Takes place after Kairi's rescue; contains spoilers for the end of Kingdom Hearts.
This chapter is written from Cloud's perspective.
Ephemeral Blossoms
Akai Kitsune
Part 11: The Eleventh Hour
For a long time after that last experiment, it felt as though I never did wake up. I drifted through consciousness and sleep without knowing one from the other; glimpses of my surroundings, pieces of conversations were all I remembered.
Before the testing for the SOLDIER program, Zack once tried to explain how people can block things out - shut down their minds, or at least parts of it, in order to cope with situations.
"That sort of skill is useful in battle," he told me, "But dangerous, too. Because if you let it fall too far, you can't go back, and you lose focus. Too little, however, and the pain is too much. Either way, you can die. The secret to being a good soldier is finding the balance between the two - to be constantly aware of your condition, but focused enough to push it aside when you need to act."
I never learned that skill; we didn't have enough time to develop it, and Zack said it was part of the training anyway. I think I learned the hard way... to block away all that I was feeling during those experiments, instinctively trying to protect my own mind from Hojo's madness.
Did it work?
I... didn't know.
Maybe I fell too far... maybe I lost what I was trying to save, anyway.
Drifting...
"You've been busy, I see."
"Ah, so you noticed. What do you think of him now?"
"... Am I supposed to be impressed?"
"You should be. This is what you wanted, after all."
"An empty-minded doll? Oh yes, that is exactly what I need."
"He's not just a doll. This is simply part of the process. I'm working on it... but I was referring to the physical changes rather than his mental state."
"That doesn't change my opinion. He's an imitation, a flawed copy. Look - it's not even the correct arm. What happened to your constant lust for perfection, Hojo?"
"I can't be blamed for an imperfect specimen!"
"Yet you are the one who was so certain that Strife met the requirements. Perhaps you don't have as much control over these experiments as you thought."
"Don't patronize me. Strife's body is suitable. I've reached a barrier, that's all. Barriers can be overcome."
"If you're planning to continue, wait for the poor fool to recover from whatever poison you've been giving him. He's not even aware of us, is he?"
"That so-called poison is what gave you life, boy. Don't forget that."
Drifting...
"Say whatever you like. You have a week, Hojo - after that, you're on your own. I'll find my answers without you."
"You can't just walk away from this! I've worked too hard for-"
"You've worked for yourself. It has always been so. If Strife fails, I'll simply find someone else."
Drifting...
"And ruin all that I've accomplished thus far?"
"-And a more efficient researcher."
"How dare you!"
"I refuse to tolerate failure. Don't forget that."
"... you owe me everything, boy..."
Drifting away...
"Lillies, Cloud? How sweet of you."
I checked the garden.
"Did you look for weeds, dear? I was going to, but I've been so busy this week."
They're all dead.
"But you know, they're the wrong colour."
No one has orange lillies. It's too late in the year.
"I didn't think I planted the white ones this year. They just don't last like the yellows do."
I told you. They're dead.
"Well, it was a nice thought. You know, if you gave some flowers to Tifa, maybe she'd come visit you more often."
She left.
"Next time, bring two bunches. I'll make a nice bouquet for her. The yellow would match that hat she used to wear."
That was years ago. She left already.
Everyone knows that.
Why are you the only one who doesn't see...?
"The whites just don't look right. Bring in a yellow flower."
I -told- you. It's late.
... too late...
I was jolted awake, spluttering and coughing, as liquid Mako drained from my tank. I knew what it was instantly - after months of living in the stuff, whatever form Hojo was using, I'd grown used to the sting of it.
My body was lowered to the floor as the watery chemicals disappeared in the grates below me, and I didn't have the strength to remain standing. Coughing the rest of the Mako from my throat and getting my breathing under control, I looked up, my eyes sore and unused to the light.
Unused...?
How long had I been out?
I then noticed Hojo standing beside the glass cage, fiddling with the settings panel. His gaze switched to me after a moment, and he smirked. "Awake at last. You were beginning to worry me, but I knew your body just had to recover and regain its resistance to Mako poison after your... modification."
I blinked, looking down at my hand. My... claw... caused Mako poisoning? But that didn't make sense...
Hojo must have seen my confusion, for he laughed, shaking his head, and waved a hand at me. "So naive, boy. Can't you feel it?"
Feel...?
I'm too tired to...
... to feel...
Slowly, I looked over at the cage beside me. It was empty. My eyes widened instantly, and I whirled back on Hojo for an explanation. He seemed almost bored, as if I'd noticed something unimportant.
