Hey, sorry, rushing, no time. thanks to everyone for everything and the next chapter is done and will be ten times as better. Love you all, I'll do better A/Ns next time!

Teach Me

Breathe Into Me

Tohma didn't start the training or tutoring for a bit. He wanted his little cousin to unpack, get comfortable. In layman's terms: Not get lost. Music lessons were to commence in the private studio, tutoring would be in the library. Tutoring went from ten until two, music started at three, no later. That gave Suguru an hour to start on any homework assigned, then meet Tohma at three, warm up for half an hour and have his hands worked to the bone until five. Suguru would practice on his own until dinner, then finish any homework afterwards. Dinner was promptly at seven and casual dress was expected. No one checked on the young boy for bed or how he spent his free time. If he went out, all he had to do was let Tohma or Mika know where he was going, when he would be back, and that was it.

The blonde had been a little put off after the first night. Of course he knew Suguru wasn't exactly a people person and being in a strange place to live his life would throw him off a bit, but still… something was nagging at him. Suguru had been unnaturally quiet at dinner, and Tohma knew how much his little cousin would usually talk to him. He had only picked at his food and looked extremely bored the whole time through. He only spoke when spoken to and even then it was limited and tightlipped responses, as if he'd been trying to physically restrain himself from saying something.

Then again, Tohma didn't go too far past face value.

He'd felt giddy with the rush of new things going on in his life. Suguru moving in, playing and teaching the young boy, being able to watch his skills grow and continually improve. His little cousin's fingers were becoming lightning quick, flying across the board. He was doing exceptional with the tutors. They reported that when the boy could completely focus and wasn't lost in his own thoughts, he was an exceptionally bright boy. Every Sunday was no different, except Suguru was more animated; giving stories about getting lost or feeling like his hands would fall off. His Aunt loved the visits, Mika tagging along every once in a while to be polite, never insisting on going, never trying to get out of it. And Suguru seemed to grudgingly warm up to his wife, smiling more easily and talking more freely, but it took a while.

Tohma was dressing for bed, a comfortable silk pajama set, while Mika was already in bed reading, when she rested the book against her chest and watched her husband's back as he finished buttoning up his shirt. They had been good friends since meeting when they were young, Mika being twelve at the time, Tohma, fifteen. Still, there were so many things about the blonde that she didn't know, but she took it all in stride. He'd been both more upbeat and pensive since bringing Suguru here, but that made sense; Tohma had a company just in it's infancy, his own band members to worry about and now rigorous training for his little cousin. She wondered how he managed to accomplish so much and still be sane.

"Tohma?" Mika asked as he climbed into bed.

"Hm, yes, Mika?" he answered distractedly.

There were so many questions, yet, she couldn't think of a single one to ask. "Are you okay with your cousin being around like this?"

He looked over at her, eyes frowning. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you've always wanted kids; he's almost like a son to you. I'm wondering if this is becoming a little much for you. You seem so distracted lately," Mika pointed out gently.

Like a son to him? No, what Tohma felt for his little cousin was not fatherly love. It was confusing. It was a love, but there were so many forms of it, and he couldn't decipher how he felt about what anymore. His care for the boy was obvious and never before had he thought so hard on one person since…

No, that was just wrong. Suguru was fourteen, not even legal! And a blood relative. That was wrong on many, many levels. Besides, between his on and off flings with Ryuichi and Eiri still so heartbreakingly cold, his heart always seemed to be in two places. The singer had no respect for anyone else's feelings but his own, and Tohma catered to his ever mood swing. The blonde nineteen-year-old was shutting him and his family out whenever he could. But he kept trying. He had wanted to take care of him as a lover, and now the only way to take care of him would be as a brother in law.

There was an air of familiarity about that thought…

Suguru was frowning. Such an unbecoming feature on the delicate child. But what else was to be expected? His ugly truth had been revealed, and Suguru had every right to act how he felt accordingly.

