I've been sick since Sunday! T.T so review, please, and cheer me up. Asthma episodes are never fun.
x-x-x
Havoc entered the lounge room, intent on ACTUALLY meeting Mr. Coffee, and milking him of his caffeine-ridden delight. He was even humming to himself, too! …Well….The best that he could, with an unlit cigarette between his teeth. To himself, he said, "Yep. Nothing like good ol' coffee and tobacco." A hungry grin spread across his face as he seized the black plastic handle of the coffee pot, and poured the steaming mocha liquid into his willing mug. (A 'World's Best Mom' mug that he had brought from home. They had run out of 'World's Best Hairspray User'.)
The delicious aroma of coffee beans wafted through the air, drifting into Havoc's nostrils. He smiled dazedly, drunk on the coffee's spell. He plucked the cigarette out of his mouth, and flicked it into a waste can, sitting in a nearby plush easy-chair, and surrendering to the drink that his mug held. Just when he tilted his head back to steal a first taste, the door opened.
Caught off-guard, Havoc accidentally bent his wrist back too far, and the coffee flooded down his throat like a waterfall. Only, a red-hot waterfall. He was still, letting the shock slowly wear off, and trying to ease the disappointment away. Why didn't everything go right for him? He pouted, while his esophagus fought for its right to not disintegrate under the heat (Or rather, it felt like it), and prepared to glare and cuss out the person who had interrupted his love-making with the coffee.
None other than Hughes.
Hughes' glasses slid down his nose, his eyes wide as he stared in shocked horror at Havoc. "Are you alright!" he asked, pushing the rim of his glasses back up to its normal spot, and turning to the coffee machine.
"No," Havoc replied, voice hoarse from the burning hot mocha attack. "Why did you have to come in?" he whined, voice squeaking. Hughes shrugged.
"I like coffee," he admitted to Havoc.
"Yeah, well…SO DO I!" Havoc cried. "BUT NOT WHEN IT'S CHASING DOWN MY THROAT FASTER THAN HAWKEYE CHASES ROY 'ROUND THE OFFICE WHEN HE DOESN'T DO HIS PAPERWORK AND SECRETLY WANTS TO MASTURBATE IN THE CLOSET!"
"Whoa. That was a mouthful."
"Yes, indeed it was."
Hughes took Havoc's mug, and re-filled it, offering it back to the fuming 2nd Lieutenant. "Roy masturbates?"
Havoc shrugged, his gaze becoming rather shifty. "It's to be expected…" he said in his defense.
"Ah. Well. I can see that happening." Hughes cringed.
"Yeah…" Havoc took a slow sip of the coffee, grateful that another incident hadn't occurred. He relaxed a bit, easing into the chair. He lit up. "Oh! About Hawkeye…"
"Hm?" Hughes was sitting on the table, grasping his mug with both hands, and eyeing Havoc with a growing interest. Anything involving Hawkeye most likely involved Roy, if HAVOC of all people was mentioning it. And anything involving Hawkeye and Roy as a 'them' could be solid evidence of their undying LOVE for each other! And then Roy would MARRY Hawkeye, and Hughes would be the best-man, and Elicia the flower-girl, and Havoc would …..do something….AND THEY WOULD HAVE 24.3 CHILDREN! He surpressed a girlish squeal at his fantasies, and made sure to keep his daydreams low-key.
"I talked to Roy this morning," Havoc said, separating the words with each desire-filled sip of coffee that he took. He chuckled. "The man's a world-class….whatever-you-call-it."
"Sweet-heart?" Hughes said sweetly.
Havoc stared. "A…world….class….sweet-heart…."
Silence.
Havoc roared in laughter. "You're an INSANE man, Hughes, you know that!" In his cheerful gestures, his coffee spilled on his lap.
"FUCK! Me and my bad luck!"
"That rhymed!" Hughes pointed out jovially.
"….It did….didn't it?" Havoc sighed, and set his mug down. Now he would have a large brown stain across his crotch for the rest of the day. "RIGHT on the area the ladies love most," he complained, grabbing a mountain of napkins, and pressing them to the spill. "Anyway, Roy thinks he can have any woman in the city."
"Oh really?" Hughes asked, re-re-filling Havoc's mug, and setting it down beside Havoc as a friendly gesture. Havoc nodded to Hughes as if to say thanks, then continued struggling to scrub away the dark, sodden stain on his pantsy-pants.
