Author: MegTDJ
Category: Humour
Rating: K+
Pairing: None. Wilson/Foreman and House/Wilson friendship, Wilson's POV.
Spoilers: Mob Rules.
Summary: Things don't go very well when Wilson and Foreman take House's car for a joyride.
Disclaimer: House and its characters are not mine. The story itself is, however, so please don't archive without my permission.
Author's notes: It's been much too long since I had a plot bunny for House, but after watching my brand new House DVDs this past week hugs them, I really, really wanted to write another House fic. In talking it over with my mom, she gave me this idea, so I figured I'd run with it and see where it went. Thanks to finally getting to rewatch Histories, my brain is full of Wilson/Foreman buddiness at the moment, so that kinda worked its way in there somehow. ;)
Joyride
Clunk.
That one little sound is enough to make a grown man weep. Especially when that grown man hears it while he's taking his friend's new car out for a joyride.
"Please tell me you didn't just do what I think you just did."
James looked over at Foreman as a feeling of panic swept over him. "I... think I did," he said. "Get out and look."
Foreman gave him a you've got to be kidding me look.
"Please?" James added.
Foreman sighed and unfastened his seat belt. "Okay, but if it's as bad as it sounded like, I'm out of here."
James crossed his fingers and squeezed his eyes shut as Foreman got out of the car and slowly walked around it. Time seemed to slow down as he waited for the verdict, but his thoughts sure didn't.
He could have kicked himself for getting into this mess. He should have known it was a bad idea to keep pestering House about borrowing his car, but a '65 red Corvette? How could he possibly have resisted?
Maybe his biggest mistake had been to let Foreman come along. If the two of them hadn't been talking and laughing when he was trying to park, this never would have happened. Still, a joyride just isn't a joyride unless you have someone to share it with, and Foreman had been standing right there in the parking garage looking jealous as James climbed into House's car.
All kinds of lame excuses ran through his mind in those few seconds, but as soon as Foreman spoke again, the entire world seemed to fall silent.
"Uh oh."
"Uh oh?" James repeated. "What does 'uh oh' mean?" He looked back to see Foreman standing at the rear of the car, scratching his head as he stared down at the bumper.
"You definitely hit the post," he said.
"Ugh," James groaned, sagging in his seat and leaning forward against the steering wheel. "I'm a dead man."
"The dent really isn't that bad," Foreman said in a forcefully cheerful tone. "Maybe we can get it fixed somehow before House finds out."
James laughed and leaned back again. "He's expecting it to be right back where he left it within the hour," he said. "There's no way."
Foreman had been about to climb back into the car before James spoke, but he hesitated at this statement. "Maybe we could take it back and pretend nothing happened," he said. "Maybe he won't even notice. Then we could take it while he's at work tomorrow and..."
James shook his head. "He knows I took it for a spin. He'll probably check every inch of it when he gets it back."
Foreman nodded slowly, and then shut the passenger door without getting in.
"What are you doing?" James asked.
"Think I've got a death wish?"
"What are you, a coward?" James said in disbelief. "Get your ass back in here."
Foreman chuckled and backed away from the car. "No way," he said. "He's your friend, but he's my boss. He'd rake me over the coals and then fire me if he found out I had anything to do with it."
"Come on, Foreman," James begged. "Don't leave me alone in this."
Foreman started to look guilty, so James gave him his best puppy dog-eyed look and waited for it to take effect. A few seconds later, Foreman sighed and got back in the car. "Fine," he said. "But you owe me one."
"Absolutely," James agreed. "If I live to see tomorrow, that is."
"Think we should tell him before he sees it for himself?" Foreman asked as they started back to the hospital.
James pondered this for a moment. He didn't want to play into House's "everybody lies" philosophy any more than he already had lately, but at the same time he felt it would be wisest to be well out of cane distance when the initial discovery was made. "Let's just... play it by ear," he said. "But whatever happens... let me do the talking."
"You crashed my car!"
James winced at the crazed look in House's eyes. This was not going to be pretty. "Not crashed," he said. "Just... bumped. Slightly. More of a scrape, really..."
"You crashed my car!" House cried as he surveyed the damage. Then his eyes locked onto Foreman, and he took a step towards him. "And what the hell was he doing there?" he demanded. "I don't recall giving you permission to take him along for the ride."
Foreman took an involuntary step backwards as House moved another step closer and lifted his cane a few inches from the ground.
"I don't recall you telling me I had to go alone, either," James said, somehow managing to maintain a casual stance as he folded his arms across his chest and tried to make eye contact with Foreman's would-be attacker. He'd found over the years that the best way to deal with House when he was in a snit was to completely ignore the fact that he was in a snit. It calmed him down approximately 80 of the time. As for the other 20... he tried not to think about that.
House glared at him and then turned his back to the two men to pace a few feet away from them.
No snide comeback, James thought with a feeling of dread settling in the pit of his stomach. That was a bad sign.
"Look... House," James said, stepping forward and in front of Foreman. "We'll pay for the repairs. It'll be as good as new again in a matter of hours."
House stopped walking, but he didn't turn around. He simply leaned heavily on his cane with his right knee bent, staring straight ahead.
James looked over his shoulder at Foreman, who shrugged. Then he looked back at House and sighed. He knew exactly what House was waiting for. They'd been friends long enough that they could easily read each other, and while that often came in handy, it also meant that House had figured out ways to walk all over him. The bastard knew that if he shouted and fought, he'd end up with nothing, but if he kept quiet...
He sighed again and rested his hands on his hips. "We'll... split your clinic hours between us for the rest of the week," he said reluctantly.
House inclined his head to show that he was listening, but still didn't say a word.
James rolled his eyes. "And next week?"
House turned around slowly and stared straight into James' eyes for a few seconds. James knew exactly what that meant - his offer was plenty good enough, but House was just waiting to see whether he could be milked for a little bit more.
James stood his ground.
Finally, House broke the eye contact and held out his hand.
James smiled and tossed him his keys.
House caught them and put them in his pocket. "I'll send you the bill," he said as he turned and started walking back towards the hospital. "And you can forget about driving her again."
As soon as House was out of earshot, James turned back to Foreman. "That went well," he said.
Foreman gaped at him for a moment, and then laughed. "That went better than well," he said. "We're both still standing!"
James grinned and slapped him on the shoulder.
"Wait a minute," Foreman said as something seemed to occur to him. "Did we just agree to take on House's clinic hours for the next two weeks?"
James chuckled. "Only if Cuddy doesn't find out," he said. "I'll give it a day or two before I accidentally let it slip to her."
Foreman shook his head. "You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say you were a masochist, Dr. Wilson," he said as they slowly walked away from House's car.
"Being friends with House, I think you kind of have to be," James said as he reached his vehicle. "Such is my lot."
"Well, good luck," Foreman said. "Something tells me you're gonna need it."
"Hey, I can handle House," James said, "and you'll be off the hook. Don't worry about it."
Foreman laughed and headed for his own car. "See you tomorrow, Wilson."
"Night, Foreman."
James glanced over at House's car one more time before he climbed into his. From that distance, the Corvette looked pristine. He smiled as he got in the car and closed the door. He didn't regret his little joyride at all, and he knew that once all of this had blown over, he'd somehow be able to sucker House into letting him take it for a spin again.
He was looking forward to it.