"And does he know what you have in mind?" Suguru asked with a sigh.

Tohma, his cousin, could charm the pants off of anything. He would bet anything in the world on it. And he wasn't mad at his cousin. Suguru wasn't angry or upset. Just disappointed at him. This kid was sixteen and Tohma usually had more restraint than that.

Oh, wait. He remembered the blonde sounding a little sad when speaking of his trip. When he first came by the house. Maybe something hadn't gone according to plan for him?

Or maybe it was his own guilt. Suguru didn't know how he could face his soon to be wife and her family.

He heard Suguru's small sigh and it pained him. It reminded him why he needed to keep this a secret. Suguru's youthful, still so naive disappointment was mild compared to what he'd get from so many others.

"I... Yes, "he finally replied, nodding his head a little up and down in confirmation.

Eiri knew. And Tohma thought he was just as disgusting as Yuki for what he'd done. He'd had his own hand in soiling Eiri's formerly innocent nature.

"He found out. But, I'm marrying his sister and Eiri is a different boy now. So, this is how I can move on but always be around to take care of him."

"But you don't want to take care of him," Suguru pointed out. "Not in the way you're saying. But that's your excuse to go through with the marriage. If it helps you get through it, fine. Keep lying."

He'd never spoken that way to his cousin before. Never so tight, so forced to keep each word even. But he didn't think Tohma should be able to hide from what he knew was the truth as well.

There was nothing to gain from lying to yourself.

There was so much that Suguru didn't know, so much Tohma couldn't ever say. Unfortunately, Eiri wasn't the same boy anymore, and everything had changed so horribly.

"But, I can't take care of him the way I want to Suguru because he doesn't want that anymore. He hates me, so I have to do it this way, "he said gently, feeling so ashamed of himself that he wished he could find somewhere to hide.

It was all his fault. He loved Eiri more than anything and Eiri was currently locked inside of his room refusing to speak to anyone.

Tohma jumped back to life, away from his thoughts, when the car stopped.

He forced back on his smile, hoping his eyes weren't getting red. "We're here! Come on, I need ice cream now, too."

"Did you hear me Tohma?"

The blonde nearly jumped as he was torn back the present, looking at his wife vaguely, as if he didn't recognize her. She was frowning deeply and he gave her a charming smile.

"I'm sorry; I've been drifting in and out all day. You were saying?" he said politely, urging her to repeat what he'd missed.

She sighed. "Just that you seemed distracted a lot."

"Nothing to worry about. Everything will be back in order soon, Mika," Tohma assured her as he kissed her cheek. "I'm just a little worn out."

He scooted under the covers, laying his head on the pillow, facing away from Mika. The light she'd been reading by clicked off and he was momentarily blind before his eyes began adjusting to the change. Slowly, continual darkness faded in and out to create shadowed shapes of chairs, doors, mirrors, lamps. Sleep would not come to him, but Thought was more than happy to take Its place.

Suguru had been such an astute child. He still was. That's why he told his cousin about Eiri. And maybe that was where he had gone wrong. Suguru had been his fresh start; pure, innocent, untainted. Eiri had been broken and shattered, touched, bloodied, abused. Yet, Suguru had been whole. He'd been a fresh start, a clean slate. When he'd stopped by after his horrendous trip to New York, his little cousin had been like a breath of fresh air in a world of pollution.

Tohma didn't know what to do about all of this. There were conflicting emotions abound and he doubted he was helping any of it. It was confusing, and Tohma was used to knowing exactly what was going on around him. He shifted restlessly beneath the sheets, Mika stirring gently in her sleep. He did love her, he wouldn't have married her otherwise, but it wasn't a true love, no.

Eiri had been true love. The first since Ryuichi. Oh, he'd still had Ryuichi when he was in New York, but Eiri had overtaken his senses. Yes, the young boy of just sixteen had overpowered him. It seemed like an impossible feat, and the blonde became more enamored with the boy who could make his heart clench so. He'd taken him away with him, just so he could be alone with him before marrying his sister. Tohma hadn't expected everything to go so, so wrong.

