I know this isn't much of an update cause the chapter isn't so long, but this should keep you happ long enough for me to update a longer chapter, I hope! Love ya guyz! Until next time!

Disclaimer- you know already

Italic- author's note

Bold- change of scene or character

Chapter 4

Staring up at a ceiling, she was unsettled by the fact that her heart yearned to see the sparkle of the stars before she slept, not this wall blocking from her what she remembered to be her world. Turning to her side she sighed, exhausted from everything. Life had been too harsh on her and she didn't know if she would ever be able to wake from this nightmare wearing her out.

"Kagome? Are you asleep?" Kagome's first instinct was to pretend to be asleep, but then she realized who it was.

"No." She sat up in the dark, seeing only the shadow of her little brother in her doorway. The moon made for little light as it was only a sliver, and she could barely make out the form of her brother making his way to her bed. Kagome opened her bed sheets to him as he slipped in and made himself comfortable in her arms. A comfortable silence fell between the two as she stroked his hair feeling the world around her melt away. She missed this, having her family near, having the never-faltering love of a family member. After minutes of this, Souta stirred in her arms.

"Kagome, I…I missed you." Kagome's heart skipped a beat as his words came crashing down on her. Souta snug in deeper in Kagome's bed and soon his deep breathing was heard. Not wanting to wake him, Kagome settled into her bed, waiting for sleep that seemed so far from her reach. He missed her? He said it in a way that made her feel as if she had been gone for years, is that what he felt? That it was as if she had been gone for years? Kagome cried silent tears, watching her brother sleep in her arms, and letting her mind wander to memories she would rather forget.

"Why did you leave when you knew he wasn't for you?" Those words pounded in her head as she stared at the darkness. She had no answer; she couldn't say anything because not even Kagome herself knew the answer. Why did she leave? What was pulling her to go with him? Her mother never said anything against her leaving to the Feudal Era, but she noticed that on this last trip she wasn't happy with her leaving. She never told her why, but Kagome knew her mother knew what she would be going through though how she did not know. Inuyasha had been very strange on that last day he came to her era, but she had paid no attention to it. Inuyasha was always strange, always in one of his moods, but this time it was different, and Kagome was too blind to see it.

"I don't know why. Mom…I loved him." She had, and she didn't know if she still did or not, but her feelings had changed, and her heart was another. She closed her eyes and saw his face, she walked outside and heard his voice call to her, she slept and her dreams were haunted by his eyes. She couldn't escape him and she wasn't sure if she wanted to.

"But did he love you?" Those words she couldn't handle. She knew the truth, but she couldn't face it, so she ran from it. But no more running, she wasn't strong enough to keep running. The truth was that he loved Kikyo, and he only loved me because I was his relief, his comfort. At one point she believed with every fiber in her that he loved her for being Kagome. The truth was he loved her second, but loved Kikyo first and nothing more. There was no thought to it, no twists, nothing but the bare truth.

"He loves Kikyo." That was the only thing she could say, and then she broke down further, letting her mother hold her while stripping her from her weights, her troubles.

"You are not Kikyo, you are Kagome. That is you, a sweet, loving, caring, beautiful young woman; you can't be anyone but you." Kagome reflected on what her mother had said, and found comfort in her words. She was right, she could be no one but Kagome, and Inuyasha preferred Kikyo, and as much as it hurt, she wasn't Kikyo. But Kagome was as good a woman as Kikyo, she felt no bitterness towards Kikyo after everything, and she felt proud of the woman she was.

"Why does it hurt so much?" Oh Kami did it hurt. It hurt to the point of numbness. She felt as if the worlds itself were pounding her from every side, but she couldn't feel anything but that. Not even the warmth of her mother's arms as she cradled her. It hurt because she lost him. She lost him to the person she was supposed to be. But she wasn't her, and she wasn't Inuyasha's, not anymore. But did she still love him?

"That I can't help you with baby. The only one who can survive this is you." Exhausted, she gave up on her soul searching to surrender to her biggest desire, sleep. Feeling as she was just torn from the inside out, she restlessly fell asleep. Surviving from her own heart, she slept with a sad smile on her face.

Sorry no replies today, I'm sorta in a rush, but I did'nt want to leave you without anything! PLz keep sending mereviews, cause thats the only reason I'm updating as fast as I am! Love ya guyz, thanx for the support, appreciate it!