I don't wanna be lonely no more
I don't wanna have to pay for this
--Rob Thomas 'Lonely No More'--
There was a collective sigh from all of the members of the Jedi Council. Anakin was once again attempting to defend his more than rash actions during a mission through the Tao System in search of Admiral Sirai
Inside his mind, Obi-Wan was screaming for Anakin to just shut his mouth and listen to the lecture he deserved. He rubbed his temple as he sensed Anakin growing more and more agitated by the moment.
'Calm yourself, Anakin.' He was near pleading in his mind. His Padawan was nearing twenty years of age and he still had not grasped the concept that it was a fool-hardy idea to yell at one's superiors.
Finally it seemed that Master Windu had had enough and simply dismissed Anakin, leaving him with grave words that could do nothing but keep the boy awake at night.
'Her death is on you.'
-----
Obi-Wan was slow in returning to his rooms after the late night talk with the Council in the Jedi Temple. He needed time to think about how to approach the subject with his Padawan. He took his time returning home and even more time wandering around the Temple before that. He simply did not know what to say. Never before had Anakin's hasty decision making actually cost another Jedi her life.
He knew Anakin was hurting. He knew this wasn't easy on his Padawan, but he still had a duty to re-open the wound until Anakin realized what a wake up call this should be for him.
When finally he stepped out of the elevator into their private floor, he took notice of how few lights were on. Anakin's bedroom door was open and just as he began to reach out with his mind to find his student, a sudden beeping noise jolted him.
"R2..." He gasped slightly, prepared to reprimand the droid for startling him. But he changed his mind, "Where is Anakin?"
A series of saddened beeps told him that Anakin was seemingly distraught and had avoided R2 D2 when he arrived back home.
Slowly, he made his way through Anakin's room and out towards the open balcony that adjoined their rooms.
Anakin stood with his back to his Master, staring out at the many speeders and transports still going by. They looked like shooting stars in the night sky. He approached slowly, even though he knew there was no way Anakin hadn't already detected his presence.
He exhaled softly and stopped a few feet behind his Padawan, "Are you all right?" He asked quietly after several long, silent moments dragged on between them.
"Fine."
The deep rasp in his voice spoke deeply to Obi-Wan. He folded his arms into a defensive position, bringing them up inside the sleeves of his robes.
"Anakin, we need to talk about what happened."
A shake of the head was his response.
Obi-Wan sighed and stepped even closer, but Anakin moved away before he could actually reach him. He sighed again, "Ani... I know it was an accident. The Council knows it was an accident. But the fact of the matter is that Yeion is still dead."
"I know she is." Anakin rasped.
By now, Obi-Wan knew that his Padawan was crying. But he couldn't rush to comfort him. Not yet.
"Because you were so anxious to find Admiral Sirai, you left a wounded Knight behind, assuming she could take care of herself."
"I thought she'd be all right!" Anakin yelled, suddenly spinning around. And Obi-Wan saw that, indeed, his cheeks were damp with still-coursing tears. "I cleared that area! I thought you'd be along and you'd look after her!" His hands fisted in his hair, "I never would have left her alone if I knew what was going to happen!"
Obi-Wan looked away from the nearly sobbing form of his Padawan, biting his lip, "Anakin, you must learn from this. You are far too hasty in your actions." He turned back to make sure that Anakin was listening, "You're far too impulsive. You do what feels right in the moment and you can't do that! You have got to stop letting your emotions control you, Anakin!"
The younger man looked away, shrinking into himself, leaning back against a support pillar.
Anakin refused to make eye-contact and neither spoke, leaving the silence between them to grow.
Finally, Obi-Wan shook his head, "You're impossible, Anakin." Still, Anakin did not look to him, "You have got to accept responsibility for your actions, or you will never learn how to control your actions and feelings."
With that, he turned and walked out, leaving his distraught Padawan alone with his thoughts.