Mika was not asleep beside her husband in bed; no she rarely slept these last few nights. Tohma had been restless and fretful in his sleep, like a young child with a fever you could do nothing for. She worried about him. Yes, she loved him even if their marriage was a strange one. They were friends before then, and she knew earlier on that her love was not exactly wasted on Tohma, but not what he wanted from her. He wanted a family, which she could provide. He wanted a life to show the public, which she willingly gave, but never they true love she had wanted in return. But he was a good husband through and through, and though it hurt, she could excuse his transgressions time and time again. But there was one that was bothering her.

Tohma had always been an affectionate man, with children, men who acted like children and people in general. Sometimes he gave the impression of talking to those around him like children anyway, but it was just his good nature. She wouldn't deny that it was endearing, or that she thought it was sweet the way he hovered about his cousin, practically taking him by the hand and showing him everything, but there was something off. He seemed so frazzled around Suguru. Yes, still himself… but not. There was a little something extra in the care he took with the boy, something that gave her little warnings.

Well, Mika decided it was all in her head as she turned on her side, letting her eyes drift close. They were just a close family. Between the parents never around, or around too much, they were all they had. They'd bonded as family and friends that was all. Content with her own answers, Mika let herself drift into a light doze, the world becoming vaguely existent to her.

The blonde next to her, shifted on to his back, a whisper of sheets between them. Staring at the darkened ceiling for another few fruitless minutes, he eased back the covers and slipped out of bed, feet in slippers. Shuffling quietly down the halls, he made his way to his private studio, where he was giving Suguru his lessons. His large eyes blinked rapidly to clear them from spots as he turned on the blinding light. Tohma shut the door softly behind him and took a seat at the gleaming grand piano settled within the room full of technology. It seemed so perfectly out of place, and this was his treasure. He could play like Beethoven used to, pounding out loud, sleep waking notes, working up a fervor until he thought he keys beneath him would break.

The leather cover beneath him sighed softly as he settled and lifted the cover hiding the keys. They shown brightly from constant care and attention to detail. He smiled more to himself than anything, resting his tapered fingers lightly on the polished keys with a gentle ease. Yes, there were moments like this when nothing seemed more perfect than this instrument.

Suguru is just as perfect, his mind commented thoughtlessly. Tohma snapped his head up, as if someone else had said it out loud. An almost frown marred the features on his boyish face as he pondered his own thoughts, fingers aimlessly tinkering with the ivory keys. Beethoven's Sonata 14 was smoothly pouring out as he stared at the soundproofed wall ahead of him.

It was true. If he thought about it, Suguru was a perfect moment in a tangible form. Every graceful curve and catlike move was absolute perfection in his eyes. But, he'd always cherished his little cousin, so what other thoughts were to be expected?

His brows furrowed in thought as he played on, getting lost. A mixture of past, present and imagination. It was all so easy to see a pretty little woman hanging on his little cousin's arm. Around woman, Suguru gave off such a proper and upright aura, he seemed bigger than normal. Although, with a man… man? Was his little cousin gay? Certainly he had a soft, sibilant way of speaking, his sense of style came from him, as did the way he handled people, but his sexuality was a mystery. But he could see someone larger with his cousin. A slightly larger man to protect him, look over him. Maybe blonde…

His fingers stopped mid note, letting the fantasy fall to the floor and unwind in the silence, music dissipating. He gently closed the cover and rested his head in his hands as his elbows rested atop the gleaming black polished piano cover. He stared and could waver between seeing his own face reflected and the glare of light on black. Tohma saw his pallid face and confused teal eyes stare back at him. For the briefest moment… he'd pictured himself with his own cousin in a lovers embrace. But it wasn't the rapid lust filled ones that he'd had with Ryuichi, or the soft unsure ones he'd had with Eiri. No, this one had been different. Something… breathtaking, really…

Ah, but wasn't he the old perverted man, chasing after little boys, his own blood no less! What had he come to, thinking such sinful, contemptuous thoughts? Maybe he was overworked… or at least spending far too much time with Suguru. Yes, maybe it was time to distance himself. Show him around the building, maybe set him up as a studio musician. He was exceedingly better by far than the usual batch of no names he had running around the corridors of N-G.

