Violet, Klaus, and Sunny stared out of the window of the car that Mr. Poe drove.
Sunny bit on the door handle, Klaus stared down into a book he had, and Violet had her hair tied up into a ribbon to keep it out of her eyes.
Mr. Poe coughed into a handkerchief.
"I'm sure you'll like this new relative of yours" he said. "He might just blow your socks off."
All three Baudelaires ignored him. They were to worried about the Quagmire triplets, who were captured by an evil man named Count Olaf.
Soon, they pulled into a long, bumpy drive way and came to a small trailer.
There stood a very dumb looking man.
He had torn up straw hat on, a piece of hay sticking out of his mouth, suspenders on, and stupid expression on his face.
Mr Poe got out of the car.
"Well, HOW-DEE!" he yelled.
Violet, Klaus, and Sunny stepped out.
"My name's is Mr Bill!"
The Baudelaires stared at their new guardian.
Mr Bill bent down to Sunny.
"And what's is your name, little critter?"
Sunny stared at him, and turned to Mr Poe
"sloopa!" she said. Which most likely meant "you expect us to live with THIS idiot? He can't even do his grammar right!"
Mr Bill cooed and swooped Sunny up in his arms.
"Aww, isn't she the pertiest thing you ever did saw?" he said.
Sunny attempted to escape, but Mr Bill had her in a loving embrace.
He then handed her to Klaus, who took her.
Mr Poe stared Worryingly at Mr Bill.
"Would you mind showing us your left ankle?" he asked.
"why shore!" Mr Bill raised his pant leg revealing mayonnaise colored legs. But no tattoo of an eye.
Mr Poe got back into his car, and said. "Have fun with your new guardian, Baudelaires!"
The Baudelaires stared at Mr Poe in disbelief, Just before he left.
Meanwhile, Calvin and Hobbes sat in the Book transport machine.
They stared around their surroundings.
"Where is everything?" Hobbes asked.
"Hmmm" Calvin observed. "Let's fly around a little bit, and look for..." Calvin held the book up. "Violet, Klaus, and Sunny."
Calvin hit the fly button on the machine, and they rose into the air.
Calvin steered around the many places around where the Baudelaires had been.
Count Olaf's boarded up place, Uncle Monty's mansion, the remains of Aunt Josephine's house over the lake, and other places they had been.
At last, they found the place where they were now. Mr Bill's lame excuse for a trailer.
They landed softly in the middle of Mr Bill's pathetic yard. It was pathetic because there was no grass. Only weeds. And most of those weeds were dead.
"Ok, Hobbes," Calvin whispered. "Let's investigate a little before we expose ourselves to the un-lucky..." Calvin stared at the book again. "Boodelaieres."
Hobbes took the book. "That's Bodylaires." he said.
"No," said Calvin taking the book back. "I think it's buddylaires."
"Can we discuss the name later?" Hobbes asked.
"Fine!" Calvin said. They climbed out of the Book transporter, and tiptoed around to the back of the house.
Meanwhile Mr Bill was leading the (forget those other dumb names) Baudelaires around his absurd trailer.
"And this here's is thu livin' room!" Mr Bill said pointing into room with a broken television, a beat up couch, a couple of chairs with the springs sticking out, and Coffee table with three pairs of socks on top, as well as a newspaper from 1957, a couple of coffee mugs with coffee still in them, and a dead mouse.
The kitchen was even worse.
There was a pile of dirty dishes in a sink that was stained brown, a refrigerator with food in it who's dates expired two months ago, a Table that was as big as the chairs around it, and the floor was an icky maroon colored carpet.
The bedroom had a messed up bed, a bunch of greasy walls, a picture window that had a view of a chicken coop, and a bunch of dolls.
The bathroom, however, was the worst of all toilet. that didn't have a toilet seat, a bathtub that was yellow, a sink, and a mirror covered in something gray which Klaus guessed to be Mr. Bill's snot.
"Well" Mr Bill said. "That's is thu whole house! Except fer thu room yer staying in.
Violet looked up. "Does it have any thing mechanical?" she asked.
"Yup." said Mr Bill.
"Does it have any books?" Klaus asked.
"Yup"
"moompa?" asked Sunny. Which meant "does it have any thing clean that I could bite?"
instead of saying "Yup" or "Nope" he bent down, and stroked Sunny's head.
"Awww, aren't ya the pertiest thang?"
Sunny tried to Bite Mr Bill, but he came up he before she could.
"Well," Mr Bill said. "Here ya are."
he opened a door revealing a large bedroom.
The so-called "mechanics" consisted of another broken TV, and Radio that was missing an antenna. The so-called "books" consisted of a single bookcase with books like a chicken hand manul, a how to milk a goat step-by-step book, and a book that was three inches thick which was about how to feed a horse. And the so-called "clean things to bite" consisted of a single Doll without hair, and missing a eye.
The Baudelaires walked into their room.
"If ya need anythang, I'll be watchin' TV!" Mr Bill closed the door, and walked off to stare at his broken TV.
Meanwhile, Calvin was interviewing a rooster, and Hobbes was interviewing a goat.
After about ten minutes, Calvin and Hobbes met.
"That dumb bird is no help!" Calvin said. "All he knows is that he crossed a road!"
"That dumb-bell goat was no more help." Hobbes said. "All he want's to talk about is his lost brother who's standing next to him, and his long lost grandmother, who's standing on the other side of him."
Calvin pulled the book out of his pocket. "According to this book," he said. "This Count Olaf person is finding them wherever they go. So it won't be long before he shows up, wearing a disguise."
Calvin stared suspiciously at the deranged rooster, and Hobbes stared suspiciously at the three idiot goats, Then continued their exploration.
They came upon the back door that entered Mr Bill's house.
Calvin took the doorknob and pulled.
Nothing happened.
He pulled again. The door didn't budge.
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS STUPID DOOR?" Calvin screamed, Pulling on the door with no luck at all.
Hobbes bent down, and examined the door.
"it seems to be sealed shut..." he stuck a finger through the tiny crack that Calvin opened.
"...bubble gum." he finished.
"BUBBLE GUM?!" Calvin screamed. Hobbes sat up.
"Lets try the front door." he said. Calvin let go of the door knob, only to find that he had just put his hands in the middle of a bubble gum covered doorknob.
Calvin pulled his hand away from the knob.
The gum just stretched out.
He tried to pull it off with his other hand.
Soon he had bubble gum all over him. While he rolled around in the dirt, screaming, Hobbes rubbed his chin and said, "this must be Mr Bill's idea of an alarm system."
Calvin finally got out of the mess, and they walked inside through the front door.
Mr Bill was staring passively into the broken TV and didn't notice Calvin and Hobbes slip by.
"How can anyone stand having a broken television in their homes?" Calvin thought.
The came to the Baudelaire's room, And quietly opened the door.