Total Zack ramble. Boo the freaking YA. I think this interlude is my favourite... I'm not sure why yet.

This interlude is mostly for the HoP readers, who know what everything means and thus can agonize over it.

Written from Zack's perspective. Onward!

Ephemeral Blossoms

Akai Kitsune

Zack's Interlude - Part 4

Cloud Nine.

A common, though a bit old-fashioned phrase, used to describe a heavenly situation.

Well... there was nothing particularly heavenly about Cloud, who'd been acting like an ass lately, but despite the miserable turns life had taken, I found myself to be in a surprisingly good mood.

I'd always prided myself as an optimist; any situation could have a good side, any wrong turn could lead to a better destination. Cheesy crap like that was what I thrived on, if only so I could avoid being an angsty jerk like Cloud was turning into. I wished there was more I could do to maybe cheer the kid up. Sometimes he would even depress me, and if there's any one thing that annoyed me, it's people who put a damper on my trademark grin.

Nobody touches the grin.

Why the good mood, people might ask? Well, maybe one person, anyway - Tifa, the one who knew why I had good reason to be unhappy. Er... the only one who wasn't already moaning over his own existence... anyway, Tifa was dying to ask, I could tell, but she never dared. She'd asked if I was all right, and I'd answered; she'd seen through my lie, and I could deal with that so long as she could live with not hearing the truth. I'd had an unspoken understanding with Barrett when our duties were handed out - look after the kids. That's all they were, really. Just a couple of teenagers itching to save the world. Or, in Cloud's case, trying to find a way to avoid thinking about what to do now... I was trying to do both my jobs, and if protecting them from my own problems was part of that, fine.

But... especially Cloud, no matter how his actions or attitude angered me.

It's like life stopped for him when we got away from Hojo's lab. He'd been a really great kid, better than most of the recruits I'd seen. I hadn't been lying when I told him he could have been a SOLDIER; he was scrawny, sure, but most kids were. I had been, when I first joined. Bulky swordsmen don't usually live long, simply because they're just too slow. Cloud had speed, and in time he would've had some great skill. I still couldn't see why Hojo deserved that kind of potential.

Then again, I couldn't see Shinra letting the top two military officers just walk away, but apparently even they couldn't say no to Sephiroth.

And thinking of Sephiroth ruined my good mood, so at times like that I liked to turn my mind to another pair of green eyes - eyes full of mirth and not madness.

One of the kids.

It made me feel guilty, though, to think that; she was a kid in a way, just a teenager, but... I couldn't help it - I saw nothing but an adult in her. Free-spirited, gentle, cheerful, thank god. In all the times I spoke to her, even when she talked about her past - and every back story was a bad one nowadays, it seemed - she never made it sound like a cry for sympathy, but neither did she act impassive. It meant something to her, but she didn't expect anyone else to make a big deal out of it or even care. She simply told, smiled, and moved on.

Moved on.

I wished Cloud would take a hint. It wasn't that he was stupid - far from it, though sometimes he deserved a good smack for his ignorance - just that he didn't want to care.

And despite the fact that they never spoke, despite the averted glances and hidden blushes that made me want to groan and wonder what kind of high school soap opera I'd joined... I think part of me knew, that first day, that Cloud and Aerith would inevitably be together.

Idiot, me.

Maybe it was my old self trying desperately to climb out of its exile, the one that boasted to many a comrade that he could charm his way into the life of any lady. I mean, come on. The grin, I'm telling you...

... Er. Maybe I was trying to show off, to prove that hey, mad scientists be damned, Major Zack's still got it. Whatever 'it' is.

You can't change who you are.

But sometimes... sometimes, other people can.

There's old legends, great, grand titles, boasting that the most brilliant of loves is love at first sight. The kind that only shows up in books, the kind that hits you and screams that's IT! No more, this is the one, you'll never find another like this so pay attention and don't miss it. This is your chance. Your time.

Your love.

Mine.

In the old stories, it's mutual. Boy sees girl, loves girl. Girl sees boy, loves boy. You read that, you think, no way could this ever happen in real life.

It happens.

But not the way you want it to.

Life's a bitch. That's another common phrase. And do I ever hate that one.