Without noticing, the blonde had slipped his arms downward, laying one atop the other on the cover and rested his head on top of them. Hazy teal eyes drifted shut with surprising ease seeing as this position wasn't comfortable. But before he could make a move to go back to bed, he was already past being moved by his own will and into sleep. While he slept, he thought and thoughts, as one knows, can turn into dreams.

Tohma lifted his head with a soft gasp, looking around sharply. He could've sworn… no matter, it had apparently been a dream, and all the better than real life. He felt disgusting, vile, dirty… wrong. But completely and utterly aroused. He looked down between his arms and instantly saw the tented silk material between his legs. The blonde, in punishment to himself, almost decided to leave it to strain and push in dire need of friction until he willed it away painfully.

Then again, he was alone and no one had to know of his dirty little temptations. At least that was how he justified himself as he wiggled about, working the pants down over his slim hips and straining erection. He shut his eyes as he felt one of his strong, effeminate hand wrap around it. Tohma let his head fall forward against his chest as he worked at trying to relieve the pressure, images fluttering past his shut lids.

Suguru was quietly wandering the halls in the dark, first locating a bathroom, then the kitchen to get a glass of water. Redundant, but he was restless and needed something. He set the now empty glass in the sink with a tiny 'clink!' and turned away, wondering what he could do to try and tire himself out. He wasn't really tired at all. No, every time he would try and sleep, thoughts would flood his mind, keeping him from sleep. Shuffling quietly throughout the large mansion, he passed by the studio and noticed the light filtering in through the bottom crack of the door. Softly, carefully, he turned the knob, pushing the well oiled, noiseless door open a crack, hoping to catch the faint strains of music from his cousin. Instead, he heard panting, soft, light.

"To-chan, are you-" Suguru stopped as he stepped in, the blonde turning to look at him, face stiff as he worked at trying to hide himself.

He was frantically working to pull his pants back up as a curiosity took over his little cousin's face. Slowly, he made his way into the room, the door easing shut on its own, leaving them in the still room together. Alone. Tohma watched with a slight pang of growing fear and arousal as his cousin walked over to him, one soft hand placed on his shoulder as he looked over the other to see what was 'wrong' with his older cousin. The blonde had no real reason to be so embarrassed, they were both male after all, but his guilt for what was causing this predicament was forcing him to try and hide.

Suguru's eyes widened as he backed away slightly, fingertips dragging off his silk laden shoulder. Tohma forced himself into a covered state and looked at his stuttering little cousin.

"I-I-I… sorry!" he gasped when he saw Tohma get up from the piano bench.

He sighed heavily, as if he'd been working out. "Nothing to apologize for, Sug-kun. All my fault. I… I don't do this often, here, at least," Tohma said, trying to explain everything.

The blonde was hunched over the piano as he stood, shoulders rounded and blonde head bowed. He stayed that way quietly for a long while, and jerked slightly when he felt two slender arms wrap around his waist and a small, flat chest press against back.

"Sug… Sug-kun?" Tohma asked uncertainly, as if he couldn't believe the turn of events. Hadn't his little cousin been embarrassed out of his mind a few moments earlier?

He felt the arms around him tighten briefly. "Tohma?" a small voice asked, almost inaudibly.

"Are… are you okay, Suguru? Why are you up this late?" the blonde asked, loosening the grasp of his cousin and turning to face him. He looked up at his older cousin, raking his teeth over his bottom lip gently.

