official. I tend to write snippets of things when writer's block, time, etc keep me away from the main story. I have dozens of little ficlet parts that no one will probably ever see. HOWEVER... Know that MOST of the events in Twilight are going to happen. They just won't happen in one tangled mess like that. The Great Crash is a chapter unto itself, for instance. Harry regresses into himself earlier... or later... I've still not decided what book to do that in. It'll be six or seven, though.
And yes, the Honks-ness will go away. I'm not afraid to take chances in my writing. It wouldn't be any fun at all if, once they hooked up, they stayed that way. Are you insane? Hell, book 6 will probably be more Harry and Fleur until he sorts himself out. Book 8 will strictly be Harry and Pansy because dammit, I LIKE that pairing and demand more fics about them. And, well...Pansy is just important later on, alright? Come on, Potterfic writers, gimme more Harry x Pansy goodness!
But, as said, this series will end as Honks. So please, don't have a cow if I break them up, put them with others, and make them act like real teenagers, alright? This isn't a fairy tale. It's Harry Potter.
Maybe a Grimm fairy tale. But not a normal one.
So...yeah. Expect the unexpected. Though given how I seem to blab the stuff I'm trying to keep quiet, good luck with that, huh? Blar. I gotta stop doing that. But people would come after me with a bloody lynch mob if I didn't explain my motives.
NEVER keep the characters together. Do it for short bursts until around the end when they finally get their horrid, twisted little lives sorted out enough to make sense of a true relationship. Then end on a high note. Do you guys follow? I hope you do. This isn't a straight-line romance, folks. This is a flippin' rollercoaster ride. So sit your butts down, make sure the harness is firmly in place, and don't hurl on the person sitting next to you.
And this, dear readers, is the LONGEST I will ever make my author's notes. I hate reading other peoples' author's notes. Especially when they thank each and every reviewer. I love reviews, but I'm not the type that thanks everyone individually. Just know that you lot help keep me going. If it weren't for the encouraging reviews back when I scrapped six chapters worth of Version 1, I never would have even gotten this far.
And as a side note, if you lot are reading this, it means I've managed to work out editing in FFN's wonky document manager. If so, disregard all the stuff in my profile about needing one. I just need to double-check my own work. Which gets covered when I go through HTMLizing stuff.