When Aerith called me down to the gardens for the first time one day, my heart literally skipped a beat. I'd always been the one to see her, and it was usually unannounced, just dropping by for a friendly visit. I never admitted it, but I liked watching her work; surrounded by the flowers that seemed to thrive simply on her presence... god, she was beautiful. She'd hear me behind her, and she'd turn... the sun in her hair... she'd smile...

"Zack! I'm glad you came..."

And so was I. Every time.

I entered the gardens with an only partially-hidden spring in my step, my mood at an all time high. I wish I could explain why a simple invitation made me so much more cheerful than usual. Maybe it was something in the air. Or lack thereof; my lungs were used to the pleasantly polluted air of Midgar. Such clarity was like a shock to my system every time.

"Zack, is that you?"

I spun at the voice, flashing her my best smile. Not that I didn't always. She was the only one around here who deserved it, and she was getting it, dammit. "There's only one!"

"And so proud," she added lightly, an amused tone in her voice. She stepped over, slipping her hand into mine and giving it a gentle squeeze. "You were awfully prompt."

"Awfully?" I echoed playfully. "Will it be better if I'm late next time?"

"Only if you're fashionable about it."

"I'm shocked that you doubt I would be!" I grinned again, and was finally rewarded with her laughter.

"You've always had such flawless taste," she coughed, giving my guard's uniform a meaningful look.

I made a face. "Hey, that one's not my fault, so you can't-"

"Oh Zack!" she scolded, her smile reappearing. "Why is it whenever I try to have a serious conversation with you I always give up?"

"Because you want me to stay awake?"

"Zack!"

I lifted my hands in a placating gesture. "Hey, hey, I'm sorry, honestly. If you need me to listen, I'm here, okay? You know that."

Aerith nodded faintly. "I know. That's why I called you, out of everyone."

She called me because I'm a good listener? Not that I was about to complain, but... since when?

I followed her along the garden pathway, waiting for her to speak, watching for some kind of answer in her expression. Her eyes told me nothing, but the way she chewed her lip... the way her mouth was pursed together... her hands fiddling at her sides...

And then it was there like a cold hand curving its fingers around my heart... I knew what she was going to tell me before she even opened her mouth.

She proved me right a moment later. "I think I love him," she murmured, slowly looking up to meet my gaze. She must have seen something in my eyes, for she suddenly looked away.

My mouth felt dry. I knew it was coming. I knew. It didn't matter when I realized it, I knew-

And she had known, as well. She must have. I'd made it so damn obvious the whole castle probably knew.

And she called me here to-

Oh, my lady, you -are- cruel.

"You think?" I heard myself ask, then.

She nodded. "How could anyone know so quickly?" she shrugged.

My eyes narrowed a little at that. I could give you a few ways.

Aerith must have noticed my expression; she left that train of thought behind. "I... I don't know him, and... he's barely seen me at all! How do I know he doesn't hate me?"

Teenager, I reminded myself, perhaps as a defense mechanism. If he hated you, you'd know it. He's not discreet about -that-."He doesn't hate you," I muttered instead. "I can tell you that much."

She should have known. He didn't hate her because he didn't understand her; why she'd helped him, why she cared about him. He treated her the way he treated Tifa. The only difference was that Tifa didn't let him get away with it.

I heard a subtle rustle in the bushes behind us, then, and I let a smile touch my expression. There was proof, if she wanted it; if he didn't like her, why would he care about what we discussed?

"How long are you going to wait?" I asked, choosing my words carefully. Soap opera indeed. If I was going to lose this battle, I was going to keep hold of my mood, so help me.

"I don't know," she whispered. "I'm not so sure of anything anymore."

Nice to hear Cloud wasn't alone on that one. "Maybe it would be smarter for you to wait," I said aloud, then mentally kicked myself. You never know when to give up, do you?

I heard her laugh, heard her reply, "This from you?"

That one stung, and she knew it. She apologized, of course, but the damage was done, because I had a reputation, didn't I? Maybe if I'd been an angst king like Cloud...

Hell. No.

I'd made a vow long ago never to change for a girl, never to compromise who I was just because it wasn't who she wanted me to be. I'd lost girls for it, but never myself... and knowing who I was - Zack, unchanging, untouched, my own, whatever had been done to me by women or madmen alike - was what kept me from breaking.

But that's what she wanted to do, wasn't it? Save the world, mend the broken. Rescue the lost from themselves.

He needed her more than I did, because they broke him. Sephiroth and Hojo reached right into his heart and broke who he was, leaving him to pick up the pieces alone.