-----
It was a long time before Anakin finally pulled himself together enough to come in from the balcony. He changed slowly into his night clothes and tried to lay down.
But it was simply to no avail.
Every time his eyes closed he heard the last screaming pleas of Yeion, begging him not to leave her behind.
He clenched his eyes shut and rolled over, tugging the covers tighter around his body. But nothing seemed to work. His mind was dead set on having him relive those last few minutes over and over again.
Anakin turned his head, following the movement of shadow ahead of him. He pushed himself up, preparing to run after the Admiral when the wounded Knight beside him grabbed his arm, "Don't leave me." She pleaded.
"Master Obi-Wan will be along shortly. Just hold on." He told her.
Yeion shook her head, light blue skin losing it's tone, "Please Anakin..."
"My Master will be right here. Just hold on for one minute!" He almost yelled, wrenching his arm away from her grip and bolting off after the presumed Admiral Sirai.
"Anakin, no! Wait!" She cried, pain shooting up her back as she tried to lunge after him.
Only moments after his body disappeared from her sight, three battle droids appeared from down another tunnel.
Yeion hardly had the breath the scream as they attacked her.
Anakin bolted upright, throwing the sweat-soaked sheet from his body. Quickly, he swung his legs over onto the floor and pushed out of his bed. He wanted to be nowhere near where his thoughts could breach his mind and the first place they could reach him was in his dreams.
And he refused to think about his failure. About the life that was lost because of him.
He hardly realized where he was going as his feet took him from the over-heated room. He knew only that he wanted to be away from here.
If he thought about it he could probably rationalize why he ended up standing at his Master's bedside, but he just didn't want to. That required thinking that he was simply incapable of.
Obi-Wan roused after a minute, aware of his Padawan at all times, he knew that he was no longer alone. Lifting his head off of his pillow, he looked over by the door to discover Anakin standing nearby with his eyes on the ground.
"Anakin?" He asked, sitting up fully.
"I can't sleep." Came the reply.
Obi-Wan sighed. He knew this drill from back when Anakin was younger. Whenever Anakin found himself too distraught to sleep, Obi-Wan would awaken to find his apprentice asleep at the side of his bed.
Eventually, he allowed the youngling to actually crawl into bed beside him, hoping to ease his emotional pain with physical comfort.
Young Anakin would curl in towards him although his Master always kept his back to him, not eager to have his well-meant act interpreted as inappropriate motives. He simply wanted to help his protege.
"Anakin..." He started.
The Padawan knew what was to follow. Yes, he was too old to be climbing into bed with his Master, but he just couldn't help it. In his life there was a lack of family and Obi-Wan had become bother father and mother to him.
In short there was just no where else he felt as safe as he did when he was close to his Master.
"I know." He said, interrupting Obi-Wan, avoiding his eyes as best he could, but pleading with them none-the-less.
When finally Master caught Padawan's eyes, they stared at each other. Obi-Wan could sense the pain in his Padawan's heart and could simply not deny him this.
"All right." He said, not without a sigh in his voice.
Anakin smiled slightly, stepping forward and kneeling on the bed. It took only a moment before he had crawled under the covers and rested his head on the pillow.
Though he looked hard at Anakin for a moment, he said nothing. Anakin closed his eyes and waited for the sounds of his Master rolling over and presenting him with his back. Before he dared open them again.
Biting his lip, he took one last look at the view Obi-Wan had presented him with. And even though he did indeed fall into a deep, dreamless sleep, he couldn't help but wish for more from his Master.
Even though this was the norm for them whenever Anakin slept in Obi-Wan's bed, he didn't like it. He wanted his Master to face him. He somehow thought that it would make him feel even more at ease than just the act of sleeping beside his mentor.
But he was certain he would never know.
Author's Note: 1) This story was posted long ago, but the rest of it was lost to a hard drive wipe. I'm sorry, but this is all that's left and I just can't bear to delete it.