Tohma was entranced by the small action. A perfect row of teeth smoothing over light, petal pink lips, full and…

Gods, no! Stop it, stop it, he shouted at himself.

This was his cousin for Gods sake! What was he thinking? This was so horribly, terribly wrong. And he should have far better control. He eased away from Suguru, his erection still prominent, and sat back down on the piano bench.

"Sit," he said, patting the leather cushion next to him. "Tell me what's on your mind."

Yes, now Tohma had to play the father, brother, whatever you wanted to call it. He had to be exactly what Suguru needed. But the last thing he wanted was to be stuck in such a close proximity to his little cousin. He just didn't feel… right. Suguru took the offered seat, hands nervously cracking in his lap. He had a bad nervous habit of cracking his knuckles. The blondes eyes narrowed in agitation and placed a hand atop his, stopping them.

"Please. That's absolutely horrible," Tohma said, a pained look on his face. "Especially if you want to play professionally. Eventually, you're knuckles will swell as you get older. Quite grotesque if you ask me."

Suguru went still and the silence was just about to kill Tohma, suffocating him slowly and painfully with little more than a glance of confused green eyes. He bit back a sigh, wishing he could just run back to the bedroom, sorry he'd ever gotten out of bed.

"…sorry…," his little cousin said meekly, looking down at their hands.

"Sug-kun," Tohma sighed softly. "Why are you up? You need rest," he chided gently, pulling the smaller boy closer to him as he wrapped an arm about his thin shoulders.

"I… was just restless, To-chan," he sighed, looking at their knotted hands in his lap.

The blonde frowned, watching his cousin. "Second thoughts about this arrangement?" he asked sympathetically.

To his surprise, the small boy shook his head vigorously and looked up at him with wide eyes.

"No! No, Tohma," Suguru said, almost pleading for his older cousin to believe him. "This is better than anything…"

The blonde wanted to believe that, but if his little cousin was so happy, why such a… lost tone of voice? Confused even.

"Then what has you up and about this late?" He pressed, starting to feel sleep come upon him in a heavy, slow pressure. His eyes felt gritty and burn slightly and now he only wished to climb back into bed.

"I don't know… you ever have one of those kinds of nights?" he asked, starting to look tired as well.

Tohma stifled a yawn as he nodded. "But eventually I do get tired. Old age and whatnot," he said with a kind smile.

"You're not old!" Suguru said, looking almost horrified. "You don't look a day over twenty at the most!"

The blonde ruffled the boy's hair and chuckled softly. "Maybe. But it doesn't change how I feel some days," he sighed, shoulders slumping slightly with oncoming fatigue.

Suguru made a face and hugged his cousin tightly. Tohma looked a little surprised by the sudden action, but hugged the slender boy back. He was getting very tired of this little run around. Everything going on seemed to be catching up with him all at once.

"Sug-kun," he murmured, eyes closing for a moment as he rested his cheek on his little cousins' head, smelling a light, sweet aroma of something fruity or flowery coming off of him.

He felt the boy stiffen up slightly. "Yeah, To-chan?"

"It's time for bed," he said with worn out finality.

"S-sure."

Together they got up and eased out of the studio, barely remembering to flick off the light, the incident long ago forgotten. Suguru and Tohma went to the younger boy's bedroom first, though it meant a slightly farther walk for the blonde. He leaned down thoughtlessly and pressed a light kiss to one of the boy's smooth, round cheeks. Backing away, he saw a dim flush hidden by the darkness, but his sleep addled mind couldn't make a connection.

"Good night," Tohma murmured, walking away.

"Good night," was the quiet response before the soft click of a door.

Making his way back to the bedroom and slid quietly back under the sheets with a sigh. There was no time to think anything over, because he was already lost to sleep within seconds. Not a thought went towards what Suguru could've been thinking about the whole encounter.

Please review. Sorry for the rush and wait.

SL