Title – What you leave behind
Rating - PG-13, just to be on the safe side.
Summary – Abby, John and Susan as teenagers. What happens when Abby moves?
Disclaimer – I don't own anyone
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John stands in the dooropening with the doorknob still in his hand. He can't believe his eyes, who's standing in front of him. He was just going out for a midnight stroll because he couldn't sleep and now the reason for his insomnia is standing only four feet away.
"A-Abby?" he stammers, questioningly, as if he's convinced his mind is playing tricks on him.
She couldn't meet his eyes. She had imagined this moment. She had dreamed about it about a hundred times in the past two weeks. She had this whole scenario in her mind, about how they'd run towards each other and hug and kiss, but now that she finally sees him again, she can't even move.
"Hi" She says shyly, not looking up from her shoes. Why is she so scared all of a sudden?
"Hi. What- I mean, how-" he takes a deep breath and takes another shot at trying to form a coherent sentence. "What are you doing here?"
She finally looks up at him.
"I ran away" She states simply, like it's no big deal, but she can already feel tears stinging in her eyes again.
"You ran away?" John asks incredulously. "Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?"
His voice sounds mad. This whole thing was a big mistake. She swallows hard. She's not going to cry.
"I'm sorry. I'll just go" She says, and she turns around, not wanting him to see the tears that are falling against her effort to keep them in.
"No Abby! Wait!"
She stops and turns and looks at him.
"I don't want you to go! Where did you get that idea? I was just shocked. I mean, running away is a big deal. But I don't want you to go. No way!"
She sighs in relief and runs towards him. She doesn't think about it for a second before she throws her arms around his neck and buries her head in the crock of his shoulder. She feels his hands slip around her waist and pulls her closer to him. She sighs again and then whispers in his ear: "I'm so sorry… for everything. I've missed you so much." And when she feels him pull her closer to him, if that's even possible, she knows it for sure: It's all going to be okay.
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"…So that was it for me. I couldn't take it anymore and Eric was really unhappy so we grabbed our things and left. I dropped him of at his friends' house and I came to Susan and then to you" I finish my story. We're laying on his bed, side by side, my head resting on his chest and our hands intertwined; my right hand in his left. He makes patterns with his thumb on my hand. I like it. For some reason that simple gesture makes me feel safe.
"And what are you going to do now?" John asks me.
I think for a second. I haven't really thought that far ahead. This whole thing was a spur-of-the-moment thing, and honestly, I'm glad I've made it this far.
"I don't know yet" I sigh.
We're both silent for a moment. Now that I can finally relax I realize how tired I am. I close my eyes for a second. I can still feel Johns thumb gently tracing my hand and I hear his rhythmic breathing. I can feel myself falling asleep and, although I know I have to go back to Susan's house, there's nothing I can do about it.
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I open my eyes when I hear my cell ringing from my jeans pocket. It's dark in the room. I try to recall where I am but before I remember, the ringing has stopped. I feel a body next to mine and then it all comes back to me. I ran away with Eric. I'm in Chicago and I'm sleeping on a bed that isn't mine and I'm not alone. Then I feel panic overtake me. I have to go to Susan's house, as I promised. What time is it? Why did I fall asleep? Owh, how I mess everything up! Just as I'm about to turn my head to find a clock to see what time it is, I hear another phone; it's Johns. I can feel him move carefully, trying not to wake me, to reach the phone that is on his desk as I try to pretend to be asleep. John sits upright and answers. I can hear the whole conversation, including the other person's voice, which I recognize as Susan's.
"Hello"
"John, is Abby with you?" I hear a concerned voice. I scold myself for not going back to Susan or at least call her.
"Yeah, she's here. I thought you knew" John says, confused. He stands up from the bed and goes sitting on the chair by his desk. I think he's trying not to wake me. He clicks on the little study-light that is on his desk and looks towards me. I close my eyes again, quickly. I don't want him to know that I'm awake and listening.
"Owh thank God!" I hear Susan say. "She came to me first and then rode my bike to your house and she was supposed to come back, but I didn't hear from her again and God-knows-what could've happened to her, and-"
"Suz, she's here with me. She's fine" John says loud and clearly, making sure Susan gets his point.
Susan sighs in relief, finally accepting it.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know what you two had arranged; otherwise I would've called you of course"
"That's okay. Just put Abby on the phone please" I hear Susan say.
