Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans or Jane Eyre.
OOO
Always and Forever
'Love at first sight'
…it's that even true?
She doesn't believe in that, she said it's only 'lust at first sight'. She... my best friend, my partner, my second-in-command, my light, my trustee, my every thing. Yet, I was so blind to all of that.
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At first, when we formed the team, it was actually just me and her.
Me and her patrolling the cities.
Me and her fighting the villains.
Me and her living in the tower.
And, we didn't mind that…not at all.
No…not at all.
Then when the clock strikes at midnight, she'll wear her glass shoes and draws on her gown, ride her carriage to come to me and we'll stay up till the dawn breaks upon us.
But, no…that was not reality…
That was my wish
While we did talk during midnight up on the roof…there was no romance.
We talked about things…random topics…serious topics…even those layback topics. Of course, at first, the only things we talked about were about villains, cases, and wonder what tomorrow would be like topics. Then, things started to be more comfortable…or maybe, I made her comfortable. I could just talk to her about anything, and she'll understand…she'll listen.
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Yes, I was attracted to her and still am…but people say I need light in my life…I need a light at the end of that tunnel where everything had just went wrong.
True, she may not be 'light'…in fact; she's the princess of darkness, daughter of the Devil, himself… flesh and blood. But, she…
She keeps to herself just like me.
She's dark just like me
She has a dark past just like me
She values her personal space just like me
She broods just like me
She needs a getaway just like me
She's interested in things that I like
…just like me
She needs someone… just like me
We're the same
We have many things in common…
Intellectually
Emotionally
Socially
Materially
But yet, in her own way…she is my light. Beast Boy would've probably laughed at that comment…
"Dude...yeah right, Raven, a light…yeah sure and I LOVE meat!"
"She's anything but anybody's light, she's…
Cold
Emotionless
Harsh
Outcast
Creepy
Freak
…but never a light.
What a fool he was to think of that. A fool…a fool…a fool…just like me.
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She knows what I want…as always…and that is the truth. Truth is what I wanted.
When I had become Red X…everybody yelled at me, with the exception of Starfire and Raven. Starfire, she told me that Slade and I were the same…that I did not trust them, like Slade didn't trust me. No! It's wrong…I do trust them, they're my team and family…I trust her, Raven. Starfire was assuming all of this…she was! She doesn't know and she even said she didn't understand it!
And, then there was Raven. She knew what I wanted to hear…what I needed to hear. So she spoke the truth. The truth even if it sounded harsh, cold, emotionless, it even scarred my heart…but that is what I needed. She spoke in a calm voice and without beating around the bush…she told me the truth.
'You're a coward and a lie'
She has honesty and gave it to me.
Honesty…was what I needed and wanted in my life.
All this time, I have lived my life in secrets, facades, and masks…even lies sometimes. Raven was and still is my 'truth' in all of this secret life I have been living.
She has kept me true.
And, it guides me.
She didn't have to be Princess of Light to be my light. I've already accepted her even if she was the Demon Spawn.
She is the light…my light…in her own unique way.
She doesn't want me to forget who I really am, not just Robin but also Dick Grayson. Apparently, when Larry, my 'twin', had said his name, she was the only that interpret it to be my name but backwards. But, again, she kept it a secret, like always.
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The other team members thought we didn't get along each other because they have never seen me and her 'do the hanging out'. They think I'm ignoring her and her ignoring me. They thought I didn't care about her because I have never approached her whenever she's feeling down, like that one time, when one of our enemies, Dr. Light, was almost swallowed up by Raven's darkness and she has suddenly grown another set of eyes…red ones actually. Starfire begged me to go to her room and try to comfort 'friend Raven'. But, how could I when I know that's not what she needed? When they thought I didn't care about her and that I was ignoring her…how wrong were they?
Wrong…
Wrong…
Wrong…
I know her …I know what she want…I know what's the best for her
Because she told me…
…and only me.
That's why I didn't go to her because she wanted it like that…just like how I wanted it. I knew the best time to go to her and comfort her and she knows when to comfort me.
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When she went into my mind to help me…I let her…I wouldn't let anybody entered if it's not her. It was because I trust her …always had and always will. I've trusted her ever since she and I made a pact to always watch each other's back, we both knew we would keep our promises. And, ever since I saw the side of her that she only lets me to see and not anybody else, I was attracted to her…have been and always will. I have gotten attracted to her not only because she was physically a goddess, a beauty, and gorgeous exotic young woman but I saw her true personality. She showed me her true smile…once and I have treasured it. However, even though we were close, we never told of our secrets…it remained with us. It change, though, somehow and I was glad.
