Mwa! After what, almost 4 months? I'm finally back with a new chapter! And lo and behold, it's the chapter in which nothing happens. Maybe. Well... you'll see.

And... what the spork is up with formatting lately? I had to cheat to get more spaces, x.x

Written from Cloud's perspective.

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Ephemeral Blossoms

Akai Kitsune

Part 19: My Heart to Yours

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The city was in chaos. People who were all too ready to protest against Ansem's apparent disregard for their safety now were fearful of who would rule over and protect them. There was a council of nobles within the castle and of course many leaders around the world who may or may not have been qualified to take Ansem's place - the man had neither married or named a suitable heir, which accounted for much of the city's turmoil - but what the city feared most was the feuds that might - and would likely - erupt between the rising powers. Each continent had a few leaders who would cause the most trouble, and before they could do battle with the other continents, they had to prove their worthiness against their own local enemies and rivals.

In short, everyone suspected, predicted, and were terrified of the bloody civil wars that would eventually begin.

As part of the castle guard, I was caught in the center of it all - our job was to try and keep open rebellions and protests to a minimum, protecting the people from themselves and each other, as well as those within the castle. These new duties, joined with the already exhausting chore of trying to control the Heartless growth, were running us all ragged.

During all the pandemonium, we did have scarce moments to confirm a few things. The king wasn't exactly dead - no more than Zack was. He had simply disappeared without a trace. He'd taken nothing, and no one had see him, aside from a terrified servant who admitted he'd last seen the king vanish into a passage to the lower levels, the dungeons. And even the people in town knew what really resided there. Those who had known for some time no longer tried to conceal it. For some reason, this quelled a little of the city's fury; the nobles left in charge were trying to prove themselves as trustworthy, and it was working - for the moment.

So the question remained... had Ansem fallen to the same fate as many others, finally taken by his own creations? Or had he joined them willfully, leading their attacks more effectively from underground? Most people who ventured into the dark passages - if they managed to find them - never returned to reveal the secrets they might have found. The investigations had been stopped when too many had disappeared.

I once had an argument with Tifa about those tunnels, how we should explore them ourselves and determine what we could find there, but we never settled on an agreement. I still wasn't convinced that what was happening on the surface was the only threat, but getting lost myself wouldn't help either. I hated being helpless, doing so much with the continued feeling that I wasn't changing a thing. There was simply too much to be done, and too few to make a difference.

I couldn't help but feel a bit of that fear and tension just like those I was hired to protect. We were already at war, and we were losing. Messages poured in from cities and governments around the world, all saying the same: the Heartless were spreading and multiplying too quickly to be contained. Entire towns had been evacuated, but the creatures followed those who tried to escape at an alarming speed. Traveling by ground was becoming dangerous; the only reasonable way was by some form of airship. Most of the flying Heartless couldn't match the speed of airships, especially those purchased and sent out from Midgar.

But what had people frightened was the fact that they couldn't fly forever. No matter where they went, the Heartless could, and probably would, catch up sooner or later.

We have to leave, I realized belatedly one day. Not just the city, or even the main continent. The whole world...

We're not safe here...

I tried to speak to Cid about it, but he was nearly impossible to find since his knowledge of the airships was suddenly more needed than ever. When I finally caught up to him, I found out that he was already one step ahead of me. They'd been developing and testing ships that could travel to different worlds - he'd always wanted to go into space, or so he'd told me - and were finally trying to mass produce them. The ships were small and difficult to make because of the bizarre material used, but Cid seemed confident that they'd be the saving grace of the world's population, and I was desperate enough to trust him on this, if anything.

Now if the Heartless would give us time to make enough for everyone...

If I hadn't been kept so insanely busy, I probably would have stopped to wonder why I even cared enough. I'd never felt the need to work myself to the ground for anything except my SOLDIER training, and Zack had been watchful of that whenever we worked together. But as soon as the crisis began, it was like something urged me on, poked and prodded within me until I started to act automatically. I couldn't really say why or how; I never even thought about it until much later.

Maybe I really was meant to be a leader, as Tifa pointed out wryly. I wasn't sure if she had been trying to compliment me or just gloat.

I didn't see Aerith much during those days. She was as busy as I was, since her skills were tied to growth and healing for the most part, and her position was shifted from gardener and librarian to medic. Once the recruiters learned she had exceptionally strong curative magic - something even I hadn't known about - she was brought into the ranks almost instantly. We needed her, that's for sure.

I wish I could have said the same... distancing myself from her was easy and hard at the same time. Part of me wanted to stay away, yet another part seemed to desire nothing more than just being near her. Ever since we'd spoken that day in the library...