"I can't do that, she's sleeping"
"Sleeping? But she was supposed to sleep at my house" Susan says in a voice of which I didn't know if it was confused, angry or disappointed.
"Do you want me to wake her and bring her to your house?" John asks, in an almost sarcastic tone, that Susan can't really appreciate.
"No, of course not. I'm not that cruel"
"How about I let her sleep here and you come here tomorrow morning. We'll skip school and go do something fun and help her to try figure out this whole mess"
"Now, that's the John Carter I know and love" Susan responds with a hint of laughter in her voice.
"No seriously, great idea John. What time should I be there?"
"How about 9ish? We could all go out for breakfast somewhere together"
"I like it. See you tomorrow then. And John, take care of her okay?"
"Sure, bye" and he clicks his phone shut. Silence.
I can then hear John stand up and walk to the bathroom. I open my eyes again and shift my position a little. I feel guilty for not going back to Susan's house, but on the other hand I feel glad, because now I can sleep here with John. I've slept here before, with Susan and John, but needless to say that that was different. Totally different. I can feel a small smile forming on my lips, but as I hear John walking back in the room I close my eyes again and keep a straight face. I can hear him walk to the desk and turn off the light, before he sits on the bed again and I hold my breath. I'm anxious, although I don't really know why. John takes his shoes off and then grabs the comforter from the end of the bed before pulling it over both of us, even though we're both still fully clothed but hey, who cares? He then tosses and turns a little bit, trying to find a good position. I guess he's not really sure how to sleep next to me, whether to touch me or not. In the end he apparently decides not to, because he now lies still next to me, on his back, barely breathing, afraid to move. In a split second I decide that I don't care about the consequences of my next actions. I haven't even kissed him tonight, so I should at least be able to sleep next to him; against him. So I shift over and turn my body towards him and lift my head so that it's now resting on his chest again and I sneak my right arm around his torso, my right leg now automatically laying over his legs. I can feel him tense up at first, either because he thought I was asleep and that I started to move all of a sudden or because of my actions in general, but then he relaxes and he puts his arms around me and I then feel him lightly kiss the top of my head, placing a small kiss in my hair.
"Goodnight Abby" he says, while exhaling.
"G'night" I mumble in his chest, with a happy smile on my face, and for the first night in two weeks, I fall into a peaceful slumber.
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The next morning I awake because of the sound of Johns alarm clock. I can feel John moving a bit and I hear a loud bang and then the sound has died. It's quiet again. I can feel John looking at me to see if I'm still asleep. I contemplate pretending to be, so I can lie next to him a little longer, but I decide not to. We have to get up eventually, so I look back at him and smile.
"Hi" John says lazily, while settling back down next to me.
"Hey" I say back, snuggling close to him again.
"Did you sleep well?" he asks, putting his arm back around my waist, where it has been the entire night.
"U-huh" is all I can say, closing my eyes, breathing in his scent and enjoying his closeness.
"I'm glad" he says, and then, without a warning, he starts moving. At first I think he's getting out of bed, but then I can feel him getting closer to me again. He's now lying on his right side, facing me. I know that, even though my eyes are still closed, because I can feel his warm breath on my neck.
"Open your eyes Abby" he says softly.
I can feel my heart pounding in my chest as I do so. The first thing I see as I open my eyes are two big brown eyes, looking directly into mine from barely 4 inches away. He then lifts his left hand from its resting place on my hip and pulls it up to my face, gently tucking my hair behind my ear and then leaving his hand lying in my neck, his thumb softly stroking my cheek.
"I'm so glad you're here" he then whispers, moving closer to me, so that the tips of our noses are gently touching. "I almost can't believe it's for real. When I woke this morning I thought I'd dreamt it all, but then I felt you next to me and I knew it was real. I've missed you so much, I can't even begin to explain"
I can feel a lump in my throat. He's so sweet, and I want to kiss him so badly, but I know I had to say something first.
"I know. I've missed you too. And- I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry about breaking contact for a while. I thought it'd be easier on both of us, but-"
"-but it wasn't" John completed my sentence, looking sad.
I nod. I distance my face from his a bit to think for a second on how to explain my actions. I can't think properly when he's this close to me, but hey, can you blame me? I then speak again.