The day my archenemy came for her, she told me the truth at the most sacred place of all, the church. And, then at midnight and the same day, she told me a longer, clearer version story of her destiny and of the words that had always haunted her and of the most satanic image of all that had always mocked her…her father.
But, in the end…we won.
I have helped as she has always helped me.
We kept our promise to protect each other
And, we're never going to let that go.
OOO
Our moments together was never that much frequent after we got new members. I had the responsibility as a leader…I was to keep my duty. But, then I asked myself…what about the happiness of my heart, soul, and body?
And, then there was Starfire…she was an alien to this world Earth…literally. I had to teach her about the Earthlings ways, the don'ts and dos. Yes, Starfire is pretty, she's optimistic, she's the so-called 'light', Beast Boy say I needed in my life, and she is the opposite of me…
And opposites attracts.
Yes, again, I was attracted to someone else but Raven never left my heart…never ever in an eternity. I knew the way Starfire felt about me. She counts on me, depend on me and I, like any other guys…was honored to be treated like that. She always comforts me and always siding with me, never giving up on me. I sacrifice Raven for her when I became Slade's apprentice and instead of attacking Starfire, I attacked her. I attacked her because I knew Raven could take it, she was strong, stronger than anybody in the team and she understand that. I knew because she told me. But, then my 'relationship' with Starfire, it was just a one time thing…that lasted 7 years. Everybody said I needed Starfire in my life…I needed a getaway and a change and she is my getaway. She tries to understand me and always wanted me to feel happy.
I appreciate that, truly.
And, so we dated. I had thing for Starfire and she had a thing for me, but let me, readers, emphasize the word had.
I talked to Raven on how she thought of me and Starfire dating together and she told me 'to choose whatever makes me happy'…and I did…or so I had thought.
Starfire was always waiting for me, patient with me, and there to comfort me. But, at midnight, like always, I waited for my 'partner' to talk, to share our moment…it's actually been a tradition for the both of us. I have never forgotten about Raven and neither did my heart.
She was the first to saw my eyes
The first to have known me as Dick Grayson and not Robin
And, when I was ready to engaged Starfire, I told her first.
And, when she said, 'yes', I told her first.
And, when I told her when the wedding was, I told her first
She always had first
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But, then you said, readers, why I did not make my move first on Raven since she was my first attraction and had always been to the eternity? Because, I was afraid…afraid to make my first move, afraid to hurt her, my best friend.
And, like Raven said:
'You're a coward and a lie'
And that I was.
OOO
It has been 3 years since I was married to Starfire, 'my light'.
Do you know that every light has to grow dim and die away? Yes, it does…if you don't believe me, take a light bulb and experience with it. It grows dim and dimmer…and then in just a blink of an eye…it's gone.
'Starfire was always waiting for me, patient with me, and there to comfort me.'
'Starfire was always waiting for me, patient with me,
'Starfire was always waiting for me,
'Starfire…'
'My light'.
'My light'.
'My light'.
…and then…
It's gone.
And that's what happened.
Opposites attract…that's true, readers…but then no one has ever said if it will last…
If it …last until eternity,
If it …last for forever.
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I read a book once called 'Jane Eyre'. One of the characters, Mr. St. John Rivers was actually quite the character, like me, a reserved kind of person. And, then there was another character, which is quite like Starfire I must say…good, and light-hearted, good natured, Rosamond Oliver was her name. She was the opposite of Mr. Rivers and yes, he did like her as she like him, like Starfire and I. But hear this…
"It is strange that while I did love Rosamond Oliver so wildly, with all the intensity, indeed, of a first, passion, the object of which is exquisitely beautiful, graceful, and fascinating, I experience at the same time a calm, un-warped consciousness that she would not make me a good wife; that she is not the partner suited to me; that I should discover within a year after marriage, and that to twelve months' rapture would succeed a life time to regret. This I know."
And that is what I should've thought 3 years ago.
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While Starfire was supportive of me and was patient, I was keeping her out of her shell. Yes, there were times where we did have fun going out and she did things what she wanted to do but she was too worried of me. You should know, that the Titans were no more after Cyborg and Bumblebee got together and Starfire and I got married.
I became the CEO of the Wayne Enterprise and a half-time private detective and working as Nightwing, protector of Jump City. Starfire would always call me day and night if I was okay…not that I didn't appreciate it which I did. But I needed my space and there was time where I got carried into my work. At first, she was okay with it, but then she wanted to do things with me, like having dinner together, which I sometimes comply but sometimes I needed to finish my job.
Remember this…
Love
And
Patience …
…has their limit.