"Ah yes, our friends have disappeared," he finally shrugged, smiling slightly. "I admit even I was alarmed at first. But don't fret - they're still inside." To prove his point, he approached the closest wall, tapping on the glass and peering inside.
In a flash of light and a small cloud of smoke, two Shadows appeared, squirming and clawing to get to the heart they sensed. But they weren't alone; floating above, three new creatures watched their captor, wings flapping to keep them in the air.
I stared at them in disbelief. Not two, but five Heartless, and three of them were in different forms...
"My new shipment," Hojo finished, his eyes glinting. "I wasn't able to perform any tests while you've been recovering. Now that you're awake, however..." He drew closer to my cell, his gaze drifting past my shoulder. "We can test their new strength... and yours."
I held my breath, not understanding. I didn't feel any different. If anything, I just felt weaker from the Mako poisoning. My arms were nearly limp, too numb to even lift my body off the ground. I couldn't even move my fingers.
Hojo must have read something in my expression, for his eyes narrowed angrily. "You can't feel it, then," he hissed, slamming a fist against the glass. I jumped, startled. He'd never lost control like that before. "This is impossible! It cannot have been lost already-!"
"What are you talking about?" I demanded, straining against my weakness and sitting up. "Nothing's different!"
The scientist sneered at me. "Oh we'll see. We'll see..."
Yeah, like I really wanted to see whatever he'd done to me now. But it wasn't as if Hojo ever gave me a choice, so I watched him as he returned to his computer, punching in a few buttons.
I heard a low whirring sound beside me, and, turning towards the far side of my cell, I realized that while I was unconscious, they had found a way to connect my cell with the Heartless'. They only thing blocking their access to me was a door and a short, transparent tunnel.
Life hates me. It really, really hates me.
My theory was finalized as Hojo smiled at me again, pulling a switch. The doors on either side of the tunnel opened, and he allowed three of the creatures - two winged, and one Shadow - to fly through the hatch before it shut again. I scrambled to my feet, breathing hard, and tensed up, preparing for the attacks.
For some reason, the Heartless merely circled me for a while, watching me with their hauntingly empty yellow eyes. I was both disturbed and relieved by their actions; as much as I hated these little exercises, I didn't like the thought of having any sort of control over the Heartless. It was what Hojo wanted, and anything he wanted wasn't in my best interests.
Finally they moved to attack. The Shadow was easy to avoid as always, but the winged Heartless were much different - their movements more scattered and unpredictable, too jerky to follow, too fast to dodge. I took my share of scratches and bruises from their spinning tackles before I managed to strike back.
"You're letting them hurt you," Hojo called from outside the cell, hands clasped behind his back as always. "You could get rid of them so easily, and yet you allow them to harm you. Why?"
I scowled. "If you've got something to say, say it. I don't just let them kick me around for your sake."
"I've never expected that," Hojo smiled, nearly baring his teeth at me. I tried my best to ignore him, concentrating on my enemies.
A soft ringing distracted me, and I glanced over at Hojo - earning myself a deep scratch on my right arm - as he pulled out a phone, turning away from the glass.
"Professor Hojo... ah, I've been awaiting your call. No, no progress yet. He has finally woken up, which is an improvement. However, the experiment was a partial failure. ... Of course I know that. But it appears to be..." he sent me a sidelong glance, clearly displeased. "Sleeping."
Sleeping? What the hell does he mean by that?
"Yes," Hojo continued, heedless of my thoughts. "Yes, naturally. ... When? All right, I'll have everything prepared." He hung up, slipping the phone back in his coat pocket, and his earlier smile reappeared. "Congratulations, Strife. You've earned yourself some visitors."
I halted, and was tackled to the ground by one of the flying Heartless. Kicking it aside and taking a quick swipe at the Shadow who'd drawn near while I was down, I looked incredulously at Hojo. "V-visitors?" was all I could manage. I hadn't seen anyone in months, aside from Hojo and his lackeys. Seeing someone...
If it was someone I knew...
Not Zack. I don't... I don't want it to be him...
I don't want to see him-!
"I'm not interested," I snapped, lashing out at a Heartless that hovered too close. It jerked away, floating too high for me to reach, and I grimaced in frustration. If it hadn't been for those wings...
Hojo seemed amused by my problem, turning away and moving to his computer. "I'm sure you will be when they arrive. Until then, let's keep you busy, shall we?"
I grimaced, rolling away from another attack. I had no doubt he'd be good to his word.
"Cloud?"
... What?
"Are you still sleeping?"
Didn't I just answer that?
"You don't have to be rude... I'm just worried about you."