"It was you I wanted to see."

Since when was I the same way?

I didn't want to admit it. I couldn't bear to be with her, nor could I bear to stay away. I think she sensed it, too; she visited me sparingly, when she had a moment and when I actually slowed down enough to talk. We'd never been a very talkative pair, and moments like those were scarce, but as time passed I looked forward to them.

But how long can we do this? I couldn't help but wonder. How long will we have this luxury - if you can call it that?

If we left the planet, we'd need to find a new home entirely. If there was anywhere safe to go. Cid had already spoken of another known world, and that Ansem himself had met the king already. But there was no knowing if we'd be welcome there, or if we could even find it. No one wanted to admit it, but we now lived in a world full of uncertainties, with an equally uncertain future.

And despite it all, Aerith still smiled, even though she didn't expect the same of me.

It made me think, though... what did she want from me?

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"I finally got in contact with Barrett," Tifa announced one day, when the three of us finally managed to gather in an empty area. "He's not exactly thrilled with us."

"Big surprise," I muttered, already irritated. Aerith giggled faintly. "What does he want?"

"Some progress, for starters," Tifa sat down in one of the chairs, looking across the small table where Aerith sat. I watched her from across the room, leaning against the nearest wall. "We still haven't found anything about Ansem or his research, and the rest of the team is anxious to get moving. They need more info on the castle before they can do it, though."

"And what have they been doing?" I demanded, eyes narrowed. "Why are we the only ones working?"

Tifa coughed lightly into her hand. "Cloud, just because they're not here doesn't mean they aren't working. Why are you so angry today?"

I reddened immediately. "I'm not..."

Tifa raised an eyebrow, and Aerith turned around to look at me. "You are, Cloud. Is something wrong?"

My first impulse was to deny it, to get even angrier at their questions, but the more logical part of my mind whispered against it, knowing that fighting with them wouldn't help. "... I don't know," I finally admitted quietly. "Just a weird feeling. And there's too much going on."

"I know what you mean," Tifa propped her feet up, lips pursed. "It's not just the Heartless. Kind of like an itch, you know... we can only scratch the surface of the problem."

Zack had tried to warn me, I couldn't help remembering. He knew it, knew the Heartless weren't the only enemies. But there'd been no time to ask him, no time to get an answer...

I pushed the thoughts from my mind before they could take over. Recalling those moments wouldn't help our current situation, nor would it change anything.

"Did he give any orders?" I finally asked, turning back to Tifa. "Anything we're supposed to do?"

Tifa bit her lip. "Just keep at it," she shrugged. "We can't do much more than what we're already doing without getting ourselves in trouble. Even contacting the others is dangerous - each time we leave the castle it doesn't look good, because the city is almost rebelling... I don't know what else we can do."

"Any ideas, Cloud?" Aerith asked.

I blinked, looking over at her this time. Why was she asking me? I'd done nothing but play follow the leader since our arrival. Except now there was no one to follow.

... and that would be why she's asking me.

I took a moment to consider our options. On one hand we had the obvious enemies: the Heartless, moving closer and closer to their goal - whatever that was - with each passing day; those now in charge of the city and beyond, warring with each other for power, caring for little else but themselves; the biggest of all, our lack of time, and the speed at which we were losing it.

But there was also the unknown enemy to worry about - whoever or whatever was pulling the strings behind everything that occurred. The question was, how could we fight any of them?

We're only three people. How much can we accomplish? We don't even have someone to tell us what to do...

"We need to make ourselves more open," I said suddenly, uncertain as to where exactly the idea had come from. Aerith and Tifa stared over at me, eyes wide and mouths agape.

"Are you crazy?" Tifa interjected. "They'd have us locked up in minutes!"

"Only if we're not careful!" I countered, straightening up and approaching the table. "Use Barrett's contacts. Communicate through the slums. Find the people who support the rebellions and bring them together. We can't do this alone anymore, though... it's too big for us." I hated admitting it, hated giving in to the inevitability of this decision, but my heart urged me forward, blatantly ignoring the protests of my pride. "We need help."

"Why would people follow us, though?" Aerith murmured. "A couple of teenagers... can it really be that easy?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "But the answers aren't here anymore, if they ever were. Ansem isn't here. His report isn't here. This isn't where we need to be."

Tifa slowly pulled her feet off the table, leaning forward. "Where, then?"

I closed my eyes, searching my mind for a suitable response. I wasn't a leader here, and there were no certainties anymore. I could no longer be sure of anything.

Just this... I want to help. I want to try.

