Just so you know, I started this fic before I had finished the ASOUE series. I see this, really, as a book the five and a half. It, really, took place after the Austere Academy. Just thought you might want to know.

Calvin flew past Bill's shack that he called a house, and zoomed up the gravel drive.

Calvin didn't bother looking both ways before turning on the country road.

Calvin flew over Olaf's car, where he was still trying to get over the shock that a six-year old had shoved a handful of ketchup into his face.

Calvin made a U-turn on the road, and headed for Olaf's house.

"Yes, I know Hobbes is there, you stupid reader!" Spat Calvin. "No, I have no idea where the idiot Baudelaires are, now stop asking absurd questions, and go soak your head!"

Calvin parked the box, got out, and kicked the door over.

"Where are ya?"

At first, nothing, but then, a faint cry .

"HELP! HELP!"

Calvin looked around.

"Hobbes? Where are you?"

"HELP! HELP!"

"That's good, keep screaming. I'll follow the sound."

"HELP!"

Calvin walked through the house, till he came to the living room.

"ONE MORE TIME!" He called.

"HELP!"

HUH?

Do you know where Hobbes was?

In a cage?

No.

He was hiding under the carpet, with his long tiger tail sticking out!

Calvin sighed. "At last! I've found you! You can come out now."

"HELP!"

Calvin kicked Hobbes' tiger behind.

"Get up! I've found you."

Hobbes peeked out from under the rug.

"Where's the Baudelaires?" Asked Hobbes.

"I thought they were with you." Replied Calvin.

"Wait, don't tell me." Said Calvin.

He pointed upward. Into the tower room.

"Of corse." Said Hobbes.

Calvin and Hobbes walked up the stairs.

At last, they came to the tower room door.

"Ok, Hobbes." Said Calvin. "You go in, I'll wait here and, uh, guard the rear."

"No, you go in!" Hobbes said. "I'll guard the rear!"

"Get in there, you lazy cat!" Spat Calvin.

"You go!" Said Hobbes.

"You go!" snarled Calvin.

"You go!"

"You go!"

"You go!"

"You go!"

"You go!"

"Hugo."

(MUCH LATER...)

"You go!" Calvin gasped.

"You go!" Hobbes breathed.

"You go!" Calvin sighed.

"I go!" Said Hobbes.

"Hobbes! I am sick of this!" Calvin said.

"I'm still going." Said Hobbes.

"No, your not!" Said Calvin.

"If you think YOUR going into that room filled with creepy crawlies, then you're badly mistaken! Move over!"

"NO!" Faked Hobbes. "I MUST GO!"

"MOVE OVER!" Calvin screamed.

Hobbes quietly moved aside as Calvin grabbed the doorknob and flung it open.

There was a moment of silence in which Calvin thought about the conversation he had just had with Hobbes.

Calvin felt like an idiot as he said, "YOU HEARD ME, YOU STUPID TIGER! GET IN THERE!"

Then, Calvin and Hobbes heard another voice.

"Hello? Is anybody there?"

Calvin didn't recognize that voice as one of the Baudelaires.

This person had a kind of high girlish voice.

"WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE!" Calvin screamed into the Quagmire twins'... Um...Triplets'... whatever they were's faces. "I'M SUPPOSED TO BE SAVING THE GOOGLE-LAYER'S AND THEIR FEEBLE-MINDED UNCLE AND FARM ANI MALS!"

"You know the Baudelaires?" Asked the Boy.

"To a point." Said Hobbes. "Why?"

"I'LL TELL YOU WHY!" Calvin interrupted. "THESE PEOPLE ARE NOSY IMBECILES, WHO WANDERED INTO A CAGE! MORONS!"

"NO!" Yelled the girl. "We're friends of the Baudelaires!"

"Fascinating." Said Calvin, his attention wandering.

"Let me guess your names." Said Hobbes. "Isadora and Duncan?"

Isadora and Duncan stared at them.

"You know?" Asked Duncan. "Did The Baudelaires tell you?"

"Uh, yeah, they did." Said Hobbes, not wanting to get into a conversation about Calvin's book assignment.

"We have to tell the Baudelaires something important." Said Isadora.

"Yeah, I heard." Said Calvin. "It was..."

Calvin stopped.

"WHAT IS IT!" Screamed the nosy Calvin.

"Something about Very Funky Dinner-plates, wasn't it?" Asked Hobbes.

"VFD." Said Duncan, growing impatient.

"Voodoo Family Drool?" Asked Calvin.

"No." Said Isadora.

"Vegetable Fake Day?" Suggested Hobbes.

"No, it means..."

But Calvin cut him off.

"Vivid Following Ding-dongs?"

Isadora and Duncan didn't even bother to answer as Calvin and Hobbes continued taking random words from their monstrously large vocabulary

"Vernacular Fetch Direction?"

"Very Freakish Decade!"

"Vloom Fee-fee Daddy!"

At last Calvin threw his hands into the air, and screamed, "I GIVE UP! THIS IS THE MOST BORING-EST GAME IN THE UNIVERSE! Come on Hobbes, lets go Vex Far-off of Depart! AAA! I mean, let's go get out of here! Save me, I'm becoming a VFD maniac!"

While Calvin ran around in circles, screaming, Hobbes let Isadora and Duncan out of the cage.

"Now, how 'bout all of us go and search for the Baudelaires." Said Hobbes.

"Agreed." Said Duncan, as Calvin bolted past them, still screaming.

Outside, Isadora stared at Calvin's box.

"How is this going to help us?" She asked.

"Shut up, and get in!" Calvin spat.

"Never underestimate the power of the box." Hobbes whispered.

Isadora and Duncan exchanged glances, then got into the box.

But then...something very bad happened.