And, so did Starfire.
Starfire is a bright happy person… that is who she is. She needs someone that will not give her a limited space where she can be her true self. I could see the strain in her eyes as days passed by and that's what she needs it's someone like her. Someone to keep her happy, to fit her happy personality but at the same time to keep her in check. I kept her in check…just too much but I did it unintentionally. It is who I am to always finish what I started, including my job. True to what Beast Boy has said that I need someone to 'change' me and Starfire did that. She changed me not to always be in fear of my problems. She kept my problems away to a file cabinet away for me but that's the thing she only kept it away, she didn't make it disappear. I know someone who would make it disappear though but she has moved on.
For me to change for Starfire would be changing my whole self, my whole personality. And, I can't do that because that means denying the truth, denying the truth would mean loosing her. She is the only thing that reminds me of the truth…the honesty I need in my secret life…Raven.
We have kept going farther and farther away from each other, Starfire and I. She,
doing her own things and I, doing my own things. It was up to the point where we don't see each other anymore for bed. And, then she confronted me if I loved her. Of course, I loved her, she's family and well just that…now that I realize. I can't be what she wants me to be.
I am her opposite.
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Like I said, every light dies away….Starfire, 'the light' did. I divorced her or she divorced me or actually both of us divorced each other. None of us were happy.
Raven…my light, died away also. She has moved on…she was still my light that understood me…just not my own to keep or to call mine
I never told her my feelings so she never knew. And, I never knew what she felt about me. The closest things that we did that was intimate between each other was her hugging me at the roof, at midnight, after Slade had come back to tell her about her destiny. She hugged me and said
'No one makes me feel like you do and I always feel safe with you'
But, maybe, it had a double meaning.
I will never know because I lost my chance. The last time I heard, she has a fiancée now. Yes, she and I kept in touch with each other all this years. I told her about everything and she listened…she did nothing but listened and was just there for me. She knew I needed that. She knew.
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It has been 6 months since Starfire and I were divorced but we were still friends…and only that. For 3 months, I never heard from Raven anymore, not even the news for the process of her wedding and I began to worry. So I told Starfire if she had seen her and she answered that she hasn't but Raven had told her to come to her apartment. I got curious as to why, so I called her and called her but no one picked up the phone. Maybe, she didn't want to talk to me so I let her go…for awhile.
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It was a nice day today to walk at the park and it has been another month since I have heard of Raven…no news from Starfire either. I sighed confused by what's going on.
I'm sitting near the pond on Raven's favorite spot…away from the others so to find solitude. She and I used to sit around here at night, when it was just me and her as a team. I missed those days and I miss her…not that I'm not missing the others, I do.
I sat there for another half an hour until I sense someone coming this way. I really didn't want to be bothered so I pretended I didn't know anybody was coming. If it was an enemy, well, my agility has gotten better.
But, what I will hear next was something that surprised me more than…well, more than anything.
"Robin?"
Only one person calls me that anymore and it was…
"Raven?"
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We have been married for 15 years with 3 wonderful children and our relationship between us and with our friends are even greater than before.
Garth Logan known as Beast Boy is a comedian and owns a pet store. He's married to Annabel Leeann, who is a veterinarian, for 7 years with 1 child.
Victor Stone and Karen Beecher, or Cyborg and Bumblebee, has been married for 25 years with 2 children and 1 adopted child.
Starfire and Speedy, or Kory Anders and Roy Harper, has been married for 8 years with 1 child and another one on the way.
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So is 'Love at first sight' true?
For me…yes and no. I told you readers that I had already had attractions for my wife when I met her and found out the true person that she was. I fell in love with her and so did she with me but it took me 10 years to had the courage but it took a single day for me to fall in love with her. I would have said it took a second for me to love her but I didn't love her yet, I only had attractions for her in the second I met her, it was 'lust at first sight'. She was beautiful but the more I found out about her, the more she made me love her.
You must be curious to what had happened to her in those 4 months she did not contacted me. Her fiancée passed away and she did not want to burden me. I showed her my sympathy but also my love for her because then it was time for me to be there for her.
Always
And
Forever
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A/N: Well, that's it…my first one-shot. If you got confused on anything email me or just leave me a review.
Just to leave you guys something….this phrases or sentences has a double meaning
She was the first to saw my eyes
The first to have known me as Dick Grayson and not Robin
And, when I was ready to engaged Starfire, I told her first.
And, when she said, 'yes', I told her first.
And, when I told her when the wedding was, I told her first
She always had first
And, also notice the way I wrote Starfire's 'light' with quotation and Raven's light without the quotation
R/R please!
Iris