And she didn't want me because I never showed that I was just as broken.

It was my choice. But I won't change for you...

So I shrugged. "I probably deserved it at some point."

And I did, really. Whatever my feelings were, I'd been following her around like she was some sort of prize... it wasn't fair to her.

"But not from me," she objected quietly, and I cut her off.

"You can't say I've acted exactly the way I should have." My voice lowered. "Not the way you wanted me to, anyway."

She smiled at me. "Oh... I really should apologize. You're awfully concerned with my needs."

I replied roughly, "That is unfair, and you know it." You have to know it. You can't make me hate you. Is that your intention?

"I'm serious," she persisted.

No... not hate. She wasn't looking for that. Watching her eyes, I saw a request there... but for what, I didn't understand.

Tell me what you want from me, and let me go. Don't hold me here when all you want is an answer.

I wanted more. I can't have that. Don't hold me here.

"Not as serious as I am," I said softly, lifting my gaze to meet hers again. "Isn't that why you called me here? Why am I here, Aerith? Are you asking me to tell you what to do? As if you don't know what my answer would be?"

I know what I'd say. I know, even though I'd hate myself for it.

Don't ask me.

"Zack-" she tried to escape it, but I stepped forward, determined to get an answer.

"Why? What is it you're trying to say?"

She lowered her head, face reddening into a blush, and said, "What if... what if I told you I loved you?"

Love or no love, I swear to god I wanted to slap her then and there. Is this how it felt for someone to slowly draw your heart out - like the Heartless, maybe - and shatter it, break it apart piece by piece, that sweet smile dripping bloody beautiful poison...

I love you. But you are so, so cruel...

But the old Zack wouldn't have hit her; wouldn't have even thought to. The old Zack wouldn't have gotten angry with her for doing what teenagers do. The old Zack would have laughed, because he's never in love, and there are plenty of other girls in the world like her, older girls, prettier girls, and why be pinned to someone who'll never be yours?

Never in love.

I wish I could...

... cruel, cruel lady.

So I laughed at her. Because I could go back to being the old Zack in her eyes, even if she didn't know me like that at all. And maybe then she'd stop hurting me.

I thought you were a healer. You've got a piece of my heart in your hands... what are you going to do with it, Aerith?

I heard the bushes rustle again as Cloud disappeared, and my laughter faded. I'd forgotten he was there... but it wasn't a game anymore. Aerith heard it too; still blushing, she gave me a questioning look.

"Just scared a pup out of hiding," I shrugged, smiling again. Damn the grin. But god, did I ever need it then. When she looked even more confused, I withheld another laugh. "Cloud was snooping around. He heard a good deal of our chat. I think he misunderstood me... I better talk to him later, eh?"

She gaped at me. "You... did that on purpose? To get rid of Cloud?"

Sure. Believe that, so you don't blame yourself.

I wish I didn't love you, girl, because part of me wants so badly to hate you right now...

"He's gonna be angry with me for a while," I added playfully.

She laughed, then; lightly, without cruelty, making me wonder where it had gone. "You're adorable," she smiled, patting my cheek.

I reddened instantly. "Now I feel like a puppy," I mumbled, averting my gaze.

"Well you are, aren't you?" she teased, and I blinked. "A big, black puppy out of the wild."

"... What?"

Aerith's smile broadened at my confusion. "Your name, I mean. Faolan - it means 'little wolf' in the language of the Ancients. You know that, right?"

My eyes widened. "H-how... did you know that?" There were few commoners who knew the old tongue beyond the rare words or phrases passed through family lines. Even I knew only a basic spattering of the language, and that was all thanks to the more boring days of training and the massive library at Shinra HQ.

She hesitated, looking as though she'd said too much. Finally, taking a deep breath, she whispered, "My father taught me."

"Your father?"

She nodded, face flushed. "He was the best researcher of the Ancient race. He knew them in and out, could speak the language fluently... actually thought of them as real people..."

I tried to quell the odd feeling stirring in my heart, the sudden dread appearing in my throat, but to no avail. This was sounding a little close to home for me.

Aerith kept silent for a long time, then finally murmured, "He married the last full Ancient."

The dread faded to a numbing horror, forcing the words from my lips almost against my will. "Pro... Professor Gast," I choked out, taking an instinctive step back.

