"We gotta visitor!" Mr Bill said excitedly, the next day.
Hobbes had fixed Klaus' glasses yesterday, (he will never tell how he did it)
then he had pounced on Calvin.
"Oh, I'm so exited! I never get any visitors!" said Mr. Bill jumping up and down.
"I can't imagine why!" thought Calvin sarcastically looking around the rat hole, (under the bed) where they now took refuge.
Then he remembered something.
"Hobbes" he whispered. "Hobbes, that visitor just might be Count Olaf!"
Hobbes gasped.
"Let's check." he whispered back.
The two climbed out from under the horror that most people would call the underside of a bed, then walked out of the room. They tiptoed around the house till they came to the living room.
There they hid behind the couch and saw Count Olaf. His shiny eyes showing, his one eyebrow showing, his yellow teeth showing. And his Tattoo of an eye on his ankle.
"This here's is... uh... what'id ya call yer self again?"
"Mr Oola." Count Olaf said in his wheezy voice.
"Oh yeah! This here's is Mr Oola! I'll let ya sit and talk for a while, while I get us some tea"
Mr Bill lumbered out of the room.
"You didn't even disguise yourself." Violet snapped.
"No, I didn't, did I? Well that Mr Bill is such an idiot, it wouldn't take much to fool him" Oola said.
"Mopa!" Sunny yelled which meant "what are you up to now Olaf!"
"Mopa!" Oola mocked.
Hobbes growled, and the hair on the back of his tail stood up.
Calvin Pulled Hobbes down to keep from pouncing on Oola.
Oola looked around.
"What was that?" he asked.
The Baudelaires stared worryingly at the couch where Calvin and Hobbes now hid.
Oola's eyes fell on the couch.
Oola's eyes became as shiny as ever.
"Who's behind that couch?" he asked silkily.
He got out of his chair, and started for the couch.
But then Mr Bill came waddling into the room.
"Why, hi thare!" he said. "Whachya doing?"
"There's something behind this couch." Oola said.
"Oh, It's is most likely just the rats that live in here. They sometimes take refuge under the couch."
Calvin and Hobbes' eyes bulged, as they searched the surrounding areas for mice or rats.
"Something growled." Oola Said.
"Huh." said Mr Bill "they must be mutating down there. Any way, I got us some tea."
Mr Bill handed the Baudelaires and Oola a cup of something.
The Baudelaires, who had been there long enough to realize what was in there didn't take a drink.
Oola, however, took a long drink.
Soon afterward, he spit.
"SSSS! This isn't tea!" he screamed.
Mr Bill took the cup, and looked into it.
"Huh." he said. "Must of put in vinegar by mistake."
Oola stared at Mr Bill as if he was going to slap him. But didn't.
Mr Bill walked out of the room, and returned later with another cup.
Oola tested it with his nose.
"This is gasoline" he said.
Mr. Bill grunted, and took the cup out of the room for the second time.
Mr Bill returned.
"I tested it! It is tea now." he said.
"You tested it?" Oola stared at the cup.
A ring of brown stuff around the rim of the cup proved that Mr Bill had tasted it.
Oola took the cup and poured it into a pot that contained a dead plant.
"THAT'S NOT MR OOLA!" Violet screamed suddenly.
"That's Count Olaf!" Mr Bill looked confused.
He studied Mr Oola.
"Why, don't be silly. Bottleasaurouses! Count Gloatoff doesn't hava tattoo of a eye on his ankle! And he doesn't have only one eyebrow! And he doesn't have crystal shiny eyes!"
the Baudelairs stared at Mr. Bill in disbelief.
Mr. Oola smiled. "Yes of corse! Who is this count Olaf?" he said.
"He's a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very..."
after about three hours, Bill finished.
"...very, very, very, very, very bad person!"
Oola glared at Mr. Bill.
Calvin and Hobbes were asleep behind the couch, and the Baudelairs were doing all they could to keep awake.
Mr. Bill grinned as if he had just did a long touching speech, and now everyone was going insane with applause.
"Any way Mr Oola gonna sleep with us tu-night."
Calvin and Hobbes shot up.
Stunned at what they heard.
"What?" Violet, Klaus, and Sunny said together.
"Yah, I know!" Bill said. "I'm exited too!"
Calvin and Hobbes exchanged worried glances.
The next day, Hobbes found Calvin in the so-called kitchen.
"What are you doing?" He asked.
"I'm studying the stupid book." said Calvin.
Hobbes blinked. "What have you found out?"
"This orphans have two friends. One girl called Isadora Quadmire and Duncun Quidmire. They were captured by Mount Olaf, and are now in his clutches. But never mind THAT! Isadora and Duncun? What kind of heartless mother would name their kids THAT?"
Before Hobbes could answer a wheezy voice sounded behind them.
"Who are you?" Calvin and Hobbes spun around.
Oola was standing in the broken down doorway, staring at Calvin and Hobbes with his shiny, shiny eyes.
"I'm Calvin the magnificent! WORSHIP ME!" Calvin yelled.
Hobbes rolled his eyes.
"We're friends of Mr Bill." he said.
Just then, Mr. Bill came into the room.
"Hi Couch." he said to Hobbes. "Hi baby bottle-bob."
Mr Bill reached into his cabinet, and pulled out a can of Vienna Sausage.
"That's your breakfast?" Calvin asked staring at the can.
"Yup." said Mr. Bill. "Been eatin' VS since I was three seconds old."
Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glaces.
"What an idiot." muttered Calvin.