That's a surprise.
"You'll tire yourself out, you know. Why are you pushing yourself?"
Stronger. I have to get stronger.
"It won't upset anyone if you show a little weakness."
I can't afford that.
"We... we don't want to see you get hurt."
Why are you worrying about me...?
"You're my friend."
Friend...
Several days later I awoke to find the lab empty and dark. I gingerly pulled myself off the floor of my cell, rubbing a sore shoulder. Hojo's monsters still weren't making things very easy for me.
I glanced around, vaguely wondering what time it was and why Hojo wasn't around... when sudden movement in the furthest corner of the room made me shiver.
Watching me... I can feel their eyes...
I heard a low chuckle. "You're more perceptive than you were last time. I'm pleased to see it."
I closed my eyes. So... that was what Hojo had meant by a visitor.
"Wha-what's this all about?" I wanted to demand, but it came out as more of a whisper. Why are you doing this? And why to -me-?
Within the shadows, I could barely see Sephiroth's smile. "You don't need my answer to that. Although I admit, Hojo's very open about his experiments. I'm sure he has explained a great deal of it to you."
Like hell. "I don't know anything!" I shouted, my anger rising with each moment. I no longer cared if this was the most dangerous man I'd ever heard of - it was my life, not his, and I had to know... "All he ever does is ramble about things I don't understand! Why won't anyone tell me?!"
Sephiroth stepped closer, his eyes glinting like mountain ice. "Because you're just a specimen," he replied quietly, casually leaning his massive sword against the container. "Just another test subject with no mind, no soul... no heart." His eyes narrowed. "We don't need to tell you anything."
Just another specimen.
No... no, I'm not...
"I'm still human, dammit," I whispered, my expression pleading, yet defiant. I wanted him to understand. Surely, if he was this great General that everyone looked up to... he could see how wrong this all was...
He just smiled at me again, his face so close to the glass it was nearly pressed against it. "A human puppet," he murmured. "That's all you are. Now come out."
I blinked.
"Come out," he repeated, reaching up and placing a hand against the glass. "Show me what he's created for me."
And gradually, I began to feel a dark chill spreading from the tips of my fingers, up my arms, into my shoulders...
I shivered, falling to my knees and clutched at my arms, hugging myself tightly. "What... are you doing...?" I managed, closing my eyes.
It hurt... the cold... it hurt...!
"You know how. I've seen it. I've been there. Now show me!"
The chill intensified, and I cried out, falling forward and barely catching myself before I could land face-first on the freezing grate of my cell. Too much... it was too much...
"Come."
In the cage beside mine, the Heartless flared into existence, pressed against the side, watching curiously as I suffered in the cold.
Come.
My eyes snapped open. He said it... in my...
Show me, boy!
I cried out, reaching deep inside myself and giving whatever darkness had spread throughout my body a fierce shove. There was a tearing sound, a flare of unbearable pain... then it was gone.
Suddenly I found myself standing in the center of my cage, motionless, shivering from the excess of whatever ice he'd inflicted upon my body. Stunned, I lifted the arm where I'd felt the most chill... then froze once more as something moved with it.
I looked up at Sephiroth, my eyes wider than they'd ever been before. He seemed to shrug, causing a layer of dark feathers to shudder, as if shaken by an invisible wind.
Feather attached to a wing on his right shoulder. Much like the wing I now found sprouting from my own left arm...
Glancing first downward at my replaced hand, then up at the wing that reacted like an extra limb to my every move, I felt a rage burning in my heart that I'd never felt before. It collided with the darkness, fighting, shrieking and coiling like an agitated snake.
I lifted my fist, a scream of pure anger and terror escaping my lips, and with a single leap, I smashed it against the glass with all the strength I could muster, aiming directly at Sephiroth's face - and the cold smile that remained painted upon it.
The Heartless stirred, their heads cocked to one side, as I stood in front of the glass wall, fist pushing towards my enemy. The glass hadn't even cracked.
He laughed.
"Look around you, little puppet," he shook his head, as if scolding a child. "This is what you are now."
He turned and walked away from the cage, leaving me to fall back to my knees, claws scraping against my prison, fighting the tears that threatened to overcome me completely.
"It won't upset anyone if you show a little weakness."
This... I can't afford any weakness, now...
I can't stand this...
... I just want to go home...
Closing my eyes, I let the darkness take me once more. And this time... I didn't want to come back.
If this is all I am... then this -is- home, isn't it...?
"Cloud?"
He's not here.
"Geez... what the hell has he done to you..."
Am I different?