His daughter. His daughter was -

She sent me a sidelong glance. "I wondered if you knew," she said softly, her gaze falling towards my feet, for I seemed ready to bolt at any moment. "I haven't seen nor spoken to my father for almost eight years. He.. something changed him. I wish I knew exactly what, but it started when another man visited our home-"

"Hojo," I offered through clenched teeth. There was no doubt in my mind.

She didn't look as certain. "Maybe," she replied almost indifferently. "But whatever he said to my father made him act very oddly around us - my mother and I, I mean. Mother finally took me away from him and we came here, but... she died soon after. I was raised by a woman who lived near the old church, and really, I remember her as my mother more than my real one. But she... I lost her to the Heartless a few moths ago. That's why I'm here." She set free a quiet sigh, still looking away from me. "I know my father has been... doing things he shouldn't be. For years, I've known. Perhaps it's my mother's blood... I can feel the planet crying out at what's happening to it, and I know who's to blame, at least in part." She finally glanced at me. "And now I think you know as well."

I nodded absently. "I... do." I also knew where her father had been a few months ago; I knew there had been two scientists, not one, enlisted by Sephiroth to conduct the Heartless experiments.

Watching my expression for a long moment, Aerith reached out and touched my arm. There was a barely visible smile on her face. "Knowing what you know... what I've told you... do you think it would have worked between us?"

The answer was on my lips instantly, the word my heart cried out for me to speak, scrambling for the slightest chance that it could change her mind.

But... no, that's not fair.

How is any of this fair?

What I say can't change her feelings. If anything it would make her feel guilty.

Unable to answer and still remain true to myself, I let a flicker of anger touch my expression and asked, "Do you?"

She gazed back at me, mulling this over, clearly unhappy at being given the question herself. Feeling oddly sympathetic, I didn't let it hurt me when she caught sight of an answer within the half-hidden fury of my Mako eyes - the eyes her father helped to create, or at least alter with his ambitions. She looked away, unable to bear it.

And it was enough.

"No," she told me, and I felt something within me break at the single word. Enough.

I backed up another step, a forced smile on my face. "Fair enough," I murmured, and turned away from her before she could look up. Her eyes were nothing like her father's, and so I didn't want to see them; they made me forget my anger, and the anger was the only thing that held me together. I caught hold of it, letting it churn fiercely within me, and walked away from her as quickly as I dared.

She wouldn't tell Cloud what she had told me. I didn't know how I knew that, or why, but it comforted me. Because Cloud wouldn't have understood, and his blind anger would hurt her. I didn't want him to do that, even though he would never have meant it.

... maybe I did know, after all.

She'd asked him to guard her. Him, and not me, and I... I could respect that, if it was what she wanted.

Didn't stop me from loving her, but that was my problem, not hers.

"No."

And that was clear enough for me.

AN: Woo for Zack torment! Actually, not woo, but it was fun anyway.

This was hard to write... sorry if Aerith was really nasty. I saw her as very carefree, and when two carefree people get together, it can get dangerous...

Faolan equals Faelan - credit goes to Madam Hydra for this one. I wasn't going to use the name anywhere other than the Hearts of Paradise RP, but then it became a plot point... so I wanted to give credit where it's due. It's unlikely to show up anywhere else.

This is the last Zack interlude. It's been fun, but I really do need to put the attention back on Cloud... it's supposed to be his story after all!

Next chapter: Where there is much spazzing. And Cloud being stupid. And Tifa being smart. And Aerith being... Aerith. And Zack... well... where is Zack in all this mess, eh?

Reviewer Responses:

link no miko: You know, it's so funny to get a review where someone says they actually like Cloud...

Koorino Megumi: Distinct lack of Zack... the irony of that sentence amuses me.

Lynn U: I have one thing to say to you - your LJ fegging ROCKS. ... um... yeah, I'm so creative, aren't I. :P But I'm glad you're enjoying this!

Seishin Kibou: Squall? Heh, wouldn't you like to know. But I'll note Cloud didn't know him at the Coliseum and the fic is from his perspective... -cough- If you're looking for the scene with Zack in the truck, just go visit the Nibelheim mansion's basement near the end of the game. It occurs automatically. And... um... Hojo dying? That doesn't happen in a flashback, you have to do it in the game itself... remember? Lastly, I've heard a bit about Vince's game. Not sure what to think of it yet.