"Yep. And I said, 'Yeah, sure. Any woman 'cept Hawkeye'."
"AAAAND my glorious wife Gracia!" Hughes chimed in.
"...You sure 'bout that?"
Hughes blinked at Havoc in slight confusion. "Why….yes…She's my wife…."
"Yes, but….some women take the vows……then run off and have crazy hot sex with another man. Most likely a Puerto Rican guy, who's really sexy, with thick dark wavy hair, and chocolate-brown eyes….One that knows the female anatomy PERFECTLY…."
"Are you suggesting that my wife is having an affair? And are you being racist to Hispanic people?"
"…..ANYWAY. So I said, 'any woman, 'cept Hawkeye', right?"
A small raincloud gathered above Hughes head, as he pouted. He murmured under his breath, "Gracia would NEVER do that to me…"
"RIGHT, Hughes?" Havoc growled. "Tell me you're listening."
"I'm listening," Hughes sighed.
"So anyway. Then he spazzes, and goes into denial." Havoc laughed. "You shoulda heard him. He was all…" He mocked the colonel in a whiny voice, pretending to sob, "I WILL HAVE HER! I CAN HAVE HER! I KNOW WHAT GIRLS LIKE, I KNOW WHAT GUYS NEED! BLAHBADIBLAHBADIBLAHHHHHHHHHHHH……"
"….That was a very fine impression!" Hughes complimented, clapping. Havoc paused, looking up at Hughes with an excited smile.
"Really? Ya think?..." He patted the hair atop his head thoughtfully, thinking. "I really SHOULD be in show biz…not smelly old military work….don't ya think?.."
"Oh, definitely," Hughes agreed, nodding.
"So…So anyway," Havoc carried on, a certain glow emitting from his body at the newfound talent of his, "I told him Hawkeye would need someone who would COMMIT….And Roy just sits there like he's all dumb and stuff….And then I came here and I got coffee….And then I was about to take the first sip when you--"
"Right, right. So what was the point of this story?" Hughes inquired.
"Well…there really wasn't one…" Havoc admitted, now that he thought about it clearly.
"Hm…I think I should visit Roy. From the way you portrayed him, and might I say it again, you portrayed him SO finely!...From the way he must have been acting….I think he's have an emotional break-down!" Hughes rose from his chair, and dumped his coffee into the sink. "Well, it was nice chatting with you, 2nd Lieutenant. Make sure to get yourself a wife, and audition for the play 'Annie' that's coming to town! I think you'd make a FINE red-head! Toodleoo!" He marched out of the room.
Havoc tenderly touched his cheek. "Me?...a……red-head…?" he said dreamily. "Ahhhh." He smiled. "Broadway….here I come…."
FxMxA
Hughes knocked lightly on Roy's door, worry setting in his body. Was Roy alright?...Did he need a shoulder to cry on?...Was he closer to marrying someone?...
"Come in!" Roy called, looking over at the papers resting on his desk in disgust. How could Hawkeye be so CRUEL, and just leave that stuff for him to work on? It was vile…It was so nasty….It was….Now that he thought about it…..
He dissolved into his own fantasy world, while Hughes twisted the door-knob, and witnessed.
It was far after the sun had set. The moon and the stars were all aglow, casting a small light into the room in which they worked. 9 P.M., and STILL doing hassling paperwork? Gosh…they must really have no life…
Roy tried to concentrate on the papers before him, but found that it was growing to be quite a difficult task, especially with that beautiful blonde bombshell sitting nearby, holding that book in her hands, and reading. Yes, reading. The look of it was so sexy, Roy couldn't STAND it. He finally set down his pen, and wrung his hands out. He needed to calm down. He needed to relax. Paperwork could wait…especially when his sanity was at stake. Shoving the papers aside, and kicking his feet up on the desk, Roy stared at the ceiling, and sighed.
His eyes traveled, and landed on the blonde. Their eyes met. She stood, and began undoing her military top. "Oh, sir," Her voice was thick and sultry, "You don't mind if I take this off, do you? It's just…getting so HOT in here…." Roy smirked. He loved it when she talked like that.
"No, not at all, lieutenant," He replied, just a tad surprised to find that his own voice was seductive as well. He lowered his feet from the desk, pushing his spinny desk chair so that it turned to face Riza, and he held his arms out. "Let me help you."