"Wake up! Wake up, Cloud! Can't you hear me?"
I don't want to.
"Cloud-"
"He's useless to us."
"Do you want him?"
After all this time...
"Whatever you say, I'm taking him with me. Stand aside!"
... am I such a failure...
"Shall I test you again?"
... I'm not wanted anymore?
"You shouldn't have come here, you know."
"Screw you, Hojo."
I heard laughter. It was familiar, somehow. And then... screaming.
I'd never heard such a sound before.
It's... it's not me...
So why do I wish so badly that I could stop it?
The shadows embraced me then, and the screams faded away.
Zack stood in front of my cell.
I blinked the sleep from my eyes, although my vision was clouded by the Mako holding me upright, and watched him warily. "Zack?"
"Hey, kid." He grinned at me. "Long time no see. They've been taken good care of you."
"... What?"
Zack crossed his arms, leaning back against one of Hojo's machinery. "Look at you! You got what you wanted, didn't you? You've got the body of a SOLDIER. All the strength and skills you were aiming for. You've gone beyond what anyone expected of you."
My eyes widened. Zack... I hadn't wanted to believe, but... "I didn't want this! Can't you see what's happened, Zack?"
Get me out... please... get me out of here...
Zack straightened up, fists clenched, the humour in his expression fading. "I can see it just fine. You wanted to be like me, Cloud. You kept saying it. But now I see what you allowed to happen." His eyes narrowed. "It was never me, was it? It was Sephiroth. You've become just like Sephiroth, who's always been better than me!"
I stared at him, stunned. "No... no, I'm not like him! I never wanted-"
"Just a puppet, a useless imitation," he smirked, reaching back and grasping the hilt of his broadsword. "You know, Cloud, without the master around, the puppet is supposed to be dead."
"Zack-!"
"The world doesn't need another Sephiroth," Zack whispered, as he drew the sword and swung it towards my glass cage.
-smash-
Air rushed without warning into my lungs, and I coughed, blindly reaching out across the grated floor on which I suddenly found myself. It was soaking wet all around me, the liquid Mako flowing out of my unsealed container at an unusually fast rate. I curled in around myself, shivering, as the chemicals seemed to burn my skin. The black wing hung limp at my back, lifeless for the first time that I could remember.
Of course, I couldn't remember much... not since that day...
"Just a puppet..."
"Hey... hey, Cloud... are you awake...?"
I blinked, startled by the voice, and the images that came with it.
"Cloud..."
Slowly I lifted my head, catching sight of a familiar shade of blue. A uniform. Someone... kneeling beside me... golden eyes full of anger and concern...
"Cloud," the man repeated, offering his hand, "Do you remember me?"
If my head hadn't been so fogged up from the Mako, I would have snapped at him. As it was, I was too confused to answer coherently. "Z... Zack...?"
He smiled reassuringly. "It's okay kid," he said quietly, reaching down towards me and slinging my arm around his shoulder. "You're going home."
Home...
I closed my eyes, my mind letting itself fade back into the darkness. Even in the shadows again... even there, it was okay.
Because Zack was there, and we were going home...
TBC...
AN: HA! I knew I could do it, I can't believe this took me so long... even now, I'm not totally pleased with it, but what the hey. It's just a fanfic. (Wait... I didn't just say that...)
The end was scattered for a reason, but you people are so smart, so I'm sure you could figure it out,
Next chapter: It's high time we returned to Traverse Town! Why? Because I'm evil and want to keep you all in suspense for a while. In that familiar little town, things are picking up as the Heartless seem aware that the end is drawing near...
Reviewer Responses:
link no miko: I am NOT going to comment on that one. No, really. Oh, and I tried to pick a gil amount that seemed halfway unreasonable... I guess I failed there, but looking though the guidebook and figuring out prices, I just picked a random number. I guess Zack's just stingy with his money. And I'm so glad you noticed the scar reference, I was wondering if anyone would!
Jade-Jaganashi: Um... well, I guess it depends on how much you know about FFVII and the whole triangle between Seph's mom/Hojo/Jenova, really. But there will be a chapter where everything will more-or-less be explained - we have to tell poor Cloud what was going on, too!
sore-wa-himitsu-desu: Ah, don't give me such hopes. I'd be satisfied if they added him in the FFVII movie, though. Considering how important he is in the whole scheme of things (er, Cloud and Sephy's past, anyway) he ought to at least be mentioned!
Seishin Kibou: Hm, well it would be nice if they redid a bunch of scenes, even if it did take up time in the FF7 movie. I'd still like to see them in the new graphics! They should make the movie longer.