"What I did, only made it harder. I really thought I was doing a good thing. I was hoping if I didn't hear your voice I wouldn't think of you so much and that that would make the empty feeling in my chest, I don't know- lighter I guess"
I can still feel Johns thumb stroking my cheek soothingly. I look into his eyes again and see they're a little moist. It feels as if someone has just dropped a stone in my stomach I feel so bad. I never wanted to make him cry. I don't want people crying because of me. I lift my right hand from under the covers up to his face to catch the small, almost unnoticeable tear that is rolling down his cheek.
"I'm so sorry. I never wanted to make you cry. I-" but then I hear a small chuckle escape from him. I look at him, surprised.
"What? What is so funny?"
I'm a little bemused. I don't understand it anymore. One minute he's crying and the next he's laughing. If he'd been a girl I'd say he was pregnant.
"I'm just so glad you feel the same way about me as I feel about you" he says.
Well yeah, duh! I thought he knew. I'm momentarily caught off guard. It takes me a second to let it all sink in. He's not mad at me. He's not crying because he's sad, but because he's happy. And he likes me, apparently, just as much as I like him which is, I'm confident to say, quite a lot. When I realize this, a smile forms on my lips, and I direct my gaze to his face again. He's smiling too at first, but then his face turns serious. I can feel his hand applying pressure on my neck, urging my head closer to his and I can see his head moving in, still keeping eye contact. When I can feel his breath on my face (I don't care that he has a bit of a morning breath. I'm pretty sure I do too) I can see his eyes closing and I close mine too. We are so close, when suddenly the door swings open and I hear the sneering voice of his mother calling his name and we both roll back on our backs quickly, praying she didn't see anything.
"John, you have to get u- Owh, no- I-"
She seems speechless for a second, her eyes darting from me to John and then back to me, but then she finds her voice again.
"What the hell is going on in here? John?" she almost shouts, demanding an answer.
I still can't make up from her reaction whether she'd seen what they were about to do, but she's pissed anyway.
"Nothing's going on mom. Abby needed a place to sleep, so she slept her tonight, like she's done many times before as you know" he was trying to sound casual and I was praying his mother would buy it.
"Don't play smart with me, John" she says in a cold voice. "You usually give me notice when your friends sleep over" she says, emphasizing the plural of friends. "And you also know that it is not allowed on school nights, so explain please"
"Mom! Abby had nowhere else to sleep. Would you've preferred if I'd let her sleep on the street?" John says rudely to his mother, daring her to say it. His mothers face then turned thoroughly bemused. I've always been kind of scared of his mother, and this definitely wasn't helping to like her more. Under the blanket I could feel John grabbing my hand to ensure me it is going to be okay, though he doesn't look too confident.
"Just go to school" his mother eventually said coldly. "We'll talk some more when your father gets home" and with that she turned around and left, leaving the door open behind her.
"That was close" John says, letting out a breath of relieve.
"Jep" I say, looking at the open door and then at him. I guess there's not much we can do in here now, with an open door and his mother knowing we're in here.
"I'm sorry about my mother" John says, sitting up and letting my hand go.
"It's okay. It's not your fault. I know how she can be" I say to him. I know he feels really bad about it.
"Yeah, but still"
"So what do we do now?" I say, changing the subject. "Should we meet Susan?"
"Yeah, I spoke to her yesterday night when you were sleeping" I cast my eyes down, suddenly interested in my fingers, avoiding his gaze. I already knew that, since I wasn't really sleeping, but he doesn't know that.
"So you and Susan'll skip school today?"
"Yeah, I told her to meet us here at 9"
"Well, then we must hurry" I say, pointing at his alarm, that is now telling us that it is 8.45 already.
"Yeah, you're right. Do you want to take a shower?"
"Please" I say
"Well, go ahead. You know where everything is"
"Thanks" I say, as I jump out of bed and I hurry into the bathroom. I can't wait for the three of us to be together again so we can solve this whole mess for once and for all. Well, so I hope.
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A/N: I reloaded this chapter. I hope it isn't in italics anymore, but I can't promise anything. I also corrected some mistakes I noticed while re-reading it before I continue with the next chapter, so I corrected them as well. I'm working on the next chapter as I type this, so it shouldn't be too long (I hope) Sorry for the wait