I spun around again, my eyes seeking the window, revealing the gardens that Aerith used to tend, before the chaos began. The roses were thriving.

So, too, were the yellow flowers, Zack's favourite. The ones he'd rejected, given over to me through Aerith's hand.

"You want to protect her, don't you?"

"We need to be inside the city," I said firmly, keeping my gaze on those flowers. Keeping my mind set on a promise I'd made. "All we're doing here is babysitting the nobles... here, we're not helping anyone. Maybe if we go back to the others we'll find a place where we can be useful. Where the real fighting is."

There was a long moment of silence, and at first I felt worried that they didn't agree, that the idea was stupid. Maybe they were sorry for asking me.

Zack would've known...

Then I heard a chair shift against the floor, someone rising, arms moving to hug me tightly, startling me.

"Welcome back," I heard a whisper in my ear. I was surprised to find that it was Tifa who held me, laughing and crying at the same time, and I felt lost, unable to fathom what she was talking about. But when I curved my heard beyond her to look at Aerith, I found a similar expression there; a haunting smile, tired eyes, but confidence, too. Confidence in me, that my idea was right, that my decision was one they would follow without question. And it was then that I realized... we did have a leader. Tifa had been trying to tell me all along. I just hadn't wanted to believe it.

I'd never known this feeling before, but... it seemed so natural. Maybe I was meant for this after all.

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We left within the hour, taking the back way and avoiding the patrol routes I had memorized by then. It hadn't taken us long to make our way deep into the city and back to the slums where Avalanche had made their base of operations. The reaction to our sudden return was predictable; surprise for the most part, and a great deal of shouting and cursing from Barrett.

"We went through all this trouble to get you those jobs!" he raged, shaking his gun arm in the air. "Now as soon as things get tough, you up and run? What kinda mercenary are you!"

"One that knows when a mission is pointless," I retorted, facing him and ignoring the rage in his expression. "What's the use of staying in the castle? We can't do anything now! Aren't we supposed to be working for the good of the people?"

Barrett stopped short, giving me an odd look. I returned it, questioning, and after a moment he smirked. "Didn't think you'd say somethin' like that. The girls or your crazy-haired pal, maybe, but not you."

I narrowed my eyes. "So what? That's my answer."

The big man shrugged. "Alright Spike, what's the plan, then?"

At that, I blinked. I hadn't expected him to look at me for leadership as well! He was the one who'd started the group, so why was he asking me?

Seeing my hesitation, his smirk broadened. "What, were you full of hot air under that pokey head of yours?"

"I am not!" I growled hotly, my cheeks reddening. "We'll... we'll start taking the airships!" Barrett raised an eyebrow at my response, and I continued, still grasping at the idea. "The ones meant for the nobles. There probably won't be enough for everyone, and the Heartless are taking over the city first, right? So the people living in the castle should wait until their people are safe."

"And just how are we gonna do that?" Barrett questioned. "Shipyards are getting to be pretty well guarded. Six of us won't be enough."

I glanced back at Tifa and Aerith, and they both nodded their approval. Returning my attention to Barrett, I lifted my chin and gave my answer.

I just hope we're right... that the rebellion is more than just threats...

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The response we received in the three days that followed was more than any of us expected. Plenty of people inside the city were anxious to get themselves to safety, and taking action to accomplish this was no longer an issue. I was more surprised than anything; we had been the extremists, the ones who fought while others did nothing. We really weren't used to gaining any kind of support, but with more and more disappearances every day, people were getting desperate.

Once we had mustered enough of a force to appear threatening, it was Barrett's idea to go ahead with the raid. The intent was to use the volunteers to form a public protest and distract as much attention to them as possible, while a smaller group - me, Aerith, and the rest of the original Avalanche team - headed for the shipyard to take as many from Ansem as possible, while Barrett and Tifa kept the protest as organized as possible. The downside of that was, of course, the fact that each ship would have some crew members nearby, and none of us had much of an idea on how to fly one, which led to a proposal that most of us were uneasy with.

"It's a bad idea," was my immediate response, giving Tifa a look that should have warned her to drop it.

She didn't bite. But considering it was Tifa, I wasn't surprised. "What's the problem?" she demanded, hands shifting to her hips, lips pursed rather indignantly. "Come on, Cloud! Cid knows how to run every ship in the city - and then some. He can build anything. He knows these new ships in and out like no one else does. He agrees with us as far as helping people, and he knows we all have to leave soon. So why can't we ask for help?"

I frowned. "But he's still loyal to Ansem. The castle, anyway. We'd risk the whole group if we gave too much away."