"Oh, you're SO naughty, Colonel!" Riza giggled. She may not giggle in real life, but in Roy's fantasies, anything could happen.
"Naughty's my middle name," Roy said fondly. He leaned in, about to help her…when….
"Roy-san!" Hughes cried, throwing his arms around the colonel. "Are you alright? HAVOC TOLD ME ALL ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED EARLIER!"
"….Eh?" Roy's eyes were wide. He fought the urge to strangle Hughes. His fantasy! His beloved fantasy! It had been…a fake?
"Yes, yes!" Hughes sobbed into Roy's shoulder. "Your emotional breakdown!"
"What emotional breakdown?" Roy asked, dumbfound.
"….Why…the one where you were all…" Hughes imitated Havoc's imitation of Roy. "I WILL HAVE HER! BLAH BA DI BLAH BA DI BLAHHH!"
"…Hughes," Roy said sharply.
"Yes?"
"Lighten up. Havoc's an ass. I didn't have an emotional breakdown. In fact…" Roy puffed his chest out, ever-cocky, "I had an emotional ENLIGHTENING."
"Ouuu…really?"
"Yep."
"About?"
He punched his fist into the air. "I am going to date Riza Hawkeye!"
Hughes squealed. It was a dream come true. "Really! When did you ask her?"
"Well…I haven't YET…but I will!"
"Really! When!"
"…Probably tonight. I'll get home, and I'll call her. I'll be traditional."
"And if she doesn't fall for it?"
"Are you suggesting a BACK-UP plan, Hughes?" Roy frowned. "Because I won't need one. I'm ROY MUSTANG. I never need back up plans."
"Right, right…"
"Exactly. Because I'm the ultimate pimp."
Hughes froze. "Wait a second," he said monotonously, everything setting in. He…had been wrong. Roy…and Riza… He glared at Roy. "Now that's just wrong! You can go have one-night stands with all those other women, but not with Hawkeye!"
"I know, I know. COMMITMENT."
"Exactly! So lay off, Mustang. Go date the new secretary."
"No. I wanna date Hawkeye."
"You'll break her heart!" Hughes cried.
"Who ever said it'll just be a one-night stand?" Roy said slowly. Hughes paused, and glanced at his superior.
"You sly dog."
"No comments, Hughes. Just go."
"But…why?"
"I have to plan how I'm going to do it!"
"But you already did! You said you're going to do it the 'traditional way'!"
"Yeah. I need to think up a traditional way. Most of the time I just merely approach the woman, and we zoom off."
"…..So what you mean is there's no traditional way."
"Not really."
Hughes sighed. "You sly liar. I'm going to head to my office." He waved. "Bye." Roy waved back, watching his cohort exit the room. He sighed, and leaned back in his chair.
"Traditional way…" he murmured to himself.
Ah. Later could wait. He wanted to call NOW, and get her answer. Lifting the receiver, Roy prepared to tap Riza's phone number in. He hesitated. "What's…her phone number…"
Almost on cue, Hughes shouted through the door, "927-0363!"
Roy raised an eyebrow, but didn't question the voice. "Alrighty." He dialed. He waited.
Boop boop ba boop.
BRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!
….
BRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!
…
'Hello, you've reached Riza Hawkeye. I'm not here right now, but leave a message after the tone, and I'll be sure to get back to you. Bye.'
BEEEEP.
After listening for a few moments, while Hawkeye's answering machine recorded the blank message, Roy waited for Riza to pick up.
Finally, he hung up without saying a word.
FxMxA
Hawkeye opened the door to her apartment, stepping inside lazily. Hayate bounded in behind her, and immediately jumped on the couch, watching her hang up her coat.
"I know, I know," she said softly. "You're hungry. I'll feed you." She brushed past the small table where the answering machine lay, and paused, pressing a button.
'You have 1 new message.'
She waited.
The message played. And it was silent, except for soft breathing.
Chills ran up her spine, and she deleted it, feeling a new sense of paranoia set in. Looking around her small apartment, and confirming that no one was there except for her and Buraha helped her relax, but she was still alert for the rest of the night.
FxMxA
WHEE! Another chapter done! I know I'm probably confusing you with Roy's true intentions. He wants her, and decided that if commitment is a must for her, then he'll commit. I really don't know why he's bothering….But I'll make sure to write that in in the next chapter.
Toodle-oo!