"So we'll be careful," she persisted. "Isn't that what we said before? But we can't get anywhere without him." Raising an eyebrow at me, she added, "Are you going to drive the airships?"

Before I could even open my mouth and attempt a retort, Barrett started howling with laughter. It didn't help my dignity any. Aerith stepped forward, gently taking my arm. "Cloud, Tifa's right." I blinked. "This idea can only work if we have the cooperation of people who know how to handle the ships. Cid is the only one we can trust with this."

I hadn't expected her to disagree with me. We all were uncertain about asking for help. How could they want to take this risk? Granted, they had a point... I certainly knew nothing about the airships or flying them, and I doubted the others knew much about it either. Like it or not, we needed help...

After a long moment I sighed reluctantly, looking back at the girls, and nodded. "We'll talk to him when we get there. Now that everything's organized we can't change anything, and if he says no we'll have to call it off and think of something else anyway. So... let's go for it."

Tifa grinned. "It's about time!"

As for Aerith, she merely smiled at me, nodding her head in a way that made me wonder - was I looking to her for approval? Was it my own decision, or was I simply allowing my heart to get the better of me? It was a foolish thing to do, putting myself and the others at risk for just that.

At least you still have a heart, was my mind's sharp protest, but I quelled it before it could grow any louder. I didn't need any more doubts.

This would be hard enough...

"So it's decided," Barrett announced, glancing around at all of us. "We'll send a message out to a few of our contacts, and give the people out there a few hours to prepare. That'll buy us some time as well. You kids get yourselves ready." He gave me a pointed look. "You're in charge of your part of this operation, so don't screw it up!"

My only response was a scowl, half-hidden as I turned away and left the room. I didn't need that kind of pressure, but I'd made the choice myself - I couldn't refuse, nor did I really want to.

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Aerith followed me into the room just beyond our main meeting area, calling quietly for my attention. When I looked back to face her, I was met with a concerned expression, eyes gently prying for an answer to a question yet to be asked.

"What is it?" I responded, brows furrowed.

She fidgeted. "Well... I just wanted to make sure you were alright. With... with everything, I mean. You've been working so hard lately-"

"So has everyone else," I muttered, shifting away to the bunk I'd been assigned and grabbing my sword and plunking myself down. True to what I'd been told, Zack's sword required a great deal of care to keep it in good condition, and I wanted to be sure it was in top shape for the battles ahead. Things were winding down to what was potentially the end - though ours or the Heartless, no one wanted to say - and somehow I knew there would be little time for it later on.

She smiled slightly, stepping forward to sit beside me, careful of the blade I carried. "You know that's not what I meant. You're wearing yourself down, doing too much. And... you don't have to, you know. I wanted to tell you that." Her voice lowered. "We're all here to help you if you need it."

I frowned, looking away, instead focusing on the edge of the sword, testing its sharpness. "I know that."

"You just have to ask."

"I know that."

"Then why don't you?" she asked suddenly, her hand lifting to enclose mine. I started at the touch, but she held fast, ignoring my silent protest. "You say you know, and that you're okay with everything, but you're not, Cloud. You're worried, and you're tired, and you're trying too hard to fill two roles." She shook her head wistfully. "You think we don't notice? How... how much you've changed? What you're trying to do?"

I closed my eyes. "I thought... that's what you wanted."

She laughed lightly. I wanted to see her face, and yet I didn't; it worried me, that she might want something of me then disapprove of how I gave it. I didn't know how else to do it.

"We never asked you to replace him," she murmured, lifting my chin, all but pleading for me to look at her. When I did, she leaned forward, placing a windsoft kiss on my cheek, then giggling again at my responding expression. Her hand still pressed against my chin, forehead leaning in to meet mine, she continued in an even softer tone, "No one would ever ask that of you. It's not who you are, Cloud..."

But... wasn't it supposed to be?

It wasn't meant to go like -this-. It wasn't meant to be this easy...

It's not fair to him!

I tore myself free of her grip, stumbling away, one hand pressed against my temple while the other clenched the hilt of the sword in a death grip. Aerith cried out in surprise, rising to come closer, but I spun away, shaking my head. "Don't! Please..."

"Cloud, what's wrong?" she persisted, nervousness and concern vying for control of her voice. "What did I do?"

Again I shut my eyes, but for a different reason - a better reason, I wanted to tell myself. "It's not you. I just... I can't do this, Aerith. I can't keep pretending this is my job. It never was. It never can be. You can't expect me to do something like this when it's my fault all of this happened in the first place!"

Aerith stopped, voice hesitant. "What are you talking about?"

"I failed, Aerith!" I raised my voice, my eyes snapping open, whirling around again to face her. She jumped back, startled. "I failed him! So many times he protected me, helped me... this one time he needed me, and I couldn't do it!"

I halted, not wanting to tell her what Zack's final request had been. For her to know what he was willing to do to protect her... knowing how much he loved her still, even after giving her up forever...

I... don't want to hurt her. Especially not because of you, Zack.

Because... I know you wouldn't want that either.

"... Cloud?" she whispered. "Cloud, tell me... please?"

Tell her... how could I ever tell her? Zack's supposed to be strong - he -is- strong.

Was.

She wouldn't want to know that it ended like that.

But whatever objection came to mind, her eyes - pleading, desperate to know, to help - fended them off before they could even reach my mouth, until a voice of my own finally spoke up in disagreement with all the rest, the voice of reason that I wanted so badly to hate, yet never could.

Above all else, he'd want her to know the truth...

It's not that he gave up. He just couldn't bear the thought of hurting her...

That's... not weak.

So I shook my head, a final, though futile attempt to escape my own fate, and sat down with her once more. And I told her.

Am I doing the right thing, Zack?

I can't even tell anymore...

She was quiet for the most part, eyes fixated on her hands which lay clasped together in her lap, her expression unreadable - something I'd never seen before. It worried me; I wanted to know what she thought, whether or not this was a good idea, but she gave nothing away, no smile or frown, no words that could warn me that it was too much, that she no longer wanted to know.

When I trailed off, my eyes averted, either unwilling or unable to look at her, she finally looked up, a small smile crossing her lips.

"Thank you," she said quietly, reaching out and squeezing my hand. I didn't pull away, and it surprised her again. "I know you didn't have to share, and... the fact that you did is really important."

I stared at her hand for a long moment, lips pursing into a frown. "Why?" I asked abruptly. "Why did you want to know?"

Aerith smiled at that, a genuine smile, and for a moment I forgot how little she'd shown me a scant moment before. "Because it looked like you needed to share," she answered earnestly, straightening up. I blinked. "You can't carry everything by yourself, you know - sometimes you need another person to help you. Besides, isn't that what you said before? We can't be silent anymore. We can't keep everything to ourselves." The corners of her lips lowered slightly, not losing the smile entirely, but struggling, fighting to keep hold of it. "It hurts too much."

Does it? I hadn't noticed. Pain doesn't mean anything to me anymore.

But if that's the case, why didn't I want to hurt you...?

Maybe I still don't understand any of this...

"Are you ready?" she spoke up again, curving her head curiously to one side. "It won't be too much longer before we have to leave. Should I let you rest?"

Snapped out of my thoughts, I shook my head. "No, I'm alright. I'd like to think about the mission for a little while, though... plan a few things out." I managed a tiny smile. "We'll need something if we're going to make it."

She opened her mouth to respond, but before she could, the door opened again, and Barrett took a single step inside, jerking a thumb outwards. "Come on Spike, get your gear. Everyone's ready, so we're heading out."

"Already?" I blurted out, then halted. Of course we'd leave as soon as possible. It made little sense to wait - we didn't have time for it anyway. I myself didn't have time to debate it further anyway, for Barrett gave me one more expectant look, indicating that it was time to go and not to argue.

Aerith touched my shoulder, beaming at me, her reaction to our conversation winking out completely. "We'll be fine," she assured me. "I trust you."

Inwardly, I winced. She may have trusted me, but how much did I trust myself with this?

But I can't ever know until I try... so...

So I stood and followed Barrett out, waving a hand to my team - and that was what we were, wasn't it- who stood ready by the door, waiting.

"Good luck, Cloud," Tifa sent me a wry grin and a thumbs up. Barrett grunted, but I could see a smile hidden beneath his gruff expression.

Everyone's waiting... to see how I do. To see if I can handle it.

I won't disappoint them.

Giving them both a nod, I headed out into the city streets, doing my best to leave all my doubts behind me and allowing only my allies - my friends- to follow.

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AN: Originally this was going to be one huge chapter, but it just wasn't cooperating and it was getting so long... so, that was officially part one. Part 2 is forthcoming... uh... when the characters decide to like me again. Hopefully soon, definitely ASAP! Thanks for all your patience, guys.

And I'm too tired (read: lazy) to do the actual responses this chapter, so... uh... waves to all thanks for your support!

Next chapter: To run or to fight? The inhabitants are forced to make a hard choice. And for Cloud, an even more difficult choice